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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 26, 2006
    Posts
    394

    Default Being married to a night person when you are a morning person.

    As I type this he is sleeping and I am wide awake and full of energy and wanting to do something on this day off. The last two days I came home from work late afternoon and he went to bed for a nap. When he is up and full of life Im falling asleep on the couch or already in bed.....
    Anyone else?
    I wish I gave this more thought before we married ten years ago. I caution others to contemplate this heavily.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 15, 2004
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    7,799

    Default

    I am the night owl and he goes to bed early and gets up early. I don't need as much sleep as he does though, so I can still get up at a decent time. But 2 am is normal bed time for me!!
    My brother works through the night as well and his wife is a morning person. Not the best combination at all. I see tension in their relationship. He works at home and is not making any effort to take care of himself lately.
    However, when needed both he and I do get up and participate in activities.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 23, 2004
    Location
    Sisters, Oregon
    Posts
    1,903

    Default

    Yup.

    My husband is an artist and started working at night over 20 years ago. He said he could work uninterrupted for 10 hours and get so much done.

    I am an early to bed, early to rise type.

    It works for us. I am pretty independent so I like the time alone to get my stuff done. We do spend the late afternoon and evenings together, have dinner together every night.

    If something is going on during the day/morning he will go to bed earlier and get up for it. He goes to horse shows with me so that totally changes his schedule for those days, he's a good sport about it I just don't expect a great deal of chipper conversation from him in the morning
    Kanoe Godby
    www.dyrkgodby.com
    See, I was raised by wolves and am really behind the 8-ball on diplomatic issue resolution.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 20, 2003
    Location
    N. Augusta, SC (but forever a BUCKEYE!)
    Posts
    1,698

    Default

    YES! I'm a teacher, so I'm up at 5:00 a.m. and in bed by 9:00 most nights. Thus, 7:00 a.m. is sleeping in for me. I can get a LOT done by noon and then relax all afternoon. My husband, though, doesn't generally start a project until late in the afternoon, but then wants my help. Grrrrrrr.

    Funny thing, though....my DH is a golf caddie, so when he's at work (he travels), he often has to get up at 4:30 a.m. to prep for the day.
    Random horse pics http://www.flickr.com/photos/glfprncs/
    Talk to me about fitness or nutrition (I'm an A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer)!
    My blog! http://personalsweatequity.blogspot.com/



  5. #5
    Join Date
    May. 8, 2004
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    6,814

    Default

    Me! I'm the morning person, he's the night owl. He's more disgruntled about it than I am, mostly because I sleep like the dead and he's the sort who struggles where there is any kind of noise.

    It's an interesting problem, and I do try to help him out by staying up as late as I can, drinking more coffee at night, and trying not to pop up at 5:30am. And when I do wake up early, I run, bike or try to keep it all quiet.

    Not perfect, but it's a known problem, so we try to work with it.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2003
    Posts
    1,774

    Default

    Yep!

    When we were first living together my husband didn't have to be at work before 12, would be home by 10-ish and would work on private projects until 1-2AM. I had to be at work by 7:30 and was passed out by 10PM. Weekeneds he'd rarely be up before 2PM and I'd be awake by 9-10AM. His computer was also in our bedroom (small apartment) so his late night projects involved all that as well.

    We bickered a lot about because he wanted everything to be perfectly, totally SILENT while he was sleeping. Which is clearly unreasonable.

    We negotiated that I would make a REASONABLE effort to be quiet during the weekdays. On weekends until 12PM I'd be as quiet as possible but after that I was doing whatever, and if it was noisy, oh well! The "No Tiptoeing Past 12" also applied to any naps. His contribution was to deal.

    Why not just have designed hours? After such-and-such-time you reserve the right to be noisy/demand he wake up/etc... and he can have before-such-time you will be avaliable for conversation/dinner/snuggling/movies/etc? Although with 10 years at it I'd guess you've already tried that!
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 26, 2006
    Posts
    394

    Default

    It not as simple as that. I am alive and chipper in the mornings, he is very slow to wake up and grumpy for a long time. In the evenings I am slow and tired (probably cranky) while he starts coming alive.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2003
    Posts
    1,774

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pixie View Post
    It not as simple as that. I am alive and chipper in the mornings, he is very slow to wake up and grumpy for a long time. In the evenings I am slow and tired (probably cranky) while he starts coming alive.
    So WAS my husband. He's gotten a lot better. Used to be you couldn't talk to him for about 2 hours he woke up. So he'd be up by 2PM but not worth being around until about 4PM.

    It's all about the negotiations, imo. And what's up early/sleeping late? Are you up at 4-5AM? Is he sleeping until 12-1PM? Because being up SUPER early IMO is just as unreasonable as sleeping to 2PM!
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings



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