Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
Spinoff - not liking kids
Despite what the other thread says, I don't find there are quite a few threads about not liking kids. When I saw the one about the distracted "checkers", I thought about starting this but didn't... until it was noted there were already a lot of topics on this. As someone who isn't a fan of most kids, I rarely see threads about kids that aren't oohing and aahing over their latest "achievement" or "cuteness".
Fact is that it's not that I HATE kids (at least not all of them, there are exceptions to every rule of course), it's that I don't GET kids. I don't understand them, don't have the patience to deal with them and certainly don't get the fondness. Someone asks me if I want to hold their precious, I'm liable to look at them like they grew a 3rd head. Don't ask me like you're doing me some favor to hold your baby. If I wanted to hold a baby I'd either have my own or ASK YOU for said "priviledge". I don't think babies are cute (unless they have 4 legs and fur). I can't imagine changing diapers (I gag when I have to clean up a dog mess). I didn't babysit for a reason. Once they get a little older, some kids start becoming cool to be around. They can think, have manners, can express themselves and have some neat ideas.
As for drawbacks for not having kids... there are a ton!! Let's see... in no particular order, I have personally seen/heard/experiences...
... LACK of tax credit for procreating
... people who assume I can work whenever at the drop of a hat because I don't have family obligation (aka kids to deal with)
... people who feel the need to inform me how much my life fulfillment is suffering because I don't have a kid
... people who wonder (out loud to me) how in the world I'm going to get by when I'm older since i don't have kids to take care of me (usually followed by comments on how their kids don't visit much)
... noisy, rude kids in restaurants, movie theaters, etc who's parents are oblivious to common public courtesy as their little heathens run amok
... parents who seem to take to heart the saying of "it's takes a village" and suddenly reliquesh their parental duties (which often entail the ability to say NO to the darling child) to anyone else
and let's not forget the biggie... those who will flame me and anyone like me for even attempting to express an anti-child point of view.
Sorry folks. Not every woman WANTS kids or even enjoys being around babies! That's just a fact that some don't seem to "get". It's always "oh, you'll feel different when you're older". Maybe for some it will... but that's their business not yours (won't be changing for me... I'm 43 and have zero plans on birthin any babies in this lifetime).
Note, I didn't mention taxes for school systems. I hate paying them because most government school systems are a joke and I believe parents should have a choice (including a voucher), but since good schools = better property values and HOPEFULLY a better educated citizen, I benefit from that as well.
**flame suit on
"Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."
"Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike
1) Newsflash: It's really normal to think that all kids suck, and other people's kids suck in comparison to your own.
2) And more sinister but useful: More often than not, the people who don't like children or children of a certain age were not made to feel welcomed and loved during that phase of their own life. I can say that I don't have kids in part because this was true for me growing up.
I do think that however we feel about kids "in our gut" the anti-kid stance is going to have to gain some credibility as overpopulation problems increase. You are correct, OP, there should be a financial incentive to not reproduce as that helps everyone.
But this kind of thinking is very, very hard to change. The idea that upper social classes or even nations should be sure to reproduce themselves as a way to defend or maintain their society goes back to the early 19th century at least. It turns out, we are closet eugenicists, just like Thomas Malthus in 1830s Britain.
I coudn't have said it better. I think I may print out your post and show it to my friends and family!
I've known since I was very little that I didn't want kids, I didn't even want to play with dolls (except when they were riding my Breyer collection to glory in the show ring ). Still, every year its the same thing, "when are you having kids?", "You will be so fulfilled by having kids", and on and on. Actually, I'm quite fulfilled now, thankyouverymuch, and your little hellbrat is not going to make me change my mind.
It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things.
I get it....I strongly dislike children of all ages It's very unfortunate that I work next to a school. The little brats were outside my window today for about 20 minutes just screaming. Why? Why do they just scream like that? I really thought my ears were bleeding and my head would explode.
God forbid we are anywhere and some kids starts screetching or bawling....my BF tries to distract me or turn me in another direction for fear of me complaining too loudly about it so that everyone, including the offending child/parent, can hear me.
They're just like little alien beings to me. I have no idea how to relate to someone who hasn't yet reached an age where they can maintain a linear conversation in a coherent manner. Not their fault, I just don't "get" them. Once they hit age 8 or so, I can find some common ground and there have been many children that age and up that whose company I enjoy.
I hide when someone brings their baby to the office. (Conversely, if someone brings in their dog, I'm the first one out of my chair to pet the dog!) I just don't find babies cute or appealing, and they smell. The exception (and I know this is really weird) is little African-American babies, who for some mystifying reason I think are freakin' ADORABLE! I dunno, maybe because they look more like real people? Yes, I know that is really odd.
More often than not, the people who don't like children or children of a certain age were not made to feel welcomed and loved during that phase of their own life.
I think this is very true. I grew up in a household where children were supposed to act like small adults, our toys were not supposed to be out of our rooms, and -- as I discovered much later in life -- my dad didn't actually want kids. My mom talked him into it. Now? I don't want kids. As a general rule, I don't like kids either. Some, sure, but in limited exposure.
On the other hand ... I feel really strongly about how children should be treated, raised, and loved. I don't want any, but I'm passionate about children having good opportunities, education, loving families, et cetera. (This is part of why I don't have any, actually). I'll do whatever I can to help kids out and keep them in mind when I do things like vote.
So I want to protect kids and want them to have happy, productive lives, and I'm willing to help out materially ... but I don't like being around them. *shrug*
I have two kids--a 4 year old and a baby. I love love love them.
Other people's kids? Can't STAND them! I thought once I had my own, I'd learn to like kids in general, but I don't. All my daughter's little friends are so annoying and weird. Other people's babies make me uncomfortable. But my OWN kids... I love them. Instinct, I guess.
It is true that kids from about 3 to 5 really are just terribly annoying, even if they are your own. Sometimes my daughter drives me nuts.
It's so funny because I don't consider myself a "kid" person. I don't hate them, I just don't feel particularly drawn to having them.
But today I was out at my BO's waiting for the vet to show up. She runs a daycare out of her home. She invited me in for coffee after we had been waiting and freezing our bums off for an hour.
I was greeted by about 15 preschool aged kids. Introduced as "Miss Sarah" and immediately had 15 new friends wanting show off the"slime" they made today at daycare. Cute as a button those kids. ANd they were really well behaved. There were actually more kids than 15, but some were older and they made themselves scarce. It's a conference day so all the kids were out of school.
Anyway, BO made a comment about how good I was with kids. I do get along just fine with the kiddos, in fact, they're like cats for me. I don't like cats. I'm allergic to cats. But all cats seem to love me and want to be in my lap. LOL Same with the kiddos. I was totally the coolest person today to them...a STRANGER! A stranger who had not seen SLIME or PUMPKINS!
They were totally fun, just not something i really want to do full time with other people's kids. LOL
Fun morning though. Kids can be awfully cute when they want to be.
A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.
My sisters both just had their first babies. Every family event is now "oh look at the baby do this, look at the baby do that". "Hold the baby". AGGGH I do not want to hold the baby nor do I care that the baby moves its head now.
Borrrring. I am so not a baby person. Nobody gets it so of course, I'm the stuck up aunt, jealous aunt wah wah wah. It's like my sister lost her brain and the only thing she can talk about now is babies. Ummm you are still a person and can have other thoughts.
My friend sent me an article, called Why Did You Have Kids ... or something like that. I can't link it since I'm on my phone, but it's really interesting. A woman with children wrote it, on why the question of why one does not want kids is totally backwards in this day and age.
As the last of my friends to be married, own a home, or have children, I often feel like I'm missing something... Also, most notably, the social excursions have disappeared, I'm not often invited over and I've been told that I "just don't get it as I'm not at the same point in my life". Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I'm different than I used to be, but it sure feels like it.
I strongly dislike kids. I don't like holding them, I don't like doing things with them, and I don't like being roped into holding them or occupying them when I'm out with my friends. I dislike feeling obligated to coo and fuss when they do something that seems miniscule, like smile. However, I understand that parents can't just leave their kids home all the time (much as I wish they could) and they are going to have to be a necessary sidekick from now til forever. Sigh.
I am 25. I don't want kids, never have, and don't see that changing, EVER. I like my freedom...of time, decisions, and my money. I am with a 41 year old, and he is the same way...has never wanted them, and still doesn't.
I hear that all the time: "Oh, you'll change your mind!" It pisses me off! Why do I have to change my mind?!
I don't want them. Leave me alone!!!
"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."
I love these threads, and OT Days, because it's one of the only places that I've ever found where not liking kids is acceptable in any way.
I think kids are "ok". Especially when they're 5 or so, and on up from there. I used to work with kids and I volunteer to teach art classes to kids at local public schools (part of a community art program.) I have never liked or understood babies, and I don't want to be personally responsible for a child 24/7. I definitely don't want tiny babies in my house. (Dogs, of course, are welcome and my two are as close to 'children' as I'll ever get.)
It drives me absolutely crazy when people tell me I'll change my mind or that my life will be less meaningful without having kids. Guess what? This summer, at the 'ripe old age' of 31, I had a hysterectomy. My surgery ended literally years of pain and suffering due to endometriosis. Even not wanting kids, it was not a decision we made lightly. I wish the casual acquaintances who offer their opinions on my life choices knew how hurtful their pronouncements are now. Not everyone needs, wants, or is able to have kids, and THAT'S OKAY.
You know, I don't really like most kids. Some are okay, but mostly, I don't want them around. I especially don't want them around the barn.
I don't want kids partly because I don't really like them all that much, and I feel like if you are going to have kids you better REALLY want them. I am also completely horrified by the possibility of having a special needs child or a child that becomes injured or disabled in some way. I just don't think I could cope with it, and the thought of bringing someone into this world that will need lifetime care that extends beyond MY lifetime terrifies me. I mean, what would happen to them after I am gone? I know there are ways to plan for such eventualities, but...I just don't think I could handle it. One of my good friends has a lovely daughter with a serious seizure disorder that is extremely disabling. She must worry every day about what will happen to her daughter after she and her husband are gone. That is just...too much.
As for not liking kids if you didn't feel loved and supported as a child...I don't know. I felt pretty loved and supported as a young child, and the young kids are the ones I dislike the most. I was least supported as a teenager, and I actually DO like teenagers more than younger kids. That said, I had a conversation with my mother not long ago about me not wanting to have kids, and she said something like, "Whatever you do, don't have kids if you don't want them. I never really wanted kids, but your dad was really set on it." Um, thanks, Mom... I am an only child. So, maybe I picked up on that vibe when I was little? I don't know...my mom really did seem supportive and kind...did a lot of activities with me (she was a stay at home mom). I can't say I didn't feel loved and supported, but in retrospect, perhaps I picked up on the "I never wanted kids" vibe?
I love these threads, and OT Days, because it's one of the only places that I've ever found where not liking kids is acceptable in any way.
It drives me absolutely crazy when people tell me I'll change my mind or that my life will be less meaningful without having kids.
THIS! As soon as I mention that I don't like/want kids, I become the center of negative attention. As far as I'm concerned, my horses, dogs, cats etc. ARE my kids. "But holding a baby is better!" be damned.