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  1. #161
    Join Date
    Nov. 16, 2000
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    Concord, NH
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    4,935

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    See, it's not game playing, it's just interacting. He's just not reacting the way you want him to. If he was really into you, you wouldn't feel like it's game playing. It would feel much more natural because both of you were on the same page.

    While we are hearing only your side of things, it seems that you have made far more overtures than he has. Has he ever instigated a conversation/invitation without some sort of prompt from you?

    You are worth an invitation! Remember that. It's not you, it's him.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  2. #162
    Join Date
    Sep. 14, 1999
    Location
    Just Enough Farm, GA
    Posts
    2,228

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    I don't think it is game playing at all. I think it's learning to read the cues. Dating is hard and I REALLY sucked at it, so I don't say that lightly. I had to learn not to take rejection/lack of interest personally. What helped was realizing that I had a definite "type" so why wouldn't someone else.

    I ended up married to someone who wasn't my type at all by the way. So I think all that can go out the window once a connection has been made.
    If you believe everything you read, better not read. -- Japanese Proverb



    3 members found this post helpful.

  3. #163
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
    Location
    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
    Posts
    9,143

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    fyi, just got a text. said he just saw my text as he was "setting the alarm and heading to bed. sorry for not responding. have a good week." I just replied with "you too. g'night"

    I know everything ya'll are saying, at least intellectually. Just... first guy I've been interested in dating since XH left (dating... something i never figured I'd be doing again in the first place). Just spins the brain hamsters a bit I guess.

    Well... next....
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  4. #164
    Join Date
    Dec. 7, 2006
    Location
    Spruce Grove AB
    Posts
    825

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    I just gotta say that I've been following your thread from the beginning and love it!. Hope you hear from him soon! And agree from a previous poster, next time let him call or approach you.
    Good luck and I look forward to hearing updates



  5. #165
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2006
    Location
    Raleigh, NC
    Posts
    1,742

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    So here's a related question to the OP's topic. My computer was in the shop a few weeks back getting a new hard drive. When I went to pick it up, the cutest guy (age appropriate, no ring) was sitting at the receptionists desk (not the regular person). He started getting my invoice etc, then decided to take one last look at my HD before I left when I said that I was devastated over some lost/not backed up photos.

    When I went back the second time to pick everything up (he couldn't get anything off the HD, sadly) he was not there. Now I can't get this guy off my mind. What should I do? Should I call and ask the receptionist if he's single? What do I say if she says no? Even worse, what do I say if she says YES, LOL? Or should I send a note with my business card? I'm not sure he would remember me at all, our interaction had nothing "memorable" about it AFAIK.

    Part of me says let it go. Another part says nothing venured/nothing gained AND I'm not at an age where I run into guys that I find attractive very often. What say the collective COTH brain? Sigh. For now, it's back under my rock!
    From now on, ponyfixer, i'll include foot note references.



  6. #166
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2006
    Posts
    3,429

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    Just want to say good luck to the OP! Keep us posted.

    And good luck to you, too, Pony Fixer.



  7. #167
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2006
    Location
    Constant State of Delusion
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    1,740

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    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post
    fyi, just got a text. said he just saw my text as he was "setting the alarm and heading to bed. sorry for not responding. have a good week."
    Oh no! OP, I'm sorry, and I hate to tell you this, but when I'm not into somebody, I will respond to their texts in a very similar manner in which your neighbor responded to your last one. Specifically, I will say "have a good week" or something that indicates I don't intend to talk to them/don't expect to hear from them for at least that set duration of time. In my mind, it creates a chronological boundary; and therefore, distance.

    I'm not this guy (and I'm actually a girl), but I think that this:

    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post
    Well... next....
    is, sadly, the right response to this situation. I'm sorry.


    Of course, just because that's the way I do things, doesn't mean that I'm 'right' in my thinking that he's not into you in "that" way... And I'm actually horrible at dating, so take what I've said for what it may or may not be worth; and maybe a grain or two of salt? (I'm still trying to be optimistic for you!)
    Quote Originally Posted by Martha Drum View Post
    ...But I don't want to sit helmetless on my horse while he lies on the ground kicking a ball around without a bridle while Leatherface does an interpretive dance with his chainsaw around us.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #168
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
    Location
    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    11,201

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    I concur. He very well could be distancing himself from you so give him some space and see what happens. Some people move very slowly and some shut down when things move forward. Either one could be the case or he simply may not be interested. Whatever the specifics are, just keep a friendly disposition and don't pull yourself back but don't push forward with him either.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #169
    Join Date
    May. 18, 2011
    Location
    Southern Appalachia
    Posts
    265

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    Sorry things didn't work out as you wished with your neighbor...

    But to get back on topic: to meet men, I highly suggest going to your nearest dog park with a big cool dog like a labrador or golden retriever. If you don't have a dog like this, borrow one . One of my best guy friends was listening to me whine about not having any luck with men, and he suggested I go to the dog park, lol. So I took my crazy 7 month old yellow lab to the dog park, and I met my now SO which is the best man I've ever known. To top it off he is a doctor, exceptionally intelligent, kind, generous, etc. etc -- anything I ever wanted in a man. And FYI you won't get much attention from real men with a toy poodle or chihuahua :P (not saying this is what you have, just saying).

    You only have to let the soft animal of your body / love what it loves
    "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver



  10. #170
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
    Location
    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    9,143

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    Quote Originally Posted by Swishy-Tails View Post
    Sorry things didn't work out as you wished with your neighbor...
    Me too. He's a great guy and I saw quite a bit of potential. I swear it all makes me question my sanity. Have I mentioned I hate "dating" and have never been good at it??

    And FYI you won't get much attention from real men with a toy poodle or chihuahua :P (not saying this is what you have, just saying).

    So I should be fine with my 160 pound newfy then, right?
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  11. #171
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    Wow, my "admirer" is at it again. More "thumbs down" posts.

    Not that I'm writing to try and make anyone happy or collect "thumbs up" but really? If you don't like what I'm writing THAT much, don't read!! How hard is that?
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  12. #172
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
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    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    Welcome to The Internet. The Tooliest Place In Town!
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  13. #173
    Join Date
    Dec. 15, 2003
    Posts
    1,375

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    What exactly does "appreciate" and "not appreciate" a post mean? I saw that one person did not appreciate your post that ended in "well... next...".

    Maybe that was because they thought it was a bummer that he didn't seem interested rather than not appreciating the fact you posted?

    I have been confused on Facebook when someone posts something sad and people "like" the post. A friend told me that just shows that they read the post and are sympathizing. Maybe I'm too literal but I don't "like" something unless I think what the person posted is a good likeable thing, and now I have to figure out about appreciating/not appreciating!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #174
    Join Date
    May. 18, 2011
    Location
    Southern Appalachia
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    265

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    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post
    Me too. He's a great guy and I saw quite a bit of potential. I swear it all makes me question my sanity. Have I mentioned I hate "dating" and have never been good at it??



    So I should be fine with my 160 pound newfy then, right?
    A LOT Of people are bad at dating, and I really am too. Is it a confidence thing? I would suggest go out and flirt a lot. I always got a lot of responses from the online dating sites plenty of fish and okcupid, so perhaps join those. They're free so I imagine a lot more people using them. Be careful. Put a flattering picture up, along with a few candid shots. In the "About Me" section, write what you expect out of dating, but don't want to write a huge laundry list so you don't scare them away... You do NOT have to respond to every message you get if you're not interested. Flirt a lot, but do not carry on a huge amount of conversation online for a prolonged period as you do not want to develop an unrealistic idea of someone as people are different online than in person. If you get good vibes meet up with them for at least coffee. Online dating should really be called speed dating... you will find out almost immediately if you want to meet up with them for a second time. I went on a lot of first dates, but never hardly found anyone that I would want to date for awhile, but what I did do is gain a lot of confidence which helped me meeting my current (and hopefully last) SO. Reach out a little bit outside of what you'd normally want to date, and just have fun.... Do not be discouraged or feel bad for rejections.

    And hey, I know plenty of people that have actually met someone nice online that they've been dating awhile and also happily married. It can happen, I just didn't have much luck... they say right when you're about to give up on dating you'll finally find someone, or they'll find you... certainly true for me
    You only have to let the soft animal of your body / love what it loves
    "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver



  15. #175
    Join Date
    Mar. 3, 2007
    Location
    North-Central IL
    Posts
    3,581

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    From experience, I would stop texting now. If he's going to come around, he will. If not, you'll just annoy him and he'll start avoiding you. I used to be a serial over-texter, I understand the desire to just keep trying.
    Quarry Rat


    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #176
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
    Location
    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    Swishy-Tail... I'm sure it's a confidence thing. Comes from not enough dating (never did much in high school at all, was never in the "in" crowd, always the guy's good buddy instead of his romantic interest, etc.... and honestly not much better in college). You say to flirt a lot... I'm not a natural flirter so that seems rather game-like. I just cancelled my Match.com subscription... couple dozen emails and winks sent out, not one (within a day's drive) in return. Kind of gunshy on the internet thing, though I suppose a free site wouldn't be as harsh maybe?

    they say right when you're about to give up on dating you'll finally find someone
    Ah, there's the rub I think. I do feel like giving up, but, as so eloquently put by Pres Snow (Hunter Games) "the only thing stronger than fear is hope". I fear being alone the rest of my life, that maybe XH was my chance and that's gone now... but somehow I keep hoping... thus never quite giving up entirely -- at least not enough for the above sentiment to actually happen.

    mosey... don't worry. no texting unless its in response. Got that message.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #177
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2005
    Location
    Australasia
    Posts
    1,135

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    Just wondering, anything happening here, tle?
    where am I, what day is it, am I still having a good time?



  18. #178
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
    Location
    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    9,143

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    I wish.

    Let's see... so after the "have a great week" response to my dinner invite, I didn't talk to him as planned. The following Sunday morning at about 9am I got a text from him. He said he'd left the Harbor Freight sales ad in my mailbox. He didn't know if they had generators in it or not, but thought I might like to see it just in case. We'd had a discussion sometime around the wine drinking timeframe about how I was looking at trying to get a generator in case the power went out... so I could at least power my well pump and get water for the critters. I texted back a big thank you and how I'd probably find a few things I wanted in the ad even if they didn't have generators. He wrote back some long text about his Tim the Tool Man addiction then headed off to work.

    That was it until last night when I texted him a comment about the tractor he'd been using at his place all weekend (I know I know). Very short conversation about how much work he'd been able to do by borrowing the tractor.

    ... and that was it. So I guess, no... nothing happening on the neighbor front.

    Although I shouldn't qualify it... it's not like I'm meeting ANYONE else I'm remotely interested in at all... so I suppose I should have just written "no, nothing happening".
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



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