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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    5,704

    Default Dear Red States:

    Received in an email from a friend who moved from Mass to a rural community in Georgia and who, three years alter still suffers the culture shock. Nothing personal against Georgia but those of you who live in real, rural GA know what I am talking about. It looks like this one is making the rounds.

    For those of you who are humor-impaired, I'll sit back and await all of my thumbs down.

    Dear Red States:

    We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving.

    We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

    In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

    We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

    To sum up briefly:
    You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

    We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

    We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

    We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

    We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

    We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

    You get Alabama.

    We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

    With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

    38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

    We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

    Sincerely,

    Citizen of the Enlightened States of America


    39 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr. 15, 2008
    Posts
    1,379

    Default

    Please remember to include Nevada this time around; Vegas Baby! And Lake Tahoe.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May. 10, 2009
    Location
    NC piedmont
    Posts
    2,121

    Default

    If only. I'd even move back to New England and the cold-ass winters if this could happen.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2012
    Posts
    112

    Default

    Come on hadn't you heard those hard working red staters are carrying the rest of us on their backs. We couldn't eat or defend our country on our own but they would be just fine without us ( according to a meme someone posted on facebook).


    5 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2006
    Posts
    8,508

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by volvo_240 View Post
    Come on hadn't you heard those hard working red staters are carrying the rest of us on their backs. We couldn't eat or defend our country on our own but they would be just fine without us ( according to a meme someone posted on facebook).
    Haha, they should try to balance their budgets without all those federal tax dollars they receive.

    New York: subsidizing everyone else's low state taxes while still kicking everyone's @$$ economically, you're welcome.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    16,650

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    Haha, they should try to balance their budgets without all those federal tax dollars they receive.

    New York: subsidizing everyone else's low state taxes while still kicking everyone's @$$ economically, you're welcome.
    I tried to discuss with a neighbor, during the 2010 elections, that keeping our money in Kentucky would actually have a negative effect. I explained that, for every $1 sent to the feds, KY gets (or did then) $1.70 back. She wanted a refund. I gave up.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2006
    Location
    Larkspur, Colo.
    Posts
    4,830

    Default

    If it weren't for red states, my horses would not have hay this year, and I may not have bread.

    Hmm...


    8 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep. 8, 2006
    Location
    Fredericksburg, VA
    Posts
    1,948

    Default

    Okay, okay, so Virginia was a slave state, but we're evolving! We went blue on Tuesday so can we also be a part of the E.S.A.?

    There are some enlightened people in NoVA. Plus we have Middleburg. TAKE US WITH YOU!!
    Everyone is entitled to my opinion.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 1, 2004
    Location
    north of Atlanta GA
    Posts
    3,732

    Default

    Well bless your little pea pickin' heart! If the red states are so awful, why do people from the northeast flock down here in droves?
    Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


    13 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct. 16, 2008
    Location
    Central Oklahoma
    Posts
    3,047

    Default

    You guys blues want to split? YAAAYYYY!!! That way, we don't have to! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEAAASSSEEEE???

    Sincerely.

    Red State


    10 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug. 5, 2006
    Posts
    5,044

    Default

    Well, this NC Red State girl....says..."Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya" On your way out. We'll see just how "evolved" you folks feel after four more years of this leadership.

    Personally I think splitting would be a great idea....You guys can have your Socialist states and we'll keep our Democracy. I think it sounds like an awesome plan.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 5, 2006
    Posts
    5,044

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bird4416 View Post
    Well bless your little pea pickin' heart! If the red states are so awful, why do people from the northeast flock down here in droves?
    Yep..then all they do is complain. Go home, we won't mind.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2007
    Location
    San Jose, Ca
    Posts
    4,917

    Default

    Sure thing! And we will take all of our federal dollars with us!

    http://visualeconomics.creditloan.co...l-tax-dollars/

    Oklahoma - Why do you get $1.36 of Federal money for every $1.00 paid, while CA gets $0.78 on the dollar? Hey Mississippi – You get $2.02 for every dollar spent? I am looking at you!

    Oh, and we grown our own hay here, and wheat as well - don't need to ship it in from a red state. Same goes for dairy, CA is the leading dairy state in the United States and is the leading producer of dairy products. In all, California is the world’s fifth largest supplier of food and agriculture commodities.

    California is the 9th largest economy in the world, I think we will do just fine.

    Blue states, I guess you can join us, but I am ready for the Republic of California!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2006
    Location
    Larkspur, Colo.
    Posts
    4,830

    Default

    I guess you don't ever have droughts in California. That little stream called the Colorado River goes right through Utah.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    5,704

    Default

    I guess if I were humor impaired I might reply that the red states grow most of the food..regardless of what some silly 'letter' says. Imagine not having all that farmland and all the farmers...
    Last edited by sketcher; Nov. 8, 2012 at 06:19 PM.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2007
    Location
    San Jose, Ca
    Posts
    4,917

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LarkspurCO View Post
    I guess you don't ever have droughts in California. That little stream called the Colorado River goes right through Utah.
    Fine - sell us some water, and we will sell you some food We will keep the wine, betting its not a big seller is UT.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 11, 2001
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    6,485

    Default

    The only problem for the Blue states would be the unfortunate little problem about businesses having the abilty to relocate. Lower taxes, fewer regulations, better tort reform and right-to-work laws. There is a pretty good reason most of the auto manufactoring has turned into a wasteland up north. We don't mind having GM, Nissan, (including their national headquaters) and VW here at all, and that's just TN. Then we'd get the Gulf, North Dakota and Alaska, but with a more friendly fossil fuel energy policy so business will like the cheaper energy too.

    When California's little public pension problem--$72B (that's B as in billion) in unfunded liabilty--goes over the cliff it won't be our concern, either.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    NorthEast
    Posts
    24,474

    Default

    LOL, CA can't grow food without water. And FWIW, even Mother Nature doesn't want CA judging by all the landslides, earthquakes, entire state burning down annually, etc.

    Blue certainly loves the food grown and raised and having the protection of the military...but they sure don't like to participate.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte


    8 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    May. 4, 2008
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,298

    Default

    Seriously, the faster you can make it happen the better. Buh bye, new socialist states. Our Republic will be JUST fine without you.
    Sorry to see xtranormal is gone
    For funnies, search youtube for horseyninjawarrior!

    Www.caringbridge.org/visit/mysecretgarden


    14 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Aug. 1, 2003
    Location
    Georgia.
    Posts
    2,357

    Default

    Actually instead of 'Enlightened States of America', it really should be called 'The Socialist States of America'. Or SSA for short!

    It's kind of funny how many folks have moved out of the northeast and California due to HIGH taxes. Where do they go...? South!!! Or Texas, Oklahoma, Arizona.


    10 members found this post helpful.

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