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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 1, 2007
    Posts
    633

    Default When you're feeling lonely..

    What do you do? No horse of my own or I'd be out there now instead of crying about being lonely, lol.

    As some of you have read, I'm still trudging through the effects of my divorce and sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel very lonely. I know many of you have experienced loss in one way or another and have some experience in handling it well and I was hoping you could share how you cope.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 12, 2006
    Posts
    2,088

    Default Different strategies needed

    After my divorce I kept myself busy with work, friends and a couple of fun jewelry making classes. The feelings of anger and lonelyness passed pretty quickly for me. Right now I'm wading through the emotions from losing my wonderful horse. This hurts much more than the divorce.
    "All top hat and no canter". *Graureiter*



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 16, 2011
    Posts
    30

    Default

    Curl up with a good book and a cup of earl grey tea... Anyone's horse you could borrow, just to love on? I don't have a dog right now but used to love just taking the dog for a long walk. Maybe that would help?



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar. 17, 2006
    Posts
    530

    Default

    Volunteer. Every organization needs people. You will meet a whole set of new friends and acquaintances. My favorite was with a wildlife rehab organization and I had many really cool experiences with the animals. I still see these people even though i don't have the time anymore to help out.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 18, 2011
    Posts
    1,324

    Default

    Volunteering is always a great way to get out as HappyTalk suggested.

    If you're looking for something right now, in this moment though there is all sorts of stuff you can do. You could go see a movie (cliche, I know but really, a day at the movies really CAN take your mind off everything else). Kayaking is loads of fun alone if you've got a place close enough (real kayaking, not the "other" kind that's been mentioned on the canoeing threads).

    You could also pick up a new hobby. When my LT relationship ended in the middle of winter some years ago I was beyond bored and getting bit by the lonely bug. I took up leather crafting. Tandy Leather (if you've got one near you) has some great, fun beginner classes. It was pretty cheap to get started in and requires a level of concentration, had a blast doing it at home.

    If it's barn time you want go offer your services at local stables. Maybe you can find yourself a pick-poo-for-saddle-time arrangement. If your willing to work for free or peanuts you shouldn't have too much trouble trying to find a barn willing to take you in. I did that this summer when I opted to take a voluntary lay-off, emailed around to all the local barns offering to work for peanuts (literally said that in the emails- "Willing to work for peanuts"). Lo and behold within 3 hours of sending out the emails I had an interview at a big stable where I was promptly hired on to feed and muck, wasn't long before they were offering me horses to ride and I made all sorts of new friends to trail ride with. I'm not making a whole lot of money doing it but that wasn't my intent going into it and it's been an awesome experience.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
    Posts
    3,979

    Default

    find some things you enjoy doing and keep very, very busy. The busier you are, the less time you will have to sit around thinking about the painful stuff.

    Maybe look for some opportunities with a local animal shelter or therapeutic riding program. Maybe an activity that gives back in some way or another will provide some fulfillment.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2009
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    62

    Default

    Keep busy and get outside.

    I always liked to garden, volunteer and ride (of course). In fact, I was VERY happy on my own! I viewed it as a time to better myself.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2007
    Location
    NW Louisiana
    Posts
    5,185

    Default

    If you lived near me, I would say come borrow one of my horses. Everyone who rides the two older one comes off grinning. Does a lot of good for the spirit.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,006

    Default

    We have a great TB rescue place near us that is always looking for volunteers in exchange for riding time - wonder if you have something similar near you? Ditto that for our theraputic riding organization. Our GMO also LOVES to have non-riders as volunteers - they have more time! And we are VERY friendly and have a great group of women.

    That doesn't solve the immediate "what do I do right now?" issue though. When I'm feeling lonely (usually happens in the morning) I try to remember all of the women through history who have lived alone and loved it, and what I left that was worse than being alone. I write in my journal (find that especially helpful), read, or write a long e-mail to friends. I also belong to an e-mail group and I can almost always rely on one of them to be online and to respond if I need to "talk" to someone. We've been together for nearly fifteen years now! THAT group started with an x-files fan fiction site so it's centered more around sci-fi discussion (the original cult of gizzie, if anyone remembers them!) but we're all really close, so they are good source of support.

    Therapy is another option - I do cognitive behavioral therapy, and I find that it gives me good tools for when I have an issue.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 20, 2003
    Location
    N. Augusta, SC (but forever a BUCKEYE!)
    Posts
    1,683

    Default

    I have 3 dogs and a husband who travels extensively for business (months at a time-he's a caddie on tour). Dogs always love a good walk, hike or belly rub. Oftentimes we will have "All about T.C. (or James or Louie) day.". The dogs love it and it makes my heart happy, too.
    Random horse pics http://www.flickr.com/photos/glfprncs/
    Talk to me about fitness or nutrition (I'm an A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer)!
    My blog! http://personalsweatequity.blogspot.com/



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    30,708

    Default

    well, allow yourself to grief. It's ok.

    There are so many things you can do. There are animals to be loved, horses, dogs or cats or other...they don't have to be yours.
    There are organizations that need the help. I know I am working with two who are always short.

    You can develop a hobby.
    drawing or painting, crafting, writing.

    There is Camp NaNo coming up in August, same as NaNoWriMo, 50k words, but you have one extra day!

    But overall, allow yourself to heal. Once you are whole again the world looks brighter.

    Many hugs. And for what it's worth, big losses can take every bit of two years to lose their sting.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 8, 2004
    Posts
    4,291

    Default

    acoustic, is there a therapeutic horseback riding facility near you? I volunteered in TR for 12 years before following through with my goal to become an instructor. You will make new friends, spend time with amazing horses and become part of a healing process that has benefits for everyone.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun. 15, 2010
    Posts
    2,408

    Default

    Volunteering is really helpful. I also find that reorganizing my house and cleaning can be very therapeutic.

    If I had money I would actually redecorate but some times just rearranging furniture and repainting an old piece of furniture helps me feel like things are new. Feeling a sense of accomplishment even over small things helps me feel more in control of my life.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2010
    Location
    california
    Posts
    3,867

    Default

    I have two horses and they are always available for anyone to be around. Ask around I bet you could find a horse that is lonely too.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2010
    Location
    yonder a bit, GA
    Posts
    3,265

    Default

    I rarely feel alone when I have a dog with me :-)

    when I moved back to college after time away, most of my friends had drifted or graduated. I'd been wanting a dog, and looked for months before moving back. Saw one on the pound website the day before flying back, met the dog before even unpacking my car. Two days later, he was home. I knew a dog would be good companionship, but I really underestimated how much it would mean to have him around! He was great motivation to get out there and do stuff, even if that was just going to the dog park then to a cafe patio to study in the evenings. I was still alone at the cafes, but being around the people, and with my pup to pat and keep company during study breaks, i didn't feel lonely.

    Plus, if you have a dog, try looking up agility or other dog sports classes in the area :-)
    MrB's attempt at talking like a horse person, "We'll be entering in the amateur hunter-gatherer division...."



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 15, 2007
    Location
    (throw dart at map) NC!
    Posts
    4,465

    Default

    Try going to meetup dot com. There are meetup groups for just about every sport, every interest. Basically, someone plans an event and anyone can sign up to come. They are things like people who like to watch horror movies, or like to go bowling, or like to knit, or carpool for shopping to outlet malls, or..... it's a great way to stay busy, get you out of the house, meet new friends, pick up new hobbies, and *have some fun*.
    Proud member of the Colbert Dressage Nation



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2012
    Posts
    1,789

    Default

    What were your interests as a child? What was fun?

    It's cliche but that inner child is still in there and might be lonely too.

    Take up ice skating, scuba diving, volunteer at the no-kill animal shelter.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Mar. 27, 2011
    Location
    The Land of Buggies and Black Bumpers
    Posts
    848

    Default

    I have a Lhasa Chin Tzu who came from a local shelter to keep me company. We think he is a Lhasa Apso/ Japense Chin/ Shih Tzu mix and he is most definitely a lap dog. We also have a medium sized dog but he is not interested in cuddling or being close.

    Before I met my husband I had a Shih Tzu, who was a gift from my ex-husband when we separated. She was great company, but she abandon me when I got remarried for my new husband! She got out and got hit by a truck after we moved to our farm and we were both devestated.

    My husband travels for work and I'm here managing the farm and would feel ungodly lonely. After much discussion, we adopted Shanghai last December with no regrets! He is with me constantly and I adore him. He even made his camping debut last month. He sleeps with us, sits with me when I'm inside and follows me all around the house. He was a horder rescue and not really an outside dog, but is always eager to see me when I come in from the outside work.

    I highly recommend a rescue dog!



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug. 1, 2002
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    6,160

    Default

    Nothing really more to add, other then hugs and understanding. I am terribly lonely right now. It stinks. :,(



  20. #20
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2011
    Location
    Just south of the Arctic Circle...seriously
    Posts
    334

    Default

    No real advice here as I'm in your boat as well. My divorce should be final this week, which is good, but I've never realized how lonely it can be to not live with another person.

    Working out is how I'm dealing, as well as overhauling the crap I tend to eat, and spending more time with my dog and reading books. Best of luck to you and if you ever want someone, albeit somewhat anonymous, to talk to, just send me a PM.
    “Thoroughbreds are the best. They’re lighter, quicker, and more intelligent.” -George Morris



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