Toxic friend/relationships(even if it is with family)
Hi, sometimes I think I am in a toxic "friendship". Long story short friend becomes unglued literally when there is a major crisis. I am not sure if I should not be friends with this person or just know that it happens.
I guess I am just wondering what others have done and when you know enough is enough.
Strange how much you've got to know Before you know how little you know. Anonymous
Hard to tell without more info, but I had to "break up" with a friend when our then 9-year "friendship" became reduced to 3-hour phone conversations that were pretty much a recital of her problems (and she has problems, she really does) and me trying to be helpful/supportive.
Problems include(d) chronic illnesses, breast cancer scare, multiple injuries, cheating husband, unemployment, chronically ill pet, social isolation, depression, miscarriage, suicidal thoughts, health insurance company trying to drop her...
It was incredibly draining. I also learned that she was parceling up her issues and telling slightly different stories to mutual friends.
She does need help -- serious help -- but I after 3 years, I learned/decided that I can't stand in as a shrink...
Sometimes you just have to distance yourself and not let yourself be sucked in to their problems.
I backed away from my "toxic friend" when I realized that she always needed ME to be there for her, but she was NEVER supportive when I needed something. Took me several years to see that was the pattern and distance myself...but life is better now!
Learning it's okay to let them go is sometimes the hardest
It's taken me a long time to realize it's perfectly okay to let go of people that are toxic in my life, even if they are family. It's just not healthy & I would rather surround myself with friends & the family that do care about me than subject myself to hurtful behavior. Family or not I had to let them go. My husband's family has been ugly to me for years & I allowed it to go on way longer than I should have believing that's just what a wife does. One day enough was enough & I sat my husband down & said I will no longer be subjecting myself to their behavior. Out of respect for him only I told him i will attend weddings, funerals, graduations and Christmas with his parents only not his siblings. As far as other family gatherings go he's more than welcome to go but don't expect me to go too. At first he was not happy about this & I understand it puts him in between a rock & a hard place, but I told him to walk in my shoes and then he understood. His family has always blamed me for my husband not dropping everything & going to see them but he too is tired of their behavior. I think it took me taking that first step to back away from them for him to realize they're sometimes toxic for him too, but he has to make his own decisions. Sometimes the right decision in life isn't always the easiest one. Good luck weeding out the toxic people in your life, once you do you'll feel relief and be able to live your life more freely.
A major crisis can cause people to become unglued. I don't see that as toxic.
If you are truly a friend and not involved then supporting this friend is what your side of the friendship is about.
Toxic people are those who lash out because of their own weakness of character. Who spin their wheels endlessly instead of moving on. Sadly, there is little they can do about it. They are made that way.
Does not mean you need to expose yourself to that, it just is what it is.