Unexpectantly lost my mare today. UPDATE post #58 Cathartic post.
I lost my mare today, super out of the blue, and feel like I need to share it with others. For some reason, I am finding comfort in that. Below is the email I wrote this letter to my clients this afternoon. Thank you for letting me share.
Although I am sure most of you heard already from Harmonie the very upsetting news of Angie's passing, I wanted to send you an update of what happened, how I am doing, and where we go from here. I know there are many questions, and I'd rather tell it personally than have it related by others.
For those of you not so familiar with Angie, she was my first real horse. I just celebrated my 21 year anniversary with her this past Feb 19th. She was the dam (mother) to Adelle, Kit, and Oliver and a boss mare to many throughout the years. About 10 years ago, we discovered a ringbone in her front right which rendered her unrideable. But she still held a special place in my heart. She was my first horse, my first love, my first ride in the hunter show ring (outside of the beginner ring), and ironically, my first re-school. I loved her dearly.
Today was no different than others. As I went out to catch Oliver to work him, she cantered up with the rest of her pasture mates just fine. I worked Olie, and returned him to the pasture an hour later. I immediately noticed she was standing rather awkward, and I knew something was wrong. Dr. Ken Marcella confirmed what I already knew; she had broken her hind right leg (at the top of the cannon bone). There were no other options but to euthanize as soon as possible. She was given pain medication to allow my mom-in-law enough time to pick up my kids from school and get them to the farm.
Baylis was very upset, but was able to give Angie a hug, kiss, and take some pictures with Angie and I. We then had Deacon join us, and the three of us took some pictures and said our goodbyes. Deacon was so cute, holding her lead rope with pride, then giving her a pat and a kiss. They then left to go back to our home.
Angie didn't want to go down, and I know she wasn't ready to give up. She didn't want to leave her herd, her family, or me. But as I said before, there were no other options. She went peacefully with me stroking her face and telling her how much I loved and missed her. I have some of her tail, mane, and forelock; I am not sure what I will do with it, but probably a special bracelet, maybe with some tail from Kit, Adelle, and Oliver inner-twined with it.
We allowed her pasture mates to be with her for a while before we pulled them out. Each one had a different reaction, but you could tell they knew she was gone. We then gave the horses that had connections with Angie an opportunity see her and and give their goodbyes. Adelle, Kit, and Oliver were taken to see her, to give them a chance to say goodbye to their mother. It was rather awesome to see they still had a connection to her, despite not being in a herd together. We also took Roo (he lives across from her), and also Joe, as he has known Angie and was pasture mates with her for many years. It was bitter sweet to see them with her.
A burial service then picked up her body around 2:30; she will be cremated and returned to me next week. I thought we might have a memorial for her sometime next weekend.
As of now, I will not be at the barn today, tomorrow, and probably Sunday. I have a lot to process, but I hope to start riding and giving lessons again on Mon. I think teaching and being with you all will help me heal. I am sorry that the girls did not get a chance to say goodbye to her, but there wasn't any way to allow it.
Angie was an amazing mare, a wonderful teacher, and a patient friend. Almost every cataclysmic event that occurred in my life, she was there to go through it with me. We were even pregnant at the same time! I will never be completely whole with her gone. I hope all of you give your pony an extra hug this week, whether it is yours, one you lease, or one you just take lessons on. They are amazing and wonderful creatures, and with us too short a time indeed.
Thanks for listening.
Last edited by englishivy; Mar. 4, 2012 at 07:02 PM.
Hunters, Jumpers, & Welsh Ponies All I pay my psychiatrist is the cost of feed and hay, and he'll listen to me any day. ~Author Unknown
I am so very sorry for your loss, my sincere condolences. Nothing really makes it any easier to go through, I wish you didn't have to experience this. I went through something similar when the groom found the horse I was leasing dead in his stall one morning, without explanation.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a shock to lose such a special animal so quickly and unexpectedly like that... trust me, I know. Give yourself plenty of time to process, and try to focus on all the joy that she brought you, not the pain that you are experiencing now. It will get better, and the momentous feeling of loss will become more and more manageable by the day.... hugs