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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 25, 2011
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    Southern Pines, NC
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    2,337

    Default lovely long vent. (feel free to ignore)

    Kind of a spin off of the newer "incredible invisibles" thread.

    Short version: My friends aren't actually friends and are ditching me for no apparent reason. I'm sad, confused, upset, and a little brokenhearted, not to mention sick of the high school drama.

    Long version:

    [In lieu of a super-long intro, I will just say, "basically." So...]

    Basically, the people I thought were my friends have all decided to be backstabbing, nasty, and just plain dramatic, with seemingly no reason to be that way to me. I've been there for all of them and helped all of them out when they were having problems. I guess I should have realized that it was kind of a one-sided relationship when the help I gave them was never really reciprocated, but I was just so excited to have friends who seemed to "get" me.

    I've looked over my actions towards them, I've tried to look at myself through their perspectives, I've bent over backwards in the past keeping them happy, I've apologized when I didn't need to, and I'm sick of it. I'm done being a "rebound" friend who helps people out of their problems then gets left behind when everything is fine and dandy.

    I'm brokenhearted, I'm confused, I'm tired of the stupid high school drama, I'm tired of people my age being so immature, and I'm just feeling defeated I guess. It's not the end of the world, just very unpleasant.
    Last edited by GingerJumper; Oct. 11, 2011 at 11:11 AM.
    I've heard there's more to life than an FEI tent and hotel rooms, so I'm trying it.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    43,013

    Default

    I think what you describe is called growing up.
    It is hard, but you learn from it who your real friends are.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,982

    Default

    Um, you're 16. This, I am sorry to say, is what happens when you are 16.
    No one knows who they are and most are trying to figure it out.
    I can assure you that 98% of the people you're friends with now won't be your friends in a couple years. People move, change and just fade away.

    I tell my teen niece all the time-I know what's going on now seems like the END OF THE WORLD, but trust me, it's not. In fact, you'll forget most of the crap and may keep a few friends with you for life (I am friends with a tiny handful of people from school, I graduated 12 years ago).

    Enjoy your barnmates, your family and your riding.

    Trust me. It will all make sense later.
    mykidshavefourlegs.blogspot.com



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2000
    Location
    MA
    Posts
    12,810

    Default

    Just take heart that the people who are currently telling you "these are the best years of your life" are wrong.
    "It's like a Russian nesting doll of train wrecks."--CaitlinandTheBay

    ...just settin' on the Group W bench.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 25, 2011
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    Southern Pines, NC
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghazzu View Post
    Just take heart that the people who are currently telling you "these are the best years of your life" are wrong.
    That probably just made my day. Thank you.

    And thanks everyone. It's not the end of the world, it just ain't any fun either.
    I've heard there's more to life than an FEI tent and hotel rooms, so I'm trying it.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec. 9, 2010
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
    Posts
    416

    Default

    I'm just going to come out and say it: I HATED HIGHSCHOOL! Anyone else in the same boat? I'm 27 now, and have a completely different (and better) set of friends now than I did 10 years ago. People GROW. You will grow a lot when you graduate highschool. And then you will grow even more once you graduate college. And then you will grow again once you are settled into a career of sorts.

    As already stated: Just remember that these are not the best years of your life.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2006
    Posts
    9,034

    Default

    Let's put it this way:

    You will eventually discover that the number of people who are truly worth your time and emotional investment are inversely proportional to your age.

    One true friend is worth ten times more than fifty acquaintances.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MtyMax View Post
    I'm just going to come out and say it: I HATED HIGHSCHOOL! Anyone else in the same boat?
    The only thing worse than high school was Jr high.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2006
    Location
    Cheesehead in Loudoun Co, VA
    Posts
    2,540

    Default

    I didn't have any friends in high school. Nobody ever invited me to sleepovers or to share clothes to to go to the movies. To this day I don't know why, but a class assignment where you secretly wrote nice things about classmates revealed most thought I was always studying. All my friends were horse-related through my 4-H club. High school was a lonely, miserable time.

    Fast forward nearly 30 years and I'm now FB friends with many former classmates. We've all grown up. One of the girls who was nastiest to me in high school (I still can't bring myself to wear socks that don't match, not just compliment, my shirt!) offered to be a local contact when my son moved to her area for a temporary job last summer. That one gesture erased the memory of ill-feelings I'd been carrying around for years.

    People come into and out of our lives for many reasons. It never stops, even in adulthood. Just keep being yourself. Don't compromise just to fit in on a temporary basis. Your true friends are out there waiting to cross paths with you, I promise!
    I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right
    Violence doesn't end violence. It extends it. Break the cycle.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov. 11, 2008
    Posts
    363

    Default

    High school sucks for most people it seems. For those it doesn't, the rest of their lives tend to suck. I'd rather enjoy the majority of my life than peak at 16! I'm in touch with TWO people from high school and close to NEITHER of them.

    Find other things to do and ignore the HS drama. It does get better but you will always find the drama types. Remove them from your life, it isn't worth the time and energy.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 25, 2011
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    Southern Pines, NC
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    Default

    Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the advice from people who've been through it and know there's a light at the end of the tunnel
    I've heard there's more to life than an FEI tent and hotel rooms, so I'm trying it.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2004
    Location
    Carolinas
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    5,030

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    Let's put it this way:

    You will eventually discover that the number of people who are truly worth your time and emotional investment are inversely proportional to your age.

    One true friend is worth ten times more than fifty acquaintances.
    One of the few times meupatdoes and I agree completely. Very well said.

    Print this out and read it from time to time. And take good care of that one true friend when you find him/her.
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug. 1, 2002
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    Midwesterner in Yankeeland
    Posts
    1,623

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by GingerJumper View Post
    I'm brokenhearted, I'm confused, I'm tired of the stupid high school drama, I'm tired of people my age being so immature, and I'm just feeling defeated I guess. It's not the end of the world, just very unpleasant.
    I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, GingerJumper, and I hope things get better for you right quick.

    One thing to maybe keep in mind is that if you have enough self-awareness and enough perspective to write out the above, you have way more of both than most people do! This is going to be a really good thing for you in the long term (and honestly, it's probably a good thing for you right now) -- being able to recognize what you're feeling and what you want and keep it all in perspective are all really useful skills when you're trying to shape your life into what you want it to be.

    The problem is that they're not very _common_ skills, and even less so when you're talking about teenagers, so they can make you into a bit of an oddball, and all that self-awareness and empathy can sometimes lead you (general "you," not "you-GingerJumper" specifically) to take on responsibility for stuff -- like keeping a whole relationship running on its own -- that you just can't be totally responsible for. So there is a lot of heartache along the way while you're trying to figure life out, and of course that's an ongoing process, not one that magically stops when you turn 18.

    But life gets better after high school for people like you, and keeps getting better, because you'll have more autonomy and more ability to make your life into what you want it to be, part of which means finding the people you want to be with.

    I do think that being a "rebound friend" (I like that term!) is not necessarily something to scoff at or feel bad about, though. I mean, I would not want all of my friendships to be all about me being there for the other guy -- I have BTDT and it is not sustainable. But part of life is that people will come in and out of it, and that you'll go in and out of theirs, and sometimes those people will turn out to be your best and deepest friends, and other times they'll be casually friendly acquaintances, and sometimes they're going to lean on you and then disappear once they get back on their feet, and sometimes they'll be there for you when you need them but you guys will drift apart once you're back on yours.

    The point is, sometimes (often, I think) it's worth enjoying the relationship for whatever it is while it's happening and being grateful to be able to be present and useful in someone's life (and to have them present and useful) in yours. You can't always tell in the beginning (or middle) how or whether it's going to end, and as long as you're as honest and kind and fair to yourself as you are to the folks around you, most of the time you'll get much more good than ill out of letting yourself have those relationships when it feels right to you. I don't mean "let people use and abuse you" -- that is not at all the thing! I just mean, don't let a few jerks close you off to the other possibilities that come your way, you know?

    Good luck.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2010
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    1,197

    Default

    I hated high school. My freshman and senior years were FILLED with drama and tears and losing friends. Junior year was less drama filled, but still not fun. And my senior year my "friends" decided they didn't want me in their group anymore, so I had no friends that year, except for my boyfriend. But that didn't count because he didn't go to my school.

    I don't talk to any of my old friends from high school anymore. And I've also found that I've grown more than they have as a person, so I really don't mind not talking to any of them.
    It's hard now, but you'll get over it and you'll realize one day that your real friends shouldn't make you sad and "shun" you.
    http://www.youtube.com/user/NBChoice http://nbchoice.blogspot.com/
    The New Banner's Choice- 1994 ASB Mare
    Dennis The Menace Too- 1999 ASB Gelding
    Dreamacres Sublime- 2008 ASB Gelding



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2004
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    3,378

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleblackMorgan View Post
    People move, change and just fade away.
    I saw a quote one time that made wonderful sense to me and is important to help people learn maturity. "Some people change so that we learn to let go."

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleblackMorgan View Post
    Trust me. It will all make sense later.
    OH

    I used to tell my kids when they were going thru this stuff that everything that you say and do tells everyone exactly who you are in life. Those people really aren't fooling anyone and you will come to see this when you get out in life later. Go join some out of school activities, find someplace positive to put your energies. Lead the parade and bang the drum - others need other choices and some may follow a better direction with you.

    Good for you for thinking this thru!
    About the only time losing is more fun than winning is when you're fighting temptation.
    -- Tom Wilson, actor & comedian



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