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  1. #41
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    Jan. 28, 2000
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    Ok Teddy, I agree with SOME of what you said, however, IT IS THE MINDSET THAT YOU HAVE THAT KEEPS US IN A RUT!!! We CAN fight it and FITNESS should be emphasized, but not by judges! A trainer for a highly competative person can recommend a work out schedual for strength and fitness, but not everyone is going to look like a runway model somehow wandered onto show grounds. MOST people are not stick skinny, I am very thin, I am only 5'3 and weigh about 103, but I wear a size 7! Why? Because I work out and I have a VERY strong stomach. Most people can't believe I wear a 7, but they don't think that is fat either! So to these girls who are saying "oh my gosh, I am 5'9 and wear a size 6, I am FAT!!!" I cannot sympathize with them. Instead of starving yourself, eat a well balanced, good diet and excercise. I got a few responses from some of those people I e-mailed at AHSA, and got some good responses to them. It may not be stoppes completely, but it can be slowed way down. Teddy, I am sorry but you are almost glorifying eating disorders in your first couple of paragraphs! This is a SERIOUS thing and it needs to be taken care of. I will use another analogy and maybe you will get it this time. If we went along with the mindset of "well, it's not right but that's the way it is" then SLAVERY would still be going on today! Don't just follow the heard like a dumb cow, stand up and fight for what is right. You are giving up without even trying, and being that I am a Marine and we are taught to NEVER give up, I have to say that that kind of behavior is dishonerable and sad. To win the war you have to fight, if you want change you have to go after it. If you accept the way things are even if you don't like it, that is terrible. If something is blatantly and morally wrong, then it SHOULD be questioned and bringing it to light WILL help change things a little, but that is not enough.
    Is minic a rinne bromach gioblach capall cumasach
    An awkward colt often becomes a beautiful horse .



  2. #42
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 1999
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    Aiken, SC
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    "First, we went to CVS and bought all of these cool vitamins. Then, she introduced me to the gym. I had never worked out before, and to me the gym was a foreign land with scary equipment and intense people, but she showed me the ropes and set up a routine, and I quickly got the hang of it. She supervised my eating, making me eat breakfast for the first time ever, cutting the caffeine out of my diet, and introducing me to the world of the mythical "balanced diet". And then there was the water, oh god the water. I had to drink it 24-7. I also had to make sure I slept at least 6 hours every night. I felt so wonderful, AND I lost 5 pounds... all in good health!"

    I think the last sentence is very important...usually, attention to fitness and healthy eating results in weight loss, as well as more strength. If, after that, you still want to reduce your body fat, you can reduce fats in your diet. It's possible to lose weight AND be healthy AND gain strength without bulking up...or, bulk up, if you like. It's certainly true that different body types and metabolisms will react differently to the same regime. Figure out what you need for your body and your activity level. Also, you may find that fitness alone is what suits you, and that you don't need to strive for zero body fat! Finally, it truly is how you feel about yourself that counts in the final analysis, not your measurements.

    Speaking of which, muscle mass vs. fat is going to determine weight. During one period of my life, I lost three sizes and only seven pounds (5'7") which just goes to show you.

    To follow the regime above takes some time, attention, and discipline...but there are young women posting on this thread who say they will do anything to improve their competitiveness...if so, do the right thing, no shortcuts (bad for horses? bad for you, too!). And think very hard about what exactly it is that you think you need to be or appear to be before you take such shortcuts. The poster who suggested service as a means of gaining perspective makes a very good point.

    (The quote is from two posts back, I think...)

    [This message has been edited by Nancey Phillips Fisher (edited 04-09-2000).]
    Tinwhistle Farm



  3. #43
    Join Date
    May. 15, 1999
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    The top of Schooley's Mountain, NJ
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    No..No..No..that's not the way. You started out fine and you finished up fine.

    Right, life will not be perfect, it will not change and no one will even remember or notice if you win the big one at the indoors!
    They won't even notice if you die on the way! You'll just be one less to beat.

    The quote:
    I was such a spoiled brat before, and I only focused on winning... so much so that I was unable to do it! Being around my horses more and being responsible for them changed me so much... I learned to love the sport for the little things like arriving at the shows at the crack of dawn only to hear the birds and the sound of the horses munching on hay. I stopped going to the shows in hopes of
    expereincing the thrill of victory, and instead, I went for dozens of other reasons, like to see my friends and enjoy preparing my horse to show. Winning became secondary and I was so much happier.

    That is the real purpose of showing. Life does not change because for one minute you were skinny.



  4. #44
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 1999
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    OH USA
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    COSMO- Knock it off now, or else it will continue to haunt you for the rest of your life! Talk to your parents or an adult that you trust who will LISTEN to how you feel and not just tell you what to do.

    I was in a very similar position as you as a junior- I actually walked away from a top EQ. barn right at the height of my "career" and at the verge of being the IT Girl of 15-17 equitation. Why? I was 5'8" and 100 pounds- exhausted, had stomach ulcers and strange abdominal pains. I never took diet pills or drugs- I just didn't eat and the anxiety of being number 1 was enough to create the ulcers. One day, my dad noticed that I was picking at my favorite salad that he always made- he took me aside and simply said, "I know what you are doing, knock it off, or you'll lose it all, and I don't mean your horse... there are more important things in life." I spent a lot of time after that talking to my dad about perfection, weight, pressures, etc. So, I made the decision to move to a low pressure barn, gained 15 pounds and had a blast. I occassionally won an Eq. class, but never to the level that I probably would have in the other barn. Did I regret the move? A little then, but now? Not at all. Had I stayed at the big barn, yes, I probably would have made finals, but what to show for it later?

    The great thing about riding, unlike sports like gymnastics or skating, your career doesn't end at 18... in fact, it keeps getting better as you get older. You can achieve GREAT things at 20 - 30- 50 and on up. To quote George Morris, "Riding takes a lifetime to learn- and just when you think you've got it, another challenge comes along to put you in your place." Don't pinpoint your junior years as being the END... it's just the beginning.

    And, furthermore, distinguish yourself with poise and confidence, not thinness. If you're concerned about setting yourself apart from Sara, Avery and Georgina, then work without stirrups five times as much, work on your transitions until they're flawless, develop a killer lower leg and put on an air of confidence in the ring- that's what is noticed! Cozmo, if I could play a record of me at age 16, we would have sounded the same. Don't go down that road- it's been a very long and bumpy one for me, and at age 29 just starting to smooth out.



  5. #45
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    Oct. 27, 1999
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    I've been reading along with you guys and now finally feel as though I can respond. I wish I had been able to stand up to my trainer in college when he said, "there is nothing uglier than a fat rider." Mind you, that was when I stood 5'9" and weighed 120. I lived on Slim-Fast and lettuce for the next two years, until I graduated. Now, four years out of school, I have gained 20-25 pounds. I realize now that I am healthier, even though some days, I feel fat. But my body has reached its proper weight and you couldn't pay me enough to diet again. I run every other day and do my sit-ups and push-ups to keep muscle tone and I eat pretty much whatever I want (although I have to admit that junk food doesn't cross my apartment's threshold). Those years of living on Slim-Fast did nothing for me, except ruin my mental image of myself. I won when I was underweight and I still win now. Granted, I don't show at the As - I take young horses to schooling shows and Cs, but those young horses require all my physical and mental strength to give them a good horse show experience, so that someone else can take them to the As and win. I wouldn't be able to help the horses if I were still starving myself. I can't tell you how many times I felt weak after riding at even an intercollegiate show because I hadn't eaten enough to keep a fruit fly alive. If I were still starving myself, I would not be an asset to the young horses that I train. It's taken me a long time to be satisfied with what I look like, but I've realized that who I am is more important than what I look like. I'd rather be here than in a hospital. And besides, what's a ribbon really worth? Shouldn't it be enough to know that you rode as well as you could and weren't just a passenger on your horse? We already take take too much for granted in this life; we shouldn't take our bodies and lives for granted.



  6. #46
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    Feb. 21, 2000
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    If I took my horse and underfed it, overworked it, doped it with drugs, withheld it's food on a regular basis, and demanded it be a "particular" size or shape (never mind what it was bred to look like, risk it's health, soundness and mental capabilities; I would be condemned by everyone here, and quite possibly, arrested.

    What a pity that some young women think that is perfectly acceptable to do that to themselves. Would you do that to your horses???



  7. #47
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    May. 15, 1999
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    I'd like you all to consider this!

    Why do we all like horses that are nice and fat and round better than the bony skinny looking ones?

    Why is it acceptable for there to be long legged horses, and short legged horse of all kids of combinations of markings sizes and shapes?

    Except in a class specifically for "conformation" they are all supposed to be judged equally on "performance and soundness".

    Why can we not give the rider the same privileges? Especially since at least in the horse divisions the rider is irrelevant.



  8. #48
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    Feb. 16, 2000
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    Reston, VA
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    If anyone at the Chronical or any other publication needs verification that the body image topic is timely and critical, please read Sandstone's post from page one of this thread.



  9. #49
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    Aug. 10, 1999
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    Ireland & sometimes the US ;)
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    Thanks to everyone for posting here - this has been excellent.

    If anyone wants to watch very very competitive riders who do not fit the "0-2" size category that is currently in vogue, you should watch dressage rider, Amy Gimbel (NA Young Riders Team) and Canadien (I think) show jumper extraordinaire, Frankie Chesler. I watched the latter in FLorida, and she was excellent: fit, strong, aggressive, talented. Her few mistakes were those of a young rider and had NOTHING to do with the fact that she is not the skeleton that the judges seem to prefer. (Both these riders are sponsored by 1824, a company that caters to larger riders - and they are featured models in the newest catalogue.) We need to see more like them in the winners' circles!
    co-author of 101 Jumping Exercises & The Rider's Fitness Program; Soon to come: Dead Ringer - a tale of equine mystery and intrique! Former Moderator!



  10. #50
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    Apr. 5, 2000
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    usa
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    I certainly agree with all of you when you say that it is gross what girls will do to themselves to win! I'm jaust saying that judges like it- it is what wins, no matter what! If you weigh 135 and are 5 ft 8 in and you put in a good round you will probably be beat by a girl weighing 120 and 5 ft 8 in. I have seen it happen, I have expierenced it myself. The other week, I was called back in the medal in 2nd and I didn't have that wonderful of a test (my horse doesn't leave other horses when it's my turn). But, the girl who was coming back in first was about 135 and 5 ft 4 in. She had a fine round, much better than mine, and she ended up second...later I found out that I won because I "fit my horse better"- that is what the judge said to my trainer. It happens... and until it stops happining nothing is going to change about the way riders view themselves...



  11. #51
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    Mar. 13, 2000
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    The South
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    I don't have the time right now to do this justice, but I wanted to bring up the fact that "fitting your horse well" has little to do with how thin you are- in fact, there's a great thread about this, started by Glasgow I believe. There are plenty of reasons why a rider will or will not look right on a horse- and 99% of them have nothing to do with weight.

    Cosmo- Instead of trying to stand out at Devon by losing weight, why don't you focus your energy on improving your riding? That's a much healthier mindset- I'd hate to see you stand out as the rider who was taken away in an ambulance due to dehydration.

    [This message has been edited by Lily (edited 04-10-2000).]



  12. #52
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    Mar. 29, 2000
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    Olivenahin, CA USA
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    I am sorry if I offend anyone. Me my self being slightly on the chubby side- it sometimes upsets me when judges pick the thinner ones over the healthily pudgy ones! I mean, the Top 2 Finishers of the Onondarka Medal at The Oaks this past weekend were sticks! Literally! Everyone can be healthier if the judges stop placing all the thin ones first- and IT IS NOT just the Rated judges- I was at a County Show to get my pony used to the grass and show in some medals. I have wonderful equitation- but I'm no stick figure- and I place last with a bunch of people who are totally thin...It is somewhat prejudice...and is definetly a problem among teens these days!

    Amanda
    Amanda Beck
    &
    Gift of Honor



  13. #53
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    Feb. 4, 2000
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    Oregon
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    Hi! I was wondering? Did anybody happen to see the 1998 McClay Championships on ESPN? OK, there were 3 people who rode in the ride off. Sarah Willeman, Erynn Ballard and Avery Dimming. Avery Dimming went first and had a beautiful round. Then the rider from Canada, Erynn Ballard, rode and had an "impeccable round" as said by THE Robert Ridland. Then Sarah Willeman went 3rd and had a great round. Why am I bringing this up you may ask? Did any body SEE Erynn Ballard? She WAS NOT a skinny girl and she WON the class!!!! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]
    In fact, Avery Dimming wasn't the perfect body type either!!!!!AND SHE PLACED 2ND!!!!! Sarah Williman did an outstanding job, she just had bad luck with her horse. What I am trying to say is, you CAN ride if you are not the perfect height, weight etc.! I watch the Championship over and over again trying to figure out how ALL three of those riders rode! They were wonderful! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]BTW, the 1996 McClay Championship had ALL skinny girls and made me want to puke! I still have it on videotape! NO WAY do I want to end up like those people! If I do, somebody shoot me! OK, I'll get off my soapbox now! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]



  14. #54
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    Jan. 23, 2000
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    Arlington, VA
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    Reading this thread I had a thought - everyone here keeps saying over and over "but judges favor skinny riders and it's hard (or impossible) to fix it!" - might I make a comment that if you believe this and you then go about conforming to the rules you are only re-enforcing this.

    If instead all of the people who want to lose weight - and are healthy where they are - simply in order to win spent that much time and energy RIDING and getting better maybe one day a 'weight biased' judge would find that the BEST rounds in a class they were judging were in fact by people who didn't fit the 'thinness mold' and be almost forced to pin them b/c they were so far superior? (Hey I have a dream!)

    Also suiting your horse doesn't have much to do with weight, I may show a 14.2 hand horse in green hunter this year and if I judge tells me that I look to big or whatnot on her I won't be terribly offended - as my legs are long on her and I do look big! And likewise my friend who owns this mare is 5'0 and does not look well on my 17 hand thoroughbred. Suitablity has more to do with height, how long your legs (especially thighs) are and how the horse is built!

    But don't get mad at people who are think - I am 5'5 and about 118. I don't diet at all although I am careful with my diet I do eat quite a lot (today I had an apple and a drink for breakfast - a peanu butter sandwich, an apple, carrots, a bag of chips and 2 cookies for lunch, and low fat popcorn and goldfish as snack - then dinner will be chicken and vegetables with milk to drink and probably a roll or some bread) and I am naturally slender - some people really do look that way - I have a friend who is really really skinny but she eats anything and everything - some people just are that way and you can't hate them for it!

    Snowbird I love everything you are saying! I want to email the AHSA and tell them all about this but am not sure of what to say - could some of you who have mailed them share your letters with me?

    CTT - thanks for your kind words - reading all of this has made me truly greatful I was able to stop before I hurt myself (beyond emotional wounds that are slow to heal sometimes)

    And to those of you who want to impress the judge with your weight - what about impressing him with your great release, you perfectly following hand, your horse's elegant jump, your immaculate turnout, your smooth transitions in u/s classes - etc. IMO those are the more important things.... and if you don't win? Is it the end of the world? Those classes at Devon are huge - there will be 40 or so people entered - maybe 6 of them get ribbons - so do all the rest walk away 'losers'? IT depends on how they view it - for some the honor of being at Devon and competing and presenting the horse they have worked so hard with will make it all worth it! Is a ribbon worth physical pain? Even if you win will you need to keep winning over and over again? Will it never be enough? Those of you who talk about Devon I will be honest here I ENVY YOU - I would LOVE to show at Devon and I probably never will - yet all you care about is getting a ribbon and being thin - I am sorry but that attitude makes me sick! There IS life after Devon, after Indoors - unless of course you are in the hospital with your organs failing being fed through tubes. Or you have become so tired and depressed that you cannot take showing anymore.....ask your self what is 10 pounds worth? What is a blue ribbon worth? What is your life worth?

    If people here still think thin is better how can we EVER convince the judges to judge objectivily!!! We must all take a stand TOGETHER to stop this bias - and we must all stop buying into and believing it - it makes us almost as bad as those doing it if we keep turning a blind eye to it!

    Sarah


    [This message has been edited by Regalmeans (edited 04-10-2000).]

    [This message has been edited by Regalmeans (edited 04-10-2000).]
    Sarah ( & Regal)

    what doesn't kill you makes you stronger -
    unless it breaks your heart first



  15. #55
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    Mar. 13, 2000
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    Sarah, you said exactly what I was trying to say- but much more eloquently.

    If you are convinced that the judges will pin someone else over you, they probably will, because you've beaten yourself before you even walked into the ring.

    Instead of thinking negative thoughts about your body image, turn that into positive energy and have the rounds of a lifetime.

    More later...back to the thesis!


    [This message has been edited by Lily (edited 04-10-2000).]



  16. #56
    Morjalia Guest

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    Sarah, your post really got me thinking. When you are older and look back at your life what kind of memories do you want to have? Do you want to have a blue ribbon not worth more than $5? Do you want to have your family and friends remember you winning that ribbon? If these memories will also bring up reminders of starving, feeling weak, never being satisfied, overall inability to do a good job riding your horse, was it really worth it? Who are you living your life for? Your trainer, family, friends, judges, horse(possibly [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img])or yourself? I hope when I look back at the great moments in my riding career, they will be the times when I became one with my horse, when our relationship was so strong we could read each others minds. I want memories of the perfect round, not because I was stick thin, but because I had trained hard and perfected both myself and my horse, and honestly I would prefer these memories to all the blue ribbons in the world.
    This past summer I was showing both of my horses at a show during a fair(ferris wheels, screaming kids, crowds etc.) I won a couple classes on my more experienced horse, but the class that made me proudest was the one that my VERY GREEN gelding was able to complete without being asked to leave the ring. He had acomplished something that was very hard for him, my other horse, although we won ribbons could have had a much better performance.
    Sorry this is so long, I just think many of the weight issues stem from issues of why people are riding, Is it for the horse or for the ribbons?



  17. #57
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2000
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    One of those city that are big towns, real big!,San Antonio TX
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    Its been almost two days since I have been on the boards. I apologise that this will be very long. Its been a very hard weekend and the week just got even hearder. Today I buried a very dear friends of mine sister. and about 30 mins. ago i got a call that I just lost another dear friend. The one I laied to reast today sufferd for too long. As I stood their I began to look around at everyone. She wanted a big funeral and I can't begin to describe how butifull it was. I haven't stoped crying. Portia thanks for keeping me together. I stood their and as I said my fairwell I stood and looked down into that deep hole. Was she realy gone? Was she realy in that box? and if not why isn't she standing here holding my hand like she use to reinsure to me that she was ok? Then it dawned on me and I realized she was in that box. She realy was gone. And shes never comeing back no mater how hard i wish that I would wake up from this dream and see her tomarow at school where we all use to hang out. But she won't be ther. Her sister had been so strong threw all of this and for the first time she cried. she couldn't be strong anymore. There was not one thing I could say to comfort her ease as I held her while she poured out 5 days of pain. Even her mother and father and brother were not there mentaly it was like a dream to all of us. Was this happy girl that only 2 weeks ago was going to clubs and movies with us realy gone. It still hasn't dawned on me. I don't know when it will and at that point how will i deal with it all.. She died from newmonia......

    Im shareing this story with you all because that could have been any of us. How do you think the people who you leave behind will be able to coupe with the circumstances? Think of what this will do to your family. How do you think your parents will deal with this if they know their pride and joy will never wake up again. Think for a moment and listen to my words. When we are gone there will be an enpty feeling in everyones heart that we affected. And an even bigger spot for our parents. For most parents they pray for their children to out live them but in cirtian situations they don't and for the reast of their lives they have that emptyness. Its hard to have a mother standing their draped over your shoulder crying. saying the words why did she half to go now? why not later? Thoes questions can never be answerd. All that can be said to comfort is .. Shes no longer suffering, no longer in pain, and is at piece instead of pain..None of us know our time but for some they are contributing.. Maby it would have been easier if we knew she was that sick but she didn't want to hurt any of us. She wanted to live her time as long as she could till her sick body couldn't take it...She had been sick her hole life.. She was a diabetic... but each time she bounced back.. There are some questions that still are waiting to be answerd..

    Cozmo, dimond, and all who choose the road to be skiny. for a moment pretend that she is you.. How do you think all who love you in some way will deal with the pain of you being gone? How can you stand their and think for one moment that they will be ok? They won't and thats the simple fact. you probubly never thaught of this? have you? This friend of mine that I laied to rest today could have been any of you.

    Im compleatly out of my mind at the moment. Today had been one of thoes days you wish never had to be. I have read all of the new posts and I half to give an aplaud to Sarah for what she wrote. Im here If you ever need to talk. You are a very strong person. What will we be able to look back on when we are older.. THE HAPPY MOMENTS... not the bad not the wins not how much we wone or made in life the happy moments..

    Tedy there are some things in your post that I hate to say but I would like to rip apart. Not to be mean but to be logicle. Although yo did have some good parts the first half is my main objective.. For onr momrnt think what it truly is like to be a person with eating disorders. look at the sights I have given out. put yourself in the shoes of them and realy understand. I can understand cause I was their and in the worse way. I sacraficed my life and for that i came literaly days away for leaveing this world as I know it. That is why I say what I do and in the way i do cause i WAS there I came close and for what. to be skiny fo myself? to do it for what I wanted? NO plain and simple fact...I LISTEND AND I DID IT CAUSE I THOUGHT THATS WHAT EVERYONE ASKED AND WANTED" You might have done it in a safer maner of looseing the weight but your prioraties still were not their. you still did it for the sake of others> for thoes dam judges that make you think that you hald to. All you had to do was go out buy some in evpensive used boots some new britches and atire. Thats all you had to do. 7lbs big woop you probubly could not even tell but you could since your rideing atire did not fit properly. You did it to fit into some worthless clothing that could have been replaced.. Im sory Im harsh but my point is you thought you did it in a healthy maner but your focus was not on the right place and that is why I can not reward you.
    to all....
    Ask this question What makes a good horseman?

    "I hear what you are saying. I understand perfectly that you want to look as slim as the other girls at the big shows. Wanting to be the same weight as your toughest competitors makes sense to me because I know that being heavier is a handicap to your winning ability at the big shows."

    Do you realy hear what cozmo is saying? Its only a handicap because the judges made it that way.
    "Extra pounds won't necesarily stop you from beating thinner girls, but they won't help you at all, that is for sure. You usually have to make up for being heavier by riding better than the rest, which puts you at an unfair advantage."

    Remember my question above? I rather see her wit a fue extra pounds and a better rider than a skiny slopy rider that gets pined for the look. It puts her at a good advantage with her self cause she can sit there and go wow I ride so much better than them and when Im older I can go farther than them. while they are still here. I would rather be known as someone who rode their best, was a real orsewoman, and tried my hardest. Thats the reward not some little point thing or ribon. It how you feel inside.

    "It is just not a level playing field. That is a horrible, horrible fact, but it is the truth, nevertheless. I don't see how writing into the AHSA and raising awareness will ever change the situation. Girls will always want to be thin and judges will always favor riders that are slender. It's disgusting... yes... but it's also a mentality that is not going anywhere soon."

    if we want to stop it it has to start with the induvidual riders. Standing up for honesty and real judgeing. We do have a say if its big enough and if we ge to gether and voice our opinion we will be heard. trust me we will it just takes time and paitence. it is the year 2000 and its about dam time we start changeing how things are done. we have ppowe and that is our money. If we want something done we work our hardest to make the more powerfull ( bigger walets) listen to us and have them help us get to where we want to be. We are a paying customer every time we show or renew our membership. And what is the first rule of sales in any business? The customer is always right. and we are the customers here..

    "What we need to to do is learn to cope with it. Cozmo... you are a such a classic example of how junior girls feel. What needs to be addressed her is how Cozmo can deal with these feelings of hers in a safe and non-harmful way. Some have posted that she should not feel the way she does... that she has no reason to loose weight and that she should not heed her trainer's and judge's words. Well of course she SHOULDN'T, but she does anyway. No one can force her to change her feelings anymore than my girlfriends here at college can try to make me stop obsessing over this silly guy who I know is SO not worthy of my time and energy, but who I constantly think about anyway, DESPITE the fact that I know he is a jerk. We feel the way we feel whether we like it or not, and it usually takes years and years to change the strongest of our feelings (and a lot of therapy)."

    The reason we say this is because for thoes of us that have said it have folowed in simalar shoes as me and can relate. Its their warning to not do what we made the mistake of doing. We sufferd for it for so long and the more we say thoes words the more she will see and be able to grab deep down and find what is needed of he from herself. Remember I do work as a volenteer at a clinic and I repeat myself over and over again in diffrent ways till everyone heres me the same and can sit there and go I can't balive i was that dumb to think that. The more of us that say it the more aware that people are to what is in them and what they need to do to corect their miss judgement.

    "SO... here are my recommendations for "coping" with the feelings of inadequacy you have regarding your weight. First of all, please consider going to a therapist. There is a lot of bad therapy out there, so you have to be wise in choosing someone, but when you do find the right person, therapy can be one of the most rewarding and helpful expereinces. It is something you have to do for yourself. My mother wanted me to see someone for years becuase she thought I was holding myself back from winning by psyching myself out. We also had a lot of family problems too. Well, I refused to go for a very long time. I was too embarassed really. I didn't want to have to explain to people why I was doing it and I really thought that I could deal with my problems by myslef. When I came to school, my friend finally got me to go to her therapist. I can not even begin to tell you what it has done for me. I wish so much that I had gone when I was a junior, I can't imagine how much it would have helped me then. With you, Cozmo, a therapist would provide an outlet for you outside of your family and riding."

    Therapy is a wonderfull thing and I do agree here but the first mistake is being forced. And what I mean by this is when you are forced a sheild is built and you stand their and feel imbarised as you so planly stated in your post further down. Accepting that you need help is the first step so that this does not hapen. When forced you feel like you have no controll over yourself. you have this feeling like you are not normal and then later down you sit their and think that you are so horable that you can not tell people that you have a problem. The way the world goes for real therapy is to talk about it to all the people you know know why. Don't be ashamed let it go. Im not ashamed of telling people Hey Im dislexic hey I had eating disorders, Hey I have a kidnie that is my sisters, that I tried to kill myself in un friendly ways. Yes I did slice my wrist cause you want to know why I was tired and i didn't want it anymore, Im not ashamed to telll people that Im missing a breeast, Im not ashamed to tell people that I suffer from time to time of depression, Im not ahamed to tell people that I was sexualy asulted as a chiled Im not ashamed to tell people that the reason I was sick last year was that I finaly realized that a year and a half prior I was raped. That is tharapy right there not being ashamed of yourself for all of the S*** that has hapend to you. Once you can do that and say HEY WORLD GUESS WHAT I HAD A CRAPPY LIFE BUT I LEARNED SOMETHING AND IM NOT ASHAMED TO SAY IT ANY MORE. You think that was easy for me. NO. Maby I should not have said all of that but I did and you want to know something I feel better for it cause that is one more person I feel comfortable with. That is one less person I half to lie about my life to. Man I feel better. Maby my life could have had diffrent situations and maby some of this did not half to hapen but it did and there is nothing I can do to change it. but being able to stand and not live behind a curtian where I am ahamed of myself is what I want and that is why Im so happy with myself cause I know that if i conqured this all and Im still here I did something right. I want to be known not a the mystry person but as the person who shared for people to learn and become stronger.

    "I know you think that you are too busy between riding, school, and everything else, but you just need to budget an hour a week and it is SOOOOOO completly worth it. If you think that you would be embarassed then the key is not to tell people! It might seem hard to keep it a secret, but it really isn't. I have a huge group of freinds at school who I am with all of the time, and only two of my freinds know I am in therapy. If your parents are in issue, let me know, because I have lots of ways to get around them. My mother doesn't even know I am seeing anyone! Believe me when I say that that is a feat!"

    Man and that above was only a start. I hate to say it but You realy did the second NO NO to therepy. telling someone that if their parents are hard that talking to them is worthless. If that was true. Who in this world made you? HMM not some angle your mother made you and so did your father. Your parents are your best friends weather you want to admit it or not they ar. Who nurtured you, who took the extra money they had to let you do this sport? who suported you? Who did everything they could do till the money was too tight? who pais for your school or sends you money when you need a fue? Ho clothed you? who put a roof over your head? Who will be their when times are tough? Who will be there when you need a shoulder to cry on? you guessed it YOUR MOM AND DAD and there is no changeing that. They are permanent. Too keep a seacret from your parents is the worst thing cause you are liveing a lie to them. You are not being honest to them and that is the bigest lie you can live with. You might tink your parent are horable but at some point in life we all think it. Im proud to say that my mother is my beast friend. I would die for her if need be. I would love her till the day she is no longer there. I am gratefull to have been born into the family that I was. I keep nothing from my mom. I tell her all. and why do I cause she knows me the best. Im just like her cause she taught me what I know. I regreat giveing her a hard time when I was young. But Our parents only have so long on this earth. Who will be there for you when they are gone? People come and go but your parents will and i mean will neaver turn their backs nomater how horable they are. If they did not want you they could have given you away but they didn't and they gave you all thay had to make you happy. Have they ever asked for all the thousands and thousands that they put out for you back. No because no parent will. You nead to learn to become friends even if it involves biting your toung.


    Sory guys I know that was alot but as i said its been a long fue days. Ill have more of something posative in themorning when I get all of this out of my system.
    night

    [This message has been edited by CTT (edited 04-11-2000).]
    \"I\'m going to go see a horse about a man\" - Unknown



  18. #58
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 1999
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    Maryland
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    I just wanted to let everyone know that I have been following the weight threads, and yes, we do think it's worthy of an article... probably later in the summer, since I have three articles I'm working on right now, and it seems too big a topic to lump in with the drugs/alcohol discussion. So please keep the discussion going! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img] If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, feel free to email me at erin@chronofhorse.com.



  19. #59
    Join Date
    May. 15, 1999
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    CTT,
    One of the wonderful things about cyberspace is that you get the chance to vent, to put ideas together and think them out. That's what happened in the old days when we sent the message in the bottle out to sea. Today you get back and that is very reassuring.

    I'd like to give you a thought too, after years of trying to solve some of the basic mysteries of "Why" in our lives. I have a conclusion, this is purgatory.

    We've all been somewhere else, and we're all going somewhere else. This is inbetween spaces. Those who were very good and had learned what they needed to know got out quicker than those of us that haven't learned. So in essence that answers why so many beautiful kind and honest young people leave us too soon. It also explains why those who must live to be 125 are still with us.

    This idea has given me a lot of peace. You should read a philosopher by the name of Ospensky. The short version is this, if you lose a leg, are you any less you? If you lose both legs and both arms are you still you? So then where is it you reside. His concept is that we just live inside a life support system, just like the men on the moon have to wear a space suit to be alive. So if we take off the suit, does that make us any less ourselves. Think about it, and you will begin to realize that we are all living inside a "life support system", and when we leave it behind your question to answer is are we still "US"? I think so.

    CTT, I know it's hard but don't let yourself dwell on all the terrible things that can happen, or might happen or even will happen.
    I am a believer in the power of positive thinking. Concentrate your efforts on what is good, what is beautiful and what is healthy and then you will find confidence and courage. There really is a good side to everything, you just need to find it.



  20. #60
    Join Date
    Oct. 21, 1999
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    Rochester, NY
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    Snowbird, I have tears in my eyes. What a perfect post, thank you.
    Originally Posted by Alagirl
    We just love to shame poor people...when in reality, we are all just peasants.



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