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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May. 9, 2013
    Posts
    162

    Default divorce, horses and their stuff

    So completely unexpectedly my husband filed for divorce this week. I've found a home for one horse, my mare should sell quickly but what about the stuff. I imagine in the years I should be able to afford horses again. But the years of fashion changes and safety changes may make what I have obsolete. So what do I do? Keep it all? Sell it all? Keep boots and breeches but sell everything else? What would you keep vs. Sell?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun. 1, 2002
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    11,257

    Default

    Is selling your horses what you want to do? I split from my ex and paniced about affording my horse let alone taking lessons and shows. I downsized into a postage stamp sized apartment in a safe area which really didn't matter as I suddenly had plenty of free time to work on my riding. I also worked on eating at home a lot more and shopping less and I was able to both keep my horse and take up lessons again after a few months. You can look at a less expensive car, smaller home, barn with fewer amenities.

    Consider looking at what you can downsize or scale back on if you want to keep your mare.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2009
    Posts
    1,218

    Default

    I kept my horse too when I divorced. Same thing, cut back on other expenses,
    vacations, that sort of thing. I am also able to work down my board at the farm.
    I did send the leased horse back to his owner, but kept my mare. And instead of
    hunter pacing every weekend, I went every other weekend (gas money was killing
    me, all the paces are 2 hours away).

    You'll need your barn time now more than ever !


    2 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May. 9, 2013
    Posts
    162

    Default

    Unfortunately since I get custody of the children it just isn't reasonable. I did the budget any which way. I'm already living at the cheapest place I can and keep the kids in decent schools. Even with child support I just can't risk not being able to feed my kids! I know enough people I should be able to catch ride. And my trail ride gelding went to a friend so I can ride and see him whenever I want. It sucks but right now it's best. I have pretty much everything times two. Even just bought a nice new safety vest that never made it on me on a horse. :-(


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May. 9, 2013
    Posts
    162

    Default

    Unfortunately since I get custody of the children it just isn't reasonable. I did the budget any which way. I'm already living at the cheapest place I can and keep the kids in decent schools. Even with child support I just can't risk not being able to feed my kids! I know enough people I should be able to catch ride. And my trail ride gelding went to a friend so I can ride and see him whenever I want. It sucks but right now it's best. I have pretty much everything times two. Even just bought a nice new safety vest that never made it on me on a horse. :-(



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 2, 1999
    Location
    Mendocino County, CA: Turkey Vulture HQ
    Posts
    14,576

    Default

    When I sold my horse to go to college, I kept it all. Most of the stuff cannot be replaced for what you can sell it for. But, it depends on how much you have, what your storage can handle, and how much you love those items. If you love your saddle, keep it. If you don't, sell it.

    You may also have the opportunity to take lessons or to catch ride or half lease before you can own again.

    Good luck.
    If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 19, 2005
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    12,840

    Default

    Keep your own riding equipment at first--your helmet, britches, etc. Down size some if you have a ton of britches etc. Sell most tack and other equipment--especially if you have two sets, just keep one. If you do manage to catch ride, you will need your stuff. But you wouldn't be nuts to keep most of your tack if it is good quality stuff and you have a place to store it.

    I was a kid when my parents went through a very nasty divorce (was in court for many years). We couldn't even afford to go to McDonalds for a while....but we got through it just fine and my mom landed on her feet. And I have a good relationship with both my mom and Dad. Hopefully it will be fine for you and your family as well.

    Horses will be there...and make an effort to find some riding time for you and keep your connections in the horse world.
    ** The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits. -- Albert Einstein **



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 6, 2000
    Location
    SE Mass
    Posts
    4,213

    Default

    Not a divorce, but I ratcheted down my riding while paying two college tuitions. My horse is older and not sound enough to jump, so we have just played around for the last 4 years. I sold all of the stuff that was extra, that I didn't love. I sold my vest, because I never loved it, I sold the extra horse boots, tack, extra fancy show pads that I never used, a really fancy Thermatx that I bought for hunting before horsey became unsound for that, and show stuff that I would want to replace when I start back up. Kept daily breeches, boots, helmet, horse's regular blankets. Now that I am looking to find a new project, all I will need is a new vest and, if the current saddles don't fit, a new saddle.

    Keep what you love, sell what you don't.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2008
    Posts
    4,438

    Default

    What does your attorney say?



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr. 27, 2008
    Posts
    2,282

    Default

    Stuff is expensive. You can get back into riding with older stuff that works, and gradually upgrade. If you don't have a helmet, though ...

    Of course you'll keep what you need to catch-ride. A few extra bits and the like might not go amiss.

    Some of the cheaper, more expendable stuff might not be worth the space it takes up if you store it at home. I saved a bunch of brushes and general grooming equipment for years ... but ended up never using it again, because the new stuff was so much better (and my horse thought the old stuff was too scratchy for what he was used to).

    If you can't sell the extra stuff you don't want to store - especially the brushes and stuff that may not be worth the trouble - Goodwill may take a good bit of it, especially if you aren't in the city. I asked them about that, and they said that especially in more rural areas, some of their shoppers have horses. They told me they didn't often have horse stuff to sell and it would often sell first.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2009
    Location
    CA to Costa Rica to WI
    Posts
    901

    Default

    I agree to check with your attorney before selling off a lot of stuff.

    However, I sold/donated a lot of my stuff before I moved abroad. I just couldn't afford to store it. I now wish I would have kept more. I would be horse shopping right now, because I can afford the horse and care, but I can't afford to re-outfit myself and the horse without depleting myself too much.

    Take inventory. Sell the extras and what you don't love, but if you can store it, don't sell it all.
    Proud member of the "I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday" clique

    Fourteen Months Living and Working in Costa Rica



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2003
    Location
    Middleburg, VA
    Posts
    13,109

    Default

    I know far too many people who get out of horses for some reason or another, them have to scramble when life turns the table again and they are able to ride/own again. I would try to keep at least the riding essentials (some britches, boots, helmet, maybe that vest), and try to hold onto at least some basic horse stuff. A bridle, maybe one of your saddles if it isn't too horse specific. Maybe a couple of blankets, just in case.

    If you can keep at least some bare essentials, you won't have a huge outlay of cash when the time comes you are ready to outfit a new horse. What you don't keep sell for some extra cash or donate for a tax write off.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Apr. 28, 2008
    Posts
    7,398

    Default

    I am so sorry you are in this situation, OP. Please don't rush into anything quickly. A week is a very short amount of time to process something like this...I know you have run the numbers and they don't look good, but can you lease out the mare for now until you get back on your feet? Things might look up when you get a bit stabilized. Again, my condolences, this must be enormously difficult for you. Don't sell everything now, give it six months to shake out and see where you are. ((hugs))


    4 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2002
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    3,301

    Default

    I agree, I would speak to your attorney and at this point sell as little as possible. I would also check to see if any of it is considered marital assets as that will come into play as well. Unless you have already hammered out the separation agreement, custody order, alimony, etc. I would just sit tight and talk to your attorney.

    Just take a deep breath, it is very overwhelming right now but it does get better. I know you want to wrap up all the loose ends and get things figured out right away but you don't have to rush to decisions. (((()))))

    The first couple years are hard but it does get better.
    Grab mane and kick on!

    www.rocksolid-training.com



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr. 15, 2003
    Location
    Northeast MA
    Posts
    4,064

    Default

    So sorry to read about this PhoenixRises. I agree about waiting another week to make final decisions, but if you need to keep busy in the meantime, you can sort your stuff into what you'd really, really like to keep, what you'd consider moving on for the right price, and what you maybe should have edited out years ago. Clean everything and as you're cleaning, inventory and write down the price you'd accept for each item. If you know you want to sell it, take a clear photo or two.

    Then, once you know reach out to potential buyers via E-bay, your area website (which probably has a classifieds section), local trainers who might have people looking for stuff etc. If you and your riding buddies all have stuff you'd like to move on, consider having a barn tag sale that you'd advertise in all the local horsie areas (feed stores, vets, barns, local papers, whatever). Our local trail association has an annual event where one can have a booth to sell whatever. Many of us have "recycled" our tack there. The first year I did it, I made $1500 and I didn't even put a dent in my collection of stuff. Stuff that you don't sell can be donated to local ag programs, handicapped riding programs, 4-H or pony clubs: there are so many who would appreciate it.

    One thought. Strap goods are a pain to store long term. They need to be in a climate controlled environment and attended to at least annually. But a good saddle that fits you well...that's worth keeping. Bits never go bad!
    They don't call me frugal for nothing.
    Proud and achy member of the Eventing Grannies clique.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2004
    Location
    Camden, De
    Posts
    3,626

    Default

    I went through the same thing over 6 months ago. I had a bunch of sales horses in and two personal horses. I fire saled all sales horses just to get them gone because I was emotionally unable to ride/show them to people. I leased out one personal horse and kept the other. I still live on the farm we owed so I wasn't paying board. I also have some boarders which bring in extra income on top of my full-time job. I sold all extra equipment, blankets, etc just to sock away some money for lawyers and such. It gave me some breathing room to get organized.

    Financially having personal horses doesn't always make sense. There are tons of people out there that will let you ride. Everybody told me not to sell so I leased but I really felt like not having the financial obligation took some pressure off of me.

    Now I am working to refinance the farm into my name post-divorce so even now I haven't taken the leased horse back and I am teaching lessons on my other horse that I own to pay for his expenses. I did sell quite a bit of equipment but I kept saddles/bridles and all my riding stuff. I figure even if you don't ride for a while you will want it when you start to ride again. I bet when things settle down you might find you will be back to finding a way to ride. Good luck and keep your head up. I am so much happier and better off now even if I couldn't see it then.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    May. 9, 2013
    Posts
    162

    Default

    We already have in writing which things is whose and they are ours to do with, he took a truck and whole bunch of machinery, I kept everything horses. It's in writing and lawyer approved. But thanks for looking out for me.

    I like the idea of going through what i want vs. what doesn't matter and at least getting ready to sell it. Horses have to go, no question on that, but the stuff I don't need to rush in to.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2012
    Posts
    1,920

    Default

    I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this, and wish you well in this life transition.
    Blog chronicling our new eventing adventures: Riding With Scissors



  19. #19
    Join Date
    May. 29, 2013
    Posts
    225

    Default

    Sorry to hear about your divorce I know it can be very difficult. Hope all goes smoothly and talk w atty regarding all assets.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Oct. 16, 2006
    Posts
    835

    Default

    Hi, welcome to the club!

    I am about 6 years out. Here is what I did.

    I also had to divest myself more or less of the horses. My guy ended up retired in another state where I pay almost nothing and have eyes on the ground to see that he is fat and happy. There was no way to afford board in my area and my kids come first.

    I went through all of my stuff and kept "the nicest" tack, blankets, crops, outfits, etc. I also kept my saddle. It was expensive and I knew there is no way I was ever going to have the spare change to buy another of the same quality again. Some of the items I washed and put in a big duffle bag where the stuff still sits all these years later.

    However, after a hiatus of 3-4 years I started riding again and was thrilled to have my boots, britches and other riding gear. I finally bought myself a new helmet because mine was so old and I realized it was stupid to keep riding in it.

    Don't throw too much out. Yes, I am cramped for space but it didn't really take up too much room. It is amazing how much stuff you can cram under your bed.

    I will also echo other posters that I am much happier now.
    My kids are ok too, really just fine, despite bumps along the way.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by west5; Apr. 14, 2014 at 03:00 PM.


    1 members found this post helpful.

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