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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2008
    Location
    North Georgia
    Posts
    2,086

    Default "A horse for my husband" does not mean "husband horse."

    I haven't been actively looking for a horse for my husband. I've learned the "wait and see" approach works best. That being said my husband rides horses. He's not just one of the "I've been on a trail ride a time or two" types of husbands (and I am so grateful for that .) He's a husband who grew up taking English lessons. He grew up bumming rides off the neighbors' overly-revved-up barrel horses.

    He's had his shares of spooks, bolting, and go-go-go rides. I don't put him in the category as someone that needs a "husband horse."

    An acquaintance of ours has made it her goal to set my husband up with an "appropriate" mount. Keep in mind this person has never seen myself nor my husband ride. We have only chit chatted with her a handful of times, but I have told her that my husband isn't in need of a "husband horse" (aka kick-a-long, dead broke, bombproof, single-speed-SLOW.)

    We're a gelding-specific household, too (personal preference,) and that statement has been made to the acquaintance as well as "sound enough for long distance trails, etc."

    "I found a Tennessee Walking Horse mare that would be perfect for your husband. The only problem is she is a bit lame and has foundering issues."

    ** No, thank you. We aren't big on mares, and a horse that is lame and founder issues isn't really sound for long distance trail rides. We're not actively looking anyways.

    "I found the perfect horse for your husband the other day! She is an eighteen year old Thoroughbred Dressage horse. The owner wants her to go to a show home."

    ** We're not actively looking, but she's a mare that is to be shown, and we're not interested. Thank you though.

    "Did you see the Belgian I forwarded to you? He has some issues and is sound for light riding, but he's perfect for your husband."

    ** I did see him. We are not looking. The right horse will find us eventually when it's the right time.

    She proceeded to contact a seller (on our behalf!) to tell the seller that we were very interested in one of her horses and that we would be in contact. When she told me this, I told her, again, that we were not looking. Thank you for CONTINUING to look for us, but none of the horses she had shown us were suitable anyways, and while I can tell she wants to help, we are NOT looking.

    "I forwarded an owner your contact information. She has a gelding to place."

    "HI! I got your name from Jane. I have a twenty-four year old gelding I need to place. He is older, but he acts young. He is arthritic and can only do light rides MAYBE walking the kids around. He also requires double padding because he is sway back. Jane said that you were looking for just this type of horse! He is a 'husband horse' or a 'kid safe horse,' but he should only carry no more than 100 lbs. THANKS!"
    If wishes were horses then beggars would ride...
    DLA: Draft Lovers Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by talkofthetown View Post
    As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,331

    Default

    That's kind of creepy.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 23, 2010
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    1,657

    Default

    A "husband horse" that can only carry 100 lbs? Man, that's one small husband!

    My sympathies to you, OP. As well as some jealousy. I wish that my husband rode, and would want to ride with me. But I'm not complaining, he's very supportive and that's enough.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2008
    Location
    North Georgia
    Posts
    2,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hinderella View Post
    A "husband horse" that can only carry 100 lbs? Man, that's one small husband!

    My sympathies to you, OP. As well as some jealousy. I wish that my husband rode, and would want to ride with me. But I'm not complaining, he's very supportive and that's enough.
    That's MORE than enough How many posts do we see on COTH that say "he said it was 'me or the horses.' I chose the horses?"

    I neglected to mention this person told the seller that I would call her yesterday. I only found this out last night when I received an e-mail asking if I had called the seller yet because the seller said I hadn't.
    If wishes were horses then beggars would ride...
    DLA: Draft Lovers Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by talkofthetown View Post
    As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2009
    Location
    Montreal, Qc
    Posts
    2,915

    Default

    Why do you let this going on?
    Just tell her the horses she's been looking at aren't what you are looking for.
    Tell her not to look for you, you can do it yourself, thank you.
    Tell her enough. Tell her no thank you.

    Unless you like it like that?


    8 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2010
    Posts
    178

    Default

    Eww on the annoying and overly helpful acquaintance, but I have to laugh at the title of the post.

    My husband does not ride that often, but it a very capable rider and finds the term "husband safe" to be extremely offensive. He is not easily irritated, but that puts him over the edge. My sympathies.
    Finger Lakes Finest Thoroughbreds
    fingerlakesfinesttbs.com



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 30, 2005
    Location
    England
    Posts
    10,475

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by alibi_18 View Post
    Why do you let this going on?
    Just tell her the horses she's been looking at aren't what you are looking for.
    Tell her not to look for you, you can do it yourself, thank you.
    Tell her enough. Tell her no thank you.

    Unless you like it like that?
    Sounds like the OP has been telling the other person, and the other person just isn't listening.
    Horse Show Names Free name website with over 6200 names. Want to add? PM me!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
    Location
    between the barn and the pond
    Posts
    14,129

    Default

    MaryJo, I've told you that while I appreciate the spirit of your efforts, I don't want your help finding Sam a horse. Truly, I don't, and I thought I had made that point clear. Can you help me understand why you keep sending horses and people my way? I'm not mad- just curious.

    See what she says. Just ask.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2007
    Location
    Maryland USA
    Posts
    1,448

    Default

    I confuse people all over the place when I go shopping for a husband horse for my wife.


    30 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul. 12, 2010
    Posts
    283

    Default

    Is acquaintance married? If so, ask her if you can do anything to help get her husband riding since the horses she's picking seem to fit his "personality" much more than your husband's. If not, return the favor and start setting her up with random blind dates


    9 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2008
    Location
    North Georgia
    Posts
    2,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by alibi_18 View Post
    Why do you let this going on?
    Just tell her the horses she's been looking at aren't what you are looking for.
    Tell her not to look for you, you can do it yourself, thank you.
    Tell her enough. Tell her no thank you.

    Unless you like it like that?
    I guess you missed all of the "not interested" and "we are not looking" responses I posted above. Example: "We are not looking. The right horse will find us eventually when it's the right time."

    Quote Originally Posted by GaMare View Post
    Is acquaintance married? If so, ask her if you can do anything to help get her husband riding since the horses she's picking seem to fit his "personality" much more than your husband's. If not, return the favor and start setting her up with random blind dates
    She is single, and I don't think I'd set anyone up on a blind date.

    I know the reason she insists on sending horses my way, and it's sort of an immature reason so I just blocked her e-mails.
    If wishes were horses then beggars would ride...
    DLA: Draft Lovers Anonymous
    Quote Originally Posted by talkofthetown View Post
    As in, the majikal butterfly-fahting gypsy vanners.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov. 25, 2004
    Location
    Greenville, SC
    Posts
    917

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HydroPHILE View Post
    I guess you missed all of the "not interested" and "we are not looking" responses I posted above. Example: "We are not looking. The right horse will find us eventually when it's the right time."

    She is single, and I don't think I'd set anyone up on a blind date.

    I know the reason she insists on sending horses my way, and it's sort of an immature reason so I just blocked her e-mails.
    Then something is lacking in the delivery of your message (which isn't necessarily your fault, if this girl has her fingers firmly stuck in her ears).

    Time to be forceful. If she sends/tells you of one more horse, tell her to KNOCK IT OFF.
    Lucy (Precious Star) - 1994 TB mare; happily reunited with her colt Touch the Stars



  13. #13

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HydroPHILE View Post
    I guess you missed all of the "not interested" and "we are not looking" responses I posted above. Example: "We are not looking. The right horse will find us eventually when it's the right time."
    I saw them and thought you were leaving the door open for her to keep sending you horses.

    Basically, your response pattern is: "Thanks, this horse isn't right for us for these specific reasons. We're still open to the idea of a perfect horse coming along at some point, and we will buy when we find it."

    You think you're saying bugger off, and she thinks you're saying close but no cigar, so keep them coming until we find the perfect match.

    You need to be more blunt.

    Stop with the "not actively looking" and "right horse will come along" qualifiers that leave the door open. Be blunt: We are not horse shopping. I am not interested in viewing ads or horses for sale. Have a nice day.

    Period. End of story. Copy and paste on every email she sends you. (I saw that you blocked her email -- I suspect that's not going to solve the problem any more than your previous responses to her have. It's probably just going to result in phone calls, wondering why you aren't responding to her emails.)


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug. 17, 2012
    Location
    South Range, WI
    Posts
    267

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by alibi_18 View Post
    Why do you let this going on?
    Just tell her the horses she's been looking at aren't what you are looking for.
    Tell her not to look for you, you can do it yourself, thank you.
    Tell her enough. Tell her no thank you.

    Unless you like it like that?
    I would tell her NO and leave off the "thank you." She's gone way past where I stop continuing to be polite.

    Quote Originally Posted by HydroPHILE View Post
    I know the reason she insists on sending horses my way, and it's sort of an immature reason so I just blocked her e-mails.
    I'm super curious, what's the reason?



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    11,672

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HappyVagrant View Post
    I saw them and thought you were leaving the door open for her to keep sending you horses.
    I suppose someone who was going 'la la la can not hear you' could get that out of the polite responses.

    Call the poor person placing the lame horse and tell her you are very sorry that your neighbor stepped out of line and you are not looking for that type of horse. It is not the horse owner's fault they were given the impression you were looking so no reason to leave them hanging.

    Then send busy body neighbor a nice but curt note telling her to no longer give your name and information to any sellers. Period.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2003
    Location
    Cocoa, Fla
    Posts
    4,065

    Default

    When she asks "have you contacted the seller yet" Rely with "Why? You have never yet 'found' an appropriate horse for my So. I believe it's because you don't LISTEN to what my requirements are - hence I am no longer responding to ANY horse suggestions you may make. Please stop sending them to me - I am NOT interested".

    So you have to get a bit rude when people don't listen.

    Reminds me of a screw up I made years ago - a friend kept saying she was buying a car - I heard Model X but she was saying Model Y. Model X was quite expensive and she was concerned about cost. When she finally bought it, and I saw it, I had to apologize profusely and explain to her I had only "listened" to the first part of her buying a car - since the model names were close I didn't listen hard enough to "hear" the difference.

    She graciously accepted my apology.
    Sandy in Fla.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 7, 2002
    Location
    Central FL
    Posts
    5,218

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HappyVagrant View Post
    I saw them and thought you were leaving the door open for her to keep sending you horses.

    ...

    You think you're saying bugger off, and she thinks you're saying close but no cigar, so keep them coming until we find the perfect match.
    FWIW, that's what I saw, too.

    Blocking her correspondence is probably appropriate given your hinting that she's got weird motives. Otherwise, I would assume she's living vicariously through your possible horse purchase and wants to be part of it.

    "While it is nice of you to take an interest, my husband and I have other plans" also may work.
    *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
    Dressage becomes art when it is a joy for the horse. -KBH

    Mighty Thoroughbred Clique Now on Facebook ... ... show the loff



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jun. 6, 2012
    Posts
    2

    Default

    Wow, you're either really trying to stir up a pity party for yourself, or your life must be terribly boring. If you're going to trash someone, you ought to at least be truthful. Let's see, where to begin:

    Quote Originally Posted by HydroPHILE View Post
    "I found a Tennessee Walking Horse mare that would be perfect for your husband. The only problem is she is a bit lame and has foundering issues."
    Granted, you did say you were specifically looking for a gelding, but you never know. I was a confirmed gelding person too, until I fell in love with a rescue mare I took in years ago. And this was also before you told me about your husband's supposed riding ability and I still thought you were looking for a "husband horse."

    Quote Originally Posted by HydroPHILE View Post
    "I found the perfect horse for your husband the other day! She is an eighteen year old Thoroughbred Dressage horse. The owner wants her to go to a show home."
    I didn't tell you about this horse and have no idea what the deal is.

    Quote Originally Posted by HydroPHILE View Post
    "Did you see the Belgian I forwarded to you? He has some issues and is sound for light riding, but he's perfect for your husband."
    Again, another one that didn't come from me. But is this the same Belgian you were telling me about, the one you were willing to drive 2 states away for? And you told the owner you would buy her a round bale of hay? Oh wait, it can't be-- you aren't looking for a horse.

    Quote Originally Posted by HydroPHILE View Post
    She proceeded to contact a seller (on our behalf!) to tell the seller that we were very interested in one of her horses and that we would be in contact.
    This, I admit, I did do. When I saw him advertised, I mentioned him to you. You expressed interest and then regret that he was not showing as available on the owner's personal website. Since I know the owner, I gave her a call to see if he was still for sale, with the hope that I could help two people I consider friends work out an arrangement. Oh, and I did not call her back to see if you had called yet. That is a completely erroneous assumption on your part.

    Quote Originally Posted by HydroPHILE View Post
    "I forwarded an owner your contact information. She has a gelding to place."
    This again was not me. I do not give out other people's info without their permission first, and I know absolutely nothing about this horse.

    I can't help but notice your failure to mention the gelding for sale an hour and a half away from you that you and your husband went to go look at this past Sunday. And you and the owner are going to get together again this weekend. Why didn't you mention him? Oh wait, that's right-- you're not looking. And let's not forget the 2 mares you expressed interest in until I did some research on them for you and you changed your mind.

    Now, I'm not sure if I was the main target that you started this thread about, or whoever the other person is that "sent" you the other horses. Or both. (and I desperately wish I knew who the other person is so I could tell them how you're stabbing them in the back as well) I can assure you that my only reason for trying to help was because I considered you a friend, you have expressed active interest in looking for horses for both yourself and your husband, and I was delighted at the prospect of having friends who lived nearby to ride with. If this sounds "immature", then I'm sorry for you. If you think it was for some other reason, then you obviously have no idea what kind of person I am.

    As for you being more forceful in saying you're not looking-- as most people here have suggested-- it's kinda contradictory when you say one thing in an off-hand manner and then go and do the opposite. And then tell me about it. So, I guess I should wish you good luck in finding some horses, and have a nice life. Oh wait, that's right... you're not looking for any horses right now.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    11,672

    Default



    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2011
    Location
    East Longmeadow, MA
    Posts
    3,139

    Default

    Oh boy. Here we go.
    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!



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