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  1. #1

    Default "No normal people allowed."

    I am tired of cuckoo and flakey people. We lease out part of our farm, and as "luck" would have it, the last person that leased it has moved on, and here we go again.

    We had one person come out, talk to us, loved the place, and started making arrangements to lease it. We gave her a copy of the lease agreement, discussed for days and weeks when she would move her horses, etc. She said that she would be over sometime that week to deliver the agreement, lease amount, etc. Not a word. I sent her an e-mail (after a call went unanswered,) and she said she was definitely still interested, coming over tomorrow, and would move her horses on X date. Not a word. X date passes by. I make one final attempt and get a line about how she "doesn't know" if she is going to lease it or not but will let me know. I'll [not] hold my breath after being told for six weeks that she wanted it, gave her 30 days notice to her current barn, etc.

    Second person called and was interested. She said she had a meeting on Saturday, but she would be over after that...around 1pm. 1pm comes. 1pm goes. 3pm rolls around, and I give her a call. "Oh yes, I'm still in the meeting, it should be about an hour." 4pm comes, 4pm goes. call - "sorry - it ran late...on my way." I give her clear directions (two turns from the major highway.) 7pm....7:30pm....7:45pm.... "I think I'm lost." 8pm she arrives - 7 hours after the original meeting time. Steps out of her car, and it's obvious she's under the influence of something (staggering, slurred speech, slow tracking eyes.)

    "How many horses can I put in here?"
    "Two max."
    "I'm going to put my four in there."
    "I'm sorry, but only two are permitted due to the size, grazing area, and proper pasture maintenance."
    "So I'll put my four in there, and they should be fine. Are you going to build a barn?"
    "Ever? You're not going to build a barn? I need a barn. How quickly I move my horses over will be determined on how quickly your barn is built."
    "We're not building a barn."
    "Do you see, like, any wildlife around here?"
    (We're surrounded by woods.)
    "There is a rat snake that hangs out around the barn. We call her 'Roberta.'"
    "Hm. Well how much horse knowledge do you have? I have like *holds hand up in the shape of a zero* none."
    [insert information here]
    "I'm also breeding one of my horses."

    This person just starts rambling about everything under the sun (most of it is "TMI" - Too Much Information.) It's now dark. She'll "let us know if she wants to lease half the farm." I tell her we have other people coming on Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday as well. "It's really about a good fit, who brings the signed agreement, etc. back" (someone who isn't under the influence, has some semblance of horse knowledge and doesn't ask if a farm surrounded by woods has ever seen wildlife...)

    Woman: "Yeah - I was forced to sign one of those *waves hand around in the air as if swatting bugs* THINGS. Those contracts with the blah, blah, blah, 30 days *rolls her eyes*"

    "Yes, we have one of those as well."
    "Well MY places were licensed and [stuff]" (replace "stuff" with expletive.)
    "We are also licensed."
    "Well like I said, how fast I move my horses depends on how quickly we can get that barn built."

    I just say thanks for coming, I'll let you know, good night.

    My neighbor asked me on Sunday, "do you have a sign up that says 'no normal people allowed?'"

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
    Dallas, Georgia


    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 5, 2010


    Look at the bright side...

    If you spread all that guano on your fields, you'll have excellent pastures
    Nudging "Almost Heaven" a little closer still...

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Out for Lent


    Quote Originally Posted by Belg View Post
    Look at the bright side...

    If you spread all that guano on your fields, you'll have excellent pastures
    grass as high as an elephant's eye...
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.
    GNU Terry Prachett

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Upstate New York


    Picked up a couple of wedding presents two weeks ago at the local nursery/farm stand/mega-gift shop. Bought something for myself. A sign that says, "What am I - flypaper for nuts?!?"

    I'll run over and see if they have another for you.
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun. 12, 2012


    Quote Originally Posted by CVPeg View Post
    I'll run over and see if they have another for you.
    I would proudly display that sign.

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