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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
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    Default Parents of adopted children?

    Did you do foreign or domestic adoptions? Through foster care or private? Older or younger children? Has anyone adopted from Khazkstan?

    I have always wanted to adopt, as I like the big family idea, but don't want to bring more biological children into an overpopulated world. My grandfather was adopted after the state of Alabama forcibly removed he and his brothers from their Cherokee mother when his white father died. Adoption has always felt like the right path for me. And not the newborn route. I would rather take in the older children that are less "desirable" to many adoptive parents
    Quote Originally Posted by The Saddle View Post
    Perhaps I need my flocking adjusted.



  2. #2
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    Feb. 22, 2005
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    Where the prairie ends and the mountains begin
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    2,720

    Default

    Kudos to you. I think my husband and I are going to look into adoption again once we get settled in our new state. There are so many routes to go and positives and negatives to both. There is no one right way to adopt!

    The one thing that has me very irritated is the price tag that comes along with adoption. If you have medical insurance (and a working uterus) it is, in most cases, cheaper to have your own than to adopt.
    Dreaming in Color



  3. #3
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    Feb. 26, 2011
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    Just west of BFE
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    Default

    It is much cheaper for us to just have them!! I am out here in Weld County, so we are kind of close! I had friends adopt throught the Adams county foster service. Christ Community Church in Greeley has so many adopted Chinese girls in the congregation the families have a Chinese new year celebration. The only thing that would scare me about doing a local adoption would be having the birth parents want the child back, or having easier access to screw with our lives.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Saddle View Post
    Perhaps I need my flocking adjusted.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
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    5,663

    Default

    Yes - international adoption. My girls are from Russia.
    I am happy to answer any questions you might have; although I will admit up front that I don't know anything about Kazakhstan.

    Adoption isn't cheap, it's true, but there is a tax credit that helps a lot. Not a deduction, a credit. I don't know what it is now, but somewhere around $11-12K per child, I think.

    Doesn't matter what type of adoption either, foster-to-adopt, domestic or international, although you cannot recoup more than you spent (e.g. if a foster-to-adoption is <$11,000 you cannot claim the maximum).

    It's totally ok not to want to do a local adoption, or a domestic one - but it is worth learning about the different programs to be sure you know what they are. Very often a domestic adoption isn't a *local* adoption, and many adoption agencies allow prospective parents to set parameters regarding the level of risk they are willing to take (e.g. the birth parents deciding to parent in the end.) Not trying to talk you out of international adoption, but be sure not to assume one person's experience is typical.

    Good luck!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2010
    Location
    Texarkana, AR
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    Default

    I adopted my child from foster care 9 years ago. She had just turned 5 years old. It didn't cost me a dime. In fact because of her age and birth circumstances, she was considered an "at risk" child and her adoption was subsidized by the state.

    While there are plenty of children in the foster care system that are looking for adoptive homes, it can be a bit tricky. People need to keep in mind that the first goal of foster care is to re-unite children with their birth parents or place them with other relatives. Often times people go into foster care with the idea of adopting and then are hurt/disappointed when a child they have become attached to is either returned to its parents or placed with relatives. But, when children do become available for adoption, foster parents are often given the first choice to adopt them. So if you get into foster care with the goal of adoption, be aware that you may have to give up several children before the right one comes along. I will be honest too, many kids in the foster care system have been through a lot so they tend to have behavioral/mental health issues. Some of these can be overcome with structure, good parenting, counseling, medication, etc. Others can be more difficult. I've seen some really sad situations. Another issue is sibling groups. We want siblings to be kept together if at all possible. So a potential adopter may be looking at taking in 3-4 children at once. I think the biggest sibling group we've ever placed together is 6.

    My own child is a joy (most of the time, she's 14 ). She's bright, funny, athletic, artistic, strong willed and opinionated. She keeps me young and on my toes. My mom says I'm paying for my raising.



  6. #6
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    Feb. 26, 2011
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    Just west of BFE
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    Default

    S1969, how long were you in Russia for, all totaled to finalize the adoption? There is a local family that was in the Ukraine for months trying to get everything straightened around. I know that DH doesn't have time for sometihng like that, nor do we have the resources for a months long vacation.

    Wireweiners, do families willing to adopt siblings get moved to the head of the line so to speak? Or is it just dependent upon the children you have available at the time? If siblings are not kept together, is there any protocol inplace to keep the lines of communication open with the siblings? Just curious.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Saddle View Post
    Perhaps I need my flocking adjusted.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    10,069

    Default

    Friends adopted an infant through Catholic Charities in Colorado. And they were actually asked if they were interested in more kids at a future date during the adoption process. Apparently they had a surplus right then, and I don't think it was an open adoption either.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2010
    Location
    Texarkana, AR
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    Default

    I don't know that you could say they get moved to the head of the line but since there seems to be fewer families willing to adopt sibling groups I suppose you could say there is less competition for those children. Plus I think sibling groups larger than 2 qualify for subsidized adoptions. If it is deemed to be in the best interest of the children the judge can order that the kids be allowed visitation after the adoptions are final.

    My daughter has two younger siblings, twins, that were adopted by a woman in Oklahoma. Their bio-mom was running from CPS in several states, dropped the twins off in Oklahoma, my child got left in Arkansas. I would love for them to meet. My daughter remembers her baby sisters since I think she often cared for them. She was 3, they were 18 mos. when they came into care. I was told by my daughter's caseworker that she wanted the girls to know each other and she gave me their adoptive mom's address and phone #. But when I contacted her she told me that the twins didn't remember my daughter and she thought it would be too upsetting for them to see her but maybe later when they were older. I've thought about trying again to contact her. I've looked on Facebook to see if they were on there but no luck.

    For those of you concerned about CPS adoptions, once the bio-parents' rights are terminated or relinquished there is no way they are going to come and re-claim the kids. We try to keep placements confidential but sometimes the parents find out especially if foster parents adopt. But I've yet to have a problem with bio-parents harassing adoptive parents. About a year after I adopted my daughter we inadvertently ran into her adult sister. She recognized Raeann and spoke to her. Scared Raeann to death. Shortly after that we removed the sister's child due to her drug use. She would come by the office and ask about her sister, Raeann. I told her in no uncertain terms that Raeann was an ONLY child. I will admit that in the beginning I did worry about running into my daughter's bio-mom in Walmart or someplace. I was pretty careful about watching her and I let the school know who was supposed to pick her up from school.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun. 4, 2006
    Posts
    67

    Default

    Hi!

    My husband and I are parents of a nine year old boy adopted from Kazakhstan at the age of 6 1/2 months. He is a smart, handsome, funny and truly amazing kid. We adopted through the agency World Child, which is in Silver Spring, MD. OP, if you want to contact me privately I can try and answer any questions..



  10. #10
    Join Date
    May. 21, 2008
    Location
    Sonoma County, California
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    2,557

    Default

    rustbreeches, good on you. I felt the same way. My husband and I adopted two siblings, a boy and a girl, from local foster care. We actually did the fost-adopt route where we fostered them until parental rights were terminated (dad is a drug addict, mom is mentally ill). They were 8 and 9 years old when we met them. They are now 16 and 17. I think the total cost was $150. My kids are great and I'm so proud of them. Like any family, we've had our challenges. Best to go into an older child adoption with your eyes wide open, and very well educated. Love is not enough!

    Whatever the route you choose, read as much as you can about attachment and attachment issues. You will deal with attachment challenges in just about any non-newborn you adopt. It's very, very important to understand the mechanism of attachment, how it forms, how it goes wrong, the effects and what you can do to ensure the best outcome for the child and you.

    These were/are my go-to books. The first one being the one you MUST buy!

    "Attaching in Adoption".

    "Becoming Attached: First Relationships and how they Shape our Capacity to Love."

    Building the Bonds of Attachment
    by Daniel Hughes. Hughes is amazing. Anything you can read by him is great.

    If you go the local route, interview several foster care/adoption agencies (both private and county). Make sure they know you are looking for a child who is in the process of having parental rights terminated, or who is so close to the end of the family 'reunification' period that there is virtually no chance of bio parent getting child back.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2009
    Location
    Crozier VA
    Posts
    59

    Default I am one

    My wife, who passed away five years ago, and I adopted a ten month baby girl in Russia......Five years after we started on the international route.

    A domestic adoption was not a option because of our age; i.e. over 40 years old.

    I am now 63 years old with a fourteen year old daughter......She is a wonderful equestrian, I am very proud of her but she is not without issues.

    Please contact me by PM if you would like to talk about the risks, the costs and frustrations......it is not a journey for the faint of heart!
    Berkley



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2010
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    Texarkana, AR
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    Default

    While age can be a factor, just because you are over 40 doesn't mean you can't do a foster care adoption. Many regulations can be waived under the right circumstances. I was 50 when I got my daughter, she was 5. I think the rule of thumb here in Arkansas is that you can't be more than 45 years older than the child you are adopting.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    11,123

    Default

    One thing about Russia (besides some medical/mental issues from the orphanages)--check. At least a couple years ago they shut down, essentially, foreign adoptions. I had an acquaintance who along with his wife wound up heartbroken as they were in the middle of the process for a little girl and were simply shut out. Given how the Russian bureaucracy works it's possible someone with sufficient money (if you know what I mean) could end-run the situation but I wouldn't bet on it. China has also gotten rather picky about who they adopt to, though AFAIK they're still allowing it.

    Romania and Korea used to be go-tos. I don't know if they're still as open to the idea.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug. 3, 2004
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    3,828

    Default I work for an adoption agency

    We place kids that have been removed from their parents for a variety of reasons. They are placed in foster care with families that intend to adopt them when parental rights are terminated. This way the child has as little disruption as possible.

    cost to the adoptive parents=$0

    the foster parents are paid a stipend by the county while the kid is in care.

    it is a great solution to a terrible problem.

    there is a special need for foster parents for gay and transgendered kids that are kicked out of their homes.

    it doesn't matter if you are single or married, gay or straight. there are kids that need love and a place to live.
    A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame or money, but even practices it without any hope of doing it well.--G. K. Chesterton



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
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    5,663

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    One thing about Russia (besides some medical/mental issues from the orphanages)--check. At least a couple years ago they shut down, essentially, foreign adoptions. I had an acquaintance who along with his wife wound up heartbroken as they were in the middle of the process for a little girl and were simply shut out. Given how the Russian bureaucracy works it's possible someone with sufficient money (if you know what I mean) could end-run the situation but I wouldn't bet on it. China has also gotten rather picky about who they adopt to, though AFAIK they're still allowing it.

    Romania and Korea used to be go-tos. I don't know if they're still as open to the idea.
    I don't know that this is actually true. Russia did not reaccredit all agencies it worked with; I believe they required a reaccreditation process for all international agencies and there was a *hold* on adoptions at that time. Again, be sure to get information from reputable agencies that are working in the country (whatever it is) at the current time. Everyone I ever met "knew someone who knew someone" who had a horror adoption story....international or domestic. Go to the agencies directly if you want to hear the success stories.

    I think it's unfair to also suggest that "someone with sufficient money" has any better chance of an adoption in Russia. I will agree that larger agencies with longer-term histories in the country are more likely to be accredited and have good working relationships in-country. However, I think showing up in Russia with extra money would only make you more likely to get mugged....nothing else. The application, acceptance and matching all take place before you travel.

    We made two trips -- the first was 5 days, the second was 8 days. I belive that it is now unusual (impossible?) for the 10 day waiting period to be waived after the adoption hearing so the 2nd trip may be longer or families may make 3 trips. Feel free to PM me and I will give you the name of the agency we worked with - they would be far better able to give you current information as our adoption took place 8 years ago.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2002
    Location
    Berlin, Germany
    Posts
    2,537

    Default

    I work for a relatively large, Hague accredited (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT) agency that does both domestic and international adoptions. We had a large Russia program, and a few smaller Eastern European programs (including Kazakhstan), but recently shut down most of our international programs due to lack of cooperation from foreign governments. We have promised to see families that have approved home studies through to the end (if there is one), but the current wait is looking to be about 10 years for China, and indefinite for Russia. The Eastern European and Russian climate has changed MASSIVELY over the past 2 decades- when we became licensed for Russia in 1993 or 1994, the need for adoptive families from other countries was massive. Russia is no longer the impoverished, unstable country it once was, and their view of Americans has not been wonderful over the past 2 or 3 years...

    International adoption has really become a different game, even in the past 5 years or so. International regulation and the creation of standards (like Hague accreditation) mean that most reputable agencies are now only working in certain countries that are willing to follow certain standards to complete an adoption. We would love to open international programs in more regions, or re-open our international programs in regions that have closed, but the level of corruption and "baby farming" in places that demonstrate a real need for US adoptive families has made it difficult for us to do that.

    Here is the US Dept. of State's website re: Hague Accreditation: http://adoption.state.gov/hague_convention.php

    The bright side of the very long story is that there is a high demand for adoptive families interested in adopting domestically, and a great number of options for parents interested in pursuing that course.
    Here today, gone tomorrow...



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2009
    Location
    Crozier VA
    Posts
    59

    Default FRUA

    For Eastern Europe adoptions, there is a US based organization with a wealth of information, FRUA...they have a website.....It was a great resource....

    It was formed by familes waiting to adopt or post adoption parents. We belonged to the VA chapter for many years....It was great to meet others waiting to adopt and folks and their adopted children.....It offered friendships, hope and real world knowledge.....
    Berkley



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Apr. 10, 2006
    Posts
    7,393

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rustbreeches View Post
    The only thing that would scare me about doing a local adoption would be having the birth parents want the child back, or having easier access to screw with our lives.
    That doesn't really happen. Just a Lifetime Movie fallacy.

    My daughter's birth mother lives about 15 minutes away. She has our phone number, our address, has met our extended family. And vice versa. I posted more about our situation on ChocoMare's Birth Mother thread.

    I know hundreds of families in successful open adoptions. The very, very few times I've heard of people having issues setting boundaries, the agency has stepped in to help. (This is also why it is important to find a GOOD agency.)

    You'd be surprised... more often than not, it is the adoptive family trying to maintain contact and the birth mother is reluctant.

    And I'm with FFeqH.... adopting domestically is a very viable option, it is just that people don't realize it because like the "crazy birth parent" fable they think adopting domestically costs $765,400 and is completely impossible. Not the case.
    We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2002
    Location
    Berlin, Germany
    Posts
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    Default

    Actually, the average domestic adoption is far, far less expensive than the average international adoption. No need to deal with immigration/vital records fees in 2 countries... I find that most people think of international adoption as a "better" option because international adoptions are typically closed, and in the past, have been faster than domestic adoption. For example, when we had a Guatemala program, the wait time for a referral was about a year, and the time between receiving your referral and traveling to pick up your child was a matter of weeks. FWIW, we closed our Guatemala program a few years ago due to serious, serious corruption.

    We have had some real nightmares over the past few years with Russia and Eastern Europe. Most heartbreaking was when a family received a referral for a child, made travel plans, spent 3 weeks in Russia, and because of one judge in the region they were in, were unable to come home with the baby. It took several months for the legal issues to get sorted out in Russia (a nightmare in and of itself), and by that time, all of the baby's US immigration paperwork had lapsed. The family was so heartbroken and stressed that after more than a year of fighting (and 3+ years waiting for the referral itself), they pulled out of the process and are taking a break.

    I should probably post-cursor all of this with the caveat that we do not do closed domestic adoptions anymore. All of our families are required to provide written updates with photos at least once annually, and we encourage families to meet with their birthparents as often as possible if there is any possibility of that relationship being a healthy one for the child. Of course, we don't encourage families to remain in contact with birthparents that have serious problems that might negatively impact the child, and there's really no way of forcing them to continue annual updates. But we try our best, as it truly is the best thing for the child to understand their adoption story and how much BOTH of their families went through to get them where they are today.
    Here today, gone tomorrow...



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 16, 2007
    Posts
    176

    Default

    Three of our four kids were adopted. We started off thinking domestic adoption, but then moved overseas so international was easier for us.

    We were in Japan (REALLY hard to adopt Japanese children) so our first adoption was from Korea.

    Decided to adopt again when we were back in the States and Korea was closed at the time so we decided on Thailand as we had spent a fair amount of time there and really like the country and the people.

    When we decided we wanted one more, we were older and China was still a relatively new program. Having been to China, we were delighted to have that option. I think now the wait is horrendously long, but back in the dark ages it was about 6 months from starting the paperwork to travelling to meet our daughter.

    Adoptions have changed so much in the past years that I wouldn't have any advice that would mean much as far as the process. If you are thinking Asia, I would suggest looking at Korea, if you fit the criteria. The Korean program has been around a LONG time and is usually pretty smooth.

    There is a ton of information on the web. Rainbow Kids is a good place to start. There are heaps of Yahoo groups specific to country that are a good place to ask questions.

    We used Holt International for our Thai adoption. Highly recommend them. WACAP is another well established agency.

    If you do decide on an older child adoption, be sure you do your research on issues specific to older kids. There are a lot of wonderful stories, but be aware that it can be a VERY tough adjustment for some kids.

    I don't think it much matters where or how the children come to need a family. I hate the divide between international vs. domestic. Every family should be able to decide which route is best for them and every child has the need for a family.

    No family should ever have to justify their decision. Birth families don't so why do adoptive families?



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