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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2007
    Posts
    1,135

    Default

    Maybe he likes it. Keep out of it. Unless you want all the drama that comes with it.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar. 28, 2002
    Location
    East of Dog River
    Posts
    5,644

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    Do nothing, it's not worth the stress she will put on you and everyone who is not your brother. Congratulate them nicely and be on your way.Been there, done that, haven't spoken more than necessary to my brother before our parents died and haven't heard from him in 12 years - she wants nothing to do with his side of the family because we are dirty farmers and she instilled that into him too.
    Founder of the Dyslexic Clique. Dyslexics of the world - UNTIE!!

    Member: Incredible Invisbles



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

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    My FIL pulled my (now) husband aside the day of his wedding to his (now) ex and told him it wasn't too late to get the heck out. I think that people have to make their own mistakes. He asked her to marry him. It's obviously what he wants right now. He may change his mind at some point, but I don't think it would bode well for your relationship with him to speak up right now. Maybe she'll become a bridezilla and he'll choose to back out. I was engaged three times. Only one resulted in a marriage. So it's not completely uncommon for people to back out when they start seeing red flags.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2012
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    506

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    I agree with the others, support your brother, maintain a relationship with him BUT do not get involved in his married life. Ignore the sister in law outside of basic civility. If she is as controlling as you fear then you will probably have to make a concerted effort to maintain the relationship, so you will need to ask yourself how important it is to you. A lot of things can happen between now and whenever the wedding is, don't give up hope.



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2011
    Posts
    219

    Default

    My brother married one.

    My mom and I both cried when we got the news they were engaged.

    They are not still married.

    The time in between was hell for him. She was mentally unstable and made his life miserable. Most of the time, IMO, men will put up with that for a period of time, but not permanently.

    If you think it will not damage your relationship with your brother -- then say something. If you think he won't take it well, then keep it zipped (to him, anyway) and wait for the divorce. That's just not the kind of marriage that lasts. Being married is hard enough without one partner pulling that kind of crap.

    I had a best friend that I went to school with that married a man MUCH older than her. He was older than her father, and totally gave me the "dirty old man" vibe. I wrote her a long letter and told her everything I thought. Then I went to the wedding, smiled at everyone, brought a gift, and we're still good friends. And they are divorced.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,190

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    Don't forget that sometimes people marry the right person for them, but it's the wrong person for everyone else. Sometimes people are looking for someone like the prospective SIL, and they stay with them forever. Don't burn any bridges with the brother, but that doesn't mean you have to let her control you too. It has always amazed me at the horrible people that some people end up involved with, or married to. Some of these co-dependent, and controlling relationships actually outlive the more conventional ones. I've never understood why anyone would put up with some control freak, or someone who uses guilt or pouting or other passive aggressive methods to control everyone. I guess being high maintenance and spoiled is attractive to some people. All you can do is paste on a nice smile, congratulate them, and run like hell. Trust me that the SIL knows how everyone feels and will take every chance to rub your face in her control, so start making up excuses on why you can't be a bridesmaid, or you'll have a dress that is so hideous you'll want to burn it.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,768

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    Can you knock her out and spay her so no kids will come from this lovely relationship?

    Just stay out of it...he won't change, neither will she, the somehow fulfill a need in each other...just smile and don't play her game if she tries to separate him from you...and SHUT UP! have no opinion shared with anyone, it'll just bite you in the butt.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    3 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    May. 11, 2009
    Location
    Dairyville USA
    Posts
    2,979

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    Love your brother, tolerate the Code 3 Whackadoo, vent to your SO or trusted friend, and STFU around brother and family. The harder you campaign against her the more he'll want to be with her.

    Of course, it wouldn't hurt to line your helmet and hunt coat with tinfoil to ward off the Whackatrons she's likely emitting.
    Michael: Seems the people who burned me want me for a job.
    Sam: A job? Does it pay?
    Michael: Nah, it's more of a "we'll kill you if you don't do it" type of thing.
    Sam: Oh. I've never liked those.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    May. 2, 2006
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Posts
    1,760

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Equine Adhesive View Post
    And they just got engaged? Do you sit there awkwardly not congratulating them? Do you say something quietly to your brother alerting him to your fears? Do you talk about how dysfunctional they are to the rest of your family? Do you cry to your own partner in frustration? Do you write off your brother until or unless he comes to his senses? Do you stage an intervention with the rest of your family? Do you do nothing and cry inside?
    I haven't read the thread yet, but I'm going to post first and then go back and read.

    I answered yes (a loud and resounding yes) to each of your questions.

    My brother got married several years ago, and I have enough stories about my SIL to write a novel. It became obvious even before they were married that she could not stand my family. She has done such petty, immature, obnoxious, and cruel things to my entire family and my brother's friends. My mom really tries to be her friend, even after all the dumb crap we've dealt with. I tell my mom all the time that she must be a bigger person than me, because I just gave up trying at all. The only reason I'm civil to her is because they have kids, and I adore my niece and nephews.

    There was one instance where she did something so hurtful involving my relationship with my little nephew that I cried for an entire weekend. My SO wanted my permission to just unleash on her (verbally, I mean!) but I didn't want to make the situation worse and I told him to keep his mouth shut.

    The one thing that makes me feel slightly better is that I've seen her treat her own family like crap, too. The sad thing is that, if she wanted, she could probably be a very nice person. Her and I have no common interests and I doubt we'd ever be best friends anyway, but if she was just nicer in general I think we could have had a better relationship. At this point, even if she 180'd there's no fixing it. Too much damage has been done.

    Sorry you're having, what sounds like, similar problems. I wish you all the best, really and truly.



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Mar. 27, 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,739

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    My brother married one, got divorced, and then married another one almost as bad a few years later. The second one was a stealth wackadoodle. She only let loose her true inner self after they were married. They are still married and have kids now so I just play nice. He can't see me rolling my eyes into the back of my head when we talk on the phone.
    You are what you dare.



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