I just read this entire thread and wanted to add my deepest condolences for you, your children and your entire family and friends. I have walked in your shoes and continue to walk in those shoes 32 years later. I have the utmost admiration for you and the dignity you possess. Ours is not an easy path and we are forever changed. Dealing with the legal system while trying to step into the shoes of Calvin and being a parent and seeing to the needs of others while grieving will put even the strongest on overload.
I admire you and empathize with you. There is no time limit on grief and "closure" is an ideal and just a word people use. We deal the best way we know how, but we are never, ever the same. Sending you warmth, light and hugs for you and yours. Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss.