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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2001
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    4,419

    Default Utimate train - wreck thread

    So I bought a magical gypsy vanner mare on CL that was for sale for 1 penny or she would be sent to slaughter she has big feet and her legs are a little toed out (Okay so she stands in the fifth position ) I know everything since I read that book and I'm going to breed her to a bulked up local QH stallion that toes in. He is unregistered because the owner never got around to it but his name is Impressive-to-the-Max and is a linebred Impressive. He is 96% Impressive they had to breed father to daughter and granddaughter and colt to dam for decades and decades to get that large of a percentage in the pedigree.
    The stallion Impressive-to-the-Max breeding to a 96 percent bloodline concentration of one ancestor was funded from the beginning by a nice hidden away town of about 1000 (the townspeople said it was one big happy family - Can't swear I remember if they said happy or not) located in XXXX (had the hardest time finding the town. I don't think more than one or two people in a century find it even if they looked) Anyhow everyone in town has the same last name as the town, Everyone in the town looks like a clone of everyone else - Talk about conformists! I couldn't tell them apart (and come to think of it later on neither could the DNA lab when I brought a few hundred samples of the townspeople. The techs at the lab running the tests told me it must have been all from the same person - it wasn't) When I asked about why the people of the town had spent so much time and effort in breeding to create Impressive-to-the-Max all they told me was something about how long the family can get away with it - Get away with what I wonder?
    Some people who think they know everything about horses tell me Impressive-to-the-Max has eyes that are set a wee bit close - The meanies at the big warmblood farm told me he looks like a cyclops ... Maybe a halibut - he really does have two eyes and a cyclops has one but you have to be kind of close to him to tell that there are two and he is too spirited to let people get that close - spirit is what the sire needs to pass on if the foal is going to go all the way to the to to the olympics) but close set eyes means the foal will have better depth perception over the GP jumps - sterioscopic vision you know )
    Impressive-to-the-Max stands 17 hands when he is padded up and still wears size 000 shoes (Isn't that keuoot!!! he is like a little chinese horse but without all the foot binding thing) anyhow between the dam and the stallion the feet and legs should be normal right?
    The illegal barn help told me that is how they do it back home and charros must know about horses since they trip them with ropes all the time for those big crowds right before they let their dogs play together in that nice doggy playpen in the ground while the guys pay back money they must have borrowed from each other.

    I'm going to let my 4 YO neice and the foal grow up together so they will love each other and just in case she needs something to reference I bought her all the parelli dvds and both of them are going to go to the olympics because I will start training the foal how to rolkur from day one by using a tail set harness and draw reins 23 out of 24 hours of the day and to give the foal a lofty trot I don't need to bother about training, I will just hire that nice TWH trainer - The one that is one of the bulk buyers from Dow chemical - He has time now - I have heard that he is taking a break from training big lick TWH.

    Yeah I know my 4 year old niece will need to take diet pills and live on salad greens and water exclusively to get the hunter princess figure that George Morris says she needs to maintain to be pinned. GM said something like a female rider needs to look like a 1969 Lladro woman on horse figurine to have a prayer of being placed.






    I think I hit all the trainwreck buzzwords so I'm getting the popcorn.
    Last edited by 5; Jul. 12, 2012 at 09:48 PM.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    In Jingle Town
    Posts
    36,424

    Default

    I want some of the stuff you are drinking AND smoking!
    Quote Originally Posted by BigMama1 View Post
    Facts don't have versions. If they do, they are opinions
    GNU Terry Prachett



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 19, 2010
    Posts
    647

    Default

    You are going to put shoes on that impressive horse? Really? Don't you know that shoeing deforms the hoof and legs and limits their showing potential. Have you noticed that the majority of shod horses never make it to the highest echelons of showing? Hmmmffff

    lifts glass in salute and rummages in the popcorn bowl



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 28, 2011
    Location
    Eventless. in North Dakota...
    Posts
    424

    Default

    You bought all the Parelli DVD's? Wish I had an extra 137K laying around... (:



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2009
    Posts
    598

    Default

    You do know you have to start this baby under saddle at say, 8 or 9 months don't you? Put a huge western saddle with all the attendant gear on, with a spade bit with one of those mile high cathedral ports? (Ya wanna get that lovely ruined neck look, post haste). Find a cowboy wanna be at 230 lbs for the first ride, just in case. Get the foal nice and sore and broken down so he won't act up for your darling niece. Rowel spurs are necessary to get baby to do side passes on the first ride.

    Oh! I almost forgot ~ if the foal is a colt, keep him one! Even if the conformation is kinda iffy, like super fugly, he must be put to stud right away. Go to a sale and buy up all the fugly female horses, regardless of their age - no matter how bad they are, this fabulous stallion will only improve the lot! I'm so happy you're doing this, wish you all the luck in the world!!!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2012
    Location
    DC Metro Area
    Posts
    110

    Default

    Too bad we don't have Like buttons. This made my morning.
    "As one of those weirdos that always enjoyed the grooming tasks that most others didn't, Kirsten decided it was time to make the most of it and create Shear Convenience Grooming"



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 30, 2006
    Posts
    1,209

    Default

    Train wreck?? Your post is the heart and soul train of any message board.

    My Fav: "..one of the bulk buyers from Dow chemical - He has time now" Your tag line was a good chuckle as well.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    56,613

    Default

    Are you going to have a clause in your breeding contract for live 50+ spot foal guarantee or a free return breeding until that happens?

    Who will do the spot count and if a tie, who will break it?



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr. 5, 2012
    Posts
    676

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 5 View Post
    ...she has big feet and her legs are a little toed out (Okay so she stands in the fifth position )
    Too funny!
    If i smell like peppermint, I gave my horse treats.
    If I smell like shampoo, I gave my horse a bath.
    If I smell like manure, I tripped.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    7,515

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ILuvmyButtercups View Post
    You do know you have to start this baby under saddle at say, 8 or 9 months don't you?
    I just assumed the 4 y.o. niece would be the perfect for starting the baby since she would be light -assuming the niece is barefoot and helmetless to keep the weight down for the weanling's back.

    You don't want to hurt his growing joints with any more weight than is necessary until he is at least a year old.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Just west of BFE
    Posts
    5,336

    Default

    You aren't going to actually RIDE the baby are you? You must not be a true disciple if you ride the horse. I think you should leave it with the dam, even better if it sa a colt. I would love to have a chance to buy him off CL for $7500 as an unbroken 7 yo never weaned stud with POTENTIAL to go any direction. Generally, the direction is away from you if you try and catch him. You can have his 5 younger siblings/children to play with
    Last edited by rustbreeches; Jul. 12, 2012 at 10:11 AM. Reason: Too early to spell
    Quote Originally Posted by The Saddle View Post
    Perhaps I need my flocking adjusted.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2008
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    1,120

    Default

    I don't know if this is the ULTIMATE train-wreck thread; you didn't spend nearly enough time debating shoes vs. barefoot, nutrition (grain - what type, how much), or supplements (useless or helpful).... Glad to see that Parelli got a mention, though.
    JB-Infinity Farm
    www.infinitehorses.com



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul. 10, 2012
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    279

    Default

    I'm sure you'll do the right thing and trick train it and put sparkles all over it. That's how people can tell you really care about your horse!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2011
    Location
    Lisbon, Portugal
    Posts
    1,451

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    I want some of the stuff you are drinking AND smoking!
    Yeah, how much are you charging for it?
    Yes, I smell like a horse. No, I don't consider that to be a problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by DottieHQ View Post
    You're just jealous because you lack my extensive koalafications.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2007
    Location
    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
    Posts
    12,174

    Default

    You forgot to add that you have Mexican Barn Workers.
    ::If I was wrong don't you think I would know it?::



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2011
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    2,440

    Default

    It ain't no train-wreck until you have at least 2 house-guests appear to protest how awesome you are while you claim you're never coming back to this board because everyone is a cyber bully meanie but then show up two pages later to ooze all kinds of oh-hell-no-you-need-meds krazy threatening lawsuits for slander or libel even though you have no idea what either term means and then start side fights among other posters while others still post just to say how sick this BB has become and that's why they dont post anymore and it goes on for at least 100 pages until mods are no longer amused and shut it down.
    Barn rat for life



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2010
    Posts
    600

    Default

    teach it to rear! Thats such a kool thing for horses to do!!! It will make him/her look majikal like a unicorn or something!!!



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2011
    Location
    Lisbon, Portugal
    Posts
    1,451

    Default

    No, it ain't no trainwreck until you have a horse that's being stalked and in the witness protection program.
    Yes, I smell like a horse. No, I don't consider that to be a problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by DottieHQ View Post
    You're just jealous because you lack my extensive koalafications.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2001
    Location
    Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    4,419

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    I want some of the stuff you are drinking AND smoking!
    Both are legal in Cali but the frightning part is I was stone cold sober at the time.

    Wish I could have worked in HSUS, bleeding heart rescues, and all the others hot buttons that I missed (if there is a list I could edit and add them in) but right now my muse is on strike.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2010
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    2,181

    Default

    Oh, there are WAY too many Vanner/QH crosses! You should breed her to a Mule instead!!

    Mules are really smart!!



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