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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2012
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    Post Deleted.
    Last edited by SwampYankee; Oct. 16, 2012 at 09:42 AM.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2012
    Location
    Fern Creek, KY
    Posts
    3,126

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    I think that this is a matter between the BO and the woman. If BO is fine with it, then so what? If she gets hurt on the farm, BO's insurance policy should cover it.

    We're moving in Feb and my little filly is buried at the farm. It's going to be hard to leave her, and it'll have been over a year.

    I would just let her be.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 29, 2003
    Location
    Townsend, MA
    Posts
    1,492

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    Well, a month isnt too terribly long. I would leave her be for a bit. When we have had a horse put down, we usually plant a tree over the grave. When it flowers, let her take a picture of it. We don't want markers - first we dont want to 'advertise' our burial spot and second it makes mowing a bit more problematic.
    We now have a row of flowering dogwood and apple trees over the 5 horses we have buried over 20 years. When they are in bloom they are beautiful.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    6,092

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    Do *you* have a problem with it, or does the BO? If it's you, well, MYOB. Everyone deals with loss in their own way, and it's none of your business if she acts like a "flower child moonbat" (which, BTW, is not a particularly respectful way to talk about anyone, but especially not a former and potentially future, returning client). If your concern is for insurance purposes, I'd imagine she's already signed a release and asking her to call ahead before visiting wouldn't be unreasonable. Death is no less a loss just because it wasn't unexpected or traumatic.

    Either way, she was allowed to bury her horse there and should be allowed to visit, within reason. If you didn't want her visiting (and frankly, once a week isn't unreasonable at this point in the process) then that should've been considered in the original decision made by the BO.

    Can't really expect her to bury the horse there and then never want to visit.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
    Posts
    3,504

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    Quote Originally Posted by SwampYankee View Post
    Boarder acting like complete and utter flower-child moonbat
    Super inappropriate, but your phrasing has me dying laughing.

    I lost my heart horse about 3 years ago, so I know how much it hurts. I still cry over him, sometimes. However, candlelight vigils on other people's property seems a little...overboard.

    On the other hand, not sure why it matters. It's only been a month. In a few months, it might be time for BO to say something, but I'd just leave it for now, unless she's causing problems.
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul. 30, 2008
    Location
    Sioux Falls, SD
    Posts
    1,460

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    Holy insensitive. Granted, I'm coming from the viewpoint of losing my heart horse 6 weeks ago, but wow, just wow. How does it hurt you for this woman to come and visit her horses' grave? How long is long enough to grieve a friend and companion that this woman obviously had for years? (from "lived most of his life here")

    I cry every single day still. My barn owner had to put her "heart dog" down the same week I lost my horse, and she cries often still too. Have some sensitivity and sympathy, why don't you? I can't even fathom how this woman visiting her friend's grave hurts you in any way, shape or form, even if you ARE the barn owner. If you are the BO and are that worried about liability, have her sign a visitor's release, as you should for all visitors. If you are just another boarder, well, to be blunt, mind your own business.
    If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
    ~ Maya Angelou



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    16,175

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    You are worried about the liability of the HO getting hurt on the farm while walking over to see the grave?

    Take a breath. Let her mourn in her own way and at her own pace. Dollars to donuts, she'll chill and the visits will get less frequent with time.

    Speaking as someone who owns and older horse but no land, I'd be grateful (and obliging) to a BO who let be bury the brute on a farm where my gelding had been happy. I'd offer to plant a tree and leave the BO with a well-fertilized source of shade if that were cool with all still above ground.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    NorthEast
    Posts
    24,841

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    I'm pretty sure the BO is the OP.

    Hopefully time will overcome her possible feeling of guilt or abandonment at not having been there at the end...and she'll visit less frequently.

    As for liability...do call your insurance agent and ask.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 29, 1999
    Posts
    14,409

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    If she was not to be allowed to visit the grave, then the horse should not have been buried on the farm. Hopefully the person will get another horse and continue to board at the farm. If not, I am sure she will gradually visit less and less. People deal with death and grief totally differently. A month is not long.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2011
    Location
    Lisbon, Portugal
    Posts
    1,451

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tif_Ann View Post
    Holy insensitive. Granted, I'm coming from the viewpoint of losing my heart horse 6 weeks ago, but wow, just wow. How does it hurt you for this woman to come and visit her horses' grave? How long is long enough to grieve a friend and companion that this woman obviously had for years? (from "lived most of his life here")
    I have to agree with this. I have not owned a horse very long, well it's a lease but it would still not be long enough for me to know if I have found my heart horse. But if I do find a horse that I have a strong bond with and come to loose it I sure would think myself lucky to find such an understanding BO. If the BO agreed to have the horse buried in the property, I don't think it's unreasonable for the owner to want to visit the grave once a week.

    Also, i'm sorry to hear about your loss Tif_Ann
    Yes, I smell like a horse. No, I don't consider that to be a problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by DottieHQ View Post
    You're just jealous because you lack my extensive koalafications.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep. 5, 2005
    Location
    Mass.
    Posts
    6,730

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    How is this any business of yours? The BO buried the horse and very kindly provided a memorial stone. Leave the poor grieving woman alone! She's not doing anything except sitting there once a week.

    MYOB.
    I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. ~ Dave Barry


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
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    between the barn and the pond
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    Was she supposed to just walk away from the horse she owned for so many years?

    Really?

    This entire discussion is enlightening. I knew from the para-olympian debacle you had curious views on others, now I know you are hateful and contemptuous of those close to you, at a time when a kind word and a hug wouldn't hurt you to part with. Would not hurt you one bit.


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  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2005
    Location
    Some where in the middle of nowhere.
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    3,744

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    Let me get this straight *you* are annoyed that this women is saddened by the death of her companion ; whom from the sound of your tale she owned for the majority of his life and she boarded said horse at the current location. Yet *you* are bothered that she wants to come visit his resting place ??

    Wow people are damned if they do and damned if they don't. You are the type of person who would be here posting a opposite thread complaining that the *BO* was kind and generous and "allowed" said horse to be buried at the farm out of the kindness of "their" heart and his cold wicked uncaring owner has never come by to visit his grave.

    Let the poor women grieve and do yourself a favor and dust the chip off your shoulder.

    This line in your post is speaks volumes about your character.
    Horse is dead; boarding contract therefore null and void and no money changing hands.
    "I would not beleive her if her tongue came notorized"


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  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2008
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    4,090

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    I have a 32yr old who is my ultimate heart horse and been a huge part of my life for nearly 17 years now, almost half my life. I board and I am a very 'stable' person, no pun intended I've had very long stays at boarding barns. Since such a huge part of my life - and some of the best days of my life - have been spent at boarding barns, they feel like a second home to me.

    While I don't really see myself as flower-child, I definitely will be falling into the moonbat category when it comes time for my grand old man to cross the bridge

    Its not as if I'm unprepared for the idea that my 32yr old isn't going to live forever, but when something has been so special and lasted so long in one's life, its got to be very hard to comprehend emotionally when its suddenly gone.

    I'm sure I will grieve in very strange ways for a very long time, and I already know I will be revisiting barns I haven't been to in over 10 years to walk or ride our old haunts and tell "I can't believe we jumped/galloped/did that!" stories to anyone that will listen.

    I know it must seem strange to some to grieve so deeply over an old animal, but I totally get it and agree, a month is not that long at all.

    Do see if you can find it in yourself to have a little more patience for her, you might not realize how much it means to her to be able to openly grieve without fear of ridicule. The barn is likely the only place she can go to openly deal with her feelings, non horse owners just *don't* get it.
    Worry is the biggest enemy of the present... it’s like using your imagination to create things you don’t want.
    An adorable photography book, makes a perfect gift.


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  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 13, 2005
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    6,929

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    Quote Originally Posted by SwampYankee View Post
    What if she gets hurt on the farm?
    A valid concern, and one that can be handled by having the owner sign a liability release--the same kind you'd give to lesson clients, visiting friends, and anyone else who sets foot on the farm. At every barn I've ever been to, this was a separate document from the boarding contract that I signed at the same time as my boarding contract, and the liability release continued to apply indefinitely (or in some cases, had to be re-signed every calendar year). In fact, my guess is that your BO already has this document on file and that's why she's not concerned about liability.

    Is there a "sensitive" way to encourage this person to move on with her life? While pet-grief is a recognized mental-health matter, how much patience with this would YOU have? At this time she has no plans to acquire a replacement horse.
    Dude, it's been a month. The behavior you've described sounds pretty normal and healthy to me. If she were there every single day or were calling in animal mediums to have a seance with the horse, then you might have a case. But visiting a gravesite and adding a memorial stone are perfectly run-of-the-mill ways to process a big loss in your life.
    Last edited by jn4jenny; Oct. 15, 2012 at 08:39 PM.
    ________________________
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  16. #16
    Join Date
    Oct. 19, 2008
    Posts
    333

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    I cant imagine how devastated HO is at the loss of her beloved companion. She/he not only has the loss of the beloved companion, but now it may be with the extra time on his/her hands where it would normally be spent grooming is now weighing heavy. I give a big hoorah to the BO for providing such a gift to a long time horse and boarder.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
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    between the barn and the pond
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    While pet-grief is a recognized mental-health matter...

    It's called being human.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Apr. 28, 2010
    Location
    Atlanta, GA and New Orleans, LA
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    1,584

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    Quote Originally Posted by SwampYankee View Post
    Live long enough, see everything! Anyone had THIS happen?

    Very long-duration boarder's horse went over The Bridge last month at the age of 32 or so. Sudden, but not unexpected or traumatic. Owner could not be present at The Deed, but came to see the grave next day. Duly presented with lock of mane and sincere condolences. (BO does not customarily bury boarders on farm; caved to this one because horse lived most of his life there).

    Forward one month. Owner has come 4 more times to conduct a "vigil" (her own words) on horse's grave. Now wants to get a stone; well, BO caved to this too. Boarder acting like complete and utter flower-child moonbat (but is a very worldly woman in her 50's) and there is no reason to believe she will give this up any time soon.

    Horse is dead; boarding contract therefore null and void and no money changing hands. What if she gets hurt on the farm? Is there a "sensitive" way to encourage this person to move on with her life? While pet-grief is a recognized mental-health matter, how much patience with this would YOU have? At this time she has no plans to acquire a replacement horse.
    Exactly how is this affecting you, such that you feel the need to "encourage this person to move on with her life?"

    I hope you aren't as hard hearted in real life as this post makes you sound. If you are, I hope someone finds a "sensitive way to encourage" you to get some help re: your inability to feel empathy for another's loss.

    ETA: If OP wasn't such a long-time poster, I'd swear this was written by a troll.
    Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion.... ~ Emerson



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2008
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    1,074

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    We currently board a 30-year old mare who is a wonderful companion for my mare. This mare has been here for five years (and counting) and is a love. We have already agreed to allow her to be buried on the farm and I HOPE the owner still comes out after the mare passes as she is a lovely woman as well.

    Kudos to the BO for her compassion. Unless the grieving woman is interfering with business/the care of the other horses, what is the harm?
    JB-Infinity Farm
    www.infinitehorses.com


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  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2011
    Posts
    376

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    For Pete's sake, is this woman really bothering anyone? Let her grieve her loss the way she wants.


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