The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 50
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec. 6, 2002
    Location
    Bucks County, PA
    Posts
    1,617

    Default Online dating? Update post 40.:(

    So, some of you may or may not have read my relationship from he** thread a while back, but I finally feel like I'm ready to jump back into the dating scene. I'm a member on OkCupid and have started emailing/chatting with a few guys I think seem quite normal. I'm a bit worried thought that it's a breeding ground for weirdos and creepers? I had a not so great experience a while ago where the person I was chatting with seemed normal enough, as soon as I gave him my cell # he immediately started trying to send me pictures of his private parts.....good times. So...experiences/stories/whathaveyou would be very much appreciated. Thanks ladies.
    Last edited by TatteredDaydreamer; Dec. 26, 2011 at 08:07 PM. Reason: Title update.
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 8, 2006
    Location
    Fredericksburg, VA
    Posts
    2,588

    Default

    I think that maybe as online dating has become less stigmatized, more "normal" people have given it shot, meaning perhaps a lower percentage of weirdos than five or ten years ago.

    I had a very "together" coworker with a brother in the military who found his fiancee via a dating website and I have a close friend who is on the marriage track with a man she also met online. In the latter case the guy did come with some very serious baggage and ex-wife drama (she--the ex-wife--tried to kill him a year ago), but in all he seems like a really, really good guy who found himself in a really, really bad situation with the ex-wife.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 20, 2005
    Location
    SW FL
    Posts
    1,010

    Default

    I've done it (well, still doing it, just no likely prospects right now) as I live in an area without a lot of young people. I've met several very nice guys; just nobody I've "clicked" with yet. But you don't know until you try!

    Some basic safety precautions: Always get his first and last name before you meet up with him...Google is your friend. First few dates, drive yourself and meet up in a public place. I like coffee shop first dates...they can lead to dinner if things are going well, or you can split and go your separate ways if it's not going well! ALWAYS make sure you have at least one person who knows where you're going and with whom, and have a specified time for them to call/text and check in on you during at least the first date. My best friend has a strange habit of locking herself out of our office when I'm on a first date Like any date, always have that SOS person who can bail you out! Be smart, be safe, and have fun!

    One last thought...I've had a lot more luck on Match.com than OKcupid. Yes, you have to pay...but I think that helps weed out the creepies a little. Lots of people say great things about eHarmony, but there weren't really people in my area on the site so I let my membership lapse.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
    Posts
    3,969

    Default

    Met my husband on Farmersonly.com. Loved internet dating, just make sure you are careful. No traceable info, meet in public, with a friend the first time, etc
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"



  5. #5
    Join Date
    May. 13, 2005
    Posts
    430

    Default

    You are not alone...... I too, had someone send me pictures of his xxxx. Ehewwww!!!! I hadn't even met him. Seemed like he thought I'd be thrilled with the text. NOPE!!!

    Wierdos are everywhere.....



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 30, 2006
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    633

    Default

    If you can, get a google voice number. If people call the number, it still rings your cell phone, and you can text through it as well. You can also read your voicemail or send texts through your computer.

    The benefits are that if someone is truly creepy you can set it up to where it will tell them your number is disconnected the next time they try to call it! Google voice makes me feel a lot safer, knowing I am not giving out my real cell #.

    I also agree that the pay sites seem to have a lower percentage of weirdos, especially the ones where they have to pay to email you.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 6, 2002
    Location
    Bucks County, PA
    Posts
    1,617

    Default

    Thanks gals, keep it coming. I do indeed intend to pay for Match.com fairly shortly as I already have a free account on there. I've met several prospects already on OkCupid that seem fairly normal. Time will tell and I'm taking things very slowly with everyone. The ones that are in a huge rush to meet up are the ones that worry me the most....>.< I'm sure it'll be interesting. Almost makes me want to keep a diary to look back at and laugh when I do start going on dates with these people.
    "And my good dreams? They all come with a velvet muzzle and four legs. All my good dreams are about horses."--In Colt Blood

    COTH Barn Rats Clique!



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 7, 2009
    Location
    Cincinnati, OH
    Posts
    1,363

    Default

    I met my SO on equestriansingles.com; we've been together two and a half years (will be three in February). I've posted the story here before, but long-story-short:

    We'd actually seen each other and chatted briefly while trail riding at a local park before we ever "met" online. When he did contact me and I saw his profile, I immediately knew it was the same guy. . .because I recognized his horse.

    As with any relationship, neither of us are perfect individuals but as a couple we get along great. It's nice being in a relationship with someone who owns and rides horses, too. We trail ride together, we camp together, we work around his farm together, and we both understand the time and expenses that go into having horses.

    I've tried other dating sites (match and eharmony, specifically) and, while I did have some success meeting guys from there, I noticed that a lot of the ones on match basically browsed profiles, looked at photos and sent messages based only on that. When they contacted me, it was pretty clear that they hadn't even taken the time to read my own profile.

    For example, I wrote that I didn't have children, didn't want children, and strongly preferred meeting men who didn't have or want kids either. What I often found was that they either claimed to not want children (only to later say that they really really wanted lots and lots of kids, and were hoping I'd change my mind), or that they already had young kids living with them and "accidentally" marked on their profile that they didn't have any.

    With eharmony, it was kind of a similar issue. They have that huge "compatability" test you have to complete, and I think a lot of people just sort of skimmed and half-assed their way through it so the results weren't really accurate. That is, if anything about the results can really be considered totally accurate.

    So, again, I'd find myself "matched" to these guys who were really terrible matches for me. But, it's really no different from the "real world" of dating.

    Good luck!
    Please copy and paste this to your signature if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a smack upside the head. Lets raise awareness.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2005
    Location
    In my own little world
    Posts
    476

    Default

    I met my fiance through eHarmony about 6 months after I joined. I had emailed a few other people but nothing really clicked enough for me to want to meet any of them. Before we met my friends had a little talk with him and his friends had a little talk with me too. It is true that you can be judged by the company you keep, I found it reassuring that my friends gave me the cautious thumbs up and that his friends were just as worried about him as mine were about me. Don't be afraid to try the friend test, sometimes they can see warning signs that we can miss when we're smitten with someone...
    Freedom is the ability not to care what the other person thinks...

    Got air?! Member of the Asthmatic Riders Clique



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar. 20, 2007
    Posts
    535

    Default

    I know a few guys that do the online thing.. and they are lying dirtbags..it's a game to them.

    I have 2 friends that met their current spouses on eHarmony. they are nicely matched and very happy.
    "The Desire to Win is worthless without the Desire to Prepare"

    It's a "KILT". If I wore something underneath, it would be a "SKIRT".



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,997

    Default

    I just went to a niece's wedding this weekend, very happy eHarmony couple. They look very well matched. Met my own husband online over a decade ago. It can work!



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 18, 2011
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    262

    Default

    Met my husband on Match almost exactly a year ago! EHarmony wasn't for either of us (for us, it was too restrictive with the questions and the way the system works), but I've heard that it works for some folks in some areas. I also did OKCupid, and found that it was more fun to play with than Match, and made me feel like I was doing something to increase my chances of getting a worthwhile match (what with all the surveys, tests, and matching questions), rather than obsessively checking my in-box ;-)

    I had intended to use it (online dating) to just play with, learn how to flirt and figure out what interested me and what didn't. I wasn't looking for The One (wasn't even sure I believed in such things), but found him--or he found me--the second month I was online.

    Agree with the above posters about being careful. I didn't hide out too much (but may have gotten lucky with the non-creepers), but I had a friend waiting for my regular 'I'm still alive' check-ins when I met the guys.

    Imo, online horse shopping was a great training ground for online dating. I knew to read critically, Google widely for confirmation, trust my gut when things didn't sound right, but also when they did.

    I emailed with many, many guys, but only met three in person (two from Match and one from OKC), and all three were genuinely nice, fun and interesting guys. (Even if the second had clearly used a rather dated pic in his ad.)

    My best advice? Have fun with it, email widely, read critically, and don't put too much pressure on each individual interaction. And good luck!
    Last edited by jess h; Nov. 4, 2011 at 01:44 PM.
    Horsey romances written by a horsey person
    www.JesseHayworth.com



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul. 17, 2008
    Location
    The Beach, Maryland
    Posts
    1,290

    Default

    Definitely take an entourage with you and/or meet at a place where everyone knows you.

    I met my now husband on Match.com and couldn't be happier

    Funny thing is, I took my best friend with me to meet him at a bar where all the bartenders were my friends, etc and she was supposed to be my chaperone.

    DH and I ended up talking and didn't move all night, while chaperone got preeeeeety tipsy LOL Thank god he wasn't a creeper and it's all ended happily, but we still joke about how 'great' of a chaperone she was !
    Friend of bar.ka!
    Quote Originally Posted by MHM View Post
    GM quote of the day, regarding the correct way to do things:
    "There's correct, and then there's correct. If you're almost correct, that means you're wrong."



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 5, 2007
    Location
    Pontiac, MI
    Posts
    1,352

    Default

    I was on OkCupid intermittently for about 3 years after my last serious boyfriend and I broke up. I went on a LOT of bad dates, a LOT of decent but unfruitful dates, and quite a few great dates. I also met/dated guys the "traditional" ways (via friends, parties, bar, etc.) but my boyfriend is someone I met on OkCupid, although we actually didn't date for several months after we met initially.

    You will get a lot of creeperish, weird, gross messages. Since OkCupid is free (or at least it was when I was using it?) you will get some people who are strictly looking for, uhm, some "free milk" and message you with propositions. The best part about it being the internet is that you can ignore it completely - and you can report it to the site, if it's harassing/explicit!

    Dating can be FUN! Even if only for the stories you'll get from going on those weird/bad dates

    On my first internet date, I actually had like five of my girlfriends with me when he met me at the restaurant for appetizers - I was nervous! I don't recommend having your entire clan with you, but it's not a bad idea to have one friend with you at least for the first few minutes to gauge him out.

    There are bad guys on the sites, and there are good guys - just like in real life. Some guys are just looking for a quick lay or friends with benefits, but some (like my boyfriend) are just sweet, shy-ish guys who don't do the Bar Scene and were looking for someone special. So - don't be afraid to message guys on YOUR accord. In my experience (having had several guy friends also on the site), girls get messaged a LOT more than the guys do. I messaged my boyfriend first, to tell him one of his pictures reminded me of Jake Gyllenhaal and that I liked his funny tee-shirt in it, and that started a conversation, which led to more conversations, which led to meeting up, which led to friendship, which led to dating and now we live together I'm REALLY glad I decided to message him out of the blue! You don't have to send out soliloquies first to guys, just something to spark a conversation. I was always instantly bored by the guys who wrote me a novella as their first message.

    Above all else, trust your gut! Just like you would walk away from a shady horse dealer/boarding barn/instructor if your gut told you, it's just as easy to stay away from the shady guys.

    Good luck, and HAVE FUN!! If you want more stories, advice, second opinions, whatever, feel free to message me



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2005
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    583

    Default

    Met my boyfriend on OKCupid and we have been together about 8 months now. People ask where we met and we are honest. Some people think its the greatest thing and some think we are crazy for ever trying online dating.

    I was on both OKCupid and Match.com and e-mailed and talked to wierdos from both sites. Just because you pay, doesn't mean you won't meet any weirdos.

    I've always viewed online dating was pretty much like meeting a guy in a bar. You meet some creepers, you meet some weirdos and then you also meet some nice guys. Its up to you to weed them out. There is nothing wrong with talking over e-mail and phone for a good while before meeting for a coffee date or 2.

    Good Luck!



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    4,334

    Default

    Done Match.com - have found a few marrieds on there. And some whose picture is the same now, as it was five years ago when my divorce was final!

    One guy I felt trustworthy of even worked where a friend's husband did - professional, high profile job...turned out he was looking to find gals, including out of state, he could borrow money from - allegedly split from his wife, but not divorced - questionable sad tale about a child with an incurable disease was why he was broke (you can't tell anybody!) - he turned out to also be a very scary fellow.

    Had a 4 year relationship with my recent SO who I met on Match.com. Overall a positive experience - a step up from treatment I received in my marriage and brought me back some lost self-esteem. Ultimately there were still some important issues that couldn't be lived with. We have remained friends, but I give this warning as he has returned to Match.com. To him, having his "status" not be exactly right was not a big deal to him, and several of his pals agreed. His status when he met me was "separated" although he wasn't legally yet. And it is now "divorced" although it isn't final - he is dragging out a 4 year action that should have started 20 years ago. But from now on, if I see "separated", I'll almost want to see the paperwork first before it goes past coffee.

    For me, I can't advertise myself as available until I really, truly am. Even now, that means I'll perhaps go back on when I'm done trying to do a couple of start up endeavors that leave me no time to socialize - just enough free time to ride...and write on COTH forums!



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2011
    Posts
    770

    Default

    I have 2 friends who met their now-husbands on online dating websites. Of course, they haven't been married very long, so who knows what it will be like in a few years, but it seemed to work out well for them!



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Sep. 27, 2004
    Posts
    449

    Default

    It has definitely gotten to be less "uncool" to meet your SO online these days.

    Met my current boyfriend on Plentyoffish.com, which like OKCupid, is free. Had tried Match.com but didn't meet anyone worthwhile, and I got tired of paying for it.

    Plentyoffish and OKCupid have their fare share of creepers, but so does real life. Definitely make sure you have a plan and a friend on call when you go out on your first dates, and if guys want to come to your place as a first date- take that red flag and RUN!

    All in all I think that it's a great way to broaden your pool. My boyfriend and I may have never crossed paths in real life and he's a wonderful guy that is perfect for me. Give it a try, but proceed with common sense and caution. You never know!

    P.S. Have several friends who married/are in LTR with people they found online, including my cousin who met her husband on Craigslist!



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    5,990

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jess h View Post
    (Even if the second had clearly used a rather dated pic in his ad.)

    My best advice? Have fun with it, email widely, read critically, and don't put too much pressure on each individual interaction. And good luck!
    These two bear repeating. Most of the guys I've met were a step or two down from what the pictures showed; not necessarily that the pictures were old, but definitely of their 'best side'. And guys seem to think we won't notice the receding hairline/thinning or the 25lbs he's put on since that picture was taken. The most recent one got chopped after he told me he thought it would be a fun job to kill people (I have a family member that worked at a penitentiary in such a position). And spent 5 minutes going on about how he felt naked without his gun (new to the state, hasn't gotten his concealed carry permit yet).

    Be sensible. Meet in public places, park in well lit, populated areas - or better yet, have a friend drop you off.

    Just have fun with it, but don't expect too much. It's not as taboo as it once was. Although, I did meet a guy at a Halloween party last weekend that has proven to be much more interesting that anyone I've met online so far!
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2008
    Posts
    3,280

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jess h View Post
    I had intended to use it (online dating) to just play with, learn how to flirt and figure out what interested me and what didn't. I wasn't looking for The One (wasn't even sure I believed in such things), but found him--or he found me--the second month I was online.

    Imo, online horse shopping was a great training ground for online dating. I knew not to read critically, Google widely for confirmation, trust my gut when things didn't sound right, but also when they did.

    My best advice? Have fun with it, email widely, read critically, and don't put too much pressure on each individual interaction. And good luck!
    Three EXCELLENT pieces of advice. Hell, jess h's whole post was great, but these three pieces should be read OVER AND OVER by anyone who attempts online dating.
    Flip a coin. It's not what side lands that matters, but what side you were hoping for when the coin was still in the air.

    You call it boxed wine. I call it carboardeaux.



Similar Threads

  1. Spin Off- Online Dating. Which One?
    By Kelanbec in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: Nov. 27, 2011, 06:02 PM
  2. Speaking of online dating?
    By twotrudoc in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Nov. 12, 2011, 03:47 PM
  3. Online Dating sites
    By 2WBs1TB in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Nov. 11, 2011, 04:43 PM
  4. Online Dating--Anyone tried it?
    By theblondejumper in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: Feb. 14, 2011, 06:07 PM
  5. Online dating...
    By eponacowgirl in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: Feb. 16, 2010, 12:37 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness