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  1. #61
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    Oct. 26, 2000
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    Tempe, AZ
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    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    I want to buy this book.

    ...

    This is SO TRUE. I went through a phase as a kid where I could throw NOTHING away.
    Wish I could loan you the book, but lending isn't enabled on my Kindle version. It's a good read. So is The Secret Lives of Hoarders (also unable to be lent )

    I read all sorts of things on hoarding, as it runs in the family.

    Did you outgrow your child-aged hoarding or did your mom train it out of you? My kiddo wants to keep everything. He recently burst into tears about a wagon that was stolen from him years ago. He gets really emotionally attached to the idea of things.

    I work on my inclination to hoard. I'm purging a lot of clutter in my life, but the things that are hardest to consider deaccessioning are all of the horse-related items. I've gotten better about selling saddles I don't like, but the strap goods, boots, etc. Ugh. I could open my own 2nd hand shop.
    ~ Horse Box Lovers Clique ~



  2. #62
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2006
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    8,508

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    Quote Originally Posted by rivenoak View Post
    Wish I could loan you the book, but lending isn't enabled on my Kindle version. It's a good read. So is The Secret Lives of Hoarders (also unable to be lent )

    I read all sorts of things on hoarding, as it runs in the family.

    Did you outgrow your child-aged hoarding or did your mom train it out of you? My kiddo wants to keep everything. He recently burst into tears about a wagon that was stolen from him years ago. He gets really emotionally attached to the idea of things.
    Here is the honest-to-God story.

    In addition to wanting to keep everything, ever, I had a "thing" for even numbers. 8 was the most even of even numbers to me, 2 not being even enough because it was one plus one, four being moderately more even because it was 2 twos, and 8 being the most even because it was 2 fully even even numbers.

    So anyway, walking home from camp, which was roughly a mile and a half, was a time consuming ordeal because
    a.) I had to keep track of every single bottle cap I came across, ever
    and
    b.) in multiples of 8.

    There was one particular walk home from camp where I came across an unusual number of bottle caps, the 8 count for which became completely overwhelming, at which point I burst into tears and sprinted all the way home to run crying into the arms of the nanny, who wondered what in God's name was the matter with me.

    After I broke free the once, I was free.
    I now view throwing sh*t out and not being owned by things as a declaration of personal freedom. I look at something that is trying to exert its pull over me and I deny it my consent and assert my freedom. And thus never buy anything unless it is absolutely essential, and live in a nearly empty house.

    True story.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    8,118

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    Don't forget Rivenoak that hoarding is not just having too much stuff, but thinking everything (including dirty Slurpee cups and other trash) are so valuable that you can't let them go. There have been hoarders who kept trash and dirty drink cups to the point that their children were taken away, and they couldn't let the trash go so the kids were safe to return home. And the hoarders never question or accept that they are keeping trash and encouraging vermin and diseases.

    And with the nephew-call him, give him a firm deadline to get a storage locker, and tell him you'll drive your truck, but he has to load. And if he doesn't get his stuff then it goes to the curb. I have a friend who agreed to store a friend's stuff in their garage, and he claimed he didn't have room for it. It was there for over ten years, and they finally got rid of it. People will mooch for as long as you let them.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  4. #64
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    Sep. 25, 2012
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    42

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    I'm really surprised the hoarding issue has struck such a chord with so many. Why does this seem to be such a widespread problem?

    My brother and I could not be more different. We have always been night and day. I live a very minimalistic lifestyle, a lot like meupatdoes. I don't place a lot of importance on "stuff", don't make an object a reference to a memory or a specific moment in time. I do have a few very personal items that rank very high in importance, but if they were destroyed wouldn't completely devistate me to the point of being "beside myself." (This is also why none of my elderly relatives have left me any heirlooms. ) But, this mentality has also given me quite a bit of freedom. I've been able to look at houses without saying "How is my stuff going to fit in here?" or "I don't think my <insert special piece of large furniture> will fit through the door therefore, I can't live here." I don't let stuff dictate how I live my life. I have 6 dresser drawers and 12 hangers and all my clothes fit in there with room to spare. I do put seasonal clothes in a space bag under the bed, but people have told me they couldn't live in my house because there isn't enough closet space in the master bedroom. I live mortgage free, on acreage in the country and you wouldn't be willing to give up a few button down shirts and shoes for that?

    Before I bought the place with the barn that they're now storing their stuff, I had a place in a nearby village that I had completely gutted and rehabbed. It was a small carpenter gothic cottage and was probably about 750 square feet. Really cute little home and I did some really nice little updates including stainless steel backsplashes and butcher block in the kitchen and glass tile in the bathroom. My favorite was the rain tile in the ceiling of the shower though. The ceiling was only 7' tall so I thought if I sold the house to a taller man, he would want to be able to stand under a shower head, so I installed one flush in the ceiling above the clawfoot tub.

    When I found the place with acreage, which I really wanted to be able to eventually bring my older horse home when he's ready to retire, I offered the cottage to my brother and his wife for FREE knowing they would have to par down their crap to be able to take me up on my offer. This was while they were in the midst of yet another one of their eviction events, so it was admittedly an emotionally charged offer to help and probably not the smartest offer to make. To me, there is no reason why a childless couple cannot live comfortably in a 750 sq. ft., 2 bedroom home with their two cats. The wife refused saying that the house was not big enough. In a lot of ways, I'm relieved though because I would have been really unhappy to have seen all the hard work I put into rehabbing and redesigning that house be destroyed by their hoarding.



  5. #65
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
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    The rocky part of KY
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    I think it's definitely a first world problem and somehow we've short circuited a gene for thrift and saving that was beneficial to our ancestors.
    But we are so surrounded by "stuff" and it rules our lives - I recycle and it adds a couple of hours a week to trash handling as we don't do curbside let alone single stream in this area.
    It makes me feel bad but I understand the largest item people view as a problem is mail. Too much junk mail and they can't bring themselves to just throw it away. They question that maybe they'll throw away the ONE thing, and paralyze themselves thus creating the problem.

    Meup - you are free. OP good luck with the relatives and I'm off to watch Hoarders and do some cleaning!
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  6. #66
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    Dec. 19, 2008
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    Where The Snow Flies
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReSomething View Post
    It makes me feel bad but I understand the largest item people view as a problem is mail. Too much junk mail and they can't bring themselves to just throw it away.
    I have signed up for electronic delivery of most things so I hardly get any mail. It's solved the problem of having mail cluttering up my kitchen table but my inbox is a different story. Currently there are over 2,000 unread messages - mostly ads from online retailers. Does this make me a virtual hoarder?!



  7. #67
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snowflake View Post
    I have signed up for electronic delivery of most things so I hardly get any mail. It's solved the problem of having mail cluttering up my kitchen table but my inbox is a different story. Currently there are over 2,000 unread messages - mostly ads from online retailers. Does this make me a virtual hoarder?!
    *meekly raises hand* I'm right there with you.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  8. #68
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    Jul. 21, 2006
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    South Carolina
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    I can pitch junk mail. I used to rip it up unopened. But then I nearly threw away a couple of payments from clients who sent cashiers checks from their banks. I just thought it was another credit card offer! So now I open before shredding.

    Old issues of Equus, on the other hand . . . .



  9. #69
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    Jun. 7, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snowflake View Post
    I have signed up for electronic delivery of most things so I hardly get any mail. It's solved the problem of having mail cluttering up my kitchen table but my inbox is a different story. Currently there are over 2,000 unread messages - mostly ads from online retailers. Does this make me a virtual hoarder?!
    If so, I am one too.
    I am completely amazed by people who have clear inboxes.

    My gmail account has 3,678 unread messages as of now, out of 13,239 total that are all in the same inbox pot.

    This is what the "search" function is for, y/y?



  10. #70
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    Dec. 19, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    If so, I am one too.
    I am completely amazed by people who have clear inboxes.

    My gmail account has 3,678 unread messages as of now, out of 13,239 total that are all in the same inbox pot.

    This is what the "search" function is for, y/y?
    Many of them are "Chronicle of the Horse: Reply to Thread.... " e-mails. Damn you COTH!



  11. #71
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReSomething View Post
    I think it's definitely a first world problem and somehow we've short circuited a gene for thrift and saving that was beneficial to our ancestors.
    I agree. It's the "hunting and gathering" instinct. That worked out fine for our parents/grandparents especially during the Depression when every little thing could find a use. Now that we live with almost ridiculous prosperity, we can very easily bury ourselves with Stuff.

    I am both a collector and an organizer by nature. One little trick I learned long ago to keep myself semi-sane, is that I collect digital images of things I want. For instance, art by certain artists, or covers of vintage magazines. I have dozens of files on the computer organised by subject matter etc. Some of them I print and organise in ring binders. Saves me from both going broke and being buried under a mountain of paper.
    Generally, once I "complete" a collection, I can move on without too much trouble.



  12. #72
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    Dec. 31, 2007
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    Ocala
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    candysgirl: LOVE the PODS idea, but they would just be mad and would never pay anyway.


    Quote Originally Posted by Eleanor View Post
    Please do not take this in a bad way, I am just giving you info. By doing this you are causing the Sally Ann money. Everything you give that they can't use they have to pay to get rid of. I know because I have worked in the stores and every time the bin fills we (Sally Ann) have to pay to have it emptied. I now work for Habitat For Humanity and we have the same problem. People dropping off unusable stuff that we (HFH) have to pay to have it disposed of.
    Wow I do this all the time....I will STOP immediately. I KNOW it needs to be trashed, but have too much guilt and feel that if they throw it away, it's OK, but I can't throw it away.

    meupatdoes: Where do you live?? I so WANT/NEED you to come to my house and help me. I am not a total hoarder, but would love to have so much less "stuff."

    My inbox is cleaned out!!



  13. #73
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    Feb. 28, 2006
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    The rocky part of KY
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    Ah yes, thank god for virtual hoarding! Everytime I order anything online I wind up having to give them an email addy to sign up and it's gotten so bad I've abandoned my old email addy to the *ahem* offers of merchandise and great sales. Spammers, nothing more.

    And see Paint? You tossed junk mail and lost something important - for some people that would have triggered the "save save must save" mode. I've been told that if the mail is sent "standard/non-profit" you can generally toss it without a problem - look in the upper right hand corner at the stamp or the box or whatever - this is mail that is basically the same and mailed to everybody - of course that's how they send fun things like the explanation of changes to your credit card terms, oops.

    "First class" is stuff meant for you only, like checks. Most of the time anyway.

    Anyway, back to the OP, I really don't know whether you "owe" someone any kind of use of your space when you keep their stuff for free, relative or not. Storage places always have a contract that spells out that they can lock you out and seize what's in there if you fail to meet the terms of payment outlined in the contract. I've watched so many Judge Judy's where people were in a relationship and keeping stuff was OK, then they moved on and along with dumping the ex goes dumping the ex's "stuff in my garage". One person is going "you threw away my valuable possessions" and the other is going "you abandoned your sh*t at my house". I guess if you want to avoid that the certified letter giving them a deadline is the way to go.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  14. #74
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    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    6,197

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    Quote Originally Posted by ReSomething View Post
    Ah yes, thank god for virtual hoarding!
    Now I have a name for it!!!!



  15. #75
    Join Date
    May. 7, 2004
    Location
    Linden, CA
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    844

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    Quote Originally Posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' View Post
    Old issues of Equus, on the other hand . . . .
    *stands*

    Hi, my name is Ambar, and I too own a complete run of Equus that I can't bear to trash.
    Quote Originally Posted by HuntrJumpr
    No matter what level of showing you're doing, you are required to have pants on.



  16. #76
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    Sep. 5, 2005
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    Mass.
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    How can you have so many emails?? Why? My personal inbox has 22 emails, plus another five or six in my "shopping" folder that I use for order confirmations.

    I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. ~ Dave Barry



  17. #77
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    Sep. 2, 2005
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    Upstate NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guin View Post
    How can you have so many emails?? Why? My personal inbox has 22 emails, plus another five or six in my "shopping" folder that I use for order confirmations.

    I get more than 22 work related emails every day, that I have to keep.

    Shrug.



  18. #78
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    Nov. 25, 2005
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    MA
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    I just want to say that after moving out of my parents house, becoming an adult, and having my own place, I NOW UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS OKAY TO THROW AWAY MAGAZINES.

    Thank you.



  19. #79
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    Jul. 21, 2006
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    South Carolina
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth0552 View Post
    I just want to say that after moving out of my parents house, becoming an adult, and having my own place, I NOW UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS OKAY TO THROW AWAY MAGAZINES.

    Thank you.
    It is.

    Garden and Gun? I can part with back issues after I've shared them with everyone who likes the magazine.

    The Economist? Pfft. Into the trash with you each week!

    Equus, OTOH, I might need to know about that founder/hay buying/miniature horses/whatever later!



  20. #80
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    Sep. 5, 2005
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    Mass.
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    Quote Originally Posted by trubandloki View Post
    I get more than 22 work related emails every day, that I have to keep.

    Shrug.
    No, PERSONAL. Meutpdoes says she has over thirteen THOUSAND. I cannot imagine it.
    I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. ~ Dave Barry



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