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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2010
    Posts
    420

    Default Terrible Roommate

    I am a senior in college. Last semester my jerk of a roommate ditched me to room with another of our friends.

    This left me with two freshmen needing roommates to choose from: a girl who asked what the word "equine" meant, and whose goal for the semester was to get off academic probation, and the little sister of a good friend.

    I went with the little sister.

    This kid is driving me up a wall. I don't even want to be in the room with her. She's over there right now eating and making disgusting lip smacking noises. She keeps throwing things in my trashcan, and will not take the trash out even though I told her if she was going to use my trashcan she better take the trash out from time to time.

    She talks CONSTANTLY.

    And she keeps shutting the windows (which are 1. On my side of the room and 2. Pretty darn necessary to have open because this dorm has no air conditioning and no ventilation of any sort).

    And not only does she talk, she asks questions. And I keep saying no. No, I will not help you with your college algebra homework. No, I do not know what that confusing letter you recieved from the university means. No, I do NOT want to go "halfsies" on food with you if you buy a crock pot.

    Not only that, I thought it was an unspoken rule that whoever has the mini fridge taking up space on their side of the room (mini fridges provided by the university) gets to put stuff on top of it (extra storage space yay). Uh, at the moment it's on my side and her food is all over the top of it.

    Oh, and there is only one dresser, desk, and closet in the room. These are on her side, so they are hers. When they turned these into double rooms (used to be private rooms) they stuck in two little chests of drawers, an extra desk (no drawers, not much use for this) and a table at the end of my bed.

    The table is for some reason covered with HER stuff. I mean, I know I moved from my old room to this one two days after the semester started but still... What part of "mine" and "yours" don't you understand kid? There is no "ours" here. Her two large blankets and two boxes of paperbacks are about to find themselves relocated to the shelves in the closet this weekend.

    We are gonna have ourselves a little chat this weekend, I just needed to vent. She will be buying her own trashcan, leaving the windows open, and getting her crap off my table.

    As an incentive for her to take out the trash I put an old tuna can in the trash, and didn't object when she shut the windows... Nothing but sitting there whining about the smell. The trashcan is currently FULL of her large foam drink cups and ice cream cartons. I'm going to have to wash it out when I take the trash out. My little trashcan is not that big.

    Dear freshman: there is no "we" here. This is a place for me to sleep. And eat. And that is it. You can do whatever you want as long as you do it on your side of the room, and I am not interested in an announcement every time you are about to do something, currently doing something, or just did something. Telling me that you are about to play the sims will not get you a response from me. One of these days it will and that response will be "please shut up."

    On the hunt for a new roommate... Or the extra cash to be able to pay for a private room... If I spend more than one semester listening to this constant chatter about nothing while she fills up my trashcan that I get to carry down two flights of stairs and back up again, I may hurt her.

    Oh and the irony... She told me she was glad I wasn't someone who felt the need to fill the silence by talking... I almost smacked her...

    I think most of my frustration today came from my friend whose mare is in the run beside my horse telling me "Oh, by the way, I think she might have strangles."

    Just one more year til I graduate... One more year... Today I just needed to vent.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2002
    Location
    Canada!!
    Posts
    271

    Default

    What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, or at least gives you a damn good motive



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 19, 2002
    Location
    recent FL transplant from IL
    Posts
    7,174

    Default

    Lay out the rules & expectations upfront. You need to do that in any roommate situation.

    She's a freshman & probably away from home the 1st time.

    Perhaps she views you as an older sibling/extension of her family?



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2010
    Posts
    420

    Default

    I have never been very good at living in a small space with someone else... My last roommate was my friend but got mad at me when I told her I was not happy with the room arrangement... To describe it is best left in the words of my best friend who walked into the room and said "Well, I see N took even more space for herself." and started laughing. She took up 2/3's of the room (her side and the entire back wall) and then told me there wasn't enough room for my chair. I tried to be a civil person and talk to her about it and she flew off the handle and then didn't speak to me for the rest of the semester.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct. 19, 2009
    Posts
    1,027

    Default

    I say give her a stern talking about her stuff being on her side, and if she doesn't listen, put all of her stuff on her side. On her bed, on the floor, wherever. Then organize YOUR side to your liking. She may get pissed off, but wah. She'll get over it. You only have half of a year left anyway.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2010
    Posts
    420

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Giddy-up View Post
    Lay out the rules & expectations upfront. You need to do that in any roommate situation.

    She's a freshman & probably away from home the 1st time.

    Perhaps she views you as an older sibling/extension of her family?
    Yeah, no kidding on the expectations thing... It's spring though, she made it through the fall semester. Her older sister lives on campus in another dorm, and I have no desire to have any more little sisters (I went to college six and a half hours away for a good reason).

    I'm her third roommate and we are two weeks in to her second semester of college... That should have been some sort of indication for me, generally the most annoying people have the highest number of former roommates...


    I didn't speak up immediately that I was sick of my old roommate rearranging the room, and before I knew it there just "wasn't room" for my stuff.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2001
    Location
    West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
    Posts
    15,786

    Wink Oh, these are easy fixes, dear - you're just too nice. Attend,..........

    It's simple, really. Move her stuff to her side of the room. Not nicely - just dump it. On the floor, on the bed, whatever; just get it out of your territory. Forbid her to use YOUR trash can; since she can't seem to follow your instructions on filling/emptying it, she can damned well get her own. The fridge top is YOURS - reclaim it. None of these things are negotiable. If she whines, restate, smile, rinse, repeat.

    Constant talking? Tell her it bothers you, and to please be quiet. If she has trouble with that, allot her two questions that she may ask you every hour, and NO MORE. Be emphatic about it. Thinking about which questions are important enough to ask will at least keep her dumb little trap shut for a bit. Any attempt to go over the two questions/hour allotment will lose her the two questions for the following hour; and so on, and so on, and so on.

    She will do one of two things; turn into a bearable roommate with whom you might have a chance of surviving the year, or get so pissy that she'll up and leave,...........which would leave you alone in the room again.

    Good luck, and keep us posted. I would LOVE to know how this turns out!
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2000
    Location
    El Paso, TX
    Posts
    12,179

    Default

    I had a roommate from hell in the military when I was TDY for 6 months. She and I were the only women in our group, so I had no other options.

    She was about 300 lbs (on the weight reduction program). My first morning there, she woke me up, and when I turned over to ask her "what" she was standing there 2 feet from my bed, naked, dripping wet from the shower. She asked if I had a pair of tweezers she could use, so I said yes, and told her where they were. She got them, and standing in front of me proceeded to pluck a hair out of her nipple.

    Every night, she would pour a 16 oz glass of straight scotch, down it and then fall asleep on her back snoring REALLY loudly. I finally would get up and go sleep in the rec room, just to get away from her and get some sleep.

    When she would wake up in the middle of the night, she would open a bag of chips, and proceed to rattle the bag and crunch until dawn.

    I was SO glad when she went back to her base, and I had the room to myself (after about 3 months).



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb. 22, 2005
    Location
    Where the prairie ends and the mountains begin
    Posts
    2,444

    Default

    THIS is why I got out of the dorms after my sophomore year and never looked back.

    At least your roommate didn't bring home some random guy from a party and proceed to have sex with him in the bed next to yours while you were sick with the flu and not quite asleep.

    ETA: But wait, there's still time...
    Dreaming in Color



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2011
    Posts
    1,101

    Default

    ^ a friend of mine had something similar happen to her! The roommate wound up taking her to Olive Garden to make up for it, but had I been her I think I would have been totally scarred!
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul. 30, 2005
    Location
    England
    Posts
    10,475

    Default

    You say 'kid'. How old is she?
    Horse Show Names Free name website with over 6200 names. Want to add? PM me!



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan. 3, 2003
    Location
    St. Louis, MO USA
    Posts
    946

    Default

    "At least your roommate didn't bring home some random guy from a party and proceed to have sex with him in the bed next to yours while you were sick with the flu and not quite asleep."

    Oh my God, that happend to me too!
    My new mantra - \"Life is too short not to eat ice cream.\"
    ReRiders Clique



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2001
    Location
    West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
    Posts
    15,786

    Wink

    Quote Originally Posted by jetsmom View Post
    She was about 300 lbs (on the weight reduction program). My first morning there, she woke me up, and when I turned over to ask her "what" she was standing there 2 feet from my bed, naked, dripping wet from the shower. She asked if I had a pair of tweezers she could use, so I said yes, and told her where they were. She got them, and standing in front of me proceeded to pluck a hair out of her nipple.
    She had the hots for you. Shame on you for disappointing her!

    Every night, she would pour a 16 oz glass of straight scotch, down it and then fall asleep on her back snoring REALLY loudly. I finally would get up and go sleep in the rec room, just to get away from her and get some sleep.

    When she would wake up in the middle of the night, she would open a bag of chips, and proceed to rattle the bag and crunch until dawn.

    I was SO glad when she went back to her base, and I had the room to myself (after about 3 months).
    Wonder why she was trying so hard to be a man?
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,888

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AnEnglishRider View Post
    I am a senior in college. Last semester my jerk of a roommate ditched me to room with another of our friends.

    This left me with two freshmen needing roommates to choose from: a girl who asked what the word "equine" meant, and whose goal for the semester was to get off academic probation, and the little sister of a good friend.

    I went with the little sister.

    This kid is driving me up a wall. I don't even want to be in the room with her. She's over there right now eating and making disgusting lip smacking noises. She keeps throwing things in my trashcan, and will not take the trash out even though I told her if she was going to use my trashcan she better take the trash out from time to time.

    She talks CONSTANTLY.

    And she keeps shutting the windows (which are 1. On my side of the room and 2. Pretty darn necessary to have open because this dorm has no air conditioning and no ventilation of any sort).

    And not only does she talk, she asks questions. And I keep saying no. No, I will not help you with your college algebra homework. No, I do not know what that confusing letter you recieved from the university means. No, I do NOT want to go "halfsies" on food with you if you buy a crock pot.

    Not only that, I thought it was an unspoken rule that whoever has the mini fridge taking up space on their side of the room (mini fridges provided by the university) gets to put stuff on top of it (extra storage space yay). Uh, at the moment it's on my side and her food is all over the top of it.

    Oh, and there is only one dresser, desk, and closet in the room. These are on her side, so they are hers. When they turned these into double rooms (used to be private rooms) they stuck in two little chests of drawers, an extra desk (no drawers, not much use for this) and a table at the end of my bed.

    The table is for some reason covered with HER stuff. I mean, I know I moved from my old room to this one two days after the semester started but still... What part of "mine" and "yours" don't you understand kid? There is no "ours" here. Her two large blankets and two boxes of paperbacks are about to find themselves relocated to the shelves in the closet this weekend.

    We are gonna have ourselves a little chat this weekend, I just needed to vent. She will be buying her own trashcan, leaving the windows open, and getting her crap off my table.

    As an incentive for her to take out the trash I put an old tuna can in the trash, and didn't object when she shut the windows... Nothing but sitting there whining about the smell. The trashcan is currently FULL of her large foam drink cups and ice cream cartons. I'm going to have to wash it out when I take the trash out. My little trashcan is not that big.

    Dear freshman: there is no "we" here. This is a place for me to sleep. And eat. And that is it. You can do whatever you want as long as you do it on your side of the room, and I am not interested in an announcement every time you are about to do something, currently doing something, or just did something. Telling me that you are about to play the sims will not get you a response from me. One of these days it will and that response will be "please shut up."

    On the hunt for a new roommate... Or the extra cash to be able to pay for a private room... If I spend more than one semester listening to this constant chatter about nothing while she fills up my trashcan that I get to carry down two flights of stairs and back up again, I may hurt her.

    Oh and the irony... She told me she was glad I wasn't someone who felt the need to fill the silence by talking... I almost smacked her...

    I think most of my frustration today came from my friend whose mare is in the run beside my horse telling me "Oh, by the way, I think she might have strangles."

    Just one more year til I graduate... One more year... Today I just needed to vent.
    Quoted for posterity.

    No other comment.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2003
    Location
    Happily in Canada
    Posts
    4,694

    Default

    You may want to try Passive Aggressive Notes (the website), it will at least make you feel better!
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb. 22, 2005
    Location
    Where the prairie ends and the mountains begin
    Posts
    2,444

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hasahorse View Post
    "At least your roommate didn't bring home some random guy from a party and proceed to have sex with him in the bed next to yours while you were sick with the flu and not quite asleep."

    Oh my God, that happend to me too!
    The really sad part was: I confronted them... during the act. As in, I waited for a very precise moment to spring out of bed, grab my pillow and comforter and leave the room.. door wide open. Poor guy.

    Any way, she came to find me a few minutes later in another dormmate's room and I simply croaked though my flu, "what's his name?"

    She had no idea.
    Dreaming in Color



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Oct. 29, 2007
    Location
    TN
    Posts
    1,869

    Default

    At least her dumb-as-a-rock boyfriend hasn't practically moved in yet!

    Between college, studying abroad, and a different field station every summer I've had ~13 roommates in 4-5 years, most of whom I've had zero problems with. I've lived with a friend that turned out to be a terrible horrible no good very bad roommate (see above), and also some random roommates that I went from disliking to becoming friends with.

    I've learned:

    It's very hard to like ANYONE in a room the size of a closet, 24 hrs/day. Get out of there as often as possible, as long as possible. Go to the library for studying, a cafe for pleasure reading, a friend's for lunch.

    Honestly give her a shot. There is not one person out there that you cannot learn something from (and I don't mean "learn how to smack your lips"). Go grab lunch with her and have a conversation with her and listen to what she says.

    Seriously, resist the temptation to get passive-aggressive. Trust me I've been there and the only thing it accomplishes is pissing everyone off.
    "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." ~John Wooden

    Phoenix Animal Rescue



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 1999
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    3,194

    Default

    Why in the world are you a senior living with a freshman? Do you go to a very small school?



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2011
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,325

    Default

    I would have ended someone. I had a single in my freshman year, because I would have ended my roommate if they whined about home. Also I had roommates for high school and it sucked. I had been living away from home on a horse farm since I graduated at 16. No way was I taking that crap. Sophomore year I roomed with a good friend and that was the best. She was great and I room with her again this year.

    Though she is the best person ever, we have never fought but we ask each other to attend to things that get on each others nerves. One was that she hated that I did not make my bed. She asked me nice to do it so I do it now. Not that big of a deal. For me it is she never wears earphones when listing to music or watching netflix so I just ask her nicely and she complies.

    We rotate on the trash and if we eat food we take it to the main trash can to throw out.

    Set up some ground rules with her nicely. Buy an iPod and listen to music to drown out her food sounds and her talking. Get those cheap over the ears headphones that cancel noise. Make a trash schedule or have her buy her own trash can. Ask her to move the stuff off the fridge and to split the drawers with you. She should, hopefully, get the idea. If not then get the RA involved or find a new roomie.

    Get a fan to cool the room if she wants to close the window. Also the fan with drown her out. Get some scented spray to get the smell out of the room if you really are desprate.

    Look on the good side. She is not bringing guys back every night. If she did that I would end her.
    I am on my phone 90% of the time. Please ignore typos, misplaced lower case letters, and the random word butchered by autocowreck.




  20. #20
    Join Date
    Aug. 8, 2007
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    1,230

    Default

    You're a senior and still living in a dorm? Maybe you're at a college where there's no off campus living.

    She may not know "the rules". My roommie and I shared the top of the fridge and it was on her side. I had no clue that was considered a faux pas. My roommate never took the trash out either, or cleaned, or ever left the room. It could worse, way worse. Does she shower? Ive known people to have roommates that dont.

    Just talk to her about it. Take turns taking the trash out. Mark it on a piece of paper so you know who's turn it is. That can be very annoying.

    Try and be nice to her, she's a freshman and just getting used to everything. Help her with her homework, and read that confusing letter to try and help. I had a roommate that wouldnt talk to me, or help me out in any way, and I hated her.



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