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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2007

    Default Are We Sharing Too Much?

    In the past couple years, I've noticed a pattern of individuals going on Facebook or on Blogs and sharing all with millions of their close friends. Specifically, in the horse world, we're now seeing: The footing sucked at (fill-in-the-blank) show: The management didn't do their job at fitb show; Judge fitb scored my jumping round poorly. Is he blind? The judge at (pick a letter) doesn't know good moves when they're right in front of them! Do I need to go on?

    Is this the young who feel everything about their lives is of interest and there is a right to tear anyone down in a public forum?

    Some might say I'm out of touch or behind the times. Actually, good manners are never out of fashion and never out of date regardless of what century you live in.

    Hopefully, in a few years when these people have grown up, it will be a shock to find that the words written today and shared with millions will come back to haunt you.

    How do others feel? Is it me whose too old fashioned?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan. 10, 2002
    Area VIII, Region 2, Zone 5.


    Quote Originally Posted by blackhorsegirl View Post
    Is this the young who feel everything about their lives is of interest and there is a right to tear anyone down in a public forum?
    That would be my guess. I agree with you, BTW.
    Founding member of the "I Miss bar.ka" clique
    Founding member of the "I Miss Pocket Trainer" clique

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2008


    Add that a lot of people never look to themselves for the answer for their non-success, and I'll agree with that.


  4. #4
    Join Date
    May. 17, 2003


    I think a lot of people think they live in a bubble nowadays, and that either anything they do has no effect on others, or they really don't give a damn if it does.

    What they don't seem to realize, however, is that the internet bubble is highly permeable--and a little enlightened self interest might be a wise guide to anything one writes or says on this medium.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 10, 2009


    I like to hear what people have to say about show venues and judges personally. I think its interesting to hear opinions, although I'e never seen anyone bashing a judge personally. But I do think people go too far. There's a line between sharing an opinion and publicly bashing judge/venue/etc. I really love keeping up with people seeing their pictures from shows as I can see how (and if) they and their horses are progressing.

    I do cringe a little when people have statuses about a horse they are trying "not passing the vet," if I was the seller I wouldn't want some kid out there writing on facebook that my horse was lame.

    But then again, I'm one of young, dumb ones still at 20. And I don't say that in an angry, denying way--in an accepting way. And I ride Jumpers, but I did dressage back in the day.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2009


    Interesting. I do blog (and even link it here for whomever is interested) and don't' think much of it. It includes everything from info on me graduating from law school, to getting married to working on training a young horse (mostly the later). I find it a great way to get others talking about good hot button topics in many different fields that I am currently interested in.

    As far as things like footing or judging... I'd love to hear it as well. Though judging is more subjective and harder to say "good or bad" there are def. a few Judges out there that have particular pointed ways that are well known, and well, now documented in the written word. I do, to an extent, feel the same about speaking about trainers as well, since we don't have any formal qualifications... the internet has become the largest form of "word of mouth".

    Now... I will agree that things do go too far. Sour grapes, a bad experience that had detrimental events happen that is a unique event only to you being aired in a public forum such as this, speaking about another's horse in a negative light when they are not here to say anything to the contrary, or are not asking for critique... etc. Yes... a Pandora's box of sorts.
    "The ability to write a check for attire should not be confused with expertise. Proficiency doesn't arrive shrink-wrapped from UPS and placed on your doorstep."

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
    between the barn and the pond


    of course.

    The idiot 35 YO who is a big shot in a major university's marketing dept, who doesn't connect the dots that having her side job as a dominatrix on her MySpace page, right there in the mix where it says WHERE she works during the day.

    It's not unique to 13 year olds.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr. 5, 2003
    Houston, Texas


    I do think part of it is a generational difference. Where we would hang around and talk about something in person, in a bar, back at the stables.... younger people now use facebook or other electronic means. I am not sure that they are saying anything new-they are saying it in a different way and by a different mode.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun. 15, 2008
    Charleston area - SC


    Well, I'm 26, and it DOES annoy me! I really DON'T want to know every little detail of people's lives - esp when it horrifies me. I find myself ignoring quite a few facebook friend's posts (including those of some family members). Ignorance really IS bliss when it comes to knowing some people!

    I also don't like reading arguments between family members or SO's that I feel are highly inapropriate to be discussing on a public forum.

    My "favorite" on facebook though is when someone will share absolutely everything, and then their next post is griping about how other people should keep their opinions on said person's life to themselves. ...Umm...Hello! if you don't want people to have opinions about your life, how about you not post it ALL over the internet for their review??

    And on another note, I was discussing with a friend why she wasn't "friends" with her daughter on facebook. Her response was that she wanted to give her some privacy. Privacy?? On a public forum??? Really?!?!


    SO to answer you question -- Yes - I think we are sharing too much! I DO, however, appreciate seeing edifying posts on various venues, judges, & vendors. And it does end up influencing me to a degree.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2006
    Larkspur, Colo.


    The Monkeysphere can explain this.

    A little excerpt:

    First, picture a monkey. A monkey dressed like a little pirate, if that helps you. We'll call him Slappy.

    Imagine you have Slappy as a pet. Imagine a personality for him. Maybe you and he have little pirate monkey adventures and maybe even join up to fight crime. Think how sad you'd be if Slappy died.

    Now, imagine you get four more monkeys. We'll call them Tito, Bubbles, Marcel and ShitTosser. Imagine personalities for each of them now. Maybe one is aggressive, one is affectionate, one is quiet, the other just throws shit all the time. But they're all your personal monkey friends.

    Now imagine a hundred monkeys.

    Not so easy now, is it? So how many monkeys would you have to own before you couldn't remember their names? At what point, in your mind, do your beloved pets become just a faceless sea of monkey? Even though each one is every bit the monkey Slappy was, there's a certain point where you will no longer really care if one of them dies.

    So how many monkeys would it take before you stopped caring?
    That's not a rhetorical question. We actually know the number.


  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2002
    it's not the edge of the earth, but you can see it from here


    well, I'm going to say that I know more than one person who lost out on a JOB because of Facebook or MySpace.

    I Don't Get It. But then I"m old.

    Former Pres. Clinton was just on NPR tonight and SEVERAL times referenced the 'resounding echoes' of the internet.

    I don't think it's *all* bad... But I think that people feel a certain anonymity that is false. And I learned that the hard way.

    Once you have an internet stalker, or someone you don't even know, half-a-country-away trying to trash your reputation/biz... you realize that even 'small communities' on the net are NOT. (small, nor communiity)

    It's a great tool. As with all tools... can be helpful or harmful.
    InnisFailte Pinto Sporthorses & Coloured Cobs

    Bits are like cats, what's one more? (Petstorejunkie)

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2008


    I loathe social networking, so I'm a horrible judge of this, but I do remember back to when I was early 20s, college-aged, and first online. I was so typically bold and 'brave' and put my name and info to everything I wrote online. Unluckily, I have a weird name, so I can still Google and easily find my idle comments on this or that message board. Luckily, this was before Facebook et al, so I'm spared the worst wincing now, but I think when you're that young, you're so inexperienced with repercussions and so full of bravado and idealism that you do honestly think it's morally wrong to edit yourself or conceal information.

    For real adults? I think the answer is that a lot of people never mature past 22.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2009


    shouldn't this stay on topic though monkeys?

    We're talking about horse related things... not general life dribble that people have now become able to give to all via public venue.

    What say you specifically about the chattering online in public forum about judges? footing at public event spaces? vendors? trainers? how about barn owners? how about going as far as fellow barn mates and their antics (pepperoni anyone?)
    "The ability to write a check for attire should not be confused with expertise. Proficiency doesn't arrive shrink-wrapped from UPS and placed on your doorstep."

  14. #14


    Quote Originally Posted by blackhorsegirl View Post

    Is this the young who feel everything about their lives is of interest and there is a right to tear anyone down in a public forum?

    Generation Me
    A new book says we're in a narcissism epidemic. Why you're not so special.

    By Raina Kelley | NEWSWEEK

    Published Apr 18, 2009

    From the magazine issue dated Apr 27, 2009

    Growing up, my literary heroines were those who, like me, struggled to be good: Jo from "Little Women," Harriet the spy, Laura Ingalls and Pippi Longstocking. A strong-willed (and loud) child, I craved examples of unruly knuckleheads tethered to a loving family that encouraged us to be our best selves despite our natural inclinations. Precocious but naive, I thought of myself as an ugly duckling—misunderstood in my youth but destined for a beauty and stature completely impossible for my loved ones to comprehend. I shudder to think what a monster I would have become in the modern child-rearing era. Gorged on a diet of grade inflation, constant praise and materialistic entitlement, I probably would have succumbed to a life of heedless self- indulgence.

    Perhaps, one day, we will say that the recession saved us from a parenting ethos that churns out ego-addled spoiled brats. And though it is too soon to tell if our economic free fall will cure America of its sense of economic privilege, it has made it much harder to get the money together to give our kids six-figure sweet-16 parties and plastic surgery for graduation presents, all in the name of "self esteem." And that's a good thing, because as Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell point out in their excellent book "The Narcissism Epidemic," released last week, we've built up the confidence of our kids, but in that process, we've created a generation of hot-house flowers puffed with a disproportionate sense of self-worth (the definition of narcissism) and without the resiliency skills they need when Mommy and Daddy can't fix something.

    Indeed, when Twenge addressed students at Southern Connecticut State University a couple weeks back, their generation's narcissism was taken as a given by her audience. The fact that nearly 10 percent of 20-somethings have already experienced symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, compared with just over 3 percent of the 65-and-over set? Not surprising. That 30 percent of college students agree with the statement: "If I show up to every class, I deserve at least a B"? Didn't get much of a rise either. When they're faced with the straight-out question—do you agree with this research, that you guys are the most narcissistic generation ever—there are uniform head nods and knowing grins to each other. "At the end of the day I love me and I don't think that's wrong," says Sharise Tucker, a 21-year-old senior at Southern Connecticut State, a self-professed narcissist. "I don't think it's a problem, having most people love themselves. I love me."

    But as Twenge goes on to illustrate, all that narcissism is a problem that can range from the discourteous—residential advisers at Southern lament students disregarding curfews, playing dance music until 3 a.m., demanding new room assignments at a moment's notice and failing to understand why professors won't let them make up an exam they were too hung over to take—to the disastrous—failed marriages, abusive working environments and billion-dollar Ponzi schemes. Seems that the flip side of all that confidence isn't prodigious success but antisocial behavior.

    Armed with a steady influx of trophies just for showing up, "I Am Special" coloring books and princess parties, it is hard for kids to understand why an abundance of ego might be bad for them. Hot off their own rebellions in the late '60s, my parents struggled to give me the freedom to be me while also teaching me generosity, compassion and humility. I didn't make it easy on them. I was the kind of kid who threatened to drink Drano if asked to load the dishwasher. "Don't get cocky, kid," was the response from my dad when I declared my grades too good for my behavior to be monitored. "Pretty girls are a dime a dozen," my mother would remind me when I came up with the brilliant idea that school was getting in the way of my social life. My mom would also trot out fables to keep me in check. Ever read the original ending to Cinderella? The evil stepsisters get their eyes plucked out by pigeons and end up beggars. But it worked, mostly, and "Don't believe your own bulls––t" became my mantra. Of course, I still hate to be told what to do, dislike following rules and will waste hours trying to get out of the simplest household task; but hey, I'm a work in progress.

    But no matter how you were raised, the handiest cure for narcissism used to be life. Whether through fate, circumstances or moral imperative, our culture kept hubris in check. Now, we encourage it. Pastors preach of a Jesus that wants us to be rich. The famously egocentric wide receiver Terrell Owens declares at a press conference that being labeled selfish is fine with him. Donald Trump names everything he owns after himself and calls his detractors "losers." We live in a world where everyone can be a star—if only on YouTube. The general sense among students on that New Haven campus is that with the world being such a competitive, cutthroat place, they have to be narcissists. Well, you may need a supersize ego to win "America's Next Top Model" or to justify your multimillion dollar bonus. But last I checked, most of our lives don't require all that attitude. Treating the whole world as if it works for you doesn't suggest you're special, it means you're an ass. As an antidote to a skyrocketing self-worth, Twenge recommends humility, evaluating yourself more accurately, mindfulness and putting others first. Such values may seem quaint, maybe even self-defeating, to those of us who think we're special, but trust me: it gets easier with practice.

    With Sarah Kliff

    Find this article at
    Production Acres,Pro A Welsh Cobs
    I am one of the last 210,000 remaining full time farmers in America.We feed the others.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 11, 2010
    Northern Michigan


    IMO there are certain things that are helpful to know, like bad footing or an expectional facility, but at some point it crosses the line and becomes unnecessary bashing of one another.

    I think that the young generation is more prone to such immature behavior, but there are also many adults who behave in this manner. I'm only 16, but it would never occur to me or my friends or trainers to speak like that on a public forum. However, I know several individuals, both adult and juniors who do it all the time. Also, as much as we can say it's innappropriate when others bash things, I don't think any of us are too pious to admit to doing it once or twice in our own lifetimes...

    Internet forums like FB (and COTH...) make venting easy, and taking back what you said difficult.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun. 1, 2009


    What a timely post. Yes, I've learned today, I do post to much. I lost a potential sale from someone who checked my past posts. However, not all of the posts here are about the horse I currently own, so they are not relevant to her. Also, posts here sometimes get heated or are posted in the heat of the moment, when an issue isn't really as bad as it seems.
    Do not toy with the dragon, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup!

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2005
    State of Confusion


    In regards to the OP - YES.

    That said, while I do think it is a generational thing to a degree - I think it actually stems more from the parents of the "Me" generation, at least in my experience.

    Hey - there are a number of good kids out there and a number of narcissistic ones. 9.5 times out of 10, the kids are who the parents raised them to become.... either a decent, well-behaved person, or a me-me-me-me (its never my fault, I'm not responsible, you-must-not-like-me-to-not -think-I'm-ALL-that) person. I even know one woman who is so obsessed with her son that she tells everyone that they didn't have any life before he entered it...... (major whack job, that one).

    Children raised with few to zero boundaries have no clue that what they are posting now can very well come back to haunt them in the future (be the future as of tomorrow or further out).

    Just my $.02 worth - which is not even the cost of admission anywhere these days and probably worth about what you paid for it!
    Quote Originally Posted by SmartAlex View Post

    Give it up. Many of us CoTHers are trapped at a computer all day with no way out, and we hunt in packs. So far it as all been in good fun. You should be thankful for that.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2000
    Columbia, Maryland


    "Reality is the other person's idea of how things should be." - John M. Shanahan
    "No matter how well you perform there's always somebody of intelligent opinion who thinks it's lousy." - Laurence Olivier

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Mar. 28, 2006


    I have resisted joining facebook so far, some of things I am told people post (and these are adults) are things I just don't get. It is also annoying when you go to have a casual conversation with someone in person and you want to share some news... about a new horse or a competiton score. Then the person you are speaking to cuts you off and say's "yes, I know so and so bought fluffy.......I saw it on facebook" It's as if they want to one up you that they already know.
    "The stumbler doesn’t build her life by being better than others, but by being better than she used to be."
    David Brooks

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 9, 2005


    How are you ever going to know the strange sensation of being "defriended" if you've never been on facebook. It is the oddest thing.

    It's like being given the "cold cyber shoulder". LOL

    I find it useful to communicate some plans etc to groups of people, announce updates to web pages or horses being prepared etc. None of my friends (and there are very few I don't know) are into fights or personal carrying on.

    I guess something is only as good as the information fed it and if there is anything you wouldn't want EVERYONE to know then you shouldn't committ it to cyber space.

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