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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 19, 2004
    Location
    Williamstown, MA USA
    Posts
    1,115

    Default Starting over

    Due to health and financial issues with my DH of 35 years, I am, at the age of 65, finding myself beginning all over as the sole breadwinner of the family. He had his own consulting business, moderately successful, which consisted in using his strong analytical and intellectual abilities.

    About three years ago, he quickly lost about 35 lbs, the doctors not finding any reason except stress. He became less and less able to follow his deadlines, and our finances began to suffer. I was teaching riding, and, with his SS, we were able to hold off the wolf at the door for a while. What I made as an independent contractor was insufficient, especially as medical insurance steadily rose (don't think O'care is the answer!) We have had a series of tests for him, and last Thanksgiving, he ended up in the hospital with a high fever and total weakness...Lymes Disease, after negative tests for it.

    He has a very poor memory, finds it difficult to complete simple tasks - but is a GREAT househusband!, has forgotten how to use his computer and phone at times, no longer drives. Physically, he is very weak and struggles with poor balance.

    So a career expansion became essential if we were to avoid abject ruin. I just began as a real estate agent with a great company, still teach riding and am beginning to tutor a 2nd grader, hoping to parlay this into a regular, more frequent job. The potential for a modest living is there, even with the down housing market, and for the first time in my life, I am in charge!

    Have any of you been in this situation? How have you found ways to cope?

    Would you mind sharing your successes and bumps?
    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

    www.clearvisionequine.com

    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,205

    Default

    Since you already tutor, do you have any of the tutoring services near you? I know a few former teachers that work in places like that and do very well.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul. 24, 2008
    Posts
    2,951

    Default

    Wow, that sounds really stressful!

    I don't have any helpful advice, but as a 29 year old, do you mind me asking, what types of bills do you pay? Are you still paying down a mortgage? Lines of credit (consumer debt)? Are you at the point where you are looking to work really hard for just a few more years to finish saving for retirement? Or are you just needing the money for daily living expenses? I don't mean to be nosy or anything, and you definitely don't have to answer! I'm just curious because my long-term goals include being at least partially retired at that age.
    Jigga:
    Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    Dutchess County, New York
    Posts
    4,040

    Default

    Also, is he being treated? I do believe that people improve with treatment. As you must know there's huge controversy over Lyme treatment but I am in the camp of aggressively treating.

    But, that is not what you asked! I firmly believe that what we focus on is what becomes bigger in our lives. So focus on earning money -- keep at it! And I think it will come.

    I'm in sort of a similar situation, and that's what I tell myself!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr. 19, 2004
    Location
    Williamstown, MA USA
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    Sault, good quesions, and I'm positive you won't fall into the trap we did. Happy to share if it prevents the kind of careless mistakes we made.

    DH and I have been irresponsible with our $ over the years. Being self employed,he never had a retirement plan. He is a CPA, too! Me, I went along with everything and assumed he would continue to work (smart, right?) I did teach elementary school for a number of years, but basically got by on my instructor's pay. Until the s*** hit the fan.

    The little $ I inherited went to pay off debt. Our house is under contract for just enough to cover the back mortgage, then we will be renting.

    My advice? Save. Do not get into debt - no credit card, or at least one you can pay off in full each month. No partial payments of bills. If you can't pay them off in full each month, you can't afford them. Where we all get into trouble is when we depend on credit. Invest in real estate on a cash basis if you can...there are good deals out there. Stay away from the stock market until things have improved. Live simply.

    Our biggest debt is tuition for our 4 kids, which DH insisted paying for. We are hoping to get that forgiven, as there is no way he can pay it now. Monthly bills have been mortgages (til we stopped paying last year) property taxes, utilities, insurance,horses (two, including at times board, but now rehomed where I can still enjoy them). Health insurance is spiking as we speak, even with medicare. Supplementals are huge here in Massachusetts, as I'm sure they are elsewhere.

    What do you do? What is your plan for the future?

    I don't see myself retiring until they drag me away...:P
    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

    www.clearvisionequine.com

    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr. 19, 2004
    Location
    Williamstown, MA USA
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SMF11 View Post
    Also, is he being treated? I do believe that people improve with treatment. As you must know there's huge controversy over Lyme treatment but I am in the camp of aggressively treating.

    But, that is not what you asked! I firmly believe that what we focus on is what becomes bigger in our lives. So focus on earning money -- keep at it! And I think it will come.

    I'm in sort of a similar situation, and that's what I tell myself!
    We are finding out as much as we can about LD, and seeking out aggressive treatment.

    I find this situation strangely empowering, and while exhausted much of the time, I love being busy and ever searching for ways to make money. And, opportunities have been coming my way out of the blue.

    We are women! We are strong! We are survivors! Keep on trucking
    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

    www.clearvisionequine.com

    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 19, 2004
    Location
    Williamstown, MA USA
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    Since you already tutor, do you have any of the tutoring services near you? I know a few former teachers that work in places like that and do very well.
    Since I haven't taught in over a decade, I'd like to start small before I sign up with the larger agencies. There are a few, but many are a little far away.
    Form follows function, or does function follow form?

    www.clearvisionequine.com

    http://clearvisionequine.blogspot.com



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 24, 2008
    Posts
    2,951

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by boosma47 View Post

    My advice? Save. Do not get into debt - no credit card, or at least one you can pay off in full each month. No partial payments of bills. If you can't pay them off in full each month, you can't afford them. Where we all get into trouble is when we depend on credit. Invest in real estate on a cash basis if you can...there are good deals out there. Stay away from the stock market until things have improved. Live simply.


    What do you do? What is your plan for the future?
    Well, the first paragraph pretty much describes me. I actually have a $3 credit balance on my line of credit so they don't close it out on me from lack of use. I use my regular credit card all the time for convenience but I have never carried a balance (and I don't put more on the card than I have in my chequing account).

    We invested in our first house in 2006 and sold it last September for almost double what we paid. We had also been paying extra on that mortgage so we walked away with a nice chunk of change to put a large downpayment on our farm and keep some in the bank for improvements/equipment/emergencies.

    Neither DH nor I make a lot of money but we live pretty simply. (Computer programmer/legal secretary).

    And we have no kids, and don't plan on kids. So that helps.

    Best of luck to you and your husband. Thank you for sharing.
    Jigga:
    Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2007
    Location
    North San Diego County, CA
    Posts
    1,068

    Default

    boosma -- your writing is very articulate.

    I am not sure how computer literate you might be, but I am always seeing $80 courses for teaching basic Microsoft Office applications like Excel and Word cross my desk. And it occurred to me that it might be a fun part-time assignment for when I retire (that, or working at Starbucks, which seems like a lot of fun!).

    Being older, you might be an ideal, non-threatening teacher for adult learners...



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2011
    Posts
    113

    Default

    best of luck, OP. when i have been in financial binds, things always come through for me so im sure they will for you, too. i have found most of my extraciricular income from body clipping, exercise riding, and house/pet sitting. not sure if those are appealing or lucrative enough options for you...

    i had LD when i was 10, and though we caught it pretty quickly and i was treated very aggressively ( i was super duper deathbed ill for a brief bit), i still think i have residual minor issues from it. but treatment helps. i reaally hope your husband pulls through.

    im keeping my fingers crossed for you!! that is wicked stressful but things will absolutely work out.

    ETA: 3spots, sbux will test your love and compassion for people and will try to break your spirit. dont do it! ask me how i know



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    4,168

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by boosma47 View Post
    We are finding out as much as we can about LD, and seeking out aggressive treatment.

    I find this situation strangely empowering, and while exhausted much of the time, I love being busy and ever searching for ways to make money. And, opportunities have been coming my way out of the blue.

    We are women! We are strong! We are survivors! Keep on trucking
    Boosma, your attitude is really inspiring. After my divorce, I tried to get into law school and didn't - but had just earned a paralegal certificate. Had met my now-ex SO, and worked for him for 4 years. We were together 24/7. Finally enough was enough as of about a year ago. Nothing ever moved forward - everything was always a crisis. I have years experience in insurance adjusting & litigation negotiation, and owned my own real estate brokerage, and I knew he was just a whirling dirvish of crises, several of which negatively affected his practice. But I've been frozen trying to apply for jobs, with almost zilch response considering my "older 50's" age, and getting more depressed as the nice savings I had from the divorce is dwindling rapidly.

    My only option also, apparently, is going to work for myself again, but it means losing unemployment. Am about to try, but it's frightening. Real estate income one year almost six figures, the next almost nothing. The insurance work is questionable, but I've been on the road recently, and am about to put together a presentation, and start knocking on doors (and e-mailing, connecting on linked-n, etc.)

    The point being, I've been in a funk, and your attitude is just what the doctor ordered to get me out of it!! Thanks!
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2004
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    19,602

    Default

    Best of luck to both of you, that can't be easy for either of you.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov. 23, 1999
    Location
    South Coast Plaza
    Posts
    20,333

    Default

    Boosma, big hug to you and Boospa. He is a sweetie, I will never forget in Vegas this very nice man with all the horse crazy women at breakfast. Big hugs, hang in there!
    EDDIE WOULD GO



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2007
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,501

    Default

    Wow, what a story. No suggestions, just sympathy. Best of luck to you both, with your attitude I expect you will be fine



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