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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun. 8, 2009
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    Default You probably see 100 of these but I need advice LONG.

    WARNING LONG!! sorry

    So here's the deal, I'm a working student in high school. Can't afford my own horse or more than 1 lesson a week, do a few shows, the usual. I am extremely lucky to be a working student at a barn with fabulous school horses. Ive been riding a school horse for the past 5 years and he is amazing. Capable of doing the 3'6", really awesome but a super hard ride. I also get to ride some of my trainers horses who are super awesome and other clients horses in love it!
    But recently I've been feeling a little used. There is another girl who used to help out and get rides in return but as of late she has not been out to the barn at all. She comes maybe two or three times a week. She shows up late and sits in the tack room until the trainer tells her who she can ride. While I work my butt off and sometimes don't get anything to ride.
    To be more specific the girl I find very fake. There have been many incidents where she has been getting rides without putting in the work.
    INCIDENT 1: over Christmas the trainer wasn't going to be around. I was planning on doing work around the barn while it was quiet. I began cleaning out the blanket room and the trainer came down to the barn to pick something up. The girl ran to the room i was working on and acted like she was helping then when the trainer left she went back to the tack room, later that day girl go to ride and was thanked for cleaning the room, me nothing
    INCIDENT 2: i had surgery just after christmas and the doctor me permission to start working at the barn again. The trainer is at a show for the week. Said girl has been riding A LOT of horses. I go out to the barn and fine it a mess, gum wads all over the tack room floor, the arena sand is banked a foot against the walls and dry as a rock, like dry enough to make a horse lame, and laundry is overflowing. I spend hours raking and shoveling the track and watering the arena while the girl rode 4 horses a day. I am not even thanked for doing all the work.
    INCIDENT 3: I just got back from taking 2 weeks off school to go to a horse show and be a groom. I cleaned all the stalls, tack, brought horses up to the ring, bathed, ect, by myself. I was happy to do it, because I am the working student and that is what I'm suppose to do. The day after we get back I go to the barn and get a text from trainer asking me and said girl to unload the trailer. She also gave me and girl 2 horses each ton ride. Girl didn't show up to unload trailer so I did it all and shoveled the arena because yet again it was hard and dry. Girl shows up, rides, and leaves.
    INCIDENT 4: just today I am there right after school and start doing all the usual work, tacking up horses cleaning tack, sweeping, catching lesson ponies, ect. Girl shows up at 530 and trainer gives her a free private lesson on a new pony. Trainer is going to be gone next week and asks girl to ride the pony while she's gone because the pony is very green. After girl gets off the trainer asks her to ride another horse, who the trainer had told me I could ride whenever I wanted to and I had been planning on riding later tonight. I lunged and tacked up horses for trainer. At 8pm trainer said in could ride this other horse. She asked girl to shovel the arena. Girl left without shoveling, I shoveled for 2 hours after riding.

    I'm sorry this is so long. These are the main incidents but there have been other times similar to them. She is suppose to be helping to get rides but she isn't she is getting the rides handed to her while I am working so hard and getting hardly anything. I know I must sound bitter but I've been a working student for 3 years and I am feeling used. I hate to be ungrateful but I want to be rewarded for my work. I miss so much school to go work at shows and I there'd for hours everyday. I love it but lately things haven't been what they used to be.
    So here's my question, finally. Do I talk to the trainer? Do I suck it up and deal with it? What should I do, if anything? Thanks!



  2. #2
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    Mar. 8, 2004
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    Baltimore, MD
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    Default

    Feel free to talk to her but don't be shocked to hear that she is a much better rider than you and therefore they feel like they are getting value from her rides instead of having to work for her rides. Not everyone is equal.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 8, 2009
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    220

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurierace View Post
    Feel free to talk to her but don't be shocked to hear that she is a much better rider than you and therefore they feel like they are getting value from her rides instead of having to work for her rides. Not everyone is equal.
    I totally understand this but here's the thing, and I'm not trying to sound arrogant but I am a more experienced rider. Have been riding 5 years longer than girl i have more knowledge about flat work, ride greenies, ect. Really not trying to toot my own horn, that's the facts. Girl rides well but is more of a "pretty rider" than an effective one.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2011
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    Florida
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EquitationRider View Post
    I totally understand this but here's the thing, and I'm not trying to sound arrogant but I am a more experienced rider. Have been riding 5 years longer than girl i have more knowledge about flat work, ride greenies, ect. Really not trying to toot my own horn, that's the facts. Girl rides well but is more of a "pretty rider" than an effective one.
    Uhh, yeah. I'm pretty sure that you are cleaning up her messes and her stuff and so the trainer thinks she is doing it. Also you sound pretty whiny. Life is not fair, learn it quick.

    Another thing is that you think you may be effective but really you are not. So big whoop you have been riding longer, but she may be better. Again not fair, but that's life.

    Also the pretty rider is usually a quieter rider. Maybe that is what your trainer wants.

    You ask your trainer and you run the risk of sounding whiny and ungrateful. stop cleaning up after this girl and do your stuff, ride your horses and leave. Simple.
    I am on my phone 90% of the time. Please ignore typos, misplaced lower case letters, and the random word butchered by autocowreck.




  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul. 9, 2010
    Location
    California
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    10

    Default

    Definitely talk to your trainer. Explain the situation and everything that has been happening, and maybe even make a print out of all the incidents and describe them in detail. Tell the trainer that you don't want to throw anyone under the bus, but for the amount of work you do, you feel that you aren't being treated equally to horses. Ask her if there is something that is causing her to not want to let you ride more horses, and ask if you can improve something.

    Be polite, honest, and calm. Try not to come off as whiny or like your complaining.

    She probably isn't aware that anything is amiss, especially if you haven't talked to her about it. She may even thing that the other girl is doing more work than you are.

    The best thing you can do for yourself is talk to the trainer.

    Hope it works out.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 25, 2009
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    Rock Chalk!
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    3,090

    Default

    ..
    Quote Originally Posted by Hullabaloo View Post
    Definitely talk to your trainer. Explain the situation and everything that has been happening, and maybe even make a print out of all the incidents and describe them in detail. Tell the trainer that you don't want to throw anyone under the bus, but for the amount of work you do, you feel that you aren't being treated equally to horses. Ask her if there is something that is causing her to not want to let you ride more horses, and ask if you can improve something.

    Be polite, honest, and calm. Try not to come off as whiny or like your complaining.

    She probably isn't aware that anything is amiss, especially if you haven't talked to her about it. She may even thing that the other girl is doing more work than you are.

    The best thing you can do for yourself is talk to the trainer.

    Hope it works out.
    Sorry, but isn't that throwing someone under the bus?

    IF you need to talk to your trainer, do so very carefully. Ask her how you can get more rides. Not more rides than someone else. Don't make it about anyone else. You can't control what they do. You can control ONLY your own actions, not someone else's.

    In my "real" life, I work at a school. I've been a school administrator. A big part of my job in working with kids is to help them be accountable for what they say and do. Not what happens with someone else. Or to someone else. It's a tough lesson to learn.
    A proud friend of bar.ka.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 2, 2003
    Location
    Woodland, Ca
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    6,199

    Default

    Stop doing the other girls work. Just stop.



  8. #8
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    Aug. 13, 2008
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    1,700

    Default

    You may not want to hear this, but if she's getting that many more rides, she's probably a better rider than you. Just because you've ridden for longer doesn't necessarily make you better; sometimes people just have a natural talent too. As a working student, you're not going to be constantly thanked for doing what you're supposed to.

    If this girl is like what she sounds like, her laziness will catch up to her at some point. Just don't go out of your way to help her. I personally wouldn't talk with your trainer about the other girl, since it will most likely look like your whining or jealous if you bring her up. I do agree with Hunter Mom about making the conversation about you and how you can earn more rides though.

    Sometimes you have to work with people who don't pull their weight. In most cases, you do what you need to to accomplish things yourself and move on.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2012
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    876

    Default

    I would talk to the trainer. Not about the other girl at all, but just ask if there is anything you should work on to earn more rides. What OG does work wise is none of your business, nor is her deal with the trainer.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2008
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    4,579

    Default

    I'm jumping on the "stop doing the other girl's work" bus.

    The other night you had a perfect opportunity. You heard the trainer ask girl to rake the arena. She didn't. You should have left it as it was, so the trainer would know she hadn't done it. Had trainer then asked you to do it the next day you could have very innocently said "Oh..didn't so-and-so do that? I'll get right on it."

    It sounds like part of the issue is that you take a lot of pride in your work. That's a great quality, but what stinks about it is that some people will take advantage of that. Sounds like this girl knows that about you and is going along for the ride. Time to shut the ride down for maintenance. That's not to say you need to stop doing your job or doing it sub par, but it's time to make it impossible (or very uncomfortable for her) to take credit for your hard work.
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2011
    Posts
    96

    Default

    I don't think you're whiny. But, I do think this other chick is getting the rides because she's a better rider. Trainers don't give the good rides to the hardest worker, they give them to the best rider at their disposal.

    If I were you, I would talk to your trainer about your goals and dreams. Don't talk smack about the other chick. Find out how you can be a better rider and get more rides. Don't worry about what other people are doing, figure out what you want and make it happen.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr. 27, 2008
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    2,388

    Default

    I don't think you're whiny either. You sound like a hard worker.

    Stop cleaning up after the other girl. She's the one who is using you.

    Does the other girl even work there? You mentioned that she *used* to work there. What arrangement does she have with the trainer?

    You might need to clarify your responsibilities and your rewards with the trainer. It sounds like you're getting the rides you're supposed to get (not compared to the other girl, but compared to what you agreed to); but it sounds like you're doing more work than you're supposed to be doing.

    Also, a hint from Corporate America: document everything. Just make a quick note of incidents in a very private notebook for your eyes only. The purpose of documenting is not necessarily to "tell on" the other girl. But if things ever escalate, you'll have more than your memory to rely on.
    Last edited by Cindyg; Feb. 25, 2012 at 02:20 PM.



  13. #13
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    Oct. 20, 2005
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    2,807

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    It's a very hard lesson to learn and remember.

    You can only control what YOU do. You cannot control what anyone else does. Trainer, the other girl, you have no say in that at all. You can only control the things that you do and how you react to the things that other people do.

    Being someone's doormat, hoping that doing so will make them love you, is not an appropriate way to react.
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2001
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    Trailer Trash Ammy!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindyg View Post
    I don't think you're whinny either. You sound like a hard worker.

    Stop cleaning up after the other girl. She's the one who is using you.

    Does the other girl even work there? You mentioned that she *used* to work there. What arrangement does she have with the trainer?

    You might need to clarify your responsibilities and your rewards with the trainer. It sounds like you're getting the rides you're supposed to get (not compared to the other girl, but compared to what you agreed to); but it sounds like you're doing more work than you're supposed to be doing.

    Also, a hint from Corporate America: document everything. Just make a quick note of incidents in a very private notebook for your eyes only. The purpose of documenting is not necessarily to "tell on" the other girl. But if things ever escalate, you'll have more than your memory to rely on.
    This, absolutely. I do NOT get "whiny" out of this and am amazed that others claim to. Absolutely document everything. The other girl sounds extremely manipulative and lazy, and you're going to have to learn to fight back on that account. With the blanket room incident, the gum on the floor, and the raking the arena incident, you'd be perfectly within your rights to let the trainer KNOW you did all the work - not in a snotty way; if you can find a way to make a joke out of it that'll be better, or at least do it with a smile. Also, remember the trainer probably doesn't KNOW that you're doing the other girl's work if you don't TELL her!

    Without seeing both of you ride I'm not about to make any value judgments on the quality of either your or the other girl's riding, but I bet I know which one of you *tries* harder. And having been someone not naturally built to ride who had to try ten times as hard to get one third as far, I'd probably have you up on horses if I were the trainer.

    Good luck, and know that there are lots of us out here that have been in your shoes. I don't know how horsey your area is, but generally when the barn situation gets *that* abusive I would have tended to give trainer a choice - either PAY me as a groom/assistant barn manager or let me move on.
    "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief



  15. #15
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    Nov. 29, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by fourmares View Post
    Stop doing the other girls work. Just stop.
    this^

    OP,

    if I am understanding correctly from what you have posted...

    The girl has given you multiple opportunities to just walk away and leave her designated tasks undone, but you are doing her work for her so the trainer never gets the chance to see that the girl is not accomplishing what the trainer is asking of her.

    I'd suggest that you start keeping a work, riding, and lesson journal (which I think is a prudent thing for all working students to do anyways). Keep the journal at home and enter a brief accounting of what happened each day. Record what work your trainer tells you to do each day, the horses that you ride, and the approx.. amount of time you worked.

    Be sure to include short accountings of various unique events, especially those that involve your interactions with others and clients, the basics of what was said, and date everything so the journal represents accuracy and completeness..

    A journal can be a general, prudent way of recording what truthfully occurred on each day you've worked, so in the event that you may ever need to accurately recollect a past event, you'll have more then just your memory to rely on in order to recall what had happened.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2009
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    1,805

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    You have already gotten lots of good advice. Try to focus on yourself, your riding and not on her at all. And yes please do stop doing her work. Go to the barn with a positive attitude, don't worry about what horse she is riding, what chores she is asked to do, just worry about you. Do ask your trainer what you can do to improve your riding, get more rides, ride the better horses, but at this point I would not bring up "the other girl."



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec. 27, 2011
    Posts
    90

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    Personally, I would ask her why she isn't doing the work. I would talk to the trainer about you having to clean up her mess after her. The trainer probally thinks that shes doing all the work, when in reality, you are. If none of that "works" wait until the trainer leaves again, and don't go to the barn that week. Tell her you had to study, or something. When she returns, she'll she the mess, and know who made it!
    p.s It's great that dispite not being treated fairly, you were passionate enough to keep returning to do all the work. Riders like you are the ones that are going to be sucessfull. Good luck!



  18. #18
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    Oct. 4, 2008
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    745

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    I am on board with the stop cleaning up after her. It does sound like you are more than pulling your weight.

    You also need to have a meeting with the trainer. Make a list of simple questions about the trainer's expectations, your goals, as wellin this meeting, you should be able to share "your" frustration with the other girl. be honest, sound concerned, but share your frustration. The journal will be really helpful here.

    The trainer may have vague idea, I have an idea that my current WS is sliding down that path, having many snacks, rests, and wants to know when and what she's riding, leaving tasks half-finished, acting more like a client than my helper. I see her boss the other girls around. It won't be going on much longer.

    Talk to the trainer, be open, be honest, you'll be surprised. But don't..... come across like your tattling.

    I think you can pull it off.

    Oh, and I'm not sure about the other posters who said she's a better rider, that's slightly irrelevant, she's accessible. Your head is in the sand cleaning diligently, she is standing around spotless, with her helmet on her arm awaiting the ride.



  19. #19
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    Jun. 8, 2009
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    220

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindyg View Post
    I don't think you're whinny either. You sound like a hard worker.

    Stop cleaning up after the other girl. She's the one who is using you.

    Does the other girl even work there? You mentioned that she *used* to work there. What arrangement does she have with the trainer?

    You might need to clarify your responsibilities and your rewards with the trainer. It sounds like you're getting the rides you're supposed to get (not compared to the other girl, but compared to what you agreed to); but it sounds like you're doing more work than you're supposed to be doing.

    Also, a hint from Corporate America: document everything. Just make a quick note of incidents in a very private notebook for your eyes only. The purpose of documenting is not necessarily to "tell on" the other girl. But if things ever escalate, you'll have more than your memory to rely on.
    No girl doesn't work there. She lessons once a week. She used to voluntarily help out and in exchange ride some of the ponies (she's small). My trainer asked me to work for her 3 years ago after I had been a student there for 2. She has told me in the past things like "ride so and so whenever you'd like" or "so and so needs to get back and shape ride them whenever" but she never really lives up to that and gives the other girl "my" horses.

    And for everybody I know the who rides better question as came up, and I am sticking by my earlier statement that I am the stronger ride, but throwing riding abilities out the door, i need advice! Thanks!!



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
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    NY
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    4,390

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    Quote Originally Posted by EquitationRider View Post
    No girl doesn't work there. She lessons once a week. She used to voluntarily help out and in exchange ride some of the ponies (she's small). My trainer asked me to work for her 3 years ago after I had been a student there for 2. She has told me in the past things like "ride so and so whenever you'd like" or "so and so needs to get back and shape ride them whenever" but she never really lives up to that and gives the other girl "my" horses.

    And for everybody I know the who rides better question as came up, and I am sticking by my earlier statement that I am the stronger ride, but throwing riding abilities out the door, i need advice! Thanks!!
    I agree with the other poster that said you need to clarify your role/responsibilities. What exactly do you get out of this arrangement? Are you paid? Free lessons/training? It sounds to me that the trainer just likes this other girl, and will give her rides. And if she doesn't have a formal arrangement where she needs to work certain hours in exchange, then it's just out of your hands....and probably will never change.

    If you are getting something in exchange for your work - I'd clarify it and make sure you are getting what you are supposed to be getting. If someone else has a better deal, it really doesn't change your arrangement. And that is something you will deal with at every single job for the rest of your life.



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