Just let her know that after careful consideration, you've decided that you don't want anyone else riding your horse - you might bring up liability etc as this will allow you to confirm that your trainer has insurance that would cover any problems with your horse while she is on him ...
You might also apologize for failing to make it clear that the use of your horse in a lesson was a one-off-not-to-be-repeated-event
(this should allow her to graciously accept your decision)
Your horse is not a greenie who will benefit from experiencing different riders, he has you (the ammie) & your trainer (the pro) & that is enough for any horse
Hahaa ... I just thot of another option. Ask the trainer if she's like to replace her training rides (and related fee) with these lessons, if it's so good for the horse.
I know that's passive/aggressive, which is why I'm laughing. I often think of those things but very rarely do them. I try to be direct. Yes, we pay them, but we (or *I*) count on them, too for guidance and direction. This relationship requires *TRUST*.
And I've learned that my own trainer is VERY direct and yes, does her best to get the most people on the most horses ... but never at the expense of someone safety or a horse's good experience. The other thing she does is ensure that the owner is fairly compensated for the use of the horse (I've paid for injections in addition to lease fees). While being without my own beloved girl, she's offered a couple of horses for lease to help out overwhelmed owners with their fees.
Not all trainers have high integrity. That makes me sad. I hope yours will honor your commitment to your horse and show you the respect that you deserve.
Dressage becomes art when it is a joy for the horse. -KBH
Unfortunately this scenario does imply a lack of respect from trainer towards client - you might try having a discussion with trainer about her motives in all of this ...
I'd want an alternate barn sussed out (just in case)
Thank you all for validating what I was feeling. I am not too concerned about her using him behind my back. That would be hard to do. I know when the other student's lessons are scheduled, so I can keep a close eye on things.
I wish it was as easy as picking up and leaving, but it's not. I would love to move to a different barn, but there are not many places in the area that I could go, nor many good trainers.
If she doesn't take a simple "No"...then it will have to become a stronger one. I don't have the patience right now to play games. I'm tired of being stomped on in other areas right now...I don't need this too...in fact, that is part of the reason why I'm so mad over this...she threw it at me, right before I was leaving town, and it was another thing to have to deal with.
The more I read all of your posts, the more committed I am to sticking with this. It's not a win-win scenario for me...it's a total win for her. I don't even feel that it's a win for my horse, particularly because I'm the one paying his vet bill.
I would have been fine if she had wanted to use my mare...that would have been okay...the mare is semi-retired...but not my guy. He's my partner and part of the reason he is so awesome is all the work I've put into him. Work I'm not even sure the trainer realizes. I ride much more than just my lessons with her...I think she forgets that. I don't want anything to mess up the relationship I have built with my guy, and if she can't respect that...then we definitely need to move on.