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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 2, 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    447

    Default People that can't make plans!

    What do other people do with people who can't make plans? The person in question happens to be a relative. She calls and says we'll get together. Happens to live out of town. I do odd schedules at work so days off during the week are few and far. She calls and says she's going with her granddaughter shopping, and I tell her to call me on her way back and we'll get together. Long story short she never calls back. I feel let down at the least. Sidenote; This is not the first time, but in a series of many. Also when I lived closer to said grandkids she would "pop in".

    KH
    Strange how much you've got to know Before you know how little you know. Anonymous



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2007
    Location
    South of Georgia, North of Miami
    Posts
    1,117

    Default

    I had a friend like this. We would makes plans, I would set the time aside, and every....single....time she would cancel at the last minute. I finally told her I would not make plans with her anymore. If she wanted to get together call me at the last minute and if I was free we would meet. I guess my friendship wasn't important to her because she quit calling all together LOL. At least I didn't get jerked around anymore so no big loss there.

    Quit believing her, and if she does come through and your doing something else, tell her, 'I'm sorry, but you've bailed on me so many times I've quit taking you seriously.', if your not doing anything and want to go, go.

    Thoughtless people are not fun.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb. 27, 2004
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    1,034

    Default

    Basicly it's not as important to her as it is to you. If it were she'd make the effort to get there. I wouldn't worry about it.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 7, 2005
    Location
    Lancaster, PA
    Posts
    4,864

    Default

    They make me kind of crazy. I have two hobbies with busy schedules and lots of activities with family and friends. If someone can't work with me on finding a mutually agreeable time a week or two out, then if another firm opportunity comes up I'm going to schedule that instead. So basically, I don't try to set time aside for the people who can't plan. If they call me up or I call them and we want to get together spontaneously, right that minute, then great. Otherwise, it doesn't happen.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep. 29, 2009
    Posts
    2,576

    Default

    Saidapal, and hastyreply

    I will refrain from doing a thumbs up or down since I am not a fan of the new notifications.

    But I will say: I really like the advice and wisdom you both said.

    I have a friend like that, and her typical saying is: I'd love to but . . . .blah blah blah. Or, she canx at the last second, in an email usually.

    Or how about the friend who calls while they are tacking their horses or have them loaded and are on the road driving already, and then they call and say, hey, come riding with us. UG! I did one time, because I was right there and ready to go ride, but that is a one in a million thing. Now they think I can at the drop of the hat leave within 5 minutes. The one time I did, I was rushed, and things didn't go well for the ride.

    Do these people do this on purpose??

    I guess I should just not worry about it. It is frustrating.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 1999
    Location
    Cypress, near Houston, Texas
    Posts
    8,485

    Default

    Some people are organized planners and some people are spur of the moment types. You are not going to change either of them and it does no good to complain about that part of them any more than it would do to complain that one is short or one is tall.

    If you are a planner, then you are just going to have to accept that your friend is a spur of the moment person and don't let that hurt your feelings. Tell her you no longer will make plans for doing things with her and that she can call when she is ready to do something and if you can, you will. If you can't, you won't. A spur of the moment type will completely understand this.

    By the same token, if you are a spur of the moment type, be prepared that your planner type friends will be annoyed with you for last minute calls and/or cancellations. They will consider you rude. So, try to keep your promises.
    Visit Sonesta Farms website at www.sonestafarms.com or our FaceBook page at www.facebook.com/sonestafarms. Also showing & breeding Cavalier King Charles Spaniels.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 29, 2009
    Posts
    2,576

    Default

    Once again:

    I will refrain from doing a thumbs up or down since I am not a fan of the new notifications.

    But thanks Sonesta for your wisdom. Ya, know, you are right.

    I am a planner, rarely cancel.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2002
    Posts
    2,333

    Default

    I had a flaky friend once. After the nth time she flaked on me last minute I decided only to agree to plans with her where there'd be others involved, or I didn't mind going alone: i.e. it wouldn't matter if she flaked on me.

    Worked great! One time I tried to make plans with her and she wouldn't say yes or no - it kinda came out that she was waiting to see if a better offer came up, and I called her on it. I decided that was the end of that friendship!
    ............................................
    http://www.xanthoria.com/OTTB
    ............................................



  9. #9
    Join Date
    May. 4, 2003
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    14,221

    Default

    Aaah, the old "we'll do lunch, sometime", meaning never. Spend your energy on someone who can add energy to your energy and help the world spin along.
    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
    Location
    Dallas, Georgia
    Posts
    16,674

    Default

    And here is the definition of a Friend versus Acquintance.
    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- "When they try to tell you these are your Golden years, don't believe 'em.... It's rust."


    2 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2000
    Location
    Rochester,NY,USA
    Posts
    7,425

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonesta View Post
    Some people are organized planners and some people are spur of the moment types. You are not going to change either of them and it does no good to complain about that part of them any more than it would do to complain that one is short or one is tall.

    If you are a planner, then you are just going to have to accept that your friend is a spur of the moment person and don't let that hurt your feelings. Tell her you no longer will make plans for doing things with her and that she can call when she is ready to do something and if you can, you will. If you can't, you won't. A spur of the moment type will completely understand this.

    By the same token, if you are a spur of the moment type, be prepared that your planner type friends will be annoyed with you for last minute calls and/or cancellations. They will consider you rude. So, try to keep your promises.
    I get a kick out of the TU and TD so I'm one that did give a TU. I agree wholeheartedly. I'm the planner type because so many friends are not.

    For about 8 yrs we had a group(15-16) that went out for dinner once/month. For the first 5 yrs I would set the date and ask people to get back to me if they were coming. Some did and some didn't which pissed me off royally. For the next 3 yrs I asked others to take turns and do the planning, which location for dinner, and to set reservations. Finally, after the last dinner we had, I asked someone to plan the next one. They said yes and they didn't do it and that was the last dinner the group had.

    I also end up doing for a long time friend thru email and it usually takes her about 2 emails to respond. I've finally quit asking. It's not that important to me anymore. It's amazing when you get older, you finally get wiser.
    Last edited by msj; Nov. 23, 2012 at 11:57 AM. Reason: changed met for dinner to went out for dinner
    Sue
    Back in my day, we didn't have as many warning labels because people weren't so dang stupid!



  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 4, 2003
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    14,221

    Default

    If it wasn't for me my husband and I would never go out..or have friends over.
    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2011
    Location
    So California
    Posts
    2,784

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rmh_rider View Post
    Or how about the friend who calls while they are tacking their horses or have them loaded and are on the road driving already, and then they call and say, hey, come riding with us. UG! I did one time, because I was right there and ready to go ride, but that is a one in a million thing. Now they think I can at the drop of the hat leave within 5 minutes. The one time I did, I was rushed, and things didn't go well for the ride.
    I often do this, that is, call people at the last minute. My feeling is that it is always nice to be invited, even if you have to say no. But then, I am not offended at hearing "no" for any reason, whether it be that you are committed to doing something very important, or that you just don't want to for whatever trivial reason, like, you just feel like staying at home watching TV. It's all good.

    If I were your friend, I wouldn't think you could leave at the drop of the hat, rather I would think, I'll call and see if she would like to join us; she's usually at the barn at this time.

    It surprises me to hear that someone would be offended to be invited. The way I see it, you receive an invitation, and if it pleases you, you respond with a "yes." Otherwise, "no thank you, but thank you for the invitation."
    Last edited by PeteyPie; Nov. 23, 2012 at 02:21 PM. Reason: sheesh, edit already


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    May. 27, 2009
    Posts
    383

    Default

    What do you do if a family member is a total flake like this?
    Forward momentum!



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2011
    Location
    So California
    Posts
    2,784

    Default

    As far as long-term plans, I do expect people to come through, and I make a point of it myself. It surprises me how many people will commit to a party or event, even bringing a dish, and then simply not show. I think that is unacceptable. It is especially unacceptable at large expensive formal events, like wedding receptions, where catering is involved, and at very small parties where the absence of one person can make a difference.

    I finally made up a rule for my own parties: three times and you're out. That means, three times accepting the invitation and then not showing without a prior phone call or excuse. There can be any number of acceptable reasons this could happen once. Twice, maybe. But when it happens three times, I figure they are just too flaky, they are incapable of saying no, or they are simply thoughtless and inconsiderate, whether it is a personality defect, a substance-abuse problem, or whatever.



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