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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jan. 10, 2002
    Area VIII, Region 2, Zone 5.


    I hope coming here and writing about what is happening in your family has helped, at least a little. Your mother's anger is being (mis)directed at you because you are there. Hugs to you and your family. I hope you find some comfort and peace.
    Founding member of the "I Miss bar.ka" clique
    Founding member of the "I Miss Pocket Trainer" clique

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Feb. 12, 2011


    Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words. I did not expect to feel as comforted as I have by your posts.

    I slept much better last night.

    Thanks to those who suggested a grief counselor. My dad was on home hospice for the last week of his life, so I will look into whether they offer counseling services.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2005


    I am so sorry for your, and your family's, loss of your Dad.

    My Mom died last year and Dad a few years before. It's very difficult even when everything is perfectly pre-planned, which in Mom's case, it was.

    People in grief do and say things that are outside the norm. It may sound hurtful but there is no malice in it.

    My hope is that you can get some ongoing support from your parents' church. Whatever one's theological views, churches are well set up to deal with funerals and have volunteers who may have experience with bureaucratic things in the chaos after the funeral, that most individuals deal with only one or twice in their lives.
    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein

    “So what’s with the years of lessons? You still can’t ride a damn horse?!”

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006


    OP, when I was working with home health/hospice, we provided families with resources for grief counseling, recommended books, etc. Do call the hospice organization and see what they can offer. ((hugs)) Everyone processes differently, but it's definitely a process--not an overnight thing. Having a little outside help to navigate that process sure can't hurt.

    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2006


    ((((Hugs))) and more (((hugs))) BTDT, and it stinks royally. I dont have any advice, but having btdt, if you need someone to rant and vent to, I am here, and I won't take it personally. I am so sorry.[/url]

    She may not have changed the stars from their courses, but she loved a good man, and she rode good horses….author unknown

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2010


    I am so very, very sorry. I do understand that attitude from parents, my mother -my father died in 1963-is angry at me for her medical conditions. In fact she is just angry, all the time and she sounds just like your mom. I had a nightmare of a time the last time my mother visited my family. She complained about EVERYTHING and when she started complaining about my daughter I just could not deal with her. I paid for her plane ticket to come and paid for her to leave early and I would have paid 10 times that amount to get her out of my house.

    I am so sorry. I did tell my older sister that I would be there when my mom passes, they live out of state from me. My other sisters and my brother I don't speak with. Wow, no advice but please know that your mom's behavior and attitude seems to be similiar to what I have seen from my mom. It is really hard to deal with and I love my mom but this anger I just cannot understand. So sorry..

    Edit: I am so sorry, I just vented on your thread.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    May. 2, 2011


    Hugs and prayers to you during this tough time. I am so sorry.
    It's only when a mosquito lands on your privates that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence. fb meme.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Jun. 10, 2001
    Rising Sun, Maryland, USA


    HUGS. My condolences. Cancer sucks. Planning funerals, writing obituaries, it all just sucks. Rainbows & Mourning Doves Blog
    John P. Smith II 1973-2009 Love Always
    Father, Husband, Friend, Firefighter- Cancer Sucks- Cure Melanoma

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Jan. 5, 2010
    VA--> Washington (state)


    Quote Originally Posted by What the What View Post

    Thanks to those who suggested a grief counselor. My dad was on home hospice for the last week of his life, so I will look into whether they offer counseling services.
    I know hospice offers afterlife care for families of hospice patients, including support groups, individual/family grief counseling, and referral to other community organizations. Regarding funeral costs, I would call the hospice and ask if they have any rec'ds. Your family is not the first to be in such a difficult situation. I'm a Family Medicine PA and have counseled a lot of families in your situation- hospice is still there to help.
    My sincerest condolences for your loss and please know that your moms upset about the casket really isn't about the casket. She is grieving & grief can makes beasts of saints. Love her more found know she, like you and your family, are in shock and grieving. Everyone's emotions will continue to fluctuate for quite some time- know that it is normal albeit painful and scary.
    My thoughts are with you and yours. Keep us posted
    And the wise, Jack Daniels drinking, slow-truck-driving, veteran TB handler who took "no shit from no hoss Miss L, y'hear," said: "She aint wrapped too tight."

  10. #50
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2005


    So sorry for the loss of your Dad. Hugs and prayers.
    where am I, what day is it, am I still having a good time?

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