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  1. #81
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2000
    Location
    One of those city that are big towns, real big!,San Antonio TX
    Posts
    1,855

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    Weatherford you read my mind. Um actualy well you know. anyhow man I have been on this computer dilagently reasearching everything I can think of and man some of the storys and bics just make me sit and cry cause they are so powerful. I realy have been in tears most of the day. Reading storys of victams, familys and friends are just so much to comprehend. I sent weatherford this one story of a mother who talked about her daughter going to a weight camp. as I read threw it i thought this chiled was about 15 but later down I find her to only be 11. the camp was harmless but she took it too far. its realy a heart filling story from a mothers prespective. The more I read and reasearch the more i see myself. Some of it I see myself reflecting threw the words. It skares me to think I was realy there. And the more I read the more deadacated i become to want to do something. Wll i have a good idea of what to do now its just takeing all of it and organizeing it to be productive. Its not just the eating thing im working on I have been in indepth reasearch on alchaholism, drugs, rape, self inflicted injuries. you name it i have been reading on it. Its realy a epademic than anything. I just wish i could reasearch on the equestrian leval. there is stuff out there for almost every sport except ours. well I got to run.
    \"I\'m going to go see a horse about a man\" - Unknown



  2. #82
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2000
    Location
    South Jersey
    Posts
    3,320

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    CTT - I agree with you......

    I just finished doing a report on self injury for one of my classes. it was VERY hard for me because I have dealt with that issue myself and being objective was a struggle - but god the books I read made me cry and so did the webpages. That stuff scares me. There are so many issues and society is telling us all our bodies aren't good enough - we need to love ourselves as we are.

    Sarah
    Sarah ( & Regal)

    what doesn't kill you makes you stronger -
    unless it breaks your heart first



  3. #83
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2000
    Location
    One of those city that are big towns, real big!,San Antonio TX
    Posts
    1,855

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    Yes we do nead to learn to love ourselves. Sarah Im proud of you. You have realy come a long way and have grown since i first met you. You are very butifull and very talented. Your heart is big and full of love. remember you are very special to me.
    Smile and know that you are so important to this world.
    \"I\'m going to go see a horse about a man\" - Unknown



  4. #84
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2000
    Location
    South Jersey
    Posts
    3,320

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    Thanks CTT - that means alot to me to hear (read?) you say (write?) that. Very very much - and thank you, I will.

    Sarah
    Sarah ( & Regal)

    what doesn't kill you makes you stronger -
    unless it breaks your heart first



  5. #85
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2000
    Location
    One of those city that are big towns, real big!,San Antonio TX
    Posts
    1,855

    Default

    You are welcome its only the honest truth.
    \"I\'m going to go see a horse about a man\" - Unknown



  6. #86
    Trying To Smile Guest

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    I havent ever posted on these boards before. But its so hard sometimes not to. WEIGHT has also been a big issue for me. I am 5'4 tall, weigh 145 lbs, and am sixteen (just a few weeks ago). I wear a size 30 Tailored Sportsman. Whenever I have a hard day at a show, my mother (who doesnt know the difference between a bridle, a halter, and wraps) tells me its because I am overweight. How does she know? When I come home to cry because I am fustrated with myself and my horses about our progress, everyone tells me that I should lose weight instead of sit there crying because if I weighed less we'd be jumping 3'9 perfectly instead of fighting for the 3'6 rounds. My parents tell me to "work out for an hour each day" and eat healthy things like salads and baked potatoes. But do you see those things at shows? My parents NEVER come to my shows- I always stay with fellow jr riders or their parents. They went to Europe for two weeks and finally I feel like I can breathe in my own house. They told me they'd send me to fat camp for the summer if when they came home I hadn't lost any weight (instead of showing my horses) and theyd let someone else campaign our horses. I CANT TAKE IT ANY LONGER!!! I have reached the extreme. I know taking drugs are horrible but today after they left I went to Walgreens and bought DietAid and took it but my friends ruined it. I was trying not to eat anything but we all got together at my friend Rachels house to watch movies, and of course we make cookies and drink Baccardi Frozen Daquiri Mix (no liquor of course) and I eat some. And I feel so guilty and like a pig! And I know its SOO wrong to take pills to be able to ride your horses! And if my parents think and scream at me that I am out of control, so out of control that they can leave me with my housekeeper for 2 weeks alone? And I dont know what to do I am so fustrated and angry and ready to do something drastic! Everything is so pointless and I am so sorry to post this stuff here but I have no one else to tell.



  7. #87
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2000
    Location
    One of those city that are big towns, real big!,San Antonio TX
    Posts
    1,855

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    Trying to smile. Thankyou for your post. There are about 3 other threads that go with this one. And on a fue of them there is a tone of other storys like yours. I myself am a continueing recovering anorexic. I have been recovering for 7 years maby longer. But let me talk to you for a moment. I have a long story that threw all of these threads you can read. But Its a road that almost killed me and I mean almost killed me. If it was not for my sister donateing a kidnie to me I would have been dead and not here now. Its realy that serious. You can realy die from this. You think you have it under control but actualy your far from it when you get to this point mentaly. There are so many girls out there that die from this and they neaver learned what it is to truly live. The sad part is they started just where you are right now. When someone is concerned with there weight it a self confadence problem. they pop pills, eat less, vomit, little by little they loose control of themselves. And the recovery is not prity eather. When your confadence is down you begin to listen to people you know you should not. Then the process starts and day dy day you loose a little bit of yourself. Then one day you might just find yourself in a hospital barely hanging on for life. You are saying right now that won't hapen but I said the same thing. Right now Im hacking up a storm and I can't take anything for 2 hours cause I just took my rejection meds and For some reason tonight Im in agony cause I can't take a simple antihistmine. Let me give you a word of advise. you said your weight is holding you back. Guess what its not. Its your mind thinking that its your weight holding you back. Look real close and realize that you are you and that life. I would do anything to gain a fue pounds right now. Every day I fight just to stay alive. It starts off as a fue harmless pounds and then it turns very quickly into a disease. If you nead to talk you can write me anytie. Know that ok. I ask you of a favor to take thoese pills and throw them away. they do so much harm. If you realy feal you nead to loose the weight I can send you storys, and about 300 things that can hapen. System malfunction, in abilaty to have children, iregular piriods, Destruction of enzimes ( they brake down foods, you loose them you can't store any newtrition from foods), failing metabolism, And death. Please don't do it. And never feel guilty cause your body neads that food so bad just to survive. you fail to give it that and you risk bringing death upon you.
    \"I\'m going to go see a horse about a man\" - Unknown



  8. #88
    Join Date
    Aug. 10, 1999
    Location
    Ireland & sometimes the US ;)
    Posts
    11,073

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    Thanks CTT - I hadn't read this page until today, and I do hope, Trying To Smile, you ahve taken the time to read through all these threads. Please do not hesitate to email CTT or me directly if you need to talk to someone -
    And next time someone tells you it's your weight holding you back - believe me it ISN'T, tell them "BU******, it's you telling me thing like that!" (I think I put int he right number of stars!) Meanwhile - go watch the GUYS out there winning - believe me, many of them are NOT tiny & lithe & skinny. I will say, I certainly don't fall into those categories, but (on good days) I don't do too badly, either. Or go watch that wonderful young Canadien rider - she isn't aneorexic like many of ours, and she is certainly winning and looking wonderful while she is at it. Or Olympic Bronze medalist, Heidi Robiani (1984) - She did an AMAZING job.

    Be Strong! And BE CONFIDENT - the confidence will make or break you every time. Make sure your balance and basics are the best they can be. And if your coach give your grief about your weight - FIND ANOTHER COACH - one who will support and applaud you (AS well as teach you what you still need to learn.)

    Take care.

    By the way, it has taken me 45 years to tell my mother - who is now almost 85 - that when she makes a comment about my big butt, it is not very nice and certainly not appropriate. And I did it this week - felt great. Of course, she's a tad (!) forgetful, so she will do it again, but I will keep saying it. So don't wait so long to tell your mother the same thing - but try not to fight, just say, Mom, that not nice and not appropriate and mostly, that is not true.

    Good luck.
    co-author of 101 Jumping Exercises & The Rider's Fitness Program; Soon to come: Dead Ringer - a tale of equine mystery and intrique! Former Moderator!



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