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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenapples View Post
    I would have been fine if she had wanted to use my mare...that would have been okay...the mare is semi-retired...
    Then you might offer her IF trainer is willing to update any shoes etc ...

    Hope your trip goes well & you get your equilibrium back soon



  2. #42
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    I agree with the others, and I'm a wuss. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that your trainer lacks respect, she may just think its a great idea and that you can be swayed with enough justification.

    No thank you" is a polite complete sentence, but leaves the door open to "Why not?"

    "No" is a complete sentence, but still leaves the door open to "Why not?"

    ""No thank you, my decision is final, please don't ask again" is complete sentence that firmly closes the door on further discussion.

    "Why not?" Because "its a situation you don't want for yourself or your horse. Please don't ask again".

    Any further attempts to bring up the subject on the part of your trainer should elicit the death stare.
    Lowly Farm Hand with Delusions of Barn Biddieom.
    Witherun Farm
    http://witherun-farm.blogspot.com/



  3. #43
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    Jun. 20, 2009
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    Hunterdon County NJ
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    The only reason I can see that you MIGHT possibly justify it to yourself is if you charge a crap ton of money. Something along the lines of "this horse is worth $75/ride to me, so if she wants to pay me in advance for 10 rides, then fine." Or make it $100/ride. If there is some amount of money that would be useful to you, then maybe don't turn the possibility down.

    BUT if you don't at all need the money, then something along the lines of.... "sorry, I hate to admit it, I'm a jealous bitch and you can't use my horse. Mine, mine, mine. I waited for it. I worked for it. I searched for it, I own it, and you can't have it. So f^c% off sweetheart."



  4. #44
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    Aug. 18, 2003
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    Brenham, TX
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    Just tell the trainer no and that it is not open for discussion/negotiation. But, tell her you would be happy for the student to take lessons on your mare. Maybe that works for everyone.

    But, I would be supremely pissed if my trainer asked more than once to use my horse when I have said "NO."

    You know the old saying. "No good deed goes unpunished."
    Triple J Ranch Sporthorses
    www.triplejsporthorse.com
    Member - OMGiH I LOFF my mare(s) clique



  5. #45
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    Mar. 16, 2000
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    Chatham, NY USA
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    greenapples, "I know her intentions are honest ones, however, this is not the first time I have been pressured into something by her, and I need to make it stop."

    You're a more trusting soul than I.

    I do NOT think you should be as soft as AWG suggested, especially since this is not the first time this trainer has tried to strongarm you.

    I also don't think you need to feel any compunction to explain your "No, I'm not interested in having my horse ridden more than the 5 or 6 times a week that you and I ride him."

    AND, I would lay some traps to make sure that this student doesn't take over some of her training rides. OR replace some of the trainer rides.

    Can you tell I would have trouble trusting this person (trainer) as far as I could throw her?

    Carol
    www.ayliprod.com
    Equine Photography in the Northeast



  6. #46
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    Aug. 22, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigBayHanoMare View Post
    I would be VERY concerned that she could be going behind your back and having this other student ride your horse despite being told no.

    That could be a long shot, but if she's unethical enough to try and pressure/guilt you into it, she could be unethical enough to do it behind your back.

    No means no means no.
    I SO agree....



  7. #47
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    Oct. 13, 2010
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    Eden Prairie, MN
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    I think that some trainers develop a "queen complex": that anything can be theirs if they believe it to be so, as long as they ask the right way. Just say no, if that's what you want. If she doesn't like that, it's her problem. I know a trainer who would happily work any horse into the ground if it meant she could make a buck (and she does this with alarming frequency), and while I'm not saying your trainer would do this, you can't trust that anyone will take as good of care of your horse as you will especially when he/she is making money off of it. Just prepare to be blacklisted. I've been at more than one barn where conscientious owners were made the victims of malicious rumors to the point that they left simply because they didn't give unilateral control of their horse to their DQ trainer. We've all been the victim of a DQ at some point, just check out the DQ thread! It's always horrible when it's happening, but then you think, "what is wrong with that person??"



  8. #48
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    Oct. 13, 2010
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    Eden Prairie, MN
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigBayHanoMare View Post
    I would be VERY concerned that she could be going behind your back and having this other student ride your horse despite being told no.

    That could be a long shot, but if she's unethical enough to try and pressure/guilt you into it, she could be unethical enough to do it behind your back.

    No means no means no.
    I didn't think anyone was capable of this kind of horrible disregard for someone else's authority and the well-being of a horse until it happened to me. While my horse was supposed to be off recovering from an injury. And I was the bad guy because the new rider was "really great" with my horse.



  9. #49
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    Nov. 9, 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenapples View Post
    It's been awhile since I've posted on here...I lurk often, just don't post much.

    I had a situation come up recently where I need a little advice.

    I have an AWESOME horse...he's fantastic for my amateur self, and we have made great strides the past year in both his training and my own. I have him in regular training with my instructor, and I ride him both in lessons and on my own.

    Here's the situation. About a month ago, my trainer approached me about having another student take a lesson on him, because the school horse was being ridden by the woman who leases him for a clinic. No problem...I thought that it might be good for him to experience another rider for the time, and I was unavailable to ride him for the week because of my work schedule.

    Well...trainer then approaches me about letting this woman ride him "occassionally" in her lessons. This, I'm not comfortable with. So, I told her that's I'm not comfortable with the idea of him being ridden regularly by someone else. Now, she is pressuring me to give in, and trying to put the guilt trip of saying that it won't be that often, it will never conflict with the times I want to ride him, that the woman is more comfortable on him than the lesson horse, and that I agreed it would be good for him to experience another rider. (taking my words and throwing them back at me.).

    I spend a lot of time and money keeping him sound, and quite frankly, I don't want him to be a school horse. I didn't purchase him for that and that is not the direction I want him to go. I know that's a bit selfish on my part, but I've waited a very long time to find a horse that I'm comfortable with, and I think I'm just feeling like I'm going to get the short-end of the stick in this arrangement. He's not a young horse, and I want to make the best of the years I have left with him.

    Does anyone have any words of wisdom (Besides switching trainers...btdt). Anything I can counter with?

    I need to be very careful with any and all wording with this person...she is going to try and pressure me into this, and I need to be armed with good reasons and answers.

    TIA
    mate ditch the trainer she taking your horse over and find someone else who is more compatable to what you want to do

    this trianer is making money out of your horse to line her pocket 1st it wil be one client thwen another then another horse will be ruined and your lost interest as your be paying for a neddy thats useless and that you get no enjoyment from and have no time for


    have you got mug on forehead

    ditch the trainer - and get a new one tell her to go poke it



  10. #50
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    Nov. 9, 2005
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    uk
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenapples View Post
    It's been awhile since I've posted on here...I lurk often, just don't post much.

    I had a situation come up recently where I need a little advice.

    I have an AWESOME horse...he's fantastic for my amateur self, and we have made great strides the past year in both his training and my own. I have him in regular training with my instructor, and I ride him both in lessons and on my own.

    saying this loud till registers in your head


    SO KEEP HIM THAT WAY HES AWESOME

    Here's the situation. About a month ago, my trainer approached me about having another student take a lesson on him, because the school horse was being ridden by the woman who leases him for a clinic. No problem...I thought that it might be good for him to experience another rider for the time, and I was unavailable to ride him for the week because of my work schedule.


    DONT THEY LET ONE THEN ANOTHER THEN ANOTHER AND LINE THERE OWN POCKETS AT YOUR EXSPENSE AND THE QUAILTY YOUR HORSE IS DONT LET THEM YOUR A MUG IF YOU DO

    Well...trainer then approaches me about letting this woman ride him "occassionally" in her lessons. This, I'm not comfortable with. So, I told her that's I'm not comfortable with the idea of him being ridden regularly by someone else. Now, she is pressuring me to give in, and trying to put the guilt trip of saying that it won't be that often, it will never conflict with the times I want to ride him, that the woman is more comfortable on him than the lesson horse, and that I agreed it would be good for him to experience another rider. (taking my words and throwing them back at me.).


    DONT READ ABOVE- PEOLE TELL YOU THING YOU LIKE TO HEAR LIKE GOOD EXPREINCE I HAVE SEEN SO MANY HORSES RUINED BY BAD RIDING AND THIS IS AN AWESOME HORSE WHO SUITS YOUR NEEDS NOT THE NEED OF OTHERS

    AND YOUR PAYING FOR THIS HORSE - YOUR NOT GETTING ANYTHING OUT OF IT


    I spend a lot of time and money keeping him sound, and quite frankly, I don't want him to be a school horse. I didn't purchase him for that and that is not the direction I want him to go. I know that's a bit selfish on my part, but I've waited a very long time to find a horse that I'm comfortable with, and I think I'm just feeling like I'm going to get the short-end of the stick in this arrangement. He's not a young horse, and I want to make the best of the years I have left with him.


    PEOPLE THAT HAVE THE PREFECT MATCH AS YOU DO WITH YOUR HORSE AND PEOPLE WHO LOVE THIER HORSE SPEND MONEY SO IT HAS TH BEST CARE AND ATTENTION THATS NORMAL NOT SELFISH

    YOU LOVE HIM SO KEEP HIM THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE KEPT



    Does anyone have any words of wisdom (Besides switching trainers...btdt). Anything I can counter with?

    PLENTY- I HAVE RE SCHOOLED HORSES AND DONE FAR MORE THAN THE NORM OF 2 OR 3 I HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALL MY LIFE AND HAVE SEEN AND DEALT WITH ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE AND ALL KINDS OF EQUINES IN VARIES STATES OF ABUSE OR DISARAY OR BAD EDUCATION IT TAKES TIME TO BRING A HORSE BACK THAT BEEN RUINED

    AND IN THAT TIME I HAVE SEEN MANY TRIANERS THAT TAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU AS MUG EASY SOFT TOUCH - AND THEY ARE THE ONES THAT GAIN IN PROFIT AT THE EXPENSE OF YOU AND YOUR HORSE BE WISE AND TELL HIM TOT AKE A RUNNING JUMP

    I need to be very careful with any and all wording with this person...she is going to try and pressure me into this, and I need to be armed with good reasons and answers.



    A GOOD TRIANER NEVER PRESSURISNG SOMETHING OR SOMEONE TO DO SOME THING THEY DONT LIKE

    IN ALL WALKS OF LIFFE WE HAVE A CHOICE A YES OR A NO
    BLACK OR WHITE

    IF THIS HORSE BECAOME INJURED OR THE LESSON FELL OFF AND WAS INJURED
    THEN WHO ARE THEY GOING TO BLAME AND WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THE PONTENTIAL COST OF AN INJURED RIDER . OR HORSE AS INSURNACE COMPANIES WILL FIND OUT ANY LOOP HOLE AND NOT PAY UP

    DONT PUT YOURSELF IN THAT PLACE - EVER

    YOUR TRAINER MIGHT BE GOOD AS INSTRUCTOR BUT AS THER ALWAYS ABUT
    WHEN THEY START TO TAKE THE PISS ON A BIGGER SCALE THEY ARE SHOWING YOU THERE TRUE COLOURS OF WORTH -AND YOUR NOT AS WORTHY TO THEM AS YOU THINK AS THEY ARE USING YOU

    SO YOU THINK ON- DITCH HIM - AND GET ANOTHER ONE WHO RESPECTS YOU FOR YOU WHO WORKS WITH YOU FOR YOU AND NOTHING MORE

    TIA
    Quote Originally Posted by greenapples View Post
    AllWeatherGal...thank you especially for your input. Part of what makes this so hard, is knowing how the other person feels, having been in a similiar situation.

    SO HES PRYING ON FEELINGS----- DONT LOTS OF PEOPLE HAVE TEH SAME THING WE ALL THROUGHT IT AT TIMES BUT WE DONT RESULT IN TAKING THE PISS


    I know my guy is wonderful, and I really treasure him for that.

    AND YOU WANT HIM FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE DONT CUT HIS LIFE SHORT

    However, I ride very regularly (2-3 times a week) and the trainer rides him another 2-3 times a week.

    CHANGE YOUR TRIANER - CUT HIM OUT AS HE DONT THINK OF YOU THE SAME WAY YOU THINK OF - ITS CALLED RESPECT


    So, it's not like he is lacking for work. Plus, he had to have hock injections earlier this year. I'm just wanting to maintain his soundness for as long as possible.

    AND THA MY FRIEND IS WHAT I MEAN DONT CUT HIS LIFE SHORT TO PLEASE YOUR TRAINER LETTING OTHERS USE HIM BELEIVE ME IT WONT BE JUST ONE AS YOUR SOFT AND HES USING THAT ON YOU - BE HARD AS NAILS

    In addition...the student who rode him has only been with my instructor a couple of months.

    READ WHAT YOU JUST PUT - AND AWESOME HORSE CAN BE RUINED BY A RIDER


    This is not a person I know well,
    SO DONT FEEL SORRY FOR THEM- YOU HORSE IS WORTH MORE TO YOU

    or one that I know her riding style.
    READ ABOVE - SHE COULD BE KICKING PULLING THE LIFE OUT OF HIM

    Yes, I feel that the ride was a good experience for my guy...but I am also not really keen on making this a regular event.
    SO DONT


    I am worried that an "occassional" lesson is going to morph into "regular" ones...like once to twice a week, instead of the trainer riding him, or the student riding the lesson horse. No mention of compensation was mentioned, and I feel a little bit "used" by this.
    IT WILL AND HES EARNING OUT OF YOU ---- USING YOU AND YOUR HORSE

    I really appreciate everyone's input...I felt bad for saying "no" initially, and I'm rather put-off and upset that the trainer is trying to guilt me into this.

    HES NOT WORTH PISS IN A POT IF HES DOING THAT TO YOU DITCH HER


    I know her intentions are honest ones,
    AS IF- PROFIT MORE LIKELY HENCE THE PRESSURE AND GUILT TRIPPING YOU


    however, this is not the first time I have been pressured into something by her, and I need to make it stop. She threw all of this on me, right in the middle of a very stressful event in my life,

    PROVEN FACT- SHE DONE IT BEFORE - SUCH AN EASY TOUCH - ARE YOU A MUG



    and I just don't have the energy to think it all through.

    YES YOU HAVE- YOU KNOW DEEP IN HEART WHATS RIGHT BUT LIVE
    BLINKERED DUE TO A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE TIME YOU WOKE UP AND BE STRONG FOR YOURSELF WORTH AND THE WORTH OF YOUR AWESOME HORSE
    SO IAM GIVING YOU ONE BIG SLAP WITH A WET KIPPER TO PUT YOUR MIND STRAIGHT ON THE JOB OF YOU AND FOR YOUR SAKE AND YOUR HORSES TAKE NOTICE




    I told her I am not comfortable making this a regular thing...and that should be good enough. I haven't responded back to her after her last message, and thought I would get some advice from here first.

    BIG GIRL PANTS ON NOW - AND WRITE AN FORMAL LETTER OF COMPLAINT
    AND RELEASE HER SERVICES FROM YOU OF WHICH YOU PAY HER TO DO

    LET HER REALISE THAT IN LIFE PEOPLE CANT BE TREATED WITH SUCH DISRESPECT AND NOR THAT OF YOUR HORSE


    YOU AND YOUR HORSE ARE WORTH FAR MORE THAT WHAT SHE HAS TO OFFER YOU - ABOUT TIME YOU STOOD UP AN MADE A STAND THAT YOU THROUGHLY DISAPPROVE OF YOUR TREATMENT WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN SO ACCOMODATIONING

    MATE ANY ONE THAT TOOK THE PISS LIKE THAT BIG TIME AND TOOK MONEY OF ME IN SUCH A WAY LIKE THIS TRAINER HAS WITH YOU WOULD SACKED

    AS IN GONE



  11. #51
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    Nov. 9, 2005
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    uk
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    ps am serverly deslextic so read for content not context

    mate - your horse and you mean more i say that from the bottom of my heart
    i speaking up for your horse to
    in life people suffer many things and we all have to get on in life the best we can
    but when people take the piss as i speak as i find, or read makes me mad this kinda post as i feel more

    dont like people being mugged over-period

    and you are and could potentially lose your home your horse and everything if something nasty happened all because the trainer wants to use your horse
    at the same time your paying for that service and hes earning out of your horse so not only are you being used your horse - from the horses point of view

    it great when one has a relationship that will last life long and that the owner as in you take so much care over him this gives me a huge buzz knowing the horse is safe and happy

    but how long would it be- before he to became a vitim of an injury or death

    so think on- whos worth more- the trianer you or your horse
    i say you and your horse as you are both happy and live a happy lifex



  12. #52
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    Apr. 10, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenapples View Post
    I felt bad for saying "no" initially, and I'm rather put-off and upset that the trainer is trying to guilt me into this. I know her intentions are honest ones, however, this is not the first time I have been pressured into something by her, and I need to make it stop. She threw all of this on me, right in the middle of a very stressful event in my life, and I just don't have the energy to think it all through. I told her I am not comfortable making this a regular thing...and that should be good enough. I haven't responded back to her after her last message, and thought I would get some advice from here first.
    RUN, DO NOT NOT WALK, AS FAST AS YOU CAN FROM THIS TRAINER. For a variety of reasons I felt like I could not leave my previous trainer.... And the uncomfortable sitatuations during stressful life events just became more uncomfortable. And the training situation turned INTO my stressful life event. And the trainer who I trusted was not, in retrospect, making great decisions for me OR my horse. Who's paying whom here? Also, listen to your gut re: your horse and his hock issues. It's both you and your trainer's responsibility to take his physical needs/abilities into account. Hey, if the trainer overworks your horse, your horse has to deal with the pain and physical restrictions, you have to deal with the monetary cost, loss of use, and emotional/life turmoil. The trainer gets to walk, no consequences. BTDT. And if any trainer tried it again, they'd get the boot. Take care of yourself and your horse. The disruption of finding a new trainer is easier than dealing with the disruption of a horse with physical/training problems AND finding a new trainer. Either way, I don't see how this situation ends without finding a new trainer.



  13. #53
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    Jun. 13, 2001
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    usa
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    Interesting discussion. Can i put in some other imput. Horses stay sounder with daily work, their joints stay more lubricated/etc. So, why not watch the person who would like to take lessons? She may be very good, and give the horse more dimension. And perhaps you get daily comments while riding (outside your normal lessons) in return from your trainer. Then the horse gets ridden daily (or on the days you dont get there and he would just stand or maybe twice on a day), he stays fitter/etc. and it is a win-win for you, the horse, and even the trainer. Think about all the sides before staying no.
    I.D.E.A. yoda



  14. #54
    Join Date
    Nov. 7, 2002
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    Central FL
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    wow ... I'm feeling kinda sorry for greens here.

    There's a lot of projection going on, I think. It seems that our relationships with our instructors/trainers (and the reverse, with your clients) is very complex and at the heart of an awful lot of disappointment.

    And we spend a lot of energy trying to navigate the eggshells we feel we need to walk.

    I know that my response was tempered by being with an aggressive but very fair trainer after spending many years with someone who, while not deliberately shorting me, definitely put her income potential above my best interests.

    And I tried to take the perspective that ideayoda offers ... that my generosity would be rewarded by extra daily comments (and so on), but with all due respect to her professionalism, I think that's a VERY dangerous hope. If we're not getting the extra daily comments as a matter of course, they're not going to be forthcoming. Period. IMO, trainers/instructors either take responsibility for everyone riding in the arena or they focus on who is paying "right now". And that seems to be related to how they were trained.

    I think it's beneficial to keep issues clear and avoid "favors", but sometimes it feels impossible. I think it's best for us to examine reactions that might be passive/aggressive, but sometimes it's covered by self-righteous indignation.

    In the end, we each have to live with our decisions and take responsibility for our choices knowing that they involve other lives. If I could go back again, I would not knuckle under to a trainer hoping for extra consideration. I would not trust anyone else with my horse's well-being unless they were willing to make me an equal partner in communication. I would not make do with minimal communication and vague inferences. I *would* expect anyone else riding my horse to contribute to upkeep with lease fees and I would *definitely* want that person to be willing to meet with me and partner in my horse's stewardship. That's what I've required from people who have leased/ridden my horse and what I have offered to the very generous people who have made their horses available to me.

    ... ideayoda, I have a LOT more books about horses and dressage on my bookshelves now.
    Last edited by AllWeatherGal; Oct. 17, 2012 at 08:46 AM. Reason: more details
    *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
    Dressage becomes art when it is a joy for the horse. -KBH

    Mighty Thoroughbred Clique Now on Facebook ... ... show the loff



  15. #55
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    Nov. 5, 2000
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    Honestly, if you don't want your horse being ridden by anyone else, just tell the trainer "NO". Do not let her pressure you or bully you into doing what she wants. It's YOUR horse, YOUR money, YOUR decision.



  16. #56
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    Feb. 5, 2011
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    I agree completely with above posters, your horse your choice.

    However if you feel you need more 'reason' for the pushy trainer.

    Perhaps something along the lines of you have discussed it with your ? and now realize that if you have someone else ride your horse that opens you up to an insurance liability suit if a bad case scenario happens.

    Even if your horse is currently insured you don't want to add liability etc.

    And....and I believe there is truth in this.....having someone else ride your horse can have positive benefits, extra conditioning.....but it can open the door for training issues also.
    Esp since you refer to him as a 'school horse' I take it the other rider is not experienced.
    So in riding your horse she could be giving poor, inconsistent aids which he may (may not) take advantage of and learn some bad habits.

    Since you say you and he have made great strides this summer you simply don't want to add anything to the mix that would change your roll.

    Then you might sweetly thank her for thinking your boy is worthy of her consideration and then firmly say sorry but he is a ONE woman horse.

    I hope she takes the message and leaves you alone.



  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by ideayoda View Post
    Interesting discussion. Can i put in some other imput. Horses stay sounder with daily work, their joints stay more lubricated/etc. So, why not watch the person who would like to take lessons? She may be very good, and give the horse more dimension. And perhaps you get daily comments while riding (outside your normal lessons) in return from your trainer. Then the horse gets ridden daily (or on the days you dont get there and he would just stand or maybe twice on a day), he stays fitter/etc. and it is a win-win for you, the horse, and even the trainer. Think about all the sides before staying no.
    In this instance, horse is already being ridden 6 days a week without the extra lesson rider.



  18. #58
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    Sep. 5, 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenapples View Post
    I'm not comfortable with the idea of him being ridden regularly by someone else.

    I spend a lot of time and money keeping him sound, and quite frankly, I don't want him to be a school horse. I didn't purchase him for that and that is not the direction I want him to go. I know that's a bit selfish on my part, but I've waited a very long time to find a horse that I'm comfortable with, and I think I'm just feeling like I'm going to get the short-end of the stick in this arrangement. He's not a young horse, and I want to make the best of the years I have left with him.

    TIA
    Practice saying the above reasons you do not want your horse ridden by this other person. Practice it as if it were a speech you had to give. If she argues her point simply say, "I'm sorry you do not respect my feelings in this matter. I hope my refusal doesn't impact our relationship. I'm really not comfortable discussing this any further." Practice the second part as well as the first and be ready to turn and walk away from her. All the the above is honest, allows you to stand your ground, and honestly leaves little room for discussion.

    I'm not sure why you have to pick your words so carefully, but I suspect that feeling is part of why this is so hard for you.



  19. #59
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    Nope, my horse is a show/training horse and not a school horse. I have enough trouble keeping him advancing when I ride let alone some person in lessons LOL.......

    SOME horses are good at going with the flow, neither of my two horses have been like that. Too much re-training when I get back on.

    Also the trainer needs to chill with the guilt. VERY UNPROFESSIONAL!



  20. #60
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    I want to thank everyone for your input. I have read every post and taken everything to heart.

    When I was first approached by this issue...things were just plain crazy in my life. I couldn't think all of this through. The trainer was professional in asking my permission first before using my guy in the lesson. I was okay with it as a one-time thing, because in all honesty, I felt it would be a good experience for him. He had a bit of a rocky start before I purchased him, and he has a few trust issues with people. I knew it would be a supervised lesson, and I wasn't able to ride that week...so it was all good. What I didn't expect was for the trainer to ask for this to be a regular thing, and then when I said I was uncomfortable with the situation, for her to press the issue and throw my words back at me. That is what made me go "wait a minute".

    I've known the trainer for a long time, and I have a good relationship with her overall. She can be pushy about some things, but the care and welfare of my horses has never been at issue. I don't believe she would go behind my back. I have been in those situations before and this is not one of them. That I can assure you. So, no, I'm not going to just jump on the "find a new trainer" wagon yet. It's not that simple in this area. Dressage trainers, especially good ones are not easy to find. We are not in a mecca of dressage and since I don't currently have a trailer, hauling to someone is impossible right now. Good places to board are also hard to find...so picking up and moving is just not as easy as saying "we're done".

    I rode a couple of days ago, and saw one of my friends at the barn. She is leasing the lesson horse, and made a comment about the new rider and the lesson horse being stiff afterwards. That cinches it. There will be no discussion about this. I have my words in place, thanks to all of you, I feel confident in my reasons. He is my horse, I spend lots to keep him sound and I just don't want him used in lessons. End of discussion. I couldn't think clearly the other day when I initially posted, which is why I came here. I needed to make sure I wasn't being selfish in my decision, and I really wanted to hear what others think on the issue. I needed words and clarity. Thank you all for giving me that. Sometimes, just getting validation from others can reinforce what one is thinking and feeling.

    I have a lesson this weekend and I have a feeling she will be approaching me on the issue again, since I haven't addressed it yet. I wanted to gather my thoughts and have my words in place. I feel solid and confident.



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