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  1. #21
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    Didn't read the above posts but you need to let it run its course. I dated all sorts of men I wouldn't want to marry (and didn't). It's normal. I actually stayed with a few longer than I should have because my parents didn't like them and I was defensive...if they'd left it alone we would have broken up faster.

    HOWEVER -- you do absolutely need to have a talk with her about contraception, take her to your OB/GYN, and get her set with birth control so she's not just relying on condoms. She doesn't sound like she wants a kid now, do everything you can to help her prevent it. Be realistic in said convo. Say you don't know what she's doing physically and it isn't your business, but you want to help her make sure she makes good choices either way.

    Hopefully she's taken care of this already and can tell you she's fine, but if you don't and she gets pregnant accidentally, you'll really regret not doing this.


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  2. #22
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    I dont have a problem with him to hang with, DH is one with problems. Had a talk with his mom--she says hes a good kid now that hes been thru bootcamp, never treat her wrong, be loyal, blah. Moms usually know sons, also talked with his neighbor/my friend a lot about him. I talked to her 2 months ago, she didnt seem real serious but wants someone just like her friends. Maybe she lied, maybe shes waiting til college. Who knows. Im trying to play good cop.

    I asked about BC (for cramps not so much for BC-aint I smart) and she wasnt really like oh yeah I would like that. She was more like whatever she really didnt care. Im thinking shes not there yet. Her good friend is due in 2 weeks, 17y/o, same age BF. She knows what can happen. I talked to her about surprise preggs--BTDT with her brother and I wasnt a teen. If I bought her condems/other I think DH would go postal.

    College-DD is not real secure being on her own. (other DD is ready to leave & never come back.) I always knew she would stay around here tho shes not living @ home. Shes looking @ colleges less than 1 hr away, this was before the BF. Dont think thats what keeping her close by.

    Thanks for input.
    “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker



  3. #23
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    Dec. 28, 2007
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    Ontario
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    I wouldn't worry about it.

    In my younger years I lived to defy my parents...even today, I get a little bit of satisfaction every time my mother rolls her eyes at a decision I've made, hehe.

    That being said, I dated a guy who was older an an under-achiever; yeah, it didn't last, but we were together for two years and he treated me really well the entire time. He also kept me out of a lot of trouble because he was older and reined in my "adventurous" side.

    So, as others have said, as long as she's happy and he's treating her well, I wouldn't step in. Trust the values you've instilled in her.



  4. #24
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    Sep. 20, 2009
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    I would bring up BC again. She's a teen, saying "whatever" doesn't mean she is disinterested. Can she go to a gyn herself and get on BC for "cramps/acne"?


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  5. #25
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    Oct. 29, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnDeere View Post
    I asked about BC (for cramps not so much for BC-aint I smart) and she wasnt really like oh yeah I would like that. She was more like whatever she really didnt care. Im thinking shes not there yet. Her good friend is due in 2 weeks, 17y/o, same age BF. She knows what can happen. I talked to her about surprise preggs--BTDT with her brother and I wasnt a teen. If I bought her condems/other I think DH would go postal.
    Even with a teen mom friend, she may not know that condoms are less effective than BC, or may not know how to use them correctly. If anything it tells you her friends may not be good sources of that type of information!
    "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." ~John Wooden

    Phoenix Animal Rescue



  6. #26
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    Oct. 9, 2012
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    I think it's interesting that you are talking around the idea of birth control. It's not a bad thing, be upfront. If dd is dating then she had better be on the pill or the equivalent.

    I think it's a little silly for your husband to be talking about 'breaking them up', it would never work unless your dd is a total and complete daddy's girl and then it would be a horrible abuse of his influence over her to do it. If she is serious about college this relationship will work itself out one way or another.



  7. #27
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    Mar. 11, 2004
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    Chiming in yet again on this thread to second/third just being upfront with her about BC.

    Oh how I WISH my mom would have just been up front with me and just offered to take me to the doctor! There was nary a sound made about sex or BC until she found my pill case in the console of my car. Then it was "We hope you're being careful!" (Well, duh, mom...why do you think you found my pills? LOL)

    My boyfriend had lots of discussions about it before hand, and were very responsible...but we were definitely the exception to the rule when it comes to teens and sex. I definitely would have appreciated my mom saying, "Hey, looks like you and Scott are getting serious. Let's talk about how to be responsible about this when/if you're ready."
    My CANTER cutie Chip and IHSA shows!
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  8. #28
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    I didnt do well on BC-bled all tht time-TMI I know. Im not sure if she will either. Condems at least gard against STDs & are cheap easy to use & help block preg. I have only 3 children for a reason. I dont know if she can go herself, shes not 18. Plus my GP is her dr. If theres a PP clinic around I dont know. Co health dept has bad hrs of operation, like 8-3 or something.
    I dont want to think about this anymore. My brain hurts.
    “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker



  9. #29
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    Oct. 9, 2012
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    Better a headache now than a baby later.


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  10. #30
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    Sorry to harp, but there's lots of different types of BC, and not all have the same side effects. AND you can use them with condoms!
    My CANTER cutie Chip and IHSA shows!
    http://www.youtube.com/kheit86


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  11. #31
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    Mar. 6, 2002
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    This situation reminds me of a country song, the one about Katie and Johnny...

    Tell your husband to think about what he wants MOST for his daughter - to be happy. If he makes her happy, well... leave it be. If he's not the one, eventually he'll move along. Chances are, first serious boyfriend probably isn't going to be "the one", anyway. Keep talking to her about BC, it never hurts to double up on methods - BC and condoms will keep her safe and most likely to be baby-free when she does get there.

    I'm sure my parents wouldn't have been pleased if I'd married a doctor, a lawyer, or some other well-educated, well to do man. Money certainly wouldn't be an issue. But instead, I married a busted up grunt without a penny to his name, and they like him just fine... He's a good man and he works hard and treats me proper.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnDeere View Post
    I didnt do well on BC-bled all tht time-TMI I know. Im not sure if she will either. Condems at least gard against STDs & are cheap easy to use & help block preg. I have only 3 children for a reason. I dont know if she can go herself, shes not 18. Plus my GP is her dr. If theres a PP clinic around I dont know. Co health dept has bad hrs of operation, like 8-3 or something.
    I dont want to think about this anymore. My brain hurts.
    You don't need to be 18 to get on birth control at Planned Parenthood, and you can even tell them they can't announce that its Planned Parenthood calling if they call her house.

    I was 15 years old when I found a ride (my Nana/Grandmother) to my local planned parenthood and got on the pill. She didn't even come in with me, so I didn't need an adult to get it.
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."



  13. #33
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    Apr. 14, 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnDeere View Post
    ...
    Im trying to lay low let her figure it out like I did. He wants to break them up. I say wont work.

    Thoughts?
    Your approach is the smart approach. I know you are in a tough spot, but please relate my tale to your DH.

    I starting seriously dating a guy towards end of college, but parent did not like him. They tried to break us up an innumerable amount of times, details I do not wish to share. We have been married awhile now and are happy. Our relationship with my parents is trashed to put it nicely. We did not talk to them for several years and our interaction with them now is civil at best. Hope it was worth it for them, they are the losers. Some damage can't be undone.



  14. #34
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    You won't be able to break them up! However you could plant some seeds in her head... In a very nonchalant way you could mention things that might make her open her eyes a little. For example: did you notice how Romeo didn't use a coaster and left a ring on the table, huummm, Romeo's car is breaking down alot where is he going to get the money to fix it? The key is just to bring it up briefly and not make a big deal about it. You would be surprised what just a mention of thing like that can do!
    The Love for a Horse is just as Complicated as the Love for another Human being, If you have never Loved a Horse you will Never Understand!!!



  15. #35
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    Jul. 14, 2006
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    Another vote for letting things run their course, so long as the guy treats her well and isn't abusive, an addict etc. You never know what the future will bring. Most relationships that 17 and 18 year olds have end shortly, but on the off chance that this is long term, you wouldn't want to burn any bridges. I speak from experience in my own family....

    My youngest sister started dating a guy from a near-by school (30-40 min away) during her first semester of college. My parents (and I'll be honest, the whole family) were not at all thrilled with him, for mostly the same reasons as the OP describes. Lil sis was so enamored with this guy that she spent every weekend at his school or he'd come down to hers, including the weekends before mid-terms and finals week. Her grades showed it (F in one class, D in another). He was a "theater set design" major, didn't seem to be all that serious about anything other than the latest play or musical and came across as impolite and self-absorbed to boot. The type of kid who grunts one word responses instead of using his words.

    Other than telling my sister that if she was going to continue letting this relationship get in the way of her education, she could pay for college herself, my parents largely stayed out of it. Even so, there was a time that she had this very Romeo & Juliet view of "it's me and him against the boring old folks. We'll show them, we'll be together for-ev-ah and evah."

    Nearly 9 years later, they are married, both gainfully employed in the DC area, just closed on a house last week. Sis got her act together, graduated college and is now working on her masters. BIL's "basket-weaving" major and set construction experience is actually in demand in some parts of the country. He works for a firm that produces sets for cultural and political events...big events, like the presidential debates. This year he was supervising the set up of the Florida debate stage, all the lighting, audio equipment etc. And it turned out that after 4-5 years to mature, BIL is actually really thoughtful, great conversationalist, treats my sister well, is a surrogate son to my parents. If we'd have staged some kind of intervention to break them up, I doubt things would be this way.

    Like some horses, some kids just take a little while longer to grow up.
    BES
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  16. #36
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    DH has zero experence with girls--dating/sisters. He had 3 brothers, only dated me. Hes seen lots of girls throw their life away, thats what hes focusing on. I stalked BF on FB & hes a lil boyish really-says stuff he shouldnt. He does treat her ok & really likes her. I will take her to dr & stay out of the room so she can discuss what she likes with dr.
    “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker



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