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  1. #141
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    Only sport I tend to follow outside horses is hockey... and I don't even have that this year (though there is a new farm team in town... guess that's going to have to do).
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  2. #142
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    Sep. 26, 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by NeedsAdvil View Post
    I think what you are thinking of saying is too much, but I do think he is interested. Perhaps he is just as shy/awkward as you. If you don't mind making a move, that's not a bad thing. Perhaps you just need a more concrete plan...rather than saying "next time", say "I was going to fire up the grill on Tuesday, if you bring the wine, I've got the steaks covered" and see what happens. At the least, he sounds like good company, and maybe he just needs an opening. He could feel like it might be bad to make a move being neighbors and all.

    I've followed this thread and have read most of the responses. I completely agree with the bolded statement in NeedsAdvil's post. This guy does seem interested, otherwise I don't think you guys would have spent as much time you did at his place recently, certainly not with all that conversation. In his mind, this could be a risky thing. He might be thinking what happens if he makes a move or expresses interest and you don't reciprocate? Or what happens if you guys try dating but it doesn't work out? Yes, it could end up being awkward. I suspect that you guys might end up dancing around each other for a little while before a definitive move is made by either of you.

    In situations like this, it's almost like both parties have to be pretty confidant they both want to go for it (whatever that means) before making a move.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #143
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    May. 11, 2004
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    2,355

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    Maybe you can go to a high school hockey( if the school has one cheap evening out) game... using the hey I'm bored how bout a ... that's always a good friend thing..
    Friend of bar .ka



  4. #144
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    maybe. Have to look at what high schools have a hockey program.

    either way I think I may have gone too far. Sent a text last night saying that I was contemplating an "end of 4 day weekend" steak dinner. Said I would love the company and asked if he was interested. Haven't heard a peep. Oops.

    Oh well... guess that's my answer, eh? Not the first... probably won't be the last, knowing me. Still defrosting steak for dinner.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  5. #145
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2006
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    There could be lots of reasons he didn't respond. Maybe his phone isn't working? Maybe you should knock on his door to check that his phone is working? Maybe your phone isn't working? Maybe you should call the phone company to double check that your text package is still functioning properly? Maybe the cell phone tower in your area fell down? Have you driven around and checked that the tower is still up? Maybe the satellite fell out of the sky? Did you see any flashes of light recently?

    Just bugging you tle.

    I hope that he is just busy and hasn't seen the message yet. Good on you for putting yourself out there!

    But don't stalk him, k? That could just come off as kinda scary, ya know?


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #146
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Come Shine... Well, I can see the cell tower from the back of the property... I haven't walked back there, but could. Thanks for the giggles. yeah... not going to stalk him. Going to clean up my kitchen from yesterday's turkey cooking adventures, then head to the barn to ride. Maybe I'll hear from him, maybe I won't. Won't lie... will be bummed if I've potentially screwed things up. But I've lived through worse.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  7. #147
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2008
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    Florida
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    You didn't screw things up. If he was interested, he would have responded. It wasn't anything you DID, it just didn't work out - no harm, no foul. He probably just has some inner thing against people whose hair swirls the particular way yours does or something (we just never know what it is with some people). I always keep in mind the guy I rejected simply because he looked too much like my ex. I couldn't TELL him that, by golly - it was quite a dilemma. Not his FAULT that he looked like that, but it was intolerable, and no matter how nice he was, there it was.

    Anyway, I always try to remember that when I am the one who is rejected.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  8. #148
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    Sep. 26, 2010
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    @Moody: haha. I had one guy tell me he didn't want to go out with me because he said my voice reminded him of someone he used to know who was fat.

    I'm not fat (and not ugly or stupid either), but there you have it. In retrospect, that guy did me a favor by moving on. What a stupid excuse. lol.

    Another comment on the whole thing. Even if the guy is interested (even subconsciously) it could be too much too soon.

    I have a friend from high school who is very happily married. He met his wife through a set up. A friend of his suggested that he should go out with this girl, that they would get along really well. This mutual friend gave my friend and this guy's now-wife each others' phone numbers.

    The girl assumed he wasn't interested because he didn't call for a really long time. My friend was interested, but was feeling a tremendous amount of pressure just from having been given a phone number. When he finally did give her a call (months later) they hit it off and eventually got married.

    Some guys have to be pursued and there are some who like doing the pursuing. It's not that either way is better than the other, it's just whatever works for the people involved.



  9. #149
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    Mar. 14, 2010
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    Earlysville, Virginia
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    Well did he ever respond?!
    Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
    White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

    Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.



  10. #150
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Nope.

    But in other news, I did get someone else going through all my posts on this thread and marking them as "bad". That's 2 stalkers! Go me!
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #151
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    Mar. 14, 2010
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    I noticed someone was going through and disliking all of your posts. How very mature of them!
    Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
    White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

    Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.



  12. #152
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    Apr. 29, 2006
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    Hmmm. Maybe it's someone who secretly likes you? Remember how in grade school the little boys would always tease the girls they had a crush on?



  13. #153
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    Sep. 14, 1999
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    Just Enough Farm, GA
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    Back in my 20s, I was really struggling with the "I'll call you" syndrome. A friend of mine gave me a self-help dating book and in the first couple of chapters was a great big pull quote that said, "He's not calling because he doesn't want to." It made me wail and gnash my teeth for awhile, but danged if it isn't true.

    Good job you, for just going about your life and leaving it in his court now. You deserve a whole lot of "want to" and if this guy doesn't fit that bill there is only heartache in trying to make him fit.
    If you believe everything you read, better not read. -- Japanese Proverb



    3 members found this post helpful.

  14. #154
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    To the OP:

    One other thought. At this stage it's hard to tell if "not calling" means not interested, not ready, too busy or just plain lazy.

    I would strongly recommend not doing anything right now to see if you can flesh out which it is. That means no invitations, no texting (even for safety when you are getting on and off a horse), no emails. Let things sit for at least a week or two like this and see what happens.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #155
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    Jan. 14, 2003
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    Massachusetts
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnicklefritzG View Post
    Let things sit for at least a week or two like this and see what happens.
    I would let them sit a good deal longer than that. There will come a natural time for an invitation eventually but a week or two will not help him not feel pursued. It's best to just let him be and let things percolate for a while. Like until spring. If it is meant to be it will be.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    I would let them sit a good deal longer than that. There will come a natural time for an invitation eventually but a week or two will not help him not feel pursued. It's best to just let him be and let things percolate for a while. Like until spring. If it is meant to be it will be.

    I don't think she should invite this guy to do anything else either. period. He should initiate the next invitation since she has already made one.

    However, I think a couple of weeks of no texting/emails/etc. will give her some indication of where this guy is coming from. If he initiates some texts after that then I'd say the OP should mirror the guy's behavior. Be receptive if he texts, ignore him if he doesn't.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  17. #157
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    while I agree with what ya'll are saying... and plan to follow the advice... the thing that gets to me... what ALWAYS gets to me... is that it feels SO much like playing games. I HATE game playing. Maybe that's my problem, but honestly I think that people should just be up front and say what they want to say. I feel like I'm the only person in the world that feels like that.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  18. #158
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    Sep. 26, 2010
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    I don't like playing games either. I also don't like wearing a ton of makeup. In fact, at work I hardly ever wear it because for some of the work I do, the instruments are so sensitive that getting makeup particles on stuff can screw up the experiment. I like dressing up too, but am equally comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt.

    The best relationships I've had, and the ones that were the most serious, were ones where the guys appreciated all of the above and were not game players either. One guy I met at a piano recital where I was turning pages for my teacher and he was turning pages for his teacher (it was a duo recital at a large concert venue). During intermission we were comparing notes and talking. Afterwards there was a reception and the guy was clearly interested. It was easy to tell from the look on his face and the way he was talking. He asked for my phone number, but I was thinking to myself, who the bleep is this guy, I have no idea who he is from Adam so I just gave him an email address to use and figured that I'd never hear from him. Well he emailed me a few days later and said something like "It was nice meeting you last weekend...I can see that you are very animated with a strong passion for music..." and then proceeded to suggest that we go out. I was skeptical but curious enough that I accepted the invitation. That was the start of a great relationship. There was absolutely NO game playing. He was ready for a relationship and although I was skeptical, his kindness and personality and our common interests convinced me that I should take a chance.

    If you don't like playing games, then keep yourself busy and try other ways to meet guys. Pretend like your neighbor doesn't exist unless he initiates something. If he doesn't text/email/call then ignore him. If he contacts you, then respond in turn. If he seems conversational, then support that. If he want to connect, but the communications are short, you should also keep yours short.



  19. #159
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    Jan. 11, 2010
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    VA
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    Tie,

    I hate to say this (again), but the guy is just not interested. He is not playing games - he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Let it go and be open for someone who is really into you. Keep busy doing your thing and don't contact him any more. Maybe someday you can be friends... but I think he's made it clear that he doesn't want more than that. And don't blame yourself - maybe he's gay, maybe he likes a different type of woman - older, younger, fatter, thinner - there is no accounting for taste. Attraction is such an individual, personal crap shoot kind of thing. Just think "his loss" and walk away!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #160
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    There may be no accounting for taste, but continuing to have to tell myself "his loss" repeatedly isn't doing my self esteem any good either. *sigh*
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



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