The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 4 of 5 FirstFirst ... 2345 LastLast
Results 61 to 80 of 84
  1. #61
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Posts
    114

    Default

    I never ever wanted to be anybody's mother! I certainly do NOT think of my cat as my "child". The thing that is the most amazing to me is that ANYbody wants to have kids. When I was 13 and birth control was first becoming widely available - 1968 - I just assumed that nobody would have kids anymore. It absolutely never crossed my mind that people would have them if they didn't have to.
    I suppose that is strange, but it is how I have always felt. I hear sooo many people complaining about the demands their children make - why on earth put yourself in that position? I'm sure I will never understand it.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  2. #62
    Join Date
    Oct. 12, 2001
    Location
    Center of the Universe
    Posts
    6,913

    Default

    And more sinister but useful: More often than not, the people who don't like children or children of a certain age were not made to feel welcomed and loved during that phase of their own life. I can say that I don't have kids in part because this was true for me growing up.
    I think this is very untrue for most people. I just don't really like them. Most are so ill-behaved they are unpleasant to be around because of their poor behavior, but even if they are well-behaved they just aren't very interesting. They don't do anything that is interesting- they do silly childish stuff. Been there, done that already, thanks, time to move on to more interesting things. The younger ones don't do anything at all, really, so why would you want to spend time with one? they can't hold interesting conservations, they don't display interesting behaviors, they just aren't of any interest.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Aug. 20, 2006
    Location
    wyoming
    Posts
    527

    Default

    I like kids and get along fine with 'em. Just never wanted any. Even as a tiny child, I found baby dolls boring, though I loved playing with Barbie cuz she could be a scientist or astronaut. My girlfriends always had their Barbies getting married to Ken, but we played together OK anyway. I was just the odd one. LOL!

    Honestly, though, I figure this is probably a genetic defect in me. Species have built-in, instinctive needs to procreate, so something must be wrong with me. Too bad, too! I'd be good for the species because I am bright and athletic and get along with people.

    But I am definitely happy being childless.

    Liz

    ETA - When kids are badly behaved, I don't blame them, I blame the parents.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  4. #64
    Join Date
    Oct. 12, 2001
    Location
    Center of the Universe
    Posts
    6,913

    Default

    But I have mom friends and I've NEVER EVER met a mom who considered her child a BURDEN. Usually we consider them the greatest loves of our life and any sacrifices we make for them are done without a second thought. No one "socially pressured" us to have them. A lot of our mom conversations are about how exhausted and frustrated we are, but we never consider our child a BURDEN.
    oh, but they aren't going to tell YOU they don't like their kid, consider the child to be an unpleasant burden, and wish they'd never had one- they know you'll react with horror, like you are reacting here with horror and disgust at the very idea. They know it's considered "BAD" and shameful to have these feelings so they don't go around broadcasting them. They'll hide them, or quietly bring them up with someone else who might be sympathetic (not you, in other words). I wonder at your over-reaction to the very idea- perhaps you actually DO consider your child a burden, and are trying to convince yourself it isn't so?
    I know a number of parents who have openingly expressed their regret at ever having kids- more men are willing to admit this than women, but I suspect more women regret it than do men. I even had one woman tell me that if there was an anonymous "drop off" shelter for kids like they have for unwanted cats she'd have dropped her kid off long ago and would never have looked back. But the law says once you birth it you have to keep it forever, in misery for years together, so there it is.
    Those of you who are unsure- think about it. If you have one and it turns out you don't like it, you're stuck forever.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  5. #65
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2009
    Posts
    4,573

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by oldpony66 View Post
    This is very true, and something a lot of people never consider. However this is true for marriage as well. We are all one accident away from a TBI whether it be from riding or being in a car accident, or some other debilitating disease. We could become caretakers, feeders, and diaper-changers for our spouses. I imagine with this line of thinking that marriage is also out of the equation then. I have a friend who is experiencing this... the other day she said something like "Where in my marriage contract does it say I have to wipe his butt?" and I just replied "I think that falls under the 'in sickness and in health' part". It's scary to think about, and I doubt many people really think about it when they say "I do".
    No, I'm married. I don't think of marriage the same way. While I would stand by my spouse in the event of illness or injury, I would not have that same terrible fear that he would outlive me to his detriment. I also would not feel the horrible guilt of knowing I brought another being into this world only to suffer.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #66
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2009
    Posts
    4,573

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyRoo View Post
    My fear is that I will regret not having kids and be completely unable to do anything about it...I feel like I should have kids even though I'm not really SURE. Does that make sense? I kept thinking something would kick in. We even went to a repro specialist last year (hubby had vasectomy after his last child 13 years ago). I feel like if I don't HATE kids, then I will get to the point where I will have waited too long for the "clock" to kick in or whatever.

    I like kids, I just didn't really want my own. Now I'm really torn.
    I have felt like this from time to time in my life, but I always end up deciding that I should only have kids if I REALLY, REALLY want them, and all that comes with them, including the uncertainty. I'm 32, and I've never once really, truly felt a desire to have kids.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #67
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2012
    Posts
    1,848

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FineAlready View Post
    I have felt like this from time to time in my life, but I always end up deciding that I should only have kids if I REALLY, REALLY want them, and all that comes with them, including the uncertainty. I'm 32, and I've never once really, truly felt a desire to have kids.
    My husband and I are in this boat entirely. He is GREAT with kids and is the "fun uncle" to a lot of our friends' kids. he's 36, I'm 33, and neither of us are feeling a great desire to have them at the moment. Some days I think I would like to have kids, but then almost immediately I think, "but maybe not...." I know my husband's concerns about my health are a part of his feelings.



  8. #68
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2009
    Posts
    4,573

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MrsFitzDarcy&Feliks View Post
    Yes, this happened to me. It really throws a wrench in the works. My son is part of me and my life now. Some days it's good, some days are bad. It just sucks his dad decided to opt out.
    I'm really sorry his dad opted out. My friend is probably one of the best moms ever, knew she wanted kids from the time she was a kid herself, is married to her perfect match soulmate (high school sweetheart), and so on. I've seen the toll it takes on the whole family, even in that very good family situation. They also have a son, who is not disabled. It seems like a constant balancing act, punctuated by doctor appointments and apprehension. It's hard to describe...I don't for a minute think that my friend considers her daughter a burden, but I do think she wishes that things could be different for all of them. Her daughter is a bright, beautiful girl...but she can't walk unassisted, her speech is delayed, and then there are the constant medical emergencies...I think you describe it very well when you say that it "throws a wrench in the works." She has described it as "the way life is now." I can't help but look at her daughter and wonder about what the future holds for her. It's a LOT, for anyone.



  9. #69
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
    Location
    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
    Posts
    9,143

    Default

    XH's older sister has downs. She's 40 now and is mentally 3 I think. She can't talk much at all. Can move around on her own when she feels like it. I highly doubt his parents think she's a burden, per se. They even fought the doctors to keep her at home vs an institution and to have XH and his younger brother (docs suggested no more kids as they thought they too would be disabled). With her condition (as described to me... there may be more than just Downs), it is highly unlikely even at his parents' ages that sister will outlive them. I would imagine SOME relief when that happens (followed by potential guilt at the relief) but I don't think they would have done anything different along the way if they "knew".
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  10. #70
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Posts
    114

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wendy View Post
    I think this is very untrue for most people. I just don't really like them. Most are so ill-behaved they are unpleasant to be around because of their poor behavior, but even if they are well-behaved they just aren't very interesting. They don't do anything that is interesting- they do silly childish stuff. Been there, done that already, thanks, time to move on to more interesting things. The younger ones don't do anything at all, really, so why would you want to spend time with one? they can't hold interesting conservations, they don't display interesting behaviors, they just aren't of any interest.
    THIS!!! Thank you for expressing my own feelings so well. Kids are verrryyy boring - I have zero interest in anything they do or say.
    I have no problem saying I hate kids. I do not understand why anybody would be bothered by that. I am not out hunting them (LOL). I stay as far away from them as I can at all times.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #71
    Join Date
    Jun. 26, 2001
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,326

    Default

    At my age the chance of having kids is slim to none and I like it that way. Just like many others have posted I knew that kids were never an option for me. Told my mom at 8 that I was never going to have kids. She smiled and told me that it was my choice. Always backed me up on that decision. I never changed my mind.

    My least favorite comment in my younger child bearing years was the "do you have children?" questions from other women. When I would answer no I would get "Oh . . . .I'm sorry". You're sorry? Sorry? I'm not sorry. I made that choice!!

    I would then get the personal questions, "couldn't you get pregnant?" "Is something wrong?" These questions were not only inappropriate and horrifically rude but utterly presumptuous.

    When I would explain that I didn't want children well some of the looks I would get were priceless. Like I was some kind of alien. Of course this was 25-30 years ago. I was a freak for not wanting to wear spit up as badge of honor.

    I have never regretted my choice not to have kids. Kids are just fine for other people. Just not for me. Don't hate them just never wanted any of my own. Nieces and nephews are great, they go home!!!
    Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  12. #72
    Join Date
    Feb. 22, 2009
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    2,670

    Default

    Love my lesson students. But they go home I never wanted kids. When DH and I started dating, since he is 9 years older then me I made it very clear that I didn't want kids, and wouldn't change my mind. I didn't want us to get serious and have him wanting to someday have kids and me not ever wanting them. I didn't want to take that away from him. We are happily married, won't have kids (my tubes are tied), and we both love hosting things for the students and boarders. BUT like I said they go home. Plus those kids know that they have to behave themselves around the stable!



  13. #73
    Join Date
    Nov. 7, 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    66

    Default

    I never ever wanted kids of my own. Even from a young age I knew that motherhood was not something I wanted or was suitable for.
    I mildly dislike most kids, they are just so noisy, unruly, shriek for no reasons and generally display irritating behaviour. Much of this is poor parenting of course.

    Raising a child just seems like such a huge undertaking in terms of time, energy and money. And you cannot expect your kids to be grateful for raising them - so you better take some pleasure from parenting. I think many people love their kids but do not love parenting and everything that it entails.
    Having a sick/handicapped child would be my personal worst-case nightmare. It's hard enough raising a normal, healthy child - the amount of worry and grief that goes into parenting a child that might die prematurely or forever be dependant...a true nightmare.
    I make no apologies for being childfree. If people ask me if I have kids I just say firmly NO. No explanations required. There is nothing wrong with not raising kids - we have pets and I have two nieces that are pretty cool (well, they are almost grown now, so easy to deal with). Instead of bringing new life into the world - maybe we should take better care of the people that are already here. I finanically support my elderly Dad and plan on giving my nieces some money for university. This would not be possibly if I had kids of my own.
    I think at a minimum people should put some thought into parenthood and why they want children - so many people seem to be rushing to have a family with no clear idea about the responsibilities.
    Just my two cents.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  14. #74
    Join Date
    Oct. 1, 2002
    Location
    Cow County, MD
    Posts
    6,972

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MyGiantPony View Post
    They are just people with less experience than adults.
    Ah, but MGP, you could say the same about foals or puppies. I think they are adorable, but I don't want one. I think yearling horses are possibly the most obnoxious creatures on the planet, although they frequently grow into nice adults.

    Case in point--I am a Registered Vet Tech and last week had custody of my vet's 8 month old lab/shepherd cross. I wanted to kill that dog by the end of the weekend! He's big, he has no sense of his size, he eats/chews everything within a 50 foot radius (even though my house is pretty dogproof, I'd still like to keep the baseboards intact, thankyouverymuch), and his bark is shrill and deafening. Luckily he's a lot better about jumping up than he was at 5 months, but UGH! I was seriously eyeing my bottle of Ace, but was worried he'd be the one dog it killed and how I'd explain it to my boss. And this is in my chosen profession!
    Life would be infinitely better if pinatas suddenly appeared throughout the day.



  15. #75
    Join Date
    Feb. 27, 2004
    Location
    Posts
    1,042

    Red face

    When these threads come around I always think of this.
    "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

    You don't like children fine, avoid them, it's not hard and be polite when they are unavoidable. I'm that way about fish and many other things. I wasn't wild about my in-laws but I didn't get all worked up about it. I just avoided when I could and when I couldn't played a game of being as polite as possible and left as soon as I could.

    I raised 3 kids, love them dearly, love my niece and nephew and their children and my grandchild. There are a couple of others I have affection for . I'm rarely around children now. My granddaughter when she visits, and my niece's children when they come out here to the farm where their grandmother lives too. Other than that I just don't see children. I don't hold people's babies. There are only a handful other than my own that I have ever held.

    I told a young lady once who said she didn't want to have children that the best thing about them is you can (if you know how) teach them to think and value the same things you do. This young lady had very vigorous opinions and ideas about certain things. I told her the people who believe differently are having lots of children and if you want your ideas to continue and expand you might thing about having a child. Last I heard they were trying to have one.

    Most of my close friends are childless. Some by choice, others because it just didn't work out. All but one have lives full of animals of all sorts that they fuss over. The one who doesn't is from a culture that doesn't encourage pets and her job rules her life. Those who chose not to have children had difficult childhoods or were responsible for younger siblings in large families or just never found the right person to start a family with.

    One friend who has lots of animals has said that she gets whatever mothering feelings she might had out with them.



  16. #76

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sing Mia Song View Post
    Ah, but MGP, you could say the same about foals or puppies. I think they are adorable, but I don't want one. I think yearling horses are possibly the most obnoxious creatures on the planet, although they frequently grow into nice adults.

    Case in point--I am a Registered Vet Tech and last week had custody of my vet's 8 month old lab/shepherd cross. I wanted to kill that dog by the end of the weekend! He's big, he has no sense of his size, he eats/chews everything within a 50 foot radius (even though my house is pretty dogproof, I'd still like to keep the baseboards intact, thankyouverymuch), and his bark is shrill and deafening. Luckily he's a lot better about jumping up than he was at 5 months, but UGH! I was seriously eyeing my bottle of Ace, but was worried he'd be the one dog it killed and how I'd explain it to my boss. And this is in my chosen profession!
    And I completely respect your decision to not want a foal, or a puppy or a kitten - but I don't see you going on the board talking about how much you loathe foals, puppies or kittens.

    Sounds like maybe you shouldn't be the respite foster mom for that particular pup. LOL
    http://www.tbhsa.com/index.html

    Originally Posted by JSwan
    I love feral children. They taste like chicken.



  17. #77
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2006
    Location
    Frisco, TX
    Posts
    122

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hastyreply View Post

    I told a young lady once who said she didn't want to have children that the best thing about them is you can (if you know how) teach them to think and value the same things you do. This young lady had very vigorous opinions and ideas about certain things. I told her the people who believe differently are having lots of children and if you want your ideas to continue and expand you might thing about having a child. Last I heard they were trying to have one.

    You can teach a child your beliefs and values all you want. It doesn't mean they will always believe those things. My own mother taught me all of her beliefs and values, same for my brothers.

    Guess what? I disagree with my mother on nearly every thing.

    She is a conservative Christian. I am Wiccan.
    She is strongly pro-life. I am strongly pro-choice.
    She thinks a woman's place is in the home. I work a full time job and would whether my husband and I could afford for one of us to stay home or not, because I want to work.
    She had three children. I have none, will always have none.
    She votes Republican. I vote Independent.

    You can teach your children until the world ends the things that you think are right, but they are people that will grow up to have their own opinions on thing.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #78
    Join Date
    Oct. 1, 2002
    Location
    Cow County, MD
    Posts
    6,972

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MyGiantPony View Post
    Sounds like maybe you shouldn't be the respite foster mom for that particular pup. LOL
    And you are so right! We watched him for two weeks in August and it was hell on earth. No more!!
    Life would be infinitely better if pinatas suddenly appeared throughout the day.



  19. #79
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2008
    Posts
    1,009

    Default

    I really really get why not to have them... ANd even now though I love my son more than anything in the world, there are moments that Im overwhelmed with my lost life, my lost friends, and just down time alone with my ponies. So if you arent totally into it- dont! I respect my childfree friends, worldly discussions and their unbroken stuff... I love you guys, we just dont hang out, cause you know, Im BORING, and I know it!. I am committed to this little guy 100% but dont think I have forgotten my previous life. In many ways I had a much fuller life without kiddo, but he IS so funny and great. I try to NOT be that Mom that bores you with all his latest achievements, but hes the greatest thing Ive ever done! I prefer the term childfree, not childless though.



  20. #80
    Join Date
    Feb. 27, 2004
    Location
    Posts
    1,042

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Silence View Post
    You can teach a child your beliefs and values all you want. It doesn't mean they will always believe those things. My own mother taught me all of her beliefs and values, same for my brothers.

    Guess what? I disagree with my mother on nearly every thing.

    She is a conservative Christian. I am Wiccan.
    She is strongly pro-life. I am strongly pro-choice.
    She thinks a woman's place is in the home. I work a full time job and would whether my husband and I could afford for one of us to stay home or not, because I want to work.
    She had three children. I have none, will always have none.
    She votes Republican. I vote Independent.

    You can teach your children until the world ends the things that you think are right, but they are people that will grow up to have their own opinions on thing.
    Interesting. I find the older I get the more like my mother and father I become. I didn't make my children be a certain way. I taught by example and didn't hide my mistakes and tried to help them learn from me. They are the ones who call and say how they found themselves reacting or doing something like me. Or they call and say "you were so right". I don't know why except my family has always been this way. Y'all would laugh if I described family rebels or black sheep, more tan than black. LOL we just aren't very radical by nature. Oh and NOTHING makes my girls appreciate me more than their mother-in-laws. I just got a text " thanks for not being crazy"!



Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 123
    Last Post: Aug. 23, 2014, 05:34 PM
  2. Spinoff: Other Peoples' kids...
    By BuddyRoo in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 71
    Last Post: Jul. 5, 2011, 07:13 PM
  3. Spinoff: Kids driving with kids
    By heatherny2 in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: Nov. 26, 2010, 12:21 PM
  4. Spinoff- Grooms with kids what's your opinion?
    By Mukluk in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: Nov. 6, 2010, 11:51 AM
  5. Spinoff of spinoff: Stallions & kids - WHY?
    By Hunter Mom in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: May. 9, 2010, 02:46 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •