This is probably not where this thread belongs but I couldn't decide where else to put it.
My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer last November. He had chemo, radiation, and lots of other things but after Christmas his health began deteriorating rapidly. The hospital released him to home hospice care yesterday.
I am taking two weeks leave from work to go home to be with him and help my mother and sisters manage things. Having been there over the weekend I have realized that neither of my sisters is able to make any decisions, and my mom is barely holding it together.
I seem to be the only one not completely effected by my dad's illness. Granted I've had 300 miles or so of separation and the distraction of the eventing season, but I feel like I should be more upset but I'm not. Maybe it will hit me later? I don't know. I just feel like the only person bailing water in a sinking boat.
I guess I just needed to vent somewhere. Thanks guys.
Vent away, you know we care. Do not 'beat yourself up' over the fact that you seem better able to cope/deal with practicalities more now than the others. Some of us just are that way, and we wait until after the crisis has passed to become basket cases/grieve.
RIP Sasha, best dog ever, pictured shortly before she died, Death either by euthanasia or natural causes is only the end of the animal inhabiting its body; I believe the spirit lives on.
My thoughts are with you and your family. Everyone grieves differently and I know I had a similar reaction to my grandfather who I was extremely close to: I didn't seem to be that upset or grieved by his passing (it was expected), but once things settled down after the funeral, that's when it all hit. Vent here, find a safe place, do what ever you need to do.
I have never been in your type of situation, but I do know that most communities have a hospice group which can provide all sorts of help -- physical, emotional, councilling, info on where to get assistive devices, etc. It might help to contact them.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer in late December and is going through radiation right now, so I sort of know what youre going through.
I too, seem to be the family member that is "holding it together" the best. Dont feel guilty for that and dont overanalyze it. There might come a day that you are not able to be the strong one--and that's okay too. Just try to be strong each day and spend as much time as you can with your dad.
Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)
Thanks guys. This helps. I've been home a little less than a week. It's hard but not as hard as I thought it was going to be. He's doing okay so far, and very lucid which when he was in the hospital he wasn't. Something to do with the amonia levels and his liver not working as it should. Thank you for listening.
I'm in about the same bucket, but it's my mom (Multiple Myeloma). She's stopped chemo but will continue transfusions & other medications as needed until it's truly time for in-home hospice. I'm ok most of the time; usually fall apart in the shower. My brother, tho? I could strangle him.
((( Undertanding hugs ))) to you Cameraine.
<>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.