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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,592

    Default Silly, Silly Man

    The man I have been dating has been having serious issues with the time I spend with my horse. I told him, never make a horse woman choose between spending time with you or spending time with her horse. You will not want to hear the truth.

    So he was a jerk and told me that I need to set a schedule and stick to it.

    I am not going to miss him. pfft.

    Silly man..or stupid.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2001
    Location
    Ft Worth, TX, USA
    Posts
    4,113

    Default

    Precisely why I have an "ex-husband"
    "Everyone will start to cheer, when you put on your sailin shoes"-Lowell George

    What's the status on Tuco?



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2006
    Location
    Evansville, Wisconsin
    Posts
    3,081

    Default

    I rememer those days. I didn't marry a guy that was into horses, I married the guy who never complained about the time I spent with them. Before Mr. Way, most of my boyfriends would start to whine "I feel like you'd rather be with your horse than me." And after a few rounds of that, whadya know, it was true

    And ironically, because DH never made those sorts of statements I was much more inclined to set aside time for him.

    Better to hash that stuff out early in a relationship than try to make it work and end up in a miserable marriage where you both resent each other.
    "In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog."
    -Edward Hoagland



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,592

    Default

    I have no issues making compromises but they have to make them also sometimes. I was doing all the compromising and he was getting his way.

    Um..no.

    I support myself.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr. 14, 2006
    Posts
    3,709

    Default

    Yup...not a compatable match for a horse lover!!! Better to know it early before you waste too much saddle time!!!
    www.crosscreeksporthorses.com
    Breeders of Painted Thoroughbreds and Uniquely Painted Irish Sport Horses in Northeast Oklahoma



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 11, 2007
    Location
    Andover, MA
    Posts
    6,377

    Default

    My poor husband married me before I got back into horses. Poor guy had NO idea how our lives would be turned upside down by the presence of the Golden Morgan in our lives. It was a good sign when he traded in his truck for a larger one that could pull my newly purchased trailer better.

    He actually loves my horse, though he has no interest in riding.
    You have to have experiences to gain experience.

    Proudly owned by 1998 Morgan mare Mythic Feronia; G-dspeed Trump & Minnie; welcome 2014 Morgan filly MtnTop FlyWithMeJosephine



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    I don't want to sound too nuts here...but I guess I feel the need to throw this out.

    THere was a time when I had a horse in training and I can remember getting in arguments with my then fiance about getting home to ride when he wanted me to hang out on the boat for a 3 day weekend.I couldn't FATHOM not riding for 2 days in a row. Good gollly!

    Well, that ex is still a good friend, and now both he and I are happily married and let me tell you, as much as I love my horse and my horse life, it's not my #1 anymore. Sure, if she's sick or injured she is #1. But on a day to day basis? No. Not anymore. And we've been together 22 years.

    My horse and me that is.

    My husband has never challenged my horse time. But I think that having a husband and a family has made me WANT to change my horse time some.

    Best wishes.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2011
    Posts
    1,244

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyRoo View Post
    I don't want to sound too nuts here...but I guess I feel the need to throw this out.

    THere was a time when I had a horse in training and I can remember getting in arguments with my then fiance about getting home to ride when he wanted me to hang out on the boat for a 3 day weekend.I couldn't FATHOM not riding for 2 days in a row. Good gollly!

    Well, that ex is still a good friend, and now both he and I are happily married and let me tell you, as much as I love my horse and my horse life, it's not my #1 anymore. Sure, if she's sick or injured she is #1. But on a day to day basis? No. Not anymore. And we've been together 22 years.

    My horse and me that is.

    My husband has never challenged my horse time. But I think that having a husband and a family has made me WANT to change my horse time some.

    Best wishes.
    Yeah but it's different if you decide on your own, versus being backed into a corner like the OP was.
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,592

    Default

    What really torqued me off is that he knew I did horses and rode. It is not a passing fancy that i only do when there is nothing else. Horses are the reason that I go to my job where my soul is sucked out daily. They are my time to just decompress from the work e day.

    He had been picking at me all week about the horse and time I spend with them. We don't live together at all. So why should my $$ impact him. We had been talking about living together but with this recent behavior HELL no.

    He told me that dating is a job interview..and that I wasn't doing well. I turned and looked at him. Well if it was a job interview you would be mucking stalls because that is how badly you are doing now. Actually not even cleaning stalls, but moving manure pile around.

    It is going to be interesting to see if he calls me Sunday.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



  10. #10
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2005
    Location
    Australasia
    Posts
    1,298

    Default

    I likely would have told him I wasn't interested in the job
    where am I, what day is it, am I still having a good time?



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2008
    Posts
    3,034

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AppendixQHLover View Post
    He told me that dating is a job interview..and that I wasn't doing well.
    But what an opening to fire him as a boyfriend. Seriously, if you already have one soul-sucking job, do you really need a boyfriend who sees a romantic relationship as being another?



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb. 16, 2007
    Location
    My very own sliver of heaven.
    Posts
    1,322

    Default

    I make it clear upfront that under no uncertain terms that my animals - and by extension my farm - come first. I've been very fortunate to have dated people who "get it", or at least get that I have a very busy life outside of them. But then again, those are the sort of people I seem to attract. I'm not interested in being someone's only focus and they certainly aren't going to be mine.

    The one thing that has been a deal breaker in the past is the fact that in my mid 20s, I am established, own my own home and rent an apartment up north and I have no plans to change that in the foreseeable future. I've also had a few comments about the fact that my parents are building right next door (Okay, 20 acres away, but still. They are, however, awesome people and VERY respectful. I am quite looking forward to sharing a fence line with them!). So basically, anyone I'm with for the long haul is going to have to move into my life. Interestingly enough, that's never seemed an issue with the women I've dated, but the men? Different story all together. Thankfully, I'm not terribly interested in being married...ever and I'm just as happy having someone who I can, erm, have a good time with as someone I am actually in a relationship with.

    Sorry your SO is being such a d-bag, OP. People can really suck sometimes
    Nine out of ten times, you'll get it wrong...but it's that tenth time that you get it right that makes all the difference.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    May. 4, 2006
    Location
    Seabeck - the soggy peninsula
    Posts
    4,199

    Default

    I hope you will conveniently lose all of your phones and forget how to turn on the computer on Sunday. A JOB INTERVIEW/! yuck Blow me away with love, that is so sad.
    "When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters, one represents danger, the other represents opportunity."

    John F Kennedy



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2006
    Posts
    1,920

    Default

    Job interview? I would have some choice words. Never answer his call again, that is such an asinine comment. Please.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug. 11, 2010
    Location
    Bay Area, CA
    Posts
    196

    Default

    Aye this is my hubby and my biggest fight... the funny thing is that I am down to one horse now where I had 2 and 3 pre marriage and in the beginning of marriage. I have scaled back from what I was when he met me..

    I always remind him that I never hid this horse obsession lol!

    When you all figure out how to get them to understand our love please help me!
    ::Karley::

    Henry (House of Fortuny) 7 yr old OTTB
    http://dondeestahenry.blogspot.com/



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec. 25, 2007
    Posts
    1,435

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AppendixQHLover View Post
    What really torqued me off is that he knew I did horses and rode. It is not a passing fancy that i only do when there is nothing else. Horses are the reason that I go to my job where my soul is sucked out daily. They are my time to just decompress from the work e day.

    He had been picking at me all week about the horse and time I spend with them. We don't live together at all. So why should my $$ impact him. We had been talking about living together but with this recent behavior HELL no.

    He told me that dating is a job interview..and that I wasn't doing well. I turned and looked at him. Well if it was a job interview you would be mucking stalls because that is how badly you are doing now. Actually not even cleaning stalls, but moving manure pile around.

    It is going to be interesting to see if he calls me Sunday.
    Count yourself lucky.

    The word is "controlling".

    And it will not stop with the horse.

    Tell him to hit the road.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2004
    Location
    Left coast, left wing, left field
    Posts
    6,734

    Default

    Oh I can throw a lot of COTHisms at this one.

    Let's start with one I've read a lot recently: when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

    Followed up with... job interview? make a schedule and keep to it? WHERE'S THE FRUITBAT?!

    And I'll finish up with a new spin on a sentimental favorite: better a day too soon than a minute too late!
    Arrange whatever pieces come your way. - Virginia Woolf

    Did you know that if you say the word "GULLIBLE" really softly, it sounds like "ORANGES"?



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jun. 8, 2008
    Posts
    596

    Default

    Probably best to let this one go.

    The right person is the one you want to put ahead of the horses, because they are the one who never asks you to.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2010
    Location
    Tucson
    Posts
    6,958

    Default

    Yuck!

    I find there are few people who "get it" including horse people. I'm pretty darned serious about the horses, have them at home, try to ride two a day plus gym. On top of that, I have friends and a social life, and of course work more than 40 hours/week, family time, etc.

    I find most guys very quickly want me to be free to spend time with them nearly daily. It's only the guys who have a passion of their own who understand 1) horses are living creatures so I have to be responsible and reliable for them and 2) I want to spend a lot of time with them. The busiest guys with their own interests are the ones with whom I end up spending the most time, as we both have to work out ways to spend time together and there isn't the resentment men who have no life of their own seem to have. They're also the ones who get that my having a passion isn't a knock on them, but rather part of who I am - and that I will fit them in if I want to and if I fit them in it's a good thing.
    My horse is a dressage diva so I don't have to be.

    Quote Originally Posted by katarine
    If you have a fat gay horse that likes Parelli, you're really screwed



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan. 7, 2009
    Location
    Cincinnati, OH
    Posts
    1,363

    Default

    It's not about the guy not "understanding horses," it's about him wanting control. If it wasn't horses, it would be something else. . .anything that "distracts" you from being available to him whenever he wants you.

    I was in one of those relationships for a while. It's not worth it. He knew from the beginning that I owned a horse, that I rode very frequently, and I told him directly that having horses is not a hobby you can put on the shelf or park in the garage. He said it was "cool" and he understood, but he really didn't get it.

    He got the boot.
    Please copy and paste this to your signature if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a smack upside the head. Lets raise awareness.



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