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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 14, 2003
    Location
    Charlotte, NC, USA
    Posts
    551

    Default Family who invites themselves and then changes dates

    I have a small family vent.
    1. My in-laws invited themselves for Christmas. Then they got a better offer so invited themselves for the week before.
    2. So then my mom invites herself for the same time.
    3. I have a little 3/1 house and my sanity is not enough to take all of them together. So I end up with my mom mad.
    4. My mom then invites herself for the week after Christmas (as she goes to see my sister and the grandkids at Christmas).
    5. Mom calls today and says oh your sister wants to come to my (mom's) house next week. So mom won't be coming down here.

    Yesterday my sister called....which should have been my first clue that something was up. Thankfully it went to VM as we were at the movies. Really I do not care. I love not dealing with the fam on holidays. I want some peace and quiet. I spent 6 years half way across the country not with family on holidays. BUT REALLY IF YOU ARE GOING TO INVITE YOURSELF THEN FREAKING COME WHEN YOU SAY YOU ARE B/C I HAVE A LIFE TO GET BACK TO. Now of course I do not have another weekend until Jan 21st to get together with mom as I have prior work and then horse commitments. So mom will whine and if she did come down then my sister would call and this would all become a huge thing. UGH.

    Vent over.
    Last edited by belleellis; Dec. 26, 2011 at 05:40 PM. Reason: won't
    Pamela Ellis



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,527

    Default

    Wow! Some people seem to think that the world revolves around them. I hope they don't treat others the way they treat you or they won't have too many friends. The answer is obviously sell your house, buy a bed and breakfast, and then you'll make money off of their drop in changes since most B&B's charge for no shows.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    4,283

    Default

    My older sister, J has quite a habit of this, yet complains when any of us try to take the more convenient 95 down south, and we don't instead take 81 so that we can go see her in Winchester.

    Even this year, oldest sister M put together a weekend family reunion for the fall in Maine. J decided that this summer she and her husband would coincidentally drive their RV all the way to Maine, to see the same cousins that would be at the family reunion. Then a couple of weeks later, she complained that - whoa is me - they wouldn't have the money for the family reunion. We all had to plead for her to come. She fanagled M into waiting in NJ to so that she could stop to visit them at their place on the water, then catch a ride up to Maine w/ them.

    Can't tell you the number of times she has made the 6 hour drive to NYS at the last minute, then isn't available for graduations, picnics, other family get togethers. Of course when she lived up here, we were all chastised if we didn't show up to her family's.

    And I've made the trip to her place specifically, bringing our mother, or just myself. And within hours she is off to the mall.

    Control, control, control, control. She also has a thing about our not sending any presents to anyone else so she won't have to. She frankly just doesn't "get it". I just ignore her and send stuff anyway. That's my prerogative - if she wants to be selfish, that's her choice. And, they can truly afford it.
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,879

    Default

    Not a victim...a volunteer.

    The first time someone pulls this family crap on you, you're a victim.
    The second time it happens and you allow it, you're a volunteer.

    You are a volunteer!

    Don't participate, don't let people "invite" themselves into your life. A simple, "That won't work for me", will suffice.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 22, 2007
    Location
    SE CT
    Posts
    1,000

    Default

    My DH's family tends to pull this stuff...total indecision when my SIL comes down from VT to visit. They want me to wait around for like, HOURS while they decide what they want to do, drives me insane.

    So, I have the house phone, and the cell phone. They can call me, and if I'm available, I'll come and see them, or meet and do what they're doing. If I'm not, too bad, so sad. Um, sorry NOT going to wait around while you decide who to visit, or go to the mall, or run errands, or make crafts, whatever.

    As of yesterday the plan was they are coming down tomorrow through Fri. to do Christmas...Well, now they are not sure. Well, the ONLY day that none of us (me, hubby, 2 teens) are working is Thursday....Again, if you can't make it,too bad. NOT going to make anyone miss a day's work in this economy because you can't get your sh*t together!!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2003
    Posts
    1,793

    Default

    You really only have yourself to blame for not maintaining proper boundries. /shrug.
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 25, 2009
    Location
    Rock Chalk!
    Posts
    3,092

    Default

    I took a stand this year. I won't get into it all, but we (I was proud of DH) told MIL and SIL that we would, under no circumstances, be at SIL's house 45 minutes away before noon on Christmas. DD needed time to enjoy her Christmas morning. Know what? It was a nice Christmas for all concerned.
    OP - standing up for yourself and your family is a wonderful feeling.
    A proud friend of bar.ka.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hunter Mom View Post
    I took a stand this year. I won't get into it all, but we (I was proud of DH) told MIL and SIL that we would, under no circumstances, be at SIL's house 45 minutes away before noon on Christmas. DD needed time to enjoy her Christmas morning. Know what? It was a nice Christmas for all concerned.
    OP - standing up for yourself and your family is a wonderful feeling.
    This.

    I refuse to leave the house on Christmas Day. I offered to host a dinner for DH's family the Sunday before Christmas 2 years ago but it didn't work for some of them, so screw it. I accomodate my husband and children. Thats it.

    Just pick a line and ride it.
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"



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