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  1. #1

    Default Handling Professionally

    Recently I relocated barns and am more than thrilled with my current situation. New barn manager/trainer is incredibly easy to work with, all of the trainers who currently are in residence are amazingly wonderful to be around and all the clients are completely friendly and welcoming. We're a mix of eventing/dressage and hunter/jumper.

    One of the things that was stressed to us MULTIPLE times upon arrival is that BM/Trainer won't tolerate drama. Also brought up by his very sweet wife. To prove his point, a drama filled trainer was there for about 2 months before a sudden depature. Not sure the details but I can only imagine.

    Now another drama trainer is coming in. The clincher? She's an acquaintance of mine and BM knows it. She's been through several barns and has created a huge drama even here on COTH.

    So my question to you COTH'ers is how to I approach BM to let him know that we're not really close friends. that I don't want her problems associated with me (and more importantly my horse) because there will be problems and I don't want to go down with the ship. At the same time I don't want to be perceived as a problem either.

    Looking for some constructive ideas here....

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2001
    Glenns, VA USA


    I won't approach the BM specifically.

    Just be polite, don't over socialize with new trainer, and stay out of the fray.

    The BM will realize you aren't involved if/whens something goes down and you will be unscathed.

    You bringing something up before hand can be construed as sh*t-stirring and bite u in the butt later. ....developing riders, NOT passengers!
    Member of LNHorsemanshipT & Proud of It Clique
    "What gets me up every morning is realizing how much more there is still to learn." -GHM

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May. 17, 2000
    Where am I and what am I doing in this handbasket?


    On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with trying to work in a phrase like "I know her, but we are not very close anymore" into a conversation...
    I'm sorry... Did I just roll my eyes out loud?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct. 19, 2011


    Quote Originally Posted by DMK View Post
    On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with trying to work in a phrase like "I know her, but we are not very close anymore" into a conversation...
    ^I am thinking something like this.

    To add more to this (and there's even more but sort of inconsquential at this time) is that I have students from years ago who recently came back and asked me to teach them and BM has agreed provided that we can 'work well together.' If he can't work well with her, I don't want my reputation tarnished since he's already told her that I've expressed interest in working with him.

    And I know she's mentioned my name as part of this and had called me to say "I'll help you out when I get on." I politely said that I would rather keep my dealings between he and I.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov. 28, 2006
    ON, Canada


    I agree with keeping quiet, especially if you are looking for an employment opportunity with the BM/Trainer.

    Limit your dealings with this individual to polite greetings and a little small talk. If possible, I would create physical separation by scheduling your visits to the barn to be during times when this individual is not present.

    Your cardinal rule to handling this will be not to discuss any barn business with this person - clients, the BM/Trainer, other boarders, other horses, etc. If this person is at all threatened by your abilities, anything you say will get back to the BM/Trainer or the individuals in question, that's how drama starters operate.

    People like this are best left to sink their own ships, just be patient as it may not happen instantly - but history will repeat itself in time.
    Proud Member of the "Tidy Rabbit Tinfoil Hat Wearers" clique and the "I'm in my 30's and Hope to be a Good Rider Someday" clique

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 19, 2011



    To add an additional layer to the complexity my friend that I moved with is drama trainer's BFF and so every conversation that I've had with BM has been fed directly back to her, through I've tried to politely distance myself she was clearly hanging around to hear.

    I'm also down with waiting for her to sink herself as well. I just haven't dealt with this in 'real' life so I wanted to be sure to do the best thing to protect myself and my horse. His happiness is my #1 concern and he seems to like this place! (And he's pretty picky believe it or not)

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