The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Results 1 to 14 of 14
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2012
    Posts
    2

    Question Horse show confidence gone with loss of show horse

    Plucky was a one of a kind, he was beautiful and everything I could have ever dreamed of in a horse. We lost Plucky to colic a month ago and even though I have another show horse I just can't convince myself that I can compete with the other riders and their fancy warmbloods with my other horse Tolo.
    Plucky was a Holsteiner gelding at 18.2 he was a truly stunning horse and his death has hit me hard. He gave me the confidence to go to the big show barns. Though when I was with him people were not always nice. At center line judges would ask what barn I was with and ask about my horses blood line and what my name was even though my paper was right in front of them. I felt like I was under a magnifying glass as if I wasn't good enough for a horse like Plucky, but Plucky never slipped up and always shattered my anxiety's. Other trainers were rude and looked down on me, after all I'm a petite girl 5'1 with this huge expensive horse my trainer paid for me to use as a show horse so I never felt as if I fit in, but Plucky always crushed their mean words and my anxieties. Other trainers and older riders were rude and condescending and I did my best to hold my head high and keep tears to myself in private after they smugly attacked me.
    But when I went to shows Plucky always made me feel as if I stood a chance even when people were waiting for me to slip up. We were always in the ribbons and our very last show together we got 2nd in 2nd level but he will always be 1st place in my heart.
    Tolo is a bay 15.3 tb/perch. I've had Tolo since he was one. My trainer who is really more of a mom purchased Tolo as a summer project for me. We never really thought he would turn out to be such a lovely little horse. My parents who really meant well purchased me a 2h trailer even though I was saving for one. It's an older trailer and it's barn red. barn red....It is a comedy on wheels and as if I need to provide the show snobs anymore fuel for their mean fires. Idk if my embarrassment has any validity but while everyone else has their beautiful Featherlites I'm in an old barn red 80's trailer and no Plucky to keep the snobs comments at bay. I'm terrified to show. My trainer says the best way to keep mean people at shows at bay is to just win. I don't feel like I can win with a barn red trailer and a horse that just isn't Plucky. These horse show brats are so ruthless, my trainer has a beautiful trailer and just because it wasn't off the lot they made her move it to the very back of the barn so it wouldn't be an "eye sore" to anybody. I have no confidence, no Plucky, and idk how to overcome these people. It's just not logical to travel 3hrs + to another show barn for every competition. I DO not want to stop showing but idk how to overcome this situation or if I'm just being silly and need to suck it up??



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2005
    Location
    BC, Canada - PNW
    Posts
    856

    Default

    Riding and showing should be about FUN. If it isn't fun for you, don't show, or show at unrecognized more laidback events, like ride-a-test days or 2 phases.

    People who are negative and have mean things to say should be ignored. Why does their opinion or words carry more value than yours or your trainers? They don't know you, and what do you think of somebody who has only mean things to say?

    I will say, you write as though everyone is out to get you, so I do wonder what has you feeling this way, or what else has gone on. Most people don't feel like the whole horse community is snobby and out to get them, but I can understand you're sensitive. The worst thing you can do is show any weakness to bullies, so be confident and have fun, and ignore them.

    I will, however, say you should be grateful for whatever trailer you have. Who cares what colour it is -- if it's safe and functional, then you're already ahead of everyone else who is still begging or paying for rides. I recently saw a lovely bright red trailer for sale locally, and I WANTED it!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2008
    Location
    Area II, the Blue Ridge Mountains
    Posts
    2,116

    Default

    Sorry that people were mean. That is strange as I find the eventing community to be quite nice, and a community that typically goes out of its way to compliment nice horses. Sounds like it hasn't been a good experience for you and now that you've lost such a lovely horse, you are feeling as though it isn't worth it. That is what I get from what you say, but then I could be totally wrong. Do you really want to do this sport, if you have experienced such negativity?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2001
    Location
    Dry Ridge, KY USA
    Posts
    3,126

    Default

    From your post, I am hearing that you are riding in dressage shows, not eventing. I have not heard of any judges ever asking where you board and who is your trainer?

    Is your barn a dressage barn? If so, then maybe you should find some eventers, with whom to board. We are a much more welcoming group and could care less what breed your horse is. BTW, I event a Kentucky Mountain Saddle Horse. I could care less what folks think about her. I believe in her.

    Showing should never be about what trailer you drive, who your trainer is or what others think about you. Make it about the journey with your horse. What did you and your horse improve on during your test.

    If you can change your mindset, then you will be much happier. If you are riding dressage only, then try coming over to "the dark side". Eventers have a lot of fun and try not to judge anybody for the breed of their horse.
    When in Doubt, let your horse do the Thinking!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    May. 24, 2011
    Posts
    479

    Default

    OP, I left the hunter/jumper world for almost the same reason. The people were only out for themselves, there was no help, no kindness, no community. The eventers welcomed me in when I knew nothing and I was riding an AQHA mare who had been a reiner before I got her. Every time I've taken my horses to eventing competitions everyone has been more than helpful. And I am sure everyone on this forum can site you stories of kindness from other competitors whether they knew them or not. The story that always sticks with me though is when many of the upper level riders were on their way to Rolex. A girl whose name I can't remember had her truck break down on the way. She sent out an S.O.S via text message and another UL rider, who she would be competiting against picked up her and her horses and got them to Rolex. I don't know of any other equestrian community that has people who would do that. Come play with us.
    "But I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost

    Eventing at Midnight Blog
    http://eventingmidnight.blogspot.com/



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2012
    Posts
    2

    Default

    Showing should always be about fun, and I could never imagine my life without competition, but the bullying is insane and has gotten out of hand. The judges comments were during a dressage show I had just stopped at centerline about to salute when the judges started playing 20 questions with me. Plucky and I evented most of the time even though my trainer is religiously dressage. Over the years I have become so sensitive to peoples looks and comments and I do not feel as if the whole horse community is snobby by any means at all. It's just been a lot of hard years having to do something I love and at the same time being constantly critiqued and verbally harassed. I have very rarely met kind people and its a shame because I would love to just go to a show and meet and watch a friend ride and be excited and not have to feel as if everyone is out to get me. The last thing I want is for these people to see they have gotten to me so I will not travel farther to avoid these people. It's been a challenge going on without Plucky. Though me and Tolo are doing our first schooling show together it's been five long years working with him to get him to his first show so I'm excited and I'm hoping that I don't let anyone take any happiness or excitement away. Thank you everyone I really appreciate it



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2009
    Location
    Gray Court, SC
    Posts
    880

    Default

    As Auburn mentioned, it sounds like you've had your trials with dressage. That you are posting here would tell me you are thinking of testing the waters of eventing and my position would be, go for it!!

    What I started riding I was an older guy riding an amazing warmblood Trakehner that towered above the ponies and flashy horses at our tests. I heard comments...I did not care, because it was not about what people thought, it was about riding, about becoming a horseman, and about learning.

    What I found in eventing is a community of people that are overall accepting of who you are, not what your horse is or even what you do. Go to eventing shows, bring your Tolo, and just have fun. This is about having fun and fun is not based upon what other think or how they act, it is about what you do.

    Go Eventing!



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2008
    Location
    Sunshine State
    Posts
    2,215

    Default

    At any given recognized horse trial you will see back yard Quarter horses, six figure warmbloods, TBs that have spent varying lengths of time on the track, the good old all-rounders, draft mixes, and generally some plucky ponies thrown into the mix. Any one of them can win on any given day, and when you win.
    Whether you win your division or make it cleanly around a Novice course for the first time in a decade, there will probably be strangers in the stabling area smiling and asking how it went, congratulating you, etc. No one will really notice what you are driving and stabling is more tupperware tubs than fancy stall drapes.

    Eventing is very much a journey, and whether your goals are to have fun at BN or to vie for a national team, people are in general very respectful and helpful of one another.

    I would not show at a facility where people are that rude, but I guess if that's all you've got in your area, it makes for a tough decision.
    The rebel in the grey shirt



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb. 18, 2011
    Location
    Phillipsburg Ohio
    Posts
    602

    Default

    Hugs! I just bought an older trailer and we are painting it barn red on purpose. I'm getting black decals to go on top of the paint job- our eventing colors are black and red. I have a grade mare that I trained myself, but old trailer or not, grade or not, she turns heads. It's about the horse and it's supposed to be fun!



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2006
    Location
    SF Bay Area, California
    Posts
    4,681

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JWB View Post
    At any given recognized horse trial you will see back yard Quarter horses, six figure warmbloods, TBs that have spent varying lengths of time on the track, the good old all-rounders, draft mixes, and generally some plucky ponies thrown into the mix. Any one of them can win on any given day, and when you win.
    Whether you win your division or make it cleanly around a Novice course for the first time in a decade, there will probably be strangers in the stabling area smiling and asking how it went, congratulating you, etc. No one will really notice what you are driving and stabling is more tupperware tubs than fancy stall drapes.

    Eventing is very much a journey, and whether your goals are to have fun at BN or to vie for a national team, people are in general very respectful and helpful of one another.

    I would not show at a facility where people are that rude, but I guess if that's all you've got in your area, it makes for a tough decision.
    Great post, although I understand where the OP is coming from. I paid $500 for a very gren TB headed for slaughter, and boarded her at a barn where the least expensive eventer was about 15K and some of the hunters were well into six figures. I know how intimidating it can feel. However, I kept my head down and did what I needed to do in order to have my version of a "fancy" show horse.

    Two trainers at my barn thought my horse was worthless and "would never amount to anything". Boy have I proved them wrong. At her 3rd horse trial, she placed 2nd in Novice out of 19 competitors. Not bad for a $500 horse!

    I've never had a dressage judge ask me what barn I ride with or who my trainer is, even at low key schooling shows. That doesn't seem right.

    You mentioned it's only been a month since you lost Plucky. Be sure and give yourself plenty of time to grieve and don't force yourself to immediately begin showing Tolo. You aren't being silly, but at some point you will have to "suck it up" if you want to get back to showing. If it's no longer enjoyable and causes anxiety, don't do it. I'm guessing you are young, so if you need to take a break, do it and don't feel badly about it. There is no shame in taking a break.

    On a side note, the name Tolo reminds me of that Hallmark movie where the single mom can't compete on her prize dressage horse, so has to make do with Tolo, her blind retired horse, yet she still managed to win the dressage competition as well as enough money to be able to pay off his purchase price.

    JWB, this is great:

    "No one will really notice what you are driving and stabling is more tupperware tubs than fancy stall drapes."
    Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/Jen4USC/fave.jpg
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...SC/running.jpg


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 19, 2005
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    13,096

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alx View Post
    I DO not want to stop showing but idk how to overcome this situation or if I'm just being silly and need to suck it up??

    If you don't want to stop showing...then yes, you are being a bit silly and need to suck it up. I'm not sure why others at the barn should have any impact on you at all---they don't sound like people whose opinion you should at all care about. It is really hard to lose a horse that you love...but if you are involved with horses long enough, it is something you will have to endure. And it isn't easy but many of us have been there...time will help and enjoying the horse your have.

    As to the rest...who cares what the "mean" girls think or say. I'm sorry, but you are also being the one focused on the expense of the horse and fancy trailer. I would have killed for ANY trailer as a kid...even barn red. And most people's opinions who matter and to whom I want to be friends do not care how much you paid for a horse or what his breed is. A good horse is a good horse....and I've had many that initially didn't cost me much to purchase but were damn fancy in time. The good horse people will not ask you how much you paid for your horse. A good horsemen wants to see a happy healthy horse and rider well prepared. I have been to many shows where a judge asked me about my horse. Typically the judge was also a breeder and interested because they liked my horse. Or if a kid does a really good job...I've known some judges to ask who their trainer is in order to tell them personally what a great job their student did.

    The horse world is a very small community---and judges and trainers generally know each other. Mean girls or whatever are always around---you do need your confidence back and to get it....don't be so focused on what others think or even "winning" at a show. Focus on getting better and focus on developing your partnership with the horse you have.....and remember how lucky you are, and how sad it is if someone is so unhappy in their own life that they feel the need to be negative to someone---the mean girls have some pretty sad issues. Smile, pat your horse and be open to make other friends at the show and at other barns....the mean girls will likely not continue with horses for that long.
    ** The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits. -- Albert Einstein **


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 26, 2005
    Location
    Back to Normal.. or as close as I'll ever get
    Posts
    9,719

    Default

    I agree with bornfree!
    You need to get a thicker skin if you want to compete in ANY discipline.

    Forget the railbirds - they will not go away.
    Tell yourself if they're so great, why aren't they showing?
    Ditto for what you perceive as snobby fellow competitors.

    I showed a TWH dressage, so believe me, I got some interesting chat from people who watched us go, then asked me what breed he was.

    Perhaps the judge who plied you with questions was merely interested in the answers, not trying to humiliate you.

    Sounds like a lot of your problems are in your mind.
    An internalized version of Show Nerves?

    I also know what it's like to lose a partner.
    My TB of 20 years was my GoTo horse.
    The WB I have now is a lot bigger, more reactive and I am older and do not bounce.
    Where I frequently rode the TB bareback, after 3 years I have yet to get on Mr Big w/o a saddle.
    *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
    Steppin' Out 1988-2004
    Hey Vern! 1982-2009
    Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2009
    Location
    Gray Court, SC
    Posts
    880

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenm View Post
    On a side note, the name Tolo reminds me of that Hallmark movie where the single mom can't compete on her prize dressage horse, so has to make do with Tolo, her blind retired horse, yet she still managed to win the dressage competition as well as enough money to be able to pay off his purchase price.
    The Long shot
    I love this movie, as sappy as it is. Yes, I'm a guy, still I was getting a little teary at the end. Tolo was her own horse that was being trained to be her prize horse when he went blind. Big Red was the BNT horse that was going to help her win the big show and save the day until ... something happens ... and our heroine winds up riding blind Tolo. The end is predicable, and wonderful at the same time.

    Something in that movie rings a little bit with this thread so I'd suggest watching it (unless you already did and this is how Tolo got his name). It is a movie about overcoming adversity, pushing past what people think or say and learning about who we are inside, what we can really do. Sure, its hjust a movie, but it inspired me to work past the adversity of the moment to help heal my own horse.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2003
    Location
    Yellow Point, BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,044

    Default

    Buy yourself a can or two of metal paint in YOUR favourite colour, or a different shade of red, and paint over your trailer. With every brush-stroke, paint away all the negative thoughts and sounds you've heard, and paint on positive thoughts and feelings about the good times you've had with this old horse, and all the good times to come with this new horse. Include thoughts about how lucky you are to have such a supportive family they'd buy you a trailer. The new paint will also be a metaphor for your new, tougher, thicker skin that you'll need through life, not just with horses!
    Another owner of A Fine Romance baby who has grown up and joined the fun!!!


    1 members found this post helpful.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 46
    Last Post: Dec. 20, 2011, 08:19 PM
  2. tell me about "loss of use" insurance and the show horse
    By paintjumper in forum Around The Farm
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: Oct. 21, 2009, 10:22 PM
  3. Horse Show/ Breed Show/ No Show
    By Hocus Focus in forum Sport Horse Breeding
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: Feb. 2, 2008, 07:41 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness