I don't have children because I don't want the bother. When you have children one of the most important things you can give them is your time. You do not owe it to your children to buy them expensive material goods, but you do owe them your time and interest. This does not mean jumping when the kid snaps his fingers, but rather spending time with your kid because you consider it worthwhile. I realize people are busy, but if you chose to have children, they are your business.
I am not slamming you, but you have not always handled your problems with grace either. You complained in another post about your boyfriend's lack of support for you. When people sympathized, you backtracked and said you could be manipulative and tended to exaggerate. Perhaps you aren't handling your problems as well as you think.
To who ever asked about truly depressed young people...yes, the are out there. I was one of them many years ago. Was I just depressed because of the normal teenager frustrations, no, there were things in my life that created those feelings (I don't want to get into the exact issues here). But young people can get depressed. It is popular to be "depressed" right now. Clinical depression is not something to be taken lightly and it can happen in young people.
B0rntofly, as a 20 year old who had this "problem" in the recent past, I have some additional advice (maybe it's been said though).
For one, driving is not fun..it's kinda miserable after a certain point. I know it seems fun at your age, but after you have to go grocery shopping, sit in rush hour traffic, sit at a desk/work all day, do errands, etc., it's really not simple to drive 5 miles one way (which is 20 miles round trip, maybe 45 minutes or so). Once you start driving/doing as much as your parents do, you'll see what I mean http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif I wish I had realized when I was younger how much my mom did for me when she drove me to the barn! When I get home after driving 1 hour in rush-hour traffic, the last thing I want to do is get in a car.
And I'll just give one more example:
Parents wake up, get ready for work~1 hour
Drive to work~1/2 to 1 hour
Stay at work~8 hours
Drive home~1/2 to 1 hour
This leaves about 4-5 hours in the evenings for them-their lives http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif, and that includes "running the household". So give them some credit!
Where am I and what am I doing in this handbasket?
I have just reached the conclusion that I am grateful for many things.
I'm grateful that my parents decided to keep me, in spite of my teenage years. Lord knows why. I was lazy, a smart ass and entirely ungrateful of the sacrifices they made. And they made plenty in order for me to have and keep my horse. Oh yea, and I knew everything there was to know as well.
I am grateful to have learned that just because I made some very stupid remarks in my State of Teenage Brilliance, that it didn't mean I was completely useless as an example of Teenagerhood.
I'm also grateful to learn that a few mistakes here and there didn't mean I grew up to be a complete waste to society.
But most of all, I am SOOOOOO grateful that when I was a teenager, there was no internet and BBs, so when I lashed out in a moment of Teenage Stupidity, usually the only targets were my parents (who disabused me of any notions of superiority) or close friends (who sympathized, because, hey, isn't that what friends are for when you are a teenager?)
Who knows how many more hangups I might have developed (the mind boggles at the thought!) if I had been publicly excoriated on a public forum for foolishly venting my frustrations??? Why I might hae even grown up to be a person who could make even common sense advice sound like a public haranguing from the Bastion of Formerly Perfect Children! http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif
Gotta go call Mom and thank her... And maybe Al Gore while I am at it, given that he waited until I had more than a few teenage logic neurons bumping around up there before he unleashed the power of the internet on us all! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif
"I used to care, but things have changed..." Bob Dylan
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I'd say I was a pretty average teenager attitude wise: sullen, lazy, self-centered, you name it. Somehow I managed to pull all "A"s, learn right from wrong, and figure out how to make my way through life. My family had issues, we never had money, I still rode when I could, blah blah blah...what I'm trying to say is that I think I had a pretty average, if not privileged, upbringing. I'm now trying to be a good parent to MY kid, who, in spite of my best efforts will, NO DOUBT and God willing, shoot his mouth off at me, resent me, and go through a phase called adolescence, too.
So to all of the people who grew up with perfect attitudes, skated through adolescence without a hitch, with parents who never allowed even a breath of resentment to be vocalized, and who now have perfect children, kudos to you! The rest of us, who are sharing this world with you, somehow made it as well.
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BTF -- There are some good suggestions sprinkled throughout this thread, but there are lots better places to go for advice than a BB (as involving and as much fun as this one can be). Try a teacher, counselor, your minister, etc. -- someone you know personally and trust.
I had several times thought of posts I could make but I realise that alot of what I had to say had more to do with my situation than with yours so I will spare you that.
I do have this advice. There is a book out there called "Closing the gap" by Jay McGraw. It is one of the few books out there ment to be read by teens and parents both. You will read somethings that you don't want to hear and I am sure your parents will too. It is a good book though hard to find as bookstores have a hard time keeping it in stock.
Hopefully it will help you see things from your parents side and your parents to see things from your side and with that common ground you build a good relationship with them in the future.
I wish I could give you a sucess story on my part, but well for us it came out too late. Too many bridges burned, too much trust betrayed. Hopefully you and your parents will have better results.
Your problem is an old one. The bard even wrote about it from the parents point of view " How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!" William Shakespeare
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lilblackhorse:
ok, you caught me at a bad moment. I am the parent of two kids, probably your age. I am also the chief taxi driver and expected to schlep my ungrateful children's butts all over hell and gone to see their friends and to dance classes.
These are the kids right now who are badmouthing me because I choose to spend my day off sitting and reading by the fire instead of hauling them all around. As it is, I will have to take one to tap class at 3.20, pick her up at 4.45, then take them tonite at 7.20 and pick them up at 9 , when I'd rather be in my jammies snuggled in bed. However, these are also the same small people who couldn't be bothered to empty the dishwasher or put the dirty dishes away or bring down their dirty clothes for ME to do...the list goes on. And they get mad at me for not wanting to do something for them.
So--I guess my point in this rant is to ask....how is your behavior? Are you a pleasant person to be around? Do you _appreciate_ the fact your parents PAY for you and most likely for your sport...not to mention the gas and the hassle of taking you places?????
I would be a far nicer mom and more amenable taxi driver if my kids ever had the _common courtesy_ to THANK ME once in awhile without being sarcastic.
A simple "Hey mom, I really appreciate all the time you put into driving me to the barn (dance,school, whatever). I know it's hard to you to make the time to do it, but being at the barn makes me really happy". That's what I'd like to hear.
Instead I come here to these bb's and hear ungrateful kids (not saying this is you-have read it before tho) badmouthing and calling their parents horrendous names when they are paying all the bills, and some spoiled kid is bitching that they aren't getting to buy a fancy new name brand saddle or fancy new horse.
I think sometimes a lot of teens just think this money and such grows on trees, and that you are_entitled_ to anything that you want. It's not like that--I am not a mean parent, but I guess the reality is, like any person, I'd be a whole lot more willing and happy to do things for people (kids or otherwise) if they are polite, and do things for ME too. When's the last time you did something to help out at home when you weren't asked?
I am not saying you don't do these things, I don't know you, but I am making a big generalization and pointing out my maternal pet peeves....and you got me on a holiday with rain where I am stuck in the house with two nasty kids http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif.
good luck--ask nicely, help around the house, and someday TALK to your folks and let them know how much you appreciate them and what they do for you and tell them how much the riding means to you---how can you compromise or help out the situation? Can you organize a carpool or something? Earn money for gas? Just thoughts...
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Being a mother is a choice. If you don't like it why did you have the kids to begin with?
DarkerHorse - I don't think that lilblackhorse is saying that she doesn't want to be a parent or that she dislikes being a parent. You're twisting her words around and assuming a lot that I don't see. Where did she say she doesn't like having kids?
Being a parent and enjoying being a parent doesn't mean being 100% happy with everything every minute and catering to every whim of your child. It's providing the basic needs and love for your child; it's teaching them respect; and it's teaching the responsibility. So, being a mother is NOT a choice to cater to every desire of your children. I don't think that insisting on some respect is comparable to not wanting to be a mother.
I feel for you Borntofly! I'm about 8 months from getting my license. Getting rides to the barn is like pulling teeth! I am eternally grateful to my parents for sacrificing money on my sport, but selfishly I like to ride as much as possible too! Unfortunately my mom has been really sick with cancer since August, and is just now beginning to heal from surgeries and radiation, while my dad has a full time job. It's difficult to get out early enough on weekdays, on top of homework! I don't like to ask for rides to the barn anymore, so I ask my dad in advance when he'd be free to take me. It's been a long 6 months, let me tell you! I use the barn to get away from stress on top of seeing my mare, so it's difficult not getting out there! I'm not going to reprimand you or whatever because I know exactly what you're feeling. I didn't take your first post the wrong way either, if that helps! I do think the "bum a ride" idea is worth it though, I've been hitching rides with barn moms for ages now! Take care...
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Sorry for coming into this thread late... and although it's pretty much a moot point now, some of you need a refresher course on the BB rules. It is NOT okay to call people names. You're welcome to disagree and discuss, but name-calling is not much of a communication skill, in my book. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...n_rolleyes.gif
At any rate, since the original poster has indicated that she would like the thread to be closed, and since it's veering farther off course by the minute, I'm going to close it.