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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,968

    Default Only child, rude people

    Im having a baby in 2 months and we don't want anymore. The onslaught of people talking about it to downright yelling at me about the cruelty of an only child is astounding.

    "he needs a playmate "
    Is the top one. I never played with my sibling. Ever. I got a good imagination and became self amused as a result.

    I need a snappy comeback since nothing Ive said so far shuts them up. This is far far worse than when we told people we didn't want kids (I was told I couldn't, that shut them up).

    Help. Before I choke one of them out at my shower.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    Dutchess County, New York
    Posts
    4,044

    Default Get used to it!

    The unsolicited advice, I mean.

    I don't believe in being rude back to rude people, so my answer to all such things is "Thank you." It is not quite an appropriate answer (or comment) so people get that you are intentionally not commenting on what they are saying.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 2003
    Location
    Norcross GA
    Posts
    1,981

    Default

    No snappy comeback here, but I am an only child and we moved every three years. Talk about having to develop social skills to make friends! (and I mean that in a good way - now, I am always the DD when our group of friends go out. Why? "Because you're the only one of us who doesn't have to drink to talk to strangers and dance")

    Also, I appreciate the fact that had I not been an only child, my parents would never have bought me my horse, car, or fully funded my college education. Had there been two of us, they would have contributed but not fully proviided. For that,, I am extremely thankful to be the only.
    TIMBERRIDGE SPORTHORSES:
    www.timberridgesporthorses.com
    --> Just Press Start // '99 Oldenburg
    --> Always The Optimist (reg. Simply Stylin) // '02 Thoroughbred



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    5,734

    Default

    Just ignore them. Why waste you're energy worrying about it?



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
    Posts
    3,734

    Default

    Tell them they can pcik up the tab for the second one! Prenatal through college and wedding!
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"



  6. #6
    Join Date
    May. 11, 2009
    Location
    Dairyville USA
    Posts
    2,979

    Default

    "My doctors have told me it is too dangerous for me to become pregnant again"

    WTF is WRONG with people?
    Michael: Seems the people who burned me want me for a job.
    Sam: A job? Does it pay?
    Michael: Nah, it's more of a "we'll kill you if you don't do it" type of thing.
    Sam: Oh. I've never liked those.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    40,173

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rustbreeches View Post
    Tell them they can pcik up the tab for the second one! Prenatal through college and wedding!
    I like that, just tell them a second child is fine, if they will help raise and finance it for you.
    That ought to give them pause.

    I do wonder, why the talk at all?
    I would think that is no one's business.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,397

    Default

    I always laugh when people say that they plan to have a 2nd child because their kid needs a playmate or whatever. I grew up with a brother and a sister and we were all pretty much at each others' throats for my whole childhood. We're not close as adults either.
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog: http://deborahsulli.blogspot.com/



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,968

    Default

    My moms BFF is the worst so far. She ranted at me for 20 minutes in front of my entire family. This is not like her so I was shocked! I was polite but she actually raised her voice at me and said I was cruel!!
    My aunt (who is very blunt) told me to tie my tubes when I deliver.

    You would think the unsolicited comments would be par for the course, since horsewomen can also offer "advice".

    I'm blown away by the rudeness...one telling me not to be a hero by not getting an epidural, my baby won't bond with me since I'm not breast feeding, I'll change my mind definitely and have more kids despite me saying we would have to sell the house (2bedroom).

    People have so much nerve! The receptionist in my obs office spent 15 minutes telling me I was wrong to have one child.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov. 10, 2010
    Location
    NE PA
    Posts
    209

    Default

    learly these people have issues but to arm yourself be as sunny as you can muster and say

    " Well, bless your heart"

    I am not southern but my sister is an acclimated North Carolinian and she swears by it.

    Of course I would look at them and say

    " Well looking at your social skills, I will certainly consider the decision."

    Stupid nosey people will never get the sarcasm but at least they will shut up.
    Focus on incubating and ignore the nosey, pushy people. You will be a great mom!
    bad decisions make good stories



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 1, 2004
    Location
    Magnolia, TX
    Posts
    5,464

    Default

    You're still pg with number one and already being hounded about more? Wow.

    DH and I are on our third year of trying. If we ever get pg and don't lose it, there's a grand possibility I'd deck anyone who dared suggest it was selfish not to have more. What is wrong with people?
    Jer 29: 11-13



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2003
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    3,381

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleblackMorgan View Post
    <snip> People have so much nerve! The receptionist in my obs office spent 15 minutes telling me I was wrong to have one child.
    THAT one you CAN do something about: Complain to your OBGYN that her receptionist is being unprofessional by injecting her opinion on your repro life.

    Otherwise, I'd just be non-comittal when folks ask. Or simply say.. "When did my uterus become so interesting to you?"

    The Aunt would've been bitchslapped. Family REALLY gets me..



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2006
    Location
    Cheesehead in Loudoun Co, VA
    Posts
    2,400

    Default

    I used to tell people that I was going to conceive a second child six months after the last person asked me, "So far, I'm up to 2040."

    Tell the busybodies, "Bless your hear, my reproductive schedule is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."

    Keep repeating until they get the message. The louder and more angry they get, the softer your voice gets and the more you smile.
    I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right
    Violence doesn't end violence. It extends it. Break the cycle.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,968

    Default

    Oh I laughed when my aunt said that. She knows I don't want more and was shutting up my moms BFF for me. It didn't work.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2007
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    4,968

    Default

    I always tell people to break out in screaming anguish and wail about the medical reason why you can not... Not to be uncaring to the people that really can't but to make people think before they talk.

    We did end up having a second child but for three years I was going to stop at one. I did a lot of research and reading on the subject and while I never really had anyone confront me about the topic I did have information that discredited their opinion, it's easy enough to give a condescending look, site a source and change the subject. I find myself having to do that now since I ended up homeschooling.

    But I'm also not a fan of unloading a huge amount of resentment/frustration on Great Aunt Bessie who is coming from a completely different perspective, sometimes it's ok to just say "things are so different now, aren't they" and moving on. Practice patience now-you're going to need lots of it. Wait till you start using bottles or breastfeeding (either way, you're wrong)... or vaccinate... or choose circumcision... or go to preschool or not... and pretty soon the teachers will be telling you how and what your kid should be doing... ect.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2006
    Location
    Evansville, Wisconsin
    Posts
    3,081

    Default

    I only have one child, got my tubes tied last year, so I know what you mean. MIL is still on us to have more kids even though she knows we don't want more. When I reminded her about my tubal one day when she was carrying on about it her response was "Miracles can happen." Please, no. Save your miracles of conception for people who want them.

    Generally I tell people that since I'm taking good care of this one, I don't need a spare.
    "In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog."
    -Edward Hoagland



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,968

    Default

    Moms BFF is 60 and was a kept woman. Never had a job until her dh left her 10 years ago for a new model. She has no idea what it's like to earn 80% of the household money, be the cook, the cleaner the wife and now the uterus/mom.

    I don't think I should have to justify my decision to anyone. The funny thing is, no one in my generation questions us.

    We don't even know if we could have more. This guy snuck by the radar and we done know how. I have pcos and had ovarian surgery. Following 10 years of no birth control and no scares, and a specialist telling me I wouldn't conceive without ivf. Then he survived 3 boughs of massive hemmoraging in the first tri. He's a miracle and I think people are assholes for even asking. Especially since those who voice the loudest know the whole story



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2007
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    4,968

    Default

    From what I know of you here, you aren't afraid to speak your mind.

    Maybe just (calmly, rationally) tell people what you just said here and tell them let's just move on before I start getting into your personal business, shall we?

    There is something about other people's kids that makes people think that they need to tell others how to do it. Maybe b/c it's such a tough job, or so important, or maybe people wonder if they made the right decision for themselves... I don't know.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2012
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    4,899

    Default

    I am 25 and I don't have any children...and I don't want any, ever. I am not into kids, period. My boyfriend is 41 and he doesn't have any, doesn't want any.

    People are constantly making comments like "you are next!" Or "so when are you having one?" And these are people who have been told multiple times that we don't want any! Then we get "oh, you'll change your mind someday! You're still young!" I know I don't want kids, why dont people not get that?! Kids aren't for everyone. I'm too selfish, I'm not willing to give up my "freedom" with my time or my money. I have horses, dogs, a cat, and my boyfriend, who I would love to marry someday. I would rather spoil each other. Selfish, maybe but I think its better than having a child & resenting it.
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,968

    Default

    Lol I do speak my mind but carefully choose my words with older generations. That whole respect your elders thing.

    Otoh, I have a prepared statement for the barrage of breast feeding pressures I'll get in the hospital, ranging from polite to nasty. Just in case. I've heard they can quite forceful.



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