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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2004
    Location
    Carolinas
    Posts
    4,602

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    So sorry for your loss the pain your family is bearing.

    The one truth about addicts is they and they alone have the power to continue to abuse or to stop. We can hide the booze or drugs, put them in rehab, get them jobs, etc. it will not work until that person is ready to change. Remember that.
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim


    3 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2012
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    2,275

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    Very, very sorry, regardless of how it happened. Losing someone you love, no matter what the cause, particularly a sib, is heartbreaking.



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2012
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    2,275

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    And yes, Al-anon is great (sounds like it might help your mom) - there are the three Cs - you didn't CAUSE someone's addiction, you can't CONTROL it and you can't CURE it. I bet she feels awful, there is no way not to, and second guess yourself all over the place, but at the end of the day, the responsibility is his alone. but still very very painful for those who are left



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2003
    Location
    Happily in Canada
    Posts
    4,727

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    My deepest condolences to you and your family.
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Mar. 19, 2004
    Location
    Earlysville, VA
    Posts
    2,152

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    So very sorry to hear of your sad update, and also that your mother is blaming herself and your family for not keeping a close enough watch.

    The bottom line is you can't save someone who is not willing to save themselves.

    Jingles for your and your family
    \"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.\" Anne of Green Gables



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2011
    Posts
    23

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    Thanks everyone I appreciate the kind words. It's especially difficult speaking to my mother and listening to her second guess herself. She saved him from ODing so many times she is still convinced that she could have done it again had she not been more vigilant. She is coming up with lots of different scenarios where people could have helped changed the course of things so it's very difficult talking to her. I'm trying to stay positive and get her to leave the house and take her mind off things.

    Looks like it's almost time to ditch this alter.



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2004
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    291

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    I'm so very sorry for your loss. There is nothing you or your mother could have done. I have seen a dear friend go through the loss of two children and it now looks like a third is headed for the same fate. Despite tremendous effort, there is really nothing he can do to alter the path, that power lies only within his son. I hope that time begins to heal some of your family's wounds a bit and that you are able to find some peace within your new reality.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I'm not an outlier; I just haven't found my distribution yet!



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Mar. 4, 2010
    Posts
    1,723

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    I am so so sorry for you and your family. I hope everyone can find the resources they need to help them through this very difficult time. I, too, suggest Al Anon or some sort of family counseling.

    This strikes especially close to home for me as I have a nephew who is fully in the grip of his addiction. He was on quite a crime binge until he finally got locked up but now the enablers are at work again. I can only hope they come to their senses....

    No matter what, I am sorry for your whole family. Addiction affects everyone!



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2011
    Location
    Dutchess county, NY
    Posts
    892

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    (((((hugs)))))))



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Aug. 23, 2006
    Posts
    1,757

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    What a terribly sad update. I'm so sorry.

    I hope that your family, and especially your mother, will be able to realize that unfortunately, drugs are an unpredictable and relentless enemy. Your brother fell victim to them and no matter what anyone did, or didn't do, fighting drug addiction is a war that is too often lost despite whatever heroic efforts are waged against them.

    Again, so sorry that this happened to your family.



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2006
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    1,780

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    I am sorry for your loss



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2000
    Location
    Clarksdale, MS--the golden buckle on the cotton belt
    Posts
    18,349

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    First stage of grief is guilt; second is anger; third is acceptance. You and your whole family have suffered right along with your brother. My condolences.
    "I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay."
    Thread killer Extraordinaire



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Oct. 12, 2009
    Location
    College View
    Posts
    1,222

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    Very sorry for your loss.



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Jun. 26, 2009
    Posts
    81

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    I am very sorry for your loss. Neither you nor your mother nor your brother are to blame. Addiction is a mental illness and like anyone else with a serious mental illness, people who are addicts struggle to control and cope with it and sometimes they can't. The New Yorker did a good article on the novelist David Foster Wallace a few years back. You should search for it and read it. He was a good person, a good novelist and from the article, at least, he had a wife who loved him very much. Yet, he also suffered from addiction and depression and he took his own life. I don't think it was what he wanted or chose. People with mental illnesses live closer to death than the rest of us. You can always lay blame, but in the end, none of us are getting out of here alive and you can only try to live the best you can for yourself and others. We're all just works in progress.



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    4,168

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    I am so sorry.
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes



  16. #36
    Join Date
    May. 24, 2006
    Posts
    2,891

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    So very sorry for your loss. Drug and alchohol addictions run in my family, it is very very difficult. I hope for healing for your family and you.



  17. #37
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,951

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    Being the person who's job it is to prevent an OD-- all the time-- is no way to live.

    I hope your mom can grieve the loss of her son to something much more powerful than she.... and also find out how much better life can be when she's not set an impossible, 24/7 task.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
    Posts
    9,190

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    Very sorry to hear this. Hope the family is able to be at peace.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



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