My mare lost her foal April 4. This was my first attempt at breeding myself. This was to be my daughters future pony. The mare is the mother of my mare, whom I love dearly. How cool would it have been for my daughter and I to ride sisters? Just like everyone else, I had many hopes and wishes, not to mention fears. I knew something was wrong. I tried to help. But I didn't succeed. In the end I failed and the baby died.
Everyone I talked to (many many experienced breeders) have all told me it was for the better. That there was something wrong with the foal because it came 3 weeks early. I do tend to agree with that, and I thought I came to peace with that.
But I have to admit that seeing all the posts on FB, and COTH about foals being born and mares being bred back and all the celebration, etc etc, feel like kicks in the stomach. Some people I see their pics and their posts and think, "how come that idiot's mare foaled last night, alone, no one around, and everything is fine? And I did everything "right" and here I sit, with nothing but an old broodmare who is coping with this way better than I am?" I feel bitter and resentful.
Today a local trainer called me to see if I still had colostrum from my mare. Her maiden just foaled and was attacking the baby. I was happy to share and help a "neighbor". But it's also left me in tears for the day. Seeing her pictures, and the fact that the baby is almost identical to "mine" doesn't help.
I don't know if breeding again is anywhere in my near future. I haven't decided where I want to go from here.
I can say I give all you die-hard breeders a lot of credit! I have a whole new empathy for breeders of all sorts (humans, critters, etc) I don't know that I am strong enough to try again, and for now will leave it to the experts.
But how do I put the images to rest? I keep seeing the events unfolding over and over. Then the heartbreak. Ugh. It sucks. There's not a day that I don't think about it. I know the more time goes on, the less pain I will feel.
I do understand where you are coming from breeding is not for the faint hearted and sometimes you learn just how painful it can be. Allot of it really isn't up to you in fact no matter how hard you try to cover all bases.
I mean this in the nicest possible way even once they are born they can still "expire" on you read some of the other stories. Foals that went through fences, Foals that died during treatment (for many things) and Foals/young horses that broke you name it somehow all posted by people who as far as I am concerned do go above and beyond. They will in the most part cost you many $$ (even if it is just to make sure), in my case due to drama’s cause you too loose sleep through worry & $$$ and like your neighbour who could very well be hand raising that foal directly cause you to lose sleep .
I am sure you know this and once again I do understand. A friend had a mare abort right in front of her ... she was quitting breeding for ever ... a few months later she has changed her mind. Me while definitely not a stud I have changed my mind on breeding every other year I don’t have the stomach for the issues.
I lost my first foal. They tell you that there's no such thing as a broken heart, and it is true. What no one tells you is that hearts can be wounded so deeply that they never completely heal. I am welling up now and it has been 8 years.