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  1. #21
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    May. 17, 2010
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    Was it an actual date, or was it two single people doing something as friends?

    If it was a "real" date, yeah, that's wrong in my book.

    But if it was two people who have become friends, I don't think you should end a friendship and not be willing to hang out with someone just because they are no longer dating another friend.

    Not that it makes it less uncomfortable for the one out of the loop.



  2. #22
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    Jan. 4, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Perfect Pony View Post
    Wow, you just sound like an angry, bitter person who isn't really a friend to anyone.

    This is not a woman-man thing either. Men know better than to go out with their good friend's ex's as well, without at least talking about it. It's common courtesy.
    Maybe not everyone knows that?

    My first serious BF and I were together for 4 1/2 years and then drifted apart.
    He seemed kind of lost and I was hoping he find someone else soon, for his sake.
    I passed the word around, thinking maybe someone would try.
    A good friend even better, as he was a very nice, decent person.
    We just grew up and changed and went our own different ways.

    That is why I wondered what the OP's problem was, especially since it didn't seem to involve any cheating, that would definitely been objectionable then.

    Well, it seems that there are more to those unwritten rules that I knew.
    Very enlightening.



  3. #23
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    Oct. 21, 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluey View Post
    Maybe not everyone knows that?

    My first serious BF and I were together for 4 1/2 years and then drifted apart.
    He seemed kind of lost and I was hoping he find someone else soon, for his sake.
    I passed the word around, thinking maybe someone would try.
    A good friend even better, as he was a very nice, decent person.
    We just grew up and changed and went our own different ways.

    That is why I wondered what the OP's problem was, especially since it didn't seem to involve any cheating, that would definitely been objectionable then.

    Well, it seems that there are more to those unwritten rules that I knew.
    Very enlightening.
    Like I said, I don't think it's a RULE, it just seems like common courtesy to me. Like "hey good friend, I know you and Billy Bob just broke up, but he asked me to go hang out. I would really like to be friends with him, maybe more, how do you feel about that? I would not want to unintentionally hurt you as you get over this relationship".

    Then you say, "Wow, that would be great. Billy Bob is a great guy and it didn't work out, but I would love him to find someone else".

    Or, you just go out with your good friend's ex of over 5 years and post about it on facebook...

    Really, it's not common sense?



  4. #24
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    Oct. 9, 2000
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    California
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    Heck, I did that with a horse I was interested in! Friend saw him and tried him first and said she had dibs on him. Then we went and rode and I rode him (she was with me - don't know why I rode him because I knew she liked him - maybe she wanted my opinion - anyway it was her suggestion) and I liked him. From what she said it didn't sound like she thought the horse would be right for her, but I still wouldn't just swoop in and buy him without talking to her about it first. So I asked if she would mind and she said no so I bought him.

    And that's just a horse!

    I would never date my friend's ex so close to when they broke up. Heck, I'd probably not date him anyway just because to me he'd be off limits. IF I ever wanted to, though, you'd be sure I'd talk to my friend about it ahead of time. I think it is just common courtesy to get it out in the open ahead of time vs. finding out about it via other means. It can save a lot of hurt feelings and bitterness and it doesn't cost anything to be considerate.
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  5. #25
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    Sep. 11, 2008
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    Snohomish, WA
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    At the very least it's common courtesy not to do this. At only 1 month apart - feelings still run high.
    The lady is NOT your BFF.


    Quote Originally Posted by Perfect Pony View Post
    Wow, you just sound like an angry, bitter person who isn't really a friend to anyone.

    This is not a woman-man thing either. Men know better than to go out with their good friend's ex's as well, without at least talking about it. It's common courtesy.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    Sep. 11, 2008
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    Um............usually they are x's for a REALLY good reason and the BFF would know this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bluey View Post
    Maybe not everyone knows that?

    My first serious BF and I were together for 4 1/2 years and then drifted apart.
    He seemed kind of lost and I was hoping he find someone else soon, for his sake.
    I passed the word around, thinking maybe someone would try.
    A good friend even better, as he was a very nice, decent person.
    We just grew up and changed and went our own different ways.

    That is why I wondered what the OP's problem was, especially since it didn't seem to involve any cheating, that would definitely been objectionable then.

    Well, it seems that there are more to those unwritten rules that I knew.
    Very enlightening.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Sep. 11, 2008
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    The difference apparently is you gracefully grew apart - that doesn't happen all that often - ask me how I know

    Quote Originally Posted by Bluey View Post
    Maybe not everyone knows that?

    My first serious BF and I were together for 4 1/2 years and then drifted apart.
    He seemed kind of lost and I was hoping he find someone else soon, for his sake.
    I passed the word around, thinking maybe someone would try.
    A good friend even better, as he was a very nice, decent person.
    We just grew up and changed and went our own different ways.

    That is why I wondered what the OP's problem was, especially since it didn't seem to involve any cheating, that would definitely been objectionable then.

    Well, it seems that there are more to those unwritten rules that I knew.
    Very enlightening.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
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    Dec. 21, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karosel View Post
    yeah not cool. Stay away from your friends recent ex's, especially if you don't have your friends (ie. OP's) blessing.

    And the fact she wasn't upfront and told you about this makes me suspicious.

    However, be sure they went out together to the club and didn't just bump into each other there.
    The OP didn't want to be with him anymore/ they broke off the relationship, so she really has no say in who he chooses to date. It might be hard to take that after a 5 1/2 year relationship he would move on so quickly. She needs to move on as well and wish her friend all the best with him.



  9. #29
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    Aug. 15, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluey View Post
    He seemed kind of lost and I was hoping he find someone else soon, for his sake.
    I passed the word around, thinking maybe someone would try.
    A good friend even better, as he was a very nice, decent person.
    We just grew up and changed and went our own different ways.
    I think the key, Bluey, is the bolded part. By passing the word around, you made it very clear that you were ok with your friends dating your ex.

    What would bother me the most is that the friend didn't talk to the OP about it. Instead she went out with him in an almost sneaky way. That's what I'd be the most upset about.

    Unfortunately, OP, I think you are right. I don't think she was as good of a friend to you as you thought.
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."



  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by candyappy View Post
    The OP didn't want to be with him anymore/ they broke off the relationship, so she really has no say in who he chooses to date. It might be hard to take that after a 5 1/2 year relationship he would move on so quickly. She needs to move on as well and wish her friend all the best with him.
    Well I never said that he moved on with her or that they are dating. I just said they hung out at a club and I found out through facebook. Maybe he has moved on, I don't know--but I didn't say it was with her.
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