From New Jersey.......transplanted to Silicon Valley, CA
I read this thread with great interest!!
I am not going to re-hash the many thoughtful posts that have been composed.....I am not going to beleaguer you the many ETOH-induced incidents that I deal with on daily basis. The only thing I will say is to take responsibility for your actions.
Despite of all the efforts of legislation and education, drunk driving remains a major, public health manace. So, don't be stupid!.....think twice before you drink! Your future might depend upon it.
Sparkles, you are right in that alcohol is not the only reason people do stupid things behind the wheel. Most of the close calls I have had with death on the road while bicycling were a result of people paying more attention to their phones than to what was in front or alongside them. JAGold--put that phone away!!! Thank you!
And how about the sad excuse for driver training that we have in this country? Mr Hobson was run over by a car 2 years ago, driven by a man who was VERY unclear on the concept that crossing the double yellow line in order to turn through the intersection ahead of the cyclists was WRONG. Mr Hobson was in the oncoming lane of traffic, following the rules, and was hit head-on. There is an astounding number of people driving cars in our city who have no training, no license, no insurance. The police until very recently have looked the other way. Even now, their "crackdown" is not very impressive, but I guess it's the best they can do.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JER:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>So what would you rather have, a kid who drinks at partys, or a kid who is facing 10-20 year for trafficing?
Sparkles, I hope you're finding some support from these discussions. I think everyone here is rooting for you to take this stupid incident and make it a starting point for preventing others from doing the same thing. You know what it feels like to be sitting in the road, your truck totaled, your body in pain, feeling scared and alone. You don't want anyone you care about to ever have to go there themselves.
Become that person who takes keys away from friends at parties. Be the non-drinker who drives people home or calls cabs for them. Be the caring friend who confronts a friend when it's clear they have a substance abuse problem. Be the fearless person who goes to your friend's parents or support system to tell them exactly what's going on in their child's life.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Sparkles, you don't need another opinion. If you can make some good come out of your misfortune, then hopefully that will equal the score. Thank you for sharing your story, as painful as it is.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> The first one being ALWAYS wear your seatbelt! Even if you are going slow or a short distance. The second one being don't drink and drive; even if it's like 1 or 2 drinks! The last being to ALWAYS pay attention to the road <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I think the order is wrong,
FIRST Don't drink and drive.
SECOND Always pay attention to the road.
THIRD Always fasten your seatbelt.
If You always do the first and seond, there is a better chance that the seatbelt will never have to "do what it was intened for".
chief feeder and mucker for Music, Spy, Belle and Tiara. Someone else is now feeding and mucking for Chief and Brain (both foxhunting now).
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sparkles101:
I only wanted to point out that the whole situation could have happened less the alcohol.
You could be struck by lightning at any time. However, going out in an open field in a thunderstorm with a lightning rod tied to your head would tend to increase the odds.
It would be interesting to find out if there were any consequences to this incident.
Do you still get to go to shows? movies?
Do you still have driving privileges? Obviously, computer privileges have not been affected.
If this had happened to me, yes, my parents would have been relieved that I was alive and no one else was hurt, but there would have definately been consequences to my actions.
My pet peeve, is people not being responsible for their actions. What's to keep someone from doing this again when there's no penalty. At 17 years of age, if they think they are adult enough to drink, then they need to be adult enough to be responsible when drinking, and most teenagers prove that they are not capable of good judgement in this area. Just the fact that they are choosing to drink when it's illegal.
Shame on parents for being more concerned with their children liking them and being their buddies then being the Parent! Okay, okay, I'm off the soap box for now. It just burns me because people who choose to drink and drive should not have the right to get on the roads and endanger the rest of us.
Ha that would be a joke... Obviously its been awhile since you were in high school...
I know I drank on the 4th and had the time of my life and am only 17, but I was at my friend's house and staying there for the night. Everyone knows not to drink and drive though. I can't believe your friends allowed you too. See when my friends and I go drink and party we also make sure that one of us stays sober for that night. Its okay to have some fun, we only live once, but @ least be smart. I am glad that no one was hurt and that you are alright![/QUOTE]
Okay, I'll bite. Did you have the time of your life BECAUSE you were drinking? Would you have had the time of your life if you had NOT been drinking?
Think carefully about your answer...
Also, I feel the need to mention that drinking under the age of 21 is illegal in this country. Your flagrant disregard of the law is disturbing.
"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." ~ Jack Layton
What gets me is people think that they have to drink in order to have fun. All of my most memorable moments where I've had the time of my life has been when I was sober. Yes I'm guilty of drinking underage, but it has always been in controlled situations where I could not harm anyone. Does anyone else get their keys frozen in ice cubes at parties???
I'm sorry, but sometimes I just shake my head at my fellow juniors...
OK, fine, it's understood by most people that despite what everyone knows about how bad alcohol is for you, AND despite the fact that it is obviously illegal, underage kids get drunk. Not all, but many. Some people on here seem to think that it is acceptable to just brag about it. I'm not saying that it's the worst sin in the world to drink underage... But PLEASE, have some tact and don't just talk about it like you would talk about going to the movies or hanging out with friends.
It's ridiculous. Especially with the increasing numbers of tragedies due to drunk driving, on both ends (drunk driver killed, or has killed).
Ugh... what I'm trying to say is that if you want to drink, and you can somehow get your hands on alcohol, it's your own stupid choice to do it. However, you do NOT deserve the choice to endanger the many drivers and pedestrians on the road that you might choose to drive drunk on. And that goes for adults too!!
If it really is an emergency, fine. I would hope in that case that you wouldn't have had so much to drink that you couldn't somewhat clear your head enough to drive. It's happened to me - I just concentrate as hard as I can on driving safely and UNDER the speed limit - no chances taken.
Furthermore, I think it is pathetic that so many kids think that drinking/smoking pot are the only ways to have fun... That's why I find no support in Sparkles' argument about it being her community's fault.
And Sparkles, I would hope that when you are uninebriated you would have enough sense to not reach down on the floor while driving to retrieve something as petty as a tube of chapstick.
So... to sum it up, I guess if you are going to do illegal stuff, just do it in your own home, and NEVER drive after doing it. Please, for the sake of EVERYONE.
Stepping off soapbox... [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif[/img]
Ok...ok...ok...ok....enough of the "it's ok for teens to drink". (my version of what I'm reading here).
Seems like a whole bunch of people (mostly teens) are saying "everyone does it" "its ok if you have a DD for the night" "we'll just get it anyway" (Sparkle101's words).
It's just not ok!!! Teens simply do not have the best judgement, nor the driving experience, and therefore the drinking age is 21....
Case in point for you guys...this is a TRUE story and was all over the papers here...
4-5 years ago there was a teen-age boy who "had it all"...he had a new Blazer, great friends, a scholorship to a great school, parents who knew he drank and "partied" (just another word for DRUGS), the prom king, best looking guy in school and HE WAS RICH !!!!!
Well, when he and his buddies drank they didn't want to drive (smart thinking) BUT they instead made friends with a nice Christian teen who did not drink...HE was the DD for all "parties".
Just before his graduation they (the drinkers) went out drinking at a "friends" house. Everyone had a GREAT time...just a GREAT time!!!!!
Time for everyone to go home so into the car they went with the DD right behind the wheel.
Problem was that the rest of them were really having a GREAT time cause they were drinking teen-agers.......
Someone got a little loud in the car and the DD lost his concentration FOR JUST ONE SPLIT SECOND!!
The blazer, going the speed limit ON A CITY STREET, veered one direction and the minor over correction by the driver flipped the Blazer and kids went flying everywhere.
The wonderful rich kid (who really was a nice kid, just spoiled) was killed. Another of the girls was on life support and another broke lots of bones. Everyone was pretty smashed up but only one died.
OH.....one of the main points to this....
The Designated driver (also 17 years old) was prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and then some, by the rich kids parents...they wanted the DRIVER "to pay" for what happened to their son!!! He will be "paying" the rest of his life...not only emotionally but $$$$$$$ and time served !!!!!!!
BAD deal for all of them, bad deal for the families, BAD DEAL for a nice young Christian boy who just wanted to be included with the "popular/important" drinking and partying kids....
It is not OK, no matter how you dress it, defend it, verbalize it, ignore it, encourage it or play like its not so bad....
Slightly off topic, but if you want to be truly frightened, watch the HBO show which has "Middle School Confessions" in it. I can't remember if that's the entire name. It came on a midnight one night...I did NOT sleep the rest of the night.
They were interviewing real middle school kids from every walk in life, from the city, from the country...These kids were talking openly and candidly about sex, (and how oral sex isn't "having sex" - Thank you Mr. Clinton [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif[/img] ), alcohol, drugs, skipping school, fighting, depression, etc. It also showed interviews with caring counselors and parents. These were NOT kids who were left out there! My son is in middle school, is a good kid and it's STILL TERRIFYING!!! My daughter is a rising fifth grader...
The above kids were not CLOSE to being 17 years old!
Back in the dark ages, the drinking age was 18. I thank my lucky stars that I'm alive today. I did some really stupid stuff during my college years. I was Miss Goody Two Shoes until college and I think the newfound freedom was a little intoxicating (no pun intended) to me.
Anyway, it sounds as if, hopefully, you've learned your lesson, Sparkles. I'm happy we live in a place where you can share this kind of true story.
"I can justify anything!"
\"Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed.\" -- Ralph Waldo E
Why do so many kids feel that, in order to have fun, they have to drink or do drugs? I've never done drugs, don't care to. I have been drunk and did NOT find it pleasant, much less the next day when I had a hangover.
I did my senior year in high school in this country, and I was never part of the "cool" crowd because I didn't want anything to do with drugs or underage drinking. I never will think it's cool to smoke pot or to get drunk and think that it means you're having a good time. Not to sound corny, but the best times in my life have been with horses, my husband, my family, or any combination of the above.
Just because I have a short attention span doesn\'t mean I
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Duffy:
They were interviewing real middle school kids from every walk in life, from the city, from the country...These kids were talking openly and candidly about sex, (and how oral sex isn't "having sex" - Thank you Mr. Clinton [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif[/img] )<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Sadly, the oral sex not being considered "having sex" predates Clinton by at least 15 years. It was the norm when I was in high school in Texas.
This was both at the private (1 year there) and the public.
Now, as a parent who discusses this sort of thing with my son, who is a mere 10, I see a potential conundrum in the two attitudes.
I personally, will go get my son, if he ever calls me needing a ride, for ANY reason. I must be very careful as to the amount of questioning and punishment I attach to this open offer. If that offer is also accompanied by threats of severe punishment, it is likely to encourage my son to never take me up on the offer and rather try to do something and not get caught.
If he knows that the offer is a true gift from a parent who loves him ALIVE, then he can take me up it and we can have a rational discussion the next day. At which point, I do expect that the pure embarrassment of having to call will be quite a bit of punishment.
Yet, I do not want him drinking when underage....
BUT, I would MUCH rather get a phone call from him than a phone call from the police or local hospital....
He has actually read much of this thread, and we've discussed it. He reads many of these threads...including the unfortunate "Hating Kids" thread. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif[/img]
I would have lost my horses, my car, let alone anything else "fun".
Heck, I'm 21 and my Dad just told me on Sat. that if I failed to follow the law on the lake (Erie) while I rode my jet-ski, he was going to pull it out of the water. I didn't drink until that night at the bonfire. Oh and btw- the bonfire was at our cottage, so no driving.
I was always, still am, told that they would come get me anytime. BUT if I failed to call them and drove, or got in the car with someone, they WOULD NOT bail me out, but SUPPORT me facing all charges. It was also understood that I would lose all my privileges (they still pay for everything so I'm not gonna screw it up!).
So yes, I'll admit I did drink underage, but I ALWAYS stayed overnight. NEVER EVER have driven after drinking....unlike you, I love my car.
I am not condeming her, like so many others, nor am I condoning her! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]
Whoever here said for parents to leave the option open- consequnce free, is right. After reading the rest of this thread tonight, I called my dad into the room and asked him waht he would do if I was ever in Sparkle's situation. "I'd be happy you were alive, you owuld never drive again, and I wouldn't trust you, I would feel betrayed" were not his words verbatim, but pretty close. I then asked him if Iwas in said situation, but instead of driving, I called him to pick me up. "I would come get you, but would be incredibly dissapointed, and lose all trust." Were his words. FOr this reason,I would not ever call my parents if I was in said situation and had to make the decision to drive or not. I doubt I would have driven, I most likley would have just went to a friend's or stayed where I was for the night. Called my parents and told them I was staying over, or not called at all,a nd go home early the next morning.
To me, losing my parent's trust would be worse than anything I can think of right now, and calling them would cause that, not to meantion harsh punishment. Kudos to parents who understand that. Kudos to parents that understand how THEY were when they were kids. You don't want to alwauys live up to what you've done (I DO NOT think that drinking, done responsibly underage is harmful, or anymore harmful then an adult doing it responsibly. Just as an underage kid drinking IRRESPOSIBLY is any more dangerous than someone with a few more years.) Her drinking underage is TOTALLY irrelevant, her drinking irresponsibly is what needs to be addressed.
SHe has had enough courage to say it on the boards, and this is not a mistake she'll make again. Even without all the courts, and the police,and parents, I would think the sheer trauma of the wreck itself (which looked horrifying!) would scare her sh**less.
She had enough sense to put on a seatbelt,I do not think her judgement was SEVERLY impaired due to drinking, it may have been slightly, but not a major factor in this wreck IMHO. Drinking and driving should never be done-but again, there are diffrent degrees to everything. She has been grilled enough.
"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."
I must say, I\'ve met some horses whose feet smell far worse than my husband\'s.