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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb. 19, 2011
    Location
    Portland, OR
    Posts
    836

    Default My federal attorney friend married a guy who grows POT. Now alcoholics together.

    I am soooooo disappointed in my hypocritical college "friend", who is senior assistant attorney general in the criminal and civil rights section of the trial division. She represents sexual abuse cases, which often times involve drugs.

    Well, she met a guy on match whom she eventually married. He is a controller at a big log mill 3 hours down I-5 from here. At their New Years Eve 2010 dinner party, Pot Growing Controller Dude brought out a big vial of marajuana which he grew in his basement, and they boasted how they'd love to have a wine cellar plus a pot room in the basement of the house they were planning on building! Me, having never seen a big ol' jar of loose pot in my life, opened it, took a snif, and said, "Is this real? Smells like parsley to me!". Them: "OH YES!!! It is real! Want to smoke some?". Me: "Hell. No. Hell no hell no hell no!". Tried once or twice (ok, maybe 3x ) in HS 30 years ago, and it is not for me. My date and I quickly went home after that.

    At 1:15 in the morning on New Years Day 2011, the wasted partiers broke onto my property (thankfully I had just changed gate code, so they had to crawl over the fence), and were trying to break my front door down by banging on it, singing at the top of their lungs! I thought it was an earth quake! It scared the crap out of me! I was in the deepest sleep ever and naked; I went to the window still asleep and naked to see WTF was going on!! I was so PO'd, I ignored them and went back to sleep. I was like - who the eff does that?? She was 43 at the time of incident.

    SHE NEVER EVER APPOLOGIZED!! But hinted that I was a party pooper. OK ....... and alrighty then .......


    Fast forward to two week ends ago, when I drove 3 hours to where the now married couple lives for her 45th birthday. She informed me as I was driving, "We started drinking at 12:30!!!! Ha ha ha!". Me, to myself: "WTF? Oh lovely. Won't this be fun?". I really just should have turned the car around. They continued drinking all night until 12 midnight. I nursed one glass of wine. It was such a waste of my time, gas money, and the presents that I gave her (I could see the disapointment in her face when she opened my presents. Guess they weren't good enough.).

    DId I mention she looks like hell?! Used to be a super fit size 2. Would GO OFF about anyone being 10 lbs overweight, as anything more was UNACCEPTABLE! Well, I have never seen her looking so awful in her life. She's got a huge belly now and seriously looks pregnant (she's not), and must have gained a good 20 lbs.

    The best part of the trip was driving back home the next day! I couldn't wait to get out of there, and back to the peaceful, calm, and HEALTHY serenity of my farm.

    She is such a hypocrite on so many levels.


    I don't have anything in common with her anymore. Deep down, I probably never did, as she has always had this ego that is larger than life. She came into PDX last week and wanted to do First Thursday in The Pearl District like we used to (art gallery openings, and many galleries stay open until 9pm). I ended up ignoring her text - which was kinda sorta accidental (hey, I got busy ). I had no interest in wasting anymore of my precisious life and valuable time on her. Life is too short.

    So how does it work when you un-friend someone on FB? What happens if they try to email you or post on your home page?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
    Location
    All 'round Canadia
    Posts
    5,417

    Default

    They don't get a notice about the unfriending, but if you allow only friends to post on your wall, they won't be able to.

    You could always tip off the cops to her grow-op



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2003
    Location
    Happily in Canada
    Posts
    4,921

    Default

    Are her actions putting her job in jeopardy? An option (although I am not saying you should do this) is to inform her work. There are usually programs for professional associations for dealing with alcohol & drug addiction. She might need the outside push... her husband certainly isn't going to help her.
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
    Posts
    8,484

    Default

    I don't think you need to make a statement (unless you feel the need to), just let her drift away.

    I'm betting doing that might be a good thing 'cause in a few years after the hangover has worn off she just might need a good sober friend.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    15,404

    Default

    Al-anon or CODA. Seriously.

    Enjoy your alcoholic or stoopid atty friend in anyway that suits you. Bail on the parts of the relationship that don't work for you.

    That's all.

    It's not your place to have an opinion about what she does or care if/when/how she hits her "rock bottom." If you want to sit back and enjoy ranting about her, you can.... until it stops working for you.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 19, 2011
    Location
    Portland, OR
    Posts
    836

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    Al-anon or CODA. Seriously.

    Enjoy your alcoholic or stoopid atty friend in anyway that suits you. Bail on the parts of the relationship that don't work for you.

    That's all.

    It's not your place to have an opinion about what she does or care if/when/how she hits her "rock bottom." If you want to sit back and enjoy ranting about her, you can.... until it stops working for you.

    She can only get help if she wants help. These things tend to eventually swing around and get them in the rear big time.

    Guess you didn't read: I do not enjoy her. I do not care for her. She was an acquired taste anyway, and it is now a sour ugly taste. NONE of her works for me.

    Thanks for telling me that I am not allowed to have an opinion. That was awfully sweet of you. Yet you have stated your own opinion? (hypocrite much? ).

    Happy Easter!



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2006
    Location
    Cheesehead in Loudoun Co, VA
    Posts
    2,519

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    They don't get a notice about the unfriending, but if you allow only friends to post on your wall, they won't be able to.
    They do if you use the SocialFixer app.

    If you block them, they won't be able to see you, period. Not even when you post on a mutual friend's wall.

    Just let them go and don't look back. Don't respond to emails, send calls to voice mail, block texts. Their problem, not yours.
    I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right
    Violence doesn't end violence. It extends it. Break the cycle.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    15,404

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dutch Lovin' Dressage Rider View Post
    She can only get help if she wants help. These things tend to eventually swing around and get them in the rear big time.

    Guess you didn't read: I do not enjoy her. I do not care for her. She was an acquired taste anyway, and it is now a sour ugly taste. NONE of her works for me.

    Thanks for telling me that I am not allowed to have an opinion. That was awfully sweet of you. Yet you have stated your own opinion? (hypocrite much? ).

    Happy Easter!
    I'm sorry I pissed you off. I still said the "right thing"-- and own that as my opinion, but clearly said it wrong.

    What I meant was:

    Look, if you have no use for this chick, then why does she rent any space in your head?

    That you do talk about her--in a long post to strangers who know neither of you in real life, full of yelling All Caps-- suggests that you feel something. You wish her ill, like to judge her, are disappointed to lose a friend or whatever else.

    What I do say-- and classic Al-Anon-- is "Stay in a relationship with someone else who is 'active in their addiction' until it doesn't work for you anymore. Then bail."

    I read your post to be asking for advice with dealing with a sick friend. At the end, it seems you do have a solution: You'll cut her off contact. I was wrong to infer that you wanted any suggestions, let alone an opinion.

    But I don't deserve your sarcasm and wrath for offering you a tried-and-true method. If you enjoy thinking about this chick and telling us just how hypocritical she is, then have at it.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2000
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    7,994

    Default

    Guess you didn't read: I do not enjoy her. I do not care for her. She was an acquired taste anyway, and it is now a sour ugly taste. NONE of her works for me.
    Um, then why the HECK did you write a 10-paragraph, venom-spewing rant about her? End the friendship and be done with it.
    ---
    They're small hearts.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2008
    Posts
    4,586

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dutch Lovin' Dressage Rider View Post

    Guess you didn't read: I do not enjoy her. I do not care for her. She was an acquired taste anyway, and it is now a sour ugly taste. NONE of her works for me.
    You said two weeks ago you drove 3 hours to her house for her Birthday?

    What did she do when you ignored her text? Did she say anything at all? Are you going to have a conversation with her about not spending time with her anymore or are you going to try to gently slide quietly out of her life?

    It always seems to me that the folks you'd like to do that approach with are always the one that cling and won't let you do it tactfully and gradually. I feel for ya on that and wish you good luck.

    On the FB thing, I'd probably change what she's able to see at first, so she won't see any updates or anything new going on with you and then after all is quiet for a while I'd boot her.
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."



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