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  1. #121
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2008
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    683

    Default Update

    First off I want to thank everyone for their support, and for taking the time to send me PM's, etc. Your efforts and support was not in vain, however, this update probably is not what you hoped to hear.

    I have not left. It is still a high probability. When I wrote the original post it was in mid-heat of an argument with BF and I was extremely angry. Many posters went a bit extreme with their beliefs that this relationship would quickly go violent, and that I needed to seek out a safe shelter, etc. I must make it clear that it was never at a point where that was necessary.

    The realization that my BF and I have come to is that we most likely just are not a good combination. We do not balance each other out well, and therefore in the long run will not succeed. We are still willing to work on things, but with the knowledge that if things do not get better soon, we will have to stop trying.

    He is often sad because I do not show him any affection. This is true, I find him lazy, unmotivated, and uncaring. I very rarely show him affection. I feel as though I am caring for him by catering to his every whim, therefore if he wants more affection then he should go out of his way to show me some.

    I do not think this relationship will last. It's unfortunate because I've held on to a dream of having a wonderful relationship with this man since I was 18. It's just not meant to be, and if it is, it has a long way to go.

    I am currently looking for new apartments. Within the last month my pay at my job increased, therefore I am more at ease with my financial situation as a single adult.

    So, again, thank you everyone. Your words and thoughts made me realize my happiness is important. Although I am not making quick decisions and changing my life instantly, I am slowly making adjustments so that I can get to a place I am truly proud of.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  2. #122
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2007
    Location
    ....in a classroom in Fl, by the ocean
    Posts
    3,489

    Default

    Thanks for the update Bedazzled.

    Stay safe and should you need any of us....we are a click away.



  3. #123

    Default

    After reading this post, I recognize many of the same abusive behaviors in my husband. He engages in blaming, name calling, controlling behaviors. Hasn't hit me yet, but did push me around last week. Accuses me of "hiding his jacket" when he put it in the laundry, asks me "what the hell do you think you're doing?" as I am cooking dinner and frequently calls me stupid.

    So, why don't I leave? Because I'm currently unemployed and would have no means of renting a house or apartment much less boarding my horses (they currently live at home). I was laid off from a well paying job (six figures) over a year ago and have been unsuccessful in finding full-time employment that would enable me to leave. I have no family living within 1,000 miles of here.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  4. #124
    Join Date
    Dec. 16, 2007
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    862

    Default

    Thanks for the update. I wish you well in the future, with or without him.
    I saw the angel in the marble and I set him free. - Michaelangelo



  5. #125
    Join Date
    May. 1, 2010
    Posts
    230

    Default

    My SUV hold 7-We can have 7 of us there when you need back up. Please make plans, get out, and do not think for one minute that you don't have friends. They have probably been waiting for you to leave so they can support you!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #126
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,061

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bedazzle View Post
    The realization that my BF and I have come to is that we most likely just are not a good combination. We do not balance each other out well, and therefore in the long run will not succeed. We are still willing to work on things, but with the knowledge that if things do not get better soon, we will have to stop trying.

    I do not think this relationship will last. It's unfortunate because I've held on to a dream of having a wonderful relationship with this man since I was 18. It's just not meant to be, and if it is, it has a long way to go.
    I just wanted to say that I am proud of you in being mature enough to realize that. People get married thinking it will change after being married, having a child, or some other life change. It doesn't get better..it can spiral down into something really ugly and not healthy.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #127
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
    Location
    Dallas, Georgia
    Posts
    16,361

    Default

    You are choosing wisely, grasshopper

    Forcing a round peg into a square hole won't work, ever. Being Equally Yoked is crucial.
    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- "When they try to tell you these are your Golden years, don't believe 'em.... It's rust."



  8. #128
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2008
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    683

    Default

    Yeah, I think I will probably have to be very brave here soon and break it to him that I just don't want to try anymore. Nearly 7 months of daily bickering, it's just done. I have an ulcer-y stomach, and heartburn daily...something I never had before him. It has to be from the stress. Sometimes the headaches are so unbearable, just from stressing on how to make him happy. It's not worth it.

    I have so many dreams and ambitions, and it's very difficult to sit by and watch him sit on the couch not doing anything. He has given up on so many things he has started it's infuriating. And the fact the he keeps looking at things to buy, and complaining about things he wants, yet he never talks about how he is going to go about these things. He is currently unemployed, mooching off his Dad. I just want him to CARE, to DO something.

    Yuck. It's disgusting to even write that out. I deserve someone as happy, driven, motivated, and excited about life as I am. It really is time to move on. Sigh.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  9. #129
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
    Location
    Dallas, Georgia
    Posts
    16,361

    Default

    Being "Equally Yoked" is soooooooooooo important. You cannot go thru life each wanting to pull in a different direction.

    You've learned a valuable lesson. Depart asap, give yourself time to heal and then apply that lesson to the next person you desire a relationship with down the road.

    Never settle for second best because, "It is better to go through life wanting what you don't have, than having what you don't want."
    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- "When they try to tell you these are your Golden years, don't believe 'em.... It's rust."


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #130
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    10,895

    Default

    OP, it's nice to "hear" you getting your mind wrapped around the situation and coming up with a plan.

    To PTRider RE post quoted below: You don't have to stay even if you're unemployed. There are shelters. And I bet you have friends or family who would be happy to take you in for a bit if you let them know you needed a hand. You might be surprised what people will do if they know you need/want help. Chances are that you have friends and family who see the behavior you're describing, hate it for you, but say nothing because they don't want to mess up their relationship with you. You might be surprised. Ask for help. And if you truly have no one? There are organizations out there who will help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Prime Time Rider View Post
    After reading this post, I recognize many of the same abusive behaviors in my husband. He engages in blaming, name calling, controlling behaviors. Hasn't hit me yet, but did push me around last week. Accuses me of "hiding his jacket" when he put it in the laundry, asks me "what the hell do you think you're doing?" as I am cooking dinner and frequently calls me stupid.

    So, why don't I leave? Because I'm currently unemployed and would have no means of renting a house or apartment much less boarding my horses (they currently live at home). I was laid off from a well paying job (six figures) over a year ago and have been unsuccessful in finding full-time employment that would enable me to leave. I have no family living within 1,000 miles of here.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



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