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  1. #1

    Default BP medication and well, finging and numping

    That's right, I said finging. And numping (under my alter).

    Married to the man of my dreams - funny, smart, attractive as hell. We're still quite young (well under 35). He's on blood pressure medication despite being an avid runner and into other sports (his dad had/has the same issue). So here's the thing - there is very little finging and numping occurring.

    I'm, uh, willing and able. He seems to be on the rare occasion. It's just that it's, well, rare. And I wish it wasn't so rare.

    I think it is partly due to the meds (noticed a change then), and I don't know how or whether to address it. What can I say that wouldn't offend him? I know how to "encourage" things, of course, it's just that it is kind of hard on a girl's ego to always be the one doing the encouraging.

    I know the whole stereotype that once you get married, things slow down/cool off, but I feel like this is beyond that.

    Help? Advice?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
    Posts
    6,543

    Default

    How long has this been going on (or not)?


    If it has only been a short while (a few weeks) then I would suggest having a conversation with him about this. If it has been more than a few months and nothing you've tried has worked, I'd seriously consider counseling. Issues like this can be very sensitive on both sides, so I think help from a professional could be very valuable.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 16, 2006
    Posts
    940

    Default

    Talking about a problem is always difficult but usually worth it in the end.

    Below is a list of all the classes of medications that are used to control high blood pressure. Under each class there are many different individual medications.

    It is worth discussing especially if it is medication related and there may be another drug that will have a different (and maybe more acceptable) side effect profile.

    Diuretics
    Beta-blockers
    ACE inhibitors
    Angiotensin II receptor blockers
    Calcium channel blockers
    Alpha blockers
    Alpha-2 Receptor Agonist
    Combined alpha and beta-blockers
    Central agonists
    Peripheral adrenergic inhibitors
    Blood vessel dilators, or vasodilators



  4. #4
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    Lots of meds have sexual side effects so I'd go that angle.

    THere are other meds he could be on instead or some in addition that lessen sexual side effects.

    You might just say, "Honey, the numping and finging frequency is a little on the low end. I noticed that it seemed to coincide w/ your new meds. How do you feel about this? Can we get it checked out? I really want to nump fing like we used to! You're hot! I love you!"
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2012
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    6

    Default

    Several months. Pre-wedding even.

    Best I've tried is lingerie and other general encouragement. Haven't had a conversation about it because I just don't know what to say and how to say it where I won't make him feel bad.

    Additional info to the story is that he has *something* going on with his health for over a year now. Symptoms similar to MS, but not diagnosed as MS or anything else (tons and tons of tests - nothing concrete). Lots of stuff going on there that makes him not feel great a lot of the time. So I really am reticent to have this discussion with him. He's stressed enough that there's a lot going on with him that is undiagnosed, and here I am, a total jerk for even thinking about this.

    I don't know how to support him or what to say to him.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul. 17, 2005
    Location
    Ohio
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    295

    Default

    I'd start out by having a conversation with him and flat out asking him what's changed.
    Last edited by JenLS; Oct. 28, 2012 at 11:15 PM.
    Only dead fish go with the flow.

    http://tommybluefoot.blogspot.com/



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    I have heard blood pressure meds are the end of all numping and finging.

    I am also very stoked that no one has suggested a finging or numping partner like the poor gal who did not want to canoe with her hubby any longer
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  8. #8
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    Oct. 28, 2012
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    He's on a beta blocker.

    Maybe I can try it from the angle of him "not being himself lately" and that I wonder if there are medication adjustments that could be made where he might feel better.



  9. #9
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    Say that.

    I just don't know what to say. I don't want to be a jerk for thinking about this.

    Listen, sex is a very real and very important component to many relationships. It's worth talking about if it's important to you and it obviously is.

    Since I met my husband, I've been diagnosed with Lupus. I used to think I was just a wimp who got tired easily and after the new wore off, I'd rather go to sleep than anything else. Once we got it figured out, I felt better and other things became more feasible and fun even.

    But it sounds like has medical complications here. Possibly some mental complications too. (it's easy to get depressed when you feel like shit and don't know WHY.)

    He's your husband. TALK to him.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by twotrudoc View Post
    I have heard blood pressure meds are the end of all numping and finging.

    I am also very stoked that no one has suggested a finging or numping partner like the poor gal who did not want to canoe with her hubby any longer
    I love canoeing with the hubs. He's hot. An alternate partner wouldn't row my boat, not at all.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    Heehee!!!!!!
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 15, 2006
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    VA
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    My hubby had similar issues with a diabetes med. He knew it, I knew it, we had a conversation about it and we did some research and talked to his doctor and got new meds. Now we both enjoyin canoeing
    Talk to him and his doctor.



  13. #13
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    Apr. 14, 2001
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    Minnesota
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    Do you read Savage Love? If you don't, you should.

    http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove

    But, what you're going to find, if you go through the archives, is that Savage will say YOU'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

    I know, talking about finging and numping is no fun. But have a glass of wine (or two!) and start the conversation.



  14. #14
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    Sep. 18, 2000
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    Tatertown, KY, USA
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    I've heard bad things about beta blockers and their effects on desire to fing and nump. Years ago, in a conversation about general first aid issues, a heart surgeon told me that if you end up in the ER with a heart attack, they always want to give beta blockers, and you shouldn't let them because it destroys your libido.

    A couple of years after getting that valuable advice, my father was in ICU after a bad car wreck. It was quite an ordeal, he crashed and had to be defibbed a couple of times, etc. After one of the crashes, the nurse mentioned that he was getting beta blockers. I told her that a surgeon had advised me never to allow beta blockers to be administered to me or anybody I knew. She looked puzzled and asked why. When I told her, she laughed and said it was true that they did have that effect, but in his case, keeping him alive was more important than keeping him horny.



  15. #15
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    OMG Simkie. I wouldn't take you for a Savage! I was about to suggest the same. Love the podcast
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  16. #16
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    Apr. 14, 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyRoo View Post
    OMG Simkie. I wouldn't take you for a Savage! I was about to suggest the same. Love the podcast
    Christ, no? What sort of persona am I presenting to the board, if you wouldn't take me for a fan of Savage? Hell, I just recommended a list of better written erotica for a friend who was a fan of 50 Shades of Grey



  17. #17
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    There are actual FANS of 50 Shades?

    Say it ain't so!
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb. 10, 2007
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    SE Wisconsin
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    Maybe try approaching the talk from a medical angle? Like, "I've noticed some things (not sexual) that are concerning me..." or something of that order.
    I loff my Quarter horse clique

    I kill threads dead!



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2007
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    He's been sick for a year without a diagnosis and he's on medication? I think that is your answer.

    Talk to him! He's probably scared to death about what is wrong with him, especially if he is ohysically active and facing a disease that might change all that.

    He might not be a talker, so you might have a hard road (some men like to internalize so they don't appear weak), but give it a try.

    Best wishes to you both



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2012
    Posts
    6

    Default Thank you all

    Thanks for all of the advice. We've certainly talked about his health many times before, just not so much this other side effect of it all. His well being is so much more important to me than a fing or nump. I guess I didn't see the big picture for him and how he feels when I am focused only on the part of his not-great health that directly affects me.

    I've struggled to figure out what is the best thing to say and do to support him through all of this. I have asked him if there's anything that I can help him with, and he says just my being there to listen and support is good. But really, it is tough as hell to see him not feel good and have problems and not be able to do a d@mn thing about it. Makes us both feel helpless, though I try to keep a brave, optimistic attitude around him.

    I don't know whether that helps him or makes me look like a jerk to him since I'm not the one truly dealing with it all.

    I'm hopeful that if he keeps going to the doctor, and they keep running tests, maybe they'll find something - a diagnosis, a cure, a med that stops symptoms...anything. We've spent thousands at this point to just rule many things out.

    Anyone know of any online support groups or advice for spouses of those with long term illnesses? I would love to be able to be more comforting and uplifting on the bad days.



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