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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct. 4, 2012
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    NorCal
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    2

    Default When someone insults your horse - bit of a rant

    An alter.
    Is it normal to feel extremely mama bear when someone says something disparaging *to your face* about your horse? I swear I would take it better if it was an insult directed at me then to my horse. How much more do you want to prove them wrong?

    Was having lunch with a barn friend who I've gotten semi close to, but always kept an arms length from because of her huge mouth and incessant pessimism. I adore my horse and I plan to take him to the local shows next year and hopefully do well in whatever box I fit into by then. Adult eq, hunters, maybe even some derbies! It all depends. His jump isn't gorgeous, but may be...but his canter is lovely and a close friend who competed for years on the A circuit thinks he's very typey and has a nice hunter look. Grumpy friend at lunch who has a WB compared our two horses and said something to the gist of, well you may win the eq but your horse is no hunter (insert loud condescending laugh) and we'll be taking the hunters - just because she's got a nice WB that happens to have been lame 9 months out of the year and she's been riding one decade as compared to my three. Okay, snarky on my part but I was mad!

    Honestly, it really irked me and made me wonder how others feel when people can be so rude, especially to your face about your horse. It actually fueled me to train my butt off for next year. All I've been is a supporting person to those I ride with. I hate the mean girl side of this sport.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2006
    Location
    Southern Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,294

    Default

    Just laugh and prove them wrong :-)

    When I was 15 I had an awesome Appendix who didn't look like much. I went to my first big rated H/J show with my friend Sam. She was visiting for the summer with her horse...a paint who cleaned up all the circuits in Arizona. He didn't look like much standing around either. Sam and I were mounted up chatting and this, insert not nice word here, girl rode by on her WB while talking to her friend who was also mounted on a lovely WB. First girl looks right at us, sneers and says "What do you think this is? A quarter horse convention?" She and her friend laugh at us and ride away. This was my first big show. I felt so embarrassed and out of my league I thought I would be sick. Sam was a seasoned pro at the sneers and she winked at me and said "There you go. Motivation to kick some ass.". And we did. We cleaned up at that show! Each of us beating those girls twice over! Sam rode past at the end of her final winning 3' hunter round, smiled at the girl and said "Let me know if you want to join up with next years quarter horse convention sweetheart". She had no response. Sweet sweet revenge! So don't let it bother you...use it to fuel the fire and prove them wrong!
    "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 25, 2009
    Location
    Mission,B.C
    Posts
    721

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EuroseatTB View Post
    An alter.
    Is it normal to feel extremely mama bear when someone says something disparaging *to your face* about your horse? I swear I would take it better if it was an insult directed at me then to my horse. How much more do you want to prove them wrong?

    Was having lunch with a barn friend who I've gotten semi close to, but always kept an arms length from because of her huge mouth and incessant pessimism. I adore my horse and I plan to take him to the local shows next year and hopefully do well in whatever box I fit into by then. Adult eq, hunters, maybe even some derbies! It all depends. His jump isn't gorgeous, but may be...but his canter is lovely and a close friend who competed for years on the A circuit thinks he's very typey and has a nice hunter look. Grumpy friend at lunch who has a WB compared our two horses and said something to the gist of, well you may win the eq but your horse is no hunter (insert loud condescending laugh) and we'll be taking the hunters - just because she's got a nice WB that happens to have been lame 9 months out of the year and she's been riding one decade as compared to my three. Okay, snarky on my part but I was mad!

    Honestly, it really irked me and made me wonder how others feel when people can be so rude, especially to your face about your horse. It actually fueled me to train my butt off for next year. All I've been is a supporting person to those I ride with. I hate the mean girl side of this sport.
    i'm sorry,but that would make me too.i have been in same situation and feel just as insulted as you are.so not alone in that.
    i just previously moved from a barn as i was experiencing too many insults to feel comfortable(directed at not only horse,but me as well). no drama needed.
    even though i moved from my situation,i would also just laugh at them quietly and just do my own thing and somewhat try to prove them wrong like others have stated.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 1, 2009
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    63

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EuroseatTB View Post
    An alter.
    Is it normal to feel extremely mama bear when someone says something disparaging *to your face* about your horse? I swear I would take it better if it was an insult directed at me then to my horse. How much more do you want to prove them wrong?

    Was having lunch with a barn friend who I've gotten semi close to, but always kept an arms length from because of her huge mouth and incessant pessimism. I adore my horse and I plan to take him to the local shows next year and hopefully do well in whatever box I fit into by then. Adult eq, hunters, maybe even some derbies! It all depends. His jump isn't gorgeous, but may be...but his canter is lovely and a close friend who competed for years on the A circuit thinks he's very typey and has a nice hunter look. Grumpy friend at lunch who has a WB compared our two horses and said something to the gist of, well you may win the eq but your horse is no hunter (insert loud condescending laugh) and we'll be taking the hunters - just because she's got a nice WB that happens to have been lame 9 months out of the year and she's been riding one decade as compared to my three. Okay, snarky on my part but I was mad!

    Honestly, it really irked me and made me wonder how others feel when people can be so rude, especially to your face about your horse. It actually fueled me to train my butt off for next year. All I've been is a supporting person to those I ride with. I hate the mean girl side of this sport.
    Well.. you could always look at it like she was just making a little joke to play along with you- without really thinking about what she was saying.

    It could have been a passive-aggressive comment involving jealousy issues.

    Or she could possibly just be plain classless and rude for those offhanded comments. It could be any number of things.

    Don't take it to heart I'm certainly trying to do better with having a thick skin nowadays. If she's a friend you hold at arms length away, best to keep her there and have visits only periodically... keep toxic people away from you and what you love most!
    "You either go to the hospital or you get back on! Hospital or on!"



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov. 22, 2005
    Posts
    1,664

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    when you ride Arabians you get used to this so you toughen up!!!! :-) You love your horse, good, bad, or ugly and you have the right to be angry with this person's statment. She was rude. Ride your horse to the best of your ability and let his performance shut her up!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2011
    Posts
    375

    Default

    Ignore her comment! I've had people rank on my horse, I love him and that's all that matters.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov. 19, 2002
    Posts
    1,018

    Default

    "Grumpy friend at lunch who has a WB compared our two horses and said something to the gist of, well you may win the eq but your horse is no hunter (insert loud condescending laugh) and we'll be taking the hunters"

    Next time just flip the lunch table over on her. LOL! Just keep riding well and training your horse well and kick her ass in the show ring.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,991

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    Wait, this silly cow has a warmblood (drop the label "dumb-blood" on her, she'll bristle at that) that is lame 9 mos. of the year? Maybe she's going through withdrawl not being able to ride her speshul horse.

    One old nasty woman at my old barn, when a lovely girl was unloading her new horse out of her trailer, quipped, "He's got such an ugly head, too bad!" None of us were surprised due to her typical snarky comments about anyone else's horse comparing badly with her crippled snark of a warmblood.

    Try riding a Saddlebred, we get worse comments than Arab owners (I've owned 2 great Arab mares). I foxhunted my Saddlebred and would get a few snarky comments and people looking down their nose at my mare. She was the toughest horse out there and the Master borrowed her several times when his horse had problems....shut SOME people up, but there are always nasty people who won't like you or your horse no matter what you do.

    You love your horse, that's what matters....just never say, "He's just a ...fill in the blank..." Although, if someone badmouths my guys, I'll hand them their head in a sack.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 28, 2007
    Location
    Triangle Area, NC
    Posts
    6,723

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    He who angers you, controls you.
    www.destinationconsensusequus.com
    chaque pas est fait ensemble



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
    Posts
    5,202

    Default

    The key element of your original post was the comment that the other person's horse had been lame for 9 months. I've found that the people who make insulting comments whether it is subconscious or not, are those who are either insecure or who are having problems in their life.

    I've had experiences lately where people have made rude comments about my horse clear out of the blue. I later found out those same people were having major problems with their horses. I mean serious problems. I think lashing out at others was something they were doing to soothe their battered egos. It doesn't make it right though.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 6, 2009
    Posts
    2,199

    Default

    Sounds like your friend is just trying to make herself feel better about her horse being lame all the time.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 5, 2009
    Location
    Location: Indiana, but my heart is in Zone II
    Posts
    2,835

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    Feel your pain but just keep training. I had someone who would think and say to all around that she "had the most expensive and nicest horse at the barn". I did ask her once (non confrontationally) "Do you really think your horse is the greatest horse here or are you just really in love?" No, she thought hers was THE BEST.

    It is big, it has this line, it has that line, it was approved blah blah.

    Her horse was very nice ( a year older than mine). Her horse was very spoiled. Her horse would not allow itself to have its mane braided all the way for Devon so roached 1/2 of it. No lie. Her horse picked up the wrong lead both directions and tried to dump its rider at Devon. Mine got 6th in the class... hers got the gate.

    Both are homebred, owned by ammys. I saddle broke mine myself, she takes a joke with her ammy mother on her back, trucks around, hacks out. Hers is on sabatical b/c she does not have the funds to get a pro on it.....

    He who laughs last....
    Come to the dark side, we have cookies



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar. 18, 2000
    Location
    Brantford, Ontario
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    3,080

    Default

    My response, depending on the person, would have ranged from, "Yeah, but I adore my horse and that's what matters," to "That was rude," said in a stern but nonjudgmental, not-looking-for-a-fight-just-stating-the-obvious tone. I don't get into "proving it" because then I'd be riding for someone other than myself, and I'm not sure that's a motivation I'd want. If I'm delighted to see my horses and still smiling when I close up the barn for the night, life is good, regardless as to what the peanut gallery is chirping about.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2011
    Posts
    44

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    When I was a kid that used to happen every day. I rode at a very gossipy barn and it was constant. My favourite was at shows however...

    My little TB gelding's tongue would hang out the side of his mouth while we were jumping around. Add the fact that he looks like a praying mantis when he jumps at we were the target of some mean comments. My favourite was the group of girls on their fancy WBs. Laughing at me because they thought my horse wasn't "nice enough" to show on the A circuit...

    Then we won every single class that A show



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    12,950

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    I guess I do not get what there is to be so offended by.
    You admit your horse's jump is not the fanciest so why get yourself tied in a knot when someone, who is your friend, states that in different words.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun. 1, 2005
    Location
    Floral City , Fl.
    Posts
    4,250

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    That person was just plain RUDE!!!
    Ignore her.
    Sandy
    www.sugarbrook.com
    hunter/jumper ponies



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2007
    Posts
    3,007

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    Quote Originally Posted by trubandloki View Post
    I guess I do not get what there is to be so offended by.
    You admit your horse's jump is not the fanciest so why get yourself tied in a knot when someone, who is your friend, states that in different words.
    Because it is one thing if the owner knows it and says it, but it is entirely another thing when someone else says it...especially in a snarky way. Had the woman phrased it in a positive way, it would have come across differently. I kind of equate it to if someone were to criticize me and call me fat - sure, I know I'm a little overweight, but I don't need anyone else telling me that. You think I don't know it already? Many people are well aware of what their horse can or can't do. Either it is something you can work on to improve, or you just deal with it and focus on making the best of the horse with what they've got.

    OP, I totally get your frustration. I had someone basically tell me a while back that while my horse was nice, I was going to run into problems when I started competing him against the likes of some of the other horses in my barn (all warmbloods). Basically saying that my horse isn't fancy enough or doesn't move well enough to be competitive. I had to inform him that I am not the least bit concerned about competing against those horses because my horse, a WB/QH, is just as nice as those horses are and can certainly hold his own. Said person changed their tune recently when they saw me riding my horse and was impressed with how my horse was pushing from behind and using himself correctly.

    I get a lot of looks and/or criticism against my horse because of his color. People look at him and they think he's just some big cow horse who's perhaps pretty, but who isn't going to be able to move well. Then they see him move and are either impressed or jealous and get snarky about it. Last weekend, I took him to a schooling show, and several people complimented me on him. But there were also several people giving us dirty looks and I just knew that they were waiting for us to fail or screw up. I really didn't care, because I was there just to school my horse - any ribbons we got were gravy. Ultimately, I got exactly what I wanted out of him and we ended things on a good note, which was exactly what we went there for.

    So, my suggestion is this: just keep working hard and doing the best with what you have. Improve what you can and don't worry about the rest. You have nothing to prove to anyone else except yourself. Believe in yourself and your horse and whatever rewards that are meant to be yours will come. You will always run into the catty and rude people no matter where you go, so rise above it and just give your horse the best ride possible and be proud of what you've accomplished.
    "It is not necessary for you to let everyone know everything about you. In fact, it is probably wise that you don't. There are some things that you need only discuss with God."



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Oct. 10, 2007
    Location
    down south
    Posts
    5,060

    Default

    I understand that. I had a previous trainer tell me my horse was not going to be good at all in dressage. That he was to stubborn and she didn't like him. Rude I say. Well with new trainer me and that horse went and won year end champions for 3 years straight in our divisions and took this non warmblood horse to 1st level before I had to retire him with epm. I loved going to our gala and going up to receive our awards with her at the first table. Lol. Just prove them wrong. Maybe your horse isn't a warmblood and typical but that doesn't mean hard work can't get you further and don't set your goals to someone else's standards. You make your own and ignore the nay sayer she is just jealous and probably worried your horse will kick hers a **
    Horses aren't our whole life, but makes our life whole



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 1999
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    3,236

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    You went out with someone well known for "huge mouth and incessant pessimism" and they said something rude?? If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck why bother being upset? Laugh it off and lesson learned - go to lunch with someone else next time.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Sep. 29, 2009
    Posts
    2,576

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    I have a "friend" (I use that word loosely), and I will not ride with her any more. Nothing I do is right, nothing my horse does is right according to her. We have two very different gaited breeds. But a horse is a horse is a horse.

    My horse is just fine, and so am I. She has 5% lifetime riding time compared to me.

    I told her since my horse was so offensive to her, I would immediately euthanize her upon getting home to put my horse out of her misery. That shut her up for then, but it happened again, and again.

    So I will not ride with her. She is also one you can not help with any suggestions. She knows it all. IOW she can not take a lesson, because the trainer would be wrong. Not that I am suggesting to her anything.

    I call it jealously.



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