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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2011
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    19

    Default WWYD? Tricky situation.. Update pg 2

    Digging into an old alter with a new problem.. sorry that this is long.

    Say you had this mare who you've owned for over 10 years. She's not easy, but she gave you 10+ GOOD years, taught you a lot, you know her better than anyone and want nothing but the best for her. Mare has two fabulous foals for you, first one is sold to an extremely successful show home, and you fall head over heels for the second one and decide to keep it. Mare is permanently retired from under saddle work because of an old pasture injury, has been for 5 years, and you haven't had a horse to ride since. You really miss it. Foal #2 is talented, gorgeous, promising, and exactly what you could ever hope for.

    You are a young working professional on a tight budget, and you can't keep two horses. You could, but it is tight. You decide Mare should go to a new home where she can be super spoiled, have a couple more foals (genuinely nice, registered mare) and be retired. You advertise her for a while (over a year), she is listed as a giveaway (good home most important). You have high standards, lots of scary yahoos come to see her, you turn a few people down.

    Finally someone comes out to see her, wants to breed her. Person is very nice, kind of clueless but lots of money, lots of resources, good intentions, and lives close by. You are living pay check to pay check, and while your horses live in luxury, you are POOR. You decide to sign papers over to new person and want to start living like a normal adult with only one other horsey mouth to feed.

    Horse loads up and leaves within a few days. She has since been bred and may be in foal. HOWEVER... at this point you feel like you have made a huge mistake. Mare has already lost some weight since you last saw her, was ungroomed, itchy, stuck in a stall, and literally called out to you as you were leaving the barn (which she never does). You drive home in tears.

    Person emails you today and basically says that she may just want to lease Mare for the year on a breeding lease if that's something you are interested in doing. Otherwise she is happy to send papers off for Mare and proceed to full, official, no-turning-back ownership. If leased, Mare would come back to your barn from breeding barn, everything to return to normal, Person would pay full board until foal is weaned, but then you are back to paying for two horses again. If Person proceeds to full-ownership, Mare will go to her place from breeding barn, where she shares a fence line with a stallion (!) and her pasture buddy will be an unaltered, though supposedly sterile jack donkey. Mare would foal out at Person's place and the thought of something going wrong during foaling and Person not knowing what to do, makes you sick to your stomach. You weren't 100% aware of this set-up, as Person has four other horses boarded at various other barns in the area and you assumed Mare would be going to stay at one of those (very reputable) locations.

    Would you:
    - Leave Mare as is with current person and hope for the best
    - Sell Foal #2, give up all your dreams and keep Mare after her 2013 foal is weaned
    - Keep both Mare and Foal #2 and work your freaking ass off to make ends meet once her foal is weaned. You don't really want to do this because it really sucks.

    My mind is reeling, but I think I kind of already know what I want to do..

    Opinions?
    Last edited by MeanieBO_Alter; Jul. 30, 2012 at 02:31 PM. Reason: Added more info..



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2011
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    East Longmeadow, MA
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    3,672

    Default

    Personally I'd pick door # 3. Work freaking ass off and get mare back.
    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2000
    Location
    MA
    Posts
    12,821

    Default

    Go with the lease, and spend the time finding a better situation for when it ends.
    "It's like a Russian nesting doll of train wrecks."--CaitlinandTheBay

    ...just settin' on the Group W bench.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr. 18, 2010
    Location
    Aubrey, Texas
    Posts
    218

    Default

    This is a question?

    Work your ass off, and work on finding a more permanent lease or selling the foal.

    Don't DUMP a mare who has given you over a DECADE of "GOOD" service into a home that already has shown it's probably going to wind up providing sub par care.
    Veni vidi vici. With a paint pony, nonetheless.



  5. #5
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    Jul. 23, 2007
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    749

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by oliverreed View Post
    Personally I'd pick door # 3. Work freaking ass off and get mare back.
    Agree!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2011
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    19

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Arelle View Post
    This is a question?

    Work your ass off, and work on finding a more permanent lease or selling the foal.

    Don't DUMP a mare who has given you over a DECADE of "GOOD" service into a home that already has shown it's probably going to wind up providing sub par care.
    I had spent a year (over a year actually) finding a home for this horse. The Person has 4 other horses in pristine condition at several other barns in the area. Please don't assume I dumped her on the first person who came along with a trailer.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2004
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghazzu View Post
    Go with the lease, and spend the time finding a better situation for when it ends.
    This is my vote as well. Believe it or not, I just went through this exact same situation except my mare can no longer be bred which is all anyone wanted to do with her because she has amazing foals. Thankfully my mare is sound but green. It took a while but if I searched the world over it could not have had a happier ending.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2010
    Location
    Texarkana, AR
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    1,701

    Default

    Another vote for door #3. Putting the mare in with an ungelded jack would worry me the most. Jacks can be mean, like really mean. If this proposed new owner is running this jack next to a stallion, he is asking for big trouble. Jacks can kill stallions much bigger than themselves. They will also kill foals, calves and any other small animal that invades there territory. Let this guy lease the mare, pay board until the new foal is weaned and then take her back and find her a better place.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr. 15, 2008
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    1,547

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    I'd do the breeding lease to buy time to actively seek out other solutions. For what it's worth, I've had two similar experiences where I didn't know how I was going to make ends meet (adjustable mortgage in the 80s was one) and good karma came back around so it worked out. Keep the faith and scrub scrub scrub budgets again as it sounds like you've already thought through this. You'll probably have to make some hard decisions.

    Good Luck



  10. #10
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    Feb. 1, 2012
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    Vermont
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghazzu View Post
    Go with the lease, and spend the time finding a better situation for when it ends.
    This. You have year without having to pay her expenses to find a better home for her after breeding lease ends.
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2012
    Location
    Houston Area, TX
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    Default

    I'd go with the lease, too - that's a year for you to get in a better position at work, or to save up the money so you can more easily support the mare. Plus, the lessor may decide they want to do ANOTHER year like this one afterwards, especially if she throws such nice foals.



  12. #12
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    Nov. 19, 2005
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    Default

    Any chance they could "board" the mare with you during the one year lease?



  13. #13
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    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    7,372

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    Get her back. Work your ass off. Take another shot at finding a better home.
    Why is it that a woman will forgive homicidal behavior in a horse, yet be highly critical of a man for leaving the toilet seat up?
    ~ Dave Barry



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb. 15, 2004
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    Ontario
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    I would work my ass off. I cannot understand people who have horses for a long time and say they love them for the many years of good relationship, but then decide to go with a younger horse... sounds like a husband who wants a 20 something vs the woman who gave him years of her life and his children. AND you are the one who decided to breed her... and you are telling her "I like your kid better".. sorry to be harsh...

    Sorry... that's why we have a 20 year old and my daughter takes lessons on other horses. I would never give up on the old mare...

    Good luck



  15. #15
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    Jan. 24, 2000
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    Default

    I fall on the side of the lease, also. You will have a year to try to track down another lease/sale/giveaway situation for her. Get started on that now. The other factor is this: If the mare is with the new person on a lease, you are still the owner; as such, you have the right to dictate care to your standards. Draw up a lease agreement that details these things (I have a great lease -- for riding, but designed to be easily modified to fit a variety of situations -- if you would like to use it as a template.)
    Equinox Equine Massage

    In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me invincible summer.
    -Albert Camus



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun. 12, 2007
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    CT
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    6,064

    Default

    Do the lease. It will give you a year off from double expenses, and you can continue advertising her during that time. If her foals are nice, you may be able to line up another breeding lease for next year where she stays with you, but you don't pay for her.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec. 30, 2003
    Posts
    397

    Default

    You sound like a good person, trying to do the right thing. I don't think you dumped her, you let her go to a seemingly good situation. Not only that, you took the time to follow up.

    I've regretted selling a horse, and tried to get him back but couldn't. That was about 10 years ago and the guilt is still with me. He ended up in a good place so I am lucky to have some sort of closure.

    Her calling out to you - wow. I'd suggest you take her back and keep trying to find a good situation for her in the mean time. I do understand financial stress, hopefully that passes - but in my experience the guilt lasts forever.

    I feel for you, hope everything works out for the best.

    Please keep us updated!



  18. #18

    Default

    I would sell foal number two. I know, that's the craziest thing, but good horses come along all the time.

    The other thing is to find an inexpensive retirement place for your mare that you can afford, and keep the new horse as well.

    Option three, sell the new horse, and lease a horse, while keeping your mare.

    Selling the foal would give you money to support this mare.

    However, having said all that, it doesn't sound that bad for this mare -- she's a little thin, she wasn't groomed. Sounds like you weren't ready to let go, more than she was being abused. My guess is you were tired of ramen noodles every night and this person came along and it seemed like the best of a bad situation, and now you have regrets that were confirmed by visiting her. If you really can't afford two, now or ever, then just let her go. Keep in touch with the new owner, and try to get her back at a later date if you get more money. Otherwise, live with your decision. You can't afford two, you found a reasonable home for this mare, move on. At least she's breedable and has nice foals, which does insure her future a little bit.

    Edit: and saying I can afford two but it's tight sounds like you have absolutely no wiggle room for a catastrophic medical bill, or life crisis ... not worth it to be struggling like that and not be able to have any horse because you go broke.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2011
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    19

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    Quote Originally Posted by FalseImpression View Post
    I would work my ass off. I cannot understand people who have horses for a long time and say they love them for the many years of good relationship, but then decide to go with a younger horse... sounds like a husband who wants a 20 something vs the woman who gave him years of her life and his children. AND you are the one who decided to breed her... and you are telling her "I like your kid better".. sorry to be harsh...

    Sorry... that's why we have a 20 year old and my daughter takes lessons on other horses. I would never give up on the old mare...

    Good luck
    I don't disagree with your thinking on this (often feel the same way), but my reasoning was less, "out with the old and in with the new" and more like this:

    Mare has been completely bored out of her mind sitting in a field, and thrives with a foal at her side. She is a "young" teenaged horse. Breeding, as much as I love it, is not something I can do now or in the near future. This is a high-quality mare who loves having a job either as a momma, or at least as a babysitter (also not possible for me). Her job, at least now, is/was not with me. It made sense, at least at the time, to find her a home with a new job doing what she loves while I concentrated on the young one. It was logical.

    However, all that said, these responses (which I thank everyone for.. thank you!) have pretty much confirmed my gut feeling. I have emailed the person who has her to meet me tonight so we can discuss some options.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Apr. 18, 2010
    Location
    Aubrey, Texas
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    218

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    Quote Originally Posted by MeanieBO_Alter View Post
    I had spent a year (over a year actually) finding a home for this horse. The Person has 4 other horses in pristine condition at several other barns in the area. Please don't assume I dumped her on the first person who came along with a trailer.
    The market sucks, I know it does. And I'm sorry that you couldn't get her into a home in over a year. BUT to me, that doesn't excuse the fact that you're still considering option #1 (leave mare, hope for the best) despite the fact that your gut is telling you, "you have made a huge mistake."

    Option #1 is not an option. Not a responsible one, anyway.

    Take the lease, have the breeder pay her fees, and try to find other options until the baby is weaned. OR sell foal #2 and keep her -- as someone else said, nice horses DO come along all the time, and some are even in the tightest of budgets, as long as you're willing to wait.

    But do not send a mare that has been with you for that long to a home that you already feel is a mistake (your words, not mine). There ARE options, even if it means more Ramen and sweat for a little while. Desperation is not always know for leading to the best of decisions.

    *hugs* because I've been there. And it sucks. Just check out my dreamhorse ad for 10+ year mare's 2011 foal if you need proof of my experience with it.
    Veni vidi vici. With a paint pony, nonetheless.



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