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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2005
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    2,185

    Default Happily Married Thread

    There are always so many threads on Off Topic Day about relationship issues. I always wonder how many fellow COTHer's are happily married?

    I have been married for 10 years to my second husband and can say that I am happily married. Is our marriage perfect.....no but we are always working on it.

    For those who are happily married....what do you think are the keys to your successful marriage?

    For me one the biggest key is to make it a partnership. WE are in this together and we share the load both emotionally and financially. Another important factor for us is compromise!!
    RIP Sucha Smooth Whiskey
    May 17,2004 - March 29, 2010
    RIP San Lena Peppy
    May 3, 1991 - March 11, 2010



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun. 17, 2007
    Posts
    454

    Default

    I rarely post anymore, but I thought I would answer on this one.

    For the most part, we are pretty happy. We have a good relationship, we enjoy each others company, we have fun together. Sure, we have our issues, but overall, we definitely love each other and I don't regret marrying him at all. We are into our fifth year of marriage, and it has not been an easy five years with job losses etc. I know we can make it through difficult times, which makes me know that we have a good marriage.

    We have good communication and agree on the things that matter (no kids, housekeeping, religion) and he supports my riding. We fill in for each other when one is having a tough week. We each do "fur-child care."

    Its a true partnership.
    Equus Doth Indeed Makeus Brokeus. Or Brokeus Meus -- when you have a baby warmblood, it could be either one!



  3. #3
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    Sep. 13, 2006
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    Dont marry thinking you will change something that bugs you abt the other. If it happens--great. Can you live with him/her just the way he/she is? If not look somewhere else.

    Me & DH have fixed up 2 houses working together. I think we can outlast anything.
    “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug. 24, 2007
    Posts
    946

    Default

    I'm very happy. It is a partnership, each of us has our strengths and we balance each other out. We agree on most things, or don't feel passionately about the things we disagree about. We have our own friends, our own lives and enjoy each others company.

    First marriage for both of us - but not young (38 & 45) so we were both fully formed humans in our own right before we got married. Neither came into the relationship with the thought that the other would change, so we liked what we already had. We were together for 5 years before the wedding, have been married for 6.

    I feel lucky every day.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 3, 2003
    Location
    St. Louis, MO USA
    Posts
    960

    Default

    Mr Hasahorse and I will be married 16 years this year, and together as a couple for 21. I think the key to any relationship is communication, trust and compromise. We have had rough patches - we were separated briefly 10 years ago because he was stupid - but we have worked through them together. We have always supported each other in what we are doing, even if one of us thinks it's nuts.
    We went into the relationship agreeing on things - it is actually rare for us to argue. I knew deep down 2 weeks after we met that we would be married. My mom met him two months after we started dating and told me later that he would make a good husband for me. The deal was sealed when I had a nasty bout of intestinal flu in college and he took care of me without batting an eye.
    He loves my family, and we both tollerate his.
    My new mantra - \"Life is too short not to eat ice cream.\"
    ReRiders Clique



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2008
    Posts
    4,585

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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnDeere View Post
    Me & DH have fixed up 2 houses working together. I think we can outlast anything.
    My mom always told me "If you can wallpaper a room together and are still speaking to each other when it's done, that person is the one".
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun. 23, 2010
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    1,670

    Default

    Wow, only three responses so far to the "happy" thread? I hope there are more coming.

    Mine is a second marriage, but we're very happy. Only 7 years married, 13 years together. No kids, two semi-grown stepchildren.

    Our keys to success are honest communication, not letting things fester, and accepting one another's shortcomings. And perhaps most important of all, we each maintain separate activities and interests! I have horses, he has motorcycles and target shooting. We have interests that overlap as well, but I think it's essential to have some part of your life you can call your own, and to have a spouse who supports you in that, without necessarily having to participate.

    And cautious spending! We're both careful with money, because being loose with the cash makes for a level of stress that's hard for any relationship to manage



  8. #8

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    Friends for 8 years, together for 5, officially happily married for almost 4 years.

    I think the biggest thing is communication, I can talk to my guy about anything and even when I want to throw things at him we can still work things out, we rarely have big fights. We have similar goals in life and have each others backs totally.
    for more Joy then you can handle
    http://dangerbunny.blogspot.com/



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    6,803

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    Quote Originally Posted by Long Spot View Post
    My mom always told me "If you can wallpaper a room together and are still speaking to each other when it's done, that person is the one".
    ROTFLMAO.... so true!



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 26, 2001
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,325

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    I'll play! 26 years!! Same man every day, every night! Compromise, compromise and oh wait . . . compromise! You just can't have everything your way. It is a partnership that you have to constantly work at.

    I see so many people I know divorce for some ridiculous crap! They don't even try to work through their issues. My husband and I had a rough patch at the 7 year mark and went to counseling. It saved our marriage. It helped us truly see how the other felt and what the real issues were.

    It seems that so many people today get married just to say "hey we're married" without willing to do the heavy lifting of making a relationship work.

    No my marriage isn't perfect and there are times we would love to just throw in the towel. But if the love is still there it is worth fighting for. And geez I'm not about to start over training a new guy after 26 years of effort!!! haha!

    Another important thing that we always do in our marriage is to say "Thank You!" Thank you for taking out the trash, thank you for making a great dinner. Thanks for ironing that shirt for me. It makes a difference when you look your husband in the eyes and say thank you for taking such good care of us all these years. When my husband looks me in the eye and thanks me for all my support and help it melts my heart. Appreciate the little things and the bigger things can fall into place.
    Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!!



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2006
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    Florida
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    We've been married 12 years, huge age difference, no kids nor desire to have them, lots of differing interests, basically different sets of friends, and I still think coming home to him is the best part of the day. No, not because he's got dinner cooking or mucked my stalls, but because I truly enjoy being around him. I know him very well, he knows me, and we both still want to be together. No words of wisdom or anything to impart, other than the aforementioned truism that you can't change a person. He's the same he's ever been, and he says I am too. If anything, you learn better which parts of your personality can be hurtful to the other, and if you care, you learn to temper it or avoid it altogether. But chances are you and s/he will remain who they are.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2009
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    1,905

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    32 years and it gets better every year.

    Second husband. Some may know first one was horror.

    I think some biggest things I've learned are;

    Treat your loved one as politely as you treat strangers.

    Anytime you make a decision think about how it will affect him and how you would feel if he made that same choice.

    Try to feel attractive-nothing better for the sex life.

    Laugh at his jokes no matter how many times you've heard them.

    Remember, he's a guy. His brain works differently.

    Of course it helps when you've got one like I do.



  13. #13
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    Jul. 20, 2007
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    Rising Sun, MD
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    8 years and counting to hopefully many, many more. I'm not sure on the advice part other than don't marry someone when you can't accept who they are (ie you ain't gonna change em after you marry em ) And make sure you like who you are when you are with your SO
    “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain



  14. #14
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    Sep. 13, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Long Spot View Post
    My mom always told me "If you can wallpaper a room together and are still speaking to each other when it's done, that person is the one".
    Wisdom here.

    A wise old woman once told me marriage isnt 50/50. Its 75/25. Each of you give 75 & expect the other to give 25 & it will work out much better. Cause your not meeting in the middle but crossing over to meet on the other side.
    “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr. 11, 2001
    Location
    Tennessee
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    6,550

    Default

    Happily married 20 years next week. Actually we have a joke about that. We'd been married about 6 years and were having a snit on the way to a social/business function. We were standing in the same conversational group, but talking to different people. I was asked by someone how long we'd been married and I smiled and said "we've had 3 good years." Mr. subk having been eaves dropping interrupts and says, "wait we've been married 6 years." I smiled and said, "and 3 of them and been good." Zing. To this day when someone asks us how long we've been married he gives the smart ass response.

    Seriously I think what makes it work is that we are very different personalities bringing different strengths, perspectives and abilities to the partnership, yet we have similar cultural backgrounds, values systems and religious beliefs.

    On a day to day basis I think we both take pleasure in doing things because it makes the other person happy. When I get in funk the best way out is to stop thinking about what I need to do to make myself happy and spend the day working at making him happy. Life gets much simpler when you get your jollys bringing someone else pleasure. Fortunately there are just as many things he's happy and willing to do for no other reason than it is meaningful to me.

    Oh, and my mom said you should marry a man not because he has qualities you admire but because he has flaws that you can live with.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov. 24, 2009
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    269

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    only 1 1/2 years happily married (together for 8)....and were starting to remodel our new house.. wish us luck I hope to be like some of you one day saying "20+ yrs and happily married!"
    Proud owner of Belle- 17.2h PerchxTB-wannabe dressage horse & Fayah 14.1H arab-trail horse extroidinaire!



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 1999
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    Cypress, near Houston, Texas
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    8,485

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    20 years married and together for 22 years. Second marriage for him. Third for me.

    Yes, most important thing is to remember that it is a partnership and that compromise is usually the answer.

    We actually have a scale we use (learned from marriage counselling when we had a rough spot about 3 years in). When there is a dispute that cannot really be compromised (one must win and one must lose), each will decide (internally) how important having their own way on the issue is on a scale of 1-10. Then, the one to whom it is the most important gets their way on it.

    Of course, that means being honest and not always insisting that it's more important to you!

    And if it's a 10 for both of you, then take turns. Whoever got to have their way on the last 10, now it's the other's turn.

    Works well, actually and we almost never have arguments now. One of us will say, "Well, honey. This is a 5 for me. How 'bout you?" Or one of us will just think "Nah, not important enough to fight over."

    And a sense of humor is a MUST!
    Visit Sonesta Farms website at www.sonestafarms.com or our FaceBook page at www.facebook.com/sonestafarms. Also showing & breeding Cavalier King Charles Spaniels.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov. 15, 2004
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    Nescopeck PA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Long Spot View Post
    My mom always told me "If you can wallpaper a room together and are still speaking to each other when it's done, that person is the one".
    Before we were married my husband and I tried to go from PA to VA for a horse show with my young stallion. My truck broke down three times on the way to VA. We were finally towed home. Left at 6AM in the morning, home at 2AM that night. 20 hours in the cab of a small truck (many times stranded) or sitting waiting in the garage. That night as I was sleeping, I heard my mom say to my dad "well this says a lot about their relationship. They were still smiling when they got home."

    We have been married 9 1/2 years. Known each other for 12 1/2. We have our disagreements, but in general we work things out. We have two AMAZING girls that we are blessed to have on earth and one angel in heaven. We are two lucky people.
    Maria Hayes-Frosty Oak Stables
    Home to All Eyez On Me, 1998 16.2 Cleveland Bay Sporthorse Stallion
    & FrostyOak Hampton 2008 Pure Cleveland Bay Colt
    www.frostyoaks.com



  19. #19
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2003
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    1,888

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    Married 10 years January 30. We've been through a lot together.

    Marriage takes a lot of patience and a lot of perserverence.

    In addition to the things everyone else has said on here, I think there's one other thing we as horsey folks need to remember: If you don't love your SO more than you love every horse you have, keep looking because that isn't the partner for you.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2007
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    AreaII
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    It's only been 5 years - but we are very happily married. We share duties and have different hobbies so we each have time away with our friends. He is a wonderful husband and father. As bad as it may sound - every time I read a horror story - it reminds me of just how good I have it.

    I must admit - the book "Have a new husband by Friday" is my handbook. It's a quick read but on the money and I look at and understand my husband so much better after reading it. I recommend it to anyone - especially wives having trouble figuring out their husbands!



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