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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2010
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    Default Etiquette for bridal shower/wedding gift giving?

    Just like the title says....



  2. #2
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    Jul. 11, 2004
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    6,918

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    Gift within your budget

    Don't get drunk and embarrass yourself or your SO/date

    Send in your RSVP

    Do not demand your fiance comes...we really hate demands we attend, and it's a chick thing anyway.

    Don't regift.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2002
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    Cambray, ON
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    Default

    I was told that it depends on a lot of things, open or cash bar? Single or couple?

    I spent $65 for a shower gift planing on $200 for wedding. But less if it's a cash bar.



  4. #4
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    Aug. 15, 2010
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    Default

    Forgot to add- single and no mention of a cash bar....



  5. #5
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    Apr. 4, 2002
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    I forgot to out the $200 figure is for a couple



  6. #6
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    Feb. 6, 2012
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    Give what you feel comfortable with. There is no right or wrong. I know in some areas, they suggest "covering your plate".. but imo that's dumb. 1. Because the couple should not expect to recoup the expense of the wedding via the gifts. 2. Because how the hell do you know that? It's pretty rude to say "hey, Sarah.. how much per person is your wedding costing?".
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be!



  7. #7
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    Oct. 20, 2005
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    2,808

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    One of my FB friends (she bought a horse from us)is apparently getting married in a few weeks. She just posted the following the other day:

    We are registered at XXX under fiance's name!

    What should we register for for our wedding gifts?

    Last chance to RSVP for my wedding!


    She is not one of my favorite people in the world, based on what happened after she bought the horse. I checked out her registry. They registered for a $500+ Ipad.

    Etiquette for brides-to-be? Just don't do that.
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati



  8. #8
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    hey, they can register for the Taj Mahal.
    Maybe somebody loves them enough to buy it for them.

    My Mom and I had this discussion a coupe of years ago when my cousin got married.
    "I can't give as much as your Dad"
    so what. We give what we can.
    So we bought a bottle of the good local champagne, tied a funny card on it and put some money in it. Our combined gift. (BTW, she already had a fully stocked household)
    It was generous for our means but did not cause us to have to result to eating Ramen for a month.

    Also, I don't think there needs to be shower and wedding present. I am sure Ms Manners disagrees. But to me it's the one event (and aren't showers supposed to be so you don't have to do the present thing on the wedding day, as guest. Or for those who can't attend but like to give?) I only have money for one, not both.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2003
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    Happily in Canada
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    I've decided to do whatever I want, because all those "miss manners" things are so outdated.

    The best weddings I've attended have been run by people with the same philosophy.

    The worst, was being asked to be a bridesmaid to a "simple beach wedding without fancy clothes or accommodations" which turned into a full-blown botanical gardens/hall wedding, expensive dress, flight, time off work, helping decorate & clean up, etc. That wedding cost me about $1,500 and they were divorced within 2 years.

    That wedding was my turning point on what I was comfortable with for other people's occasions. Now, I decide if I want to attend or not - if I go and it costs me $100 or more to attend, no gift. Last time I checked, "presence is better than presents."

    I figure I have about 5 more years until I can hold a "I'm fabulously single & child-free, I deserve a shower and some gifts, don't you think" occasion.
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2012
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    876

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    hey, they can register for the Taj Mahal.
    Maybe somebody loves them enough to buy it for them.

    My Mom and I had this discussion a coupe of years ago when my cousin got married.
    "I can't give as much as your Dad"
    so what. We give what we can.
    So we bought a bottle of the good local champagne, tied a funny card on it and put some money in it. Our combined gift. (BTW, she already had a fully stocked household)
    It was generous for our means but did not cause us to have to result to eating Ramen for a month.

    Also, I don't think there needs to be shower and wedding present. I am sure Ms Manners disagrees. But to me it's the one event (and aren't showers supposed to be so you don't have to do the present thing on the wedding day, as guest. Or for those who can't attend but like to give?) I only have money for one, not both.
    That's a great way to do it.

    Blugal, I don't think it's ever not tacky to host a gift giving event for yourself. No matter how child-free, single and fabulous you are lol. If someone chooses to host an event in your honor, you can accept of course, but it's not very polite to host an event so people can give your presents. While the bounds of convention have stretched, and now family members occasionally host (that used to be a huge faux paux), I don't think they've stretched that much.
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be!



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb. 21, 2007
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    VA
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    Always RSVP...yes or no will do. You don't have to provide any details about why you are unable to attend.

    If you were invited, purchase a gift whether you attend or not.
    "We need a pinned ears icon." -MysticOakRanch



  12. #12
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    Jul. 14, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by seabreeze View Post
    Always RSVP...yes or no will do. You don't have to provide any details about why you are unable to attend.

    If you were invited, purchase a gift whether you attend or not.
    But what to do if the bride ISN'T registered anywhere? I just got invited to a college friend's wedding (which I won't be attending because it's the same weekend as my Missouri to Ohio move). Said friend is also relocating shortly after the wedding (we're both in grad school), and so has decided not to register anywhere and requests "no boxed gifts" on the invitation.



    Does this mean cash? Gift card? Send a nice vase or bowl after they move? I always thought cash was considered tacky...

    BES
    Proudly owned by 2 chestnut mares
    Crayola Posse: sea green
    Mighty Rehabbers Clique



  13. #13
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Cash is easy to carry.

    I don't think it's tacky. Just sometimes it's more practical than stuff.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tapperjockey View Post
    Blugal, I don't think it's ever not tacky to host a gift giving event for yourself. No matter how child-free, single and fabulous you are lol. If someone chooses to host an event in your honor, you can accept of course, but it's not very polite to host an event so people can give your presents. While the bounds of convention have stretched, and now family members occasionally host (that used to be a huge faux paux), I don't think they've stretched that much.
    Oh, I was joking. (I was taking a page out of Carrie Bradshaw's book... how single people are expected to attend bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and then baby birthday parties and give gifts for all of these... and yet there is no "you are awesome" party for those single people. Don't even try to tell me their birthdays count. Those fall under the "tacky to host your own event after you turn 16.")

    But... I do believe for many young people out there, weddings are seen as occasions where you host your own event so people can give you presents.
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng



  15. #15
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    Feb. 6, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blugal View Post
    Oh, I was joking. (I was taking a page out of Carrie Bradshaw's book... how single people are expected to attend bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and then baby birthday parties and give gifts for all of these... and yet there is no "you are awesome" party for those single people. Don't even try to tell me their birthdays count. Those fall under the "tacky to host your own event after you turn 16.")

    But... I do believe for many young people out there, weddings are seen as occasions where you host your own event so people can give you presents.
    I haven't been to a wedding yet that has been hosted by the couple, it certainly would give me pause. I haven't read any books by Carrie Bradshaw, so no idea what she would say about anything. I do agree that it is not fair that there is no "you are awesome" party for single people, but I can't figure out how/when would be appropriate at all.
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be!



  16. #16
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    Oct. 18, 2000
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    Connecticut
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    We were married in the day when there wasn't a gift registry. Usually the bride's mother had a list of things she was hoping to get, and relatives called in to get some ideas for a gift. Or they gave checks, cash or savings bonds.

    I actually like registries. It tells me if there is anything I can afford to get for a gift and allows me to shop from home, have it shipped, and I'm done. And, if it is too outrageous, it tips me off not to go to the wedding in the first place. I don't go to bridal showers. If you're a close friend or relative, then I would say one shower and the wedding would be sufficient to purchase gifts for.
    "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

    http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/



  17. #17
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    Feb. 6, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueEyedSorrel View Post
    Does this mean cash? Gift card? Send a nice vase or bowl after they move? I always thought cash was considered tacky...

    BES
    Cash isn't tacky. Telling someone giving you a gift what to give you is, but that is neither here nor there and this was their way of saying "we want moola" it sounds like. I can't believe she had the balls to write "no boxed gifts" on an invitation. Wow. In that situation, I would get her no boxed gift, and nothing else.
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be!



  18. #18
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    Mar. 1, 2003
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    It is not about the etiquette of gift registries, how much $$ for the gift or whether it's cash etc. etc. I'm protesting the expectations of some people.

    I feel that gifts should not be expected, and it is my choice whether to give or not. Invitations should be about wanting to have that person's attendance - they should not have some underlying expectation of a gift. (True, when I accept the invitation I should not whine about what it cost me.)

    And no, I do not expect my married friends with kids to host a party for me and give me gifts. I really was joking about that.
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng



  19. #19
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    Feb. 6, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blugal View Post
    It is not about the etiquette of gift registries, how much $$ for the gift or whether it's cash etc. etc. I'm protesting the expectations of some people.

    I feel that gifts should not be expected, and it is my choice whether to give or not. Invitations should be about wanting to have that person's attendance - they should not have some underlying expectation of a gift. (True, when I accept the invitation I should not whine about what it cost me.)

    And no, I do not expect my married friends with kids to host a party for me and give me gifts. I really was joking about that.
    I do agree with you there, mostly. Obviously if you accept an invitation to a shower (which is an event based on gift giving) then it is appropriate to bring a gift, but I don't think one is required for just about any other reason. And I abhor gift registries personally. If you are inviting someone to share a life changing event with you (wedding, birth of a child), surely you know them well enough that they know what you'd like, or know someone else close to you (mother, sister, mil) that they can call and ask for ideas if stumped.
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be!



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    Got married last September. Now husband and I both had our own homes, were pretty well established older-ish people (me 33, him 41) and I kind of thought it would be tacky to register for gifts because we don't really NEED anything. I just wanted to have my favorite people there! That was gift enough!

    BIG MISTAKE. It resulted in lots of phone calls and emails asking us what we wanted because by golly, they were going to buy us something. I think that generally, people fully expect to give a gift even at the 10 or 20 dollar level and they want ideas because they want to make sure they get you something you want/will like.

    As for expectations of the bride at a shower or something? I guess it depends on the person. I actually paid for a dear friend's travel expenses to get her up for the shindig. I didn't want or need anything other than her presence--no presents. I felt very blessed by the gifts I did receive, but I didn't expect any or really want any to be honest.

    Bottom line for me was that since so many (okay, all but maybe 4) of my guests were coming from out of state, some from the opposite ends of the country, I just wanted them there, I didn't want a gift. Their gift was showing up and supporting me on my happy day.

    As I reread my post now, I'm realizing that I'm probably no help on this matter, am I? LOL
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



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