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  1. #61
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    Jun. 10, 2001
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    nj
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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lucassb:
    When I was married, and people were rude enough to say "oh, you'll change your mind," I am afraid that I was often equally rude back... "well, if I do... I can have some. If you change YOUR mind... you are screwed!"

    That usually put an end to the conversation.

    **********

    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


    LOL http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif
    yes, it's rude but i think i might use it anyway.

    "It appears we are being transformed from an information
    society to an informant society." Rep. Dennis Kucinich
    http://www.eponashoe.com/
    TQ(Trail Queen) \"Learn How to Ride or Move Over!!\" Clique



  2. #62
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    Dec. 16, 2003
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    looking out my window at work.....
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    12

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    Basset, thanks! It was such a release to get that all out.... I feel so much better now that I told my story!

    Well, no likeminded brother but a few friends who are still single.... flying in to Chicago soon? we can hook ya up!



  3. #63
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2001
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    West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
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    15,797

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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NIH:
    Anyway, you get the point. I was smart enough to NOT have a child with that kind of a person. It was they who never wanted to have children and I just convinced myself to not want children on account of being afraid to "rock" the boat or cause a problem in the relationship which is stupid because I never even loved this person to begin with.

    While I was setting myself up during the last 7 months of the relationship I got to be very good friends with a former horse trainer and Polo player ...... shazam...... we hit it off and now almost a year and 5 months later the former trainer and I are in love and planning a wedding in October 2004 and want children ASAP! I am 30+ years and my former trainer is 9 years older than I..... so no time wasting!

    So it goes to show you that sometimes you make decisions for different reasons and for different reasons life takes you on a journey and those decisions change for one reason or another. I changed from not wanting children to really wanting children with the person I have fallen in love with and have an incredible relationship where I don't have to "work" to make it right as it happens naturally on it's own. While that other person is still dreaming dreams while my dreams are coming true...... I found someone who loves horses, knows how to ride and train horses, has a very well established career and retirement plan has a house and 25 acres, horses, car/truck/trailer and best of all he doesn't even know how to turn on a computer!

    Maybe after time goes on some of you will join me in the once "no child" category to the "wants children" category?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    I'm so happy for you that you found the right person after the trials you went through with your ex SO. The only thing that annoys me about your post is the last sentence. It makes you sound just like all the other insensitive people we've been talking about on this thread. The "Oh, if you just meet the right person, you'll change your mind, dear" sort of nosey Parker that all we happily childless folks would cheerfully throttle. I don't know if that was your intent or not, but that's the impression I got.
    http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/sigh.gif
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  4. #64
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2001
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    9,338

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    Ahhh ESG,

    You know how it is when you come across something new that you really like! Having kids is like that almost every day! Sometimes it becomes like religion http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif You gotta realize that those of us who have kids and loff it are just trying to share the loff. Plus we are always looking to expand that babysitting co op http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif
    See those flying monkeys? They work for me.



  5. #65
    Join Date
    Dec. 16, 2003
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    looking out my window at work.....
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    12

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    ESG.... no I think my intent was... if life throws you a new or good opportunity, don't be afraid to change your mind or let something hold you back, like I did!

    It was such a MISTAKE for me to make up my mind not to have children just because my SO didn't want to have children and I was afraid to rock the boat in the relationship by having children...... make sure you make your decisions like not having children for your OWN piece of mind and not someone elses.

    Don't be a fool like I was and live your life and make decisions to make someone else happy! Make yourself happy FIRST and if you don't want to have children then do it for yourself and not someone else.....



  6. #66
    Join Date
    Jul. 8, 2001
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    316

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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Oh! And one more request: to all the friends, relatives, and aquaintances of happily married childless couples...please stop asking "so, when are we going to hear the pitter-patter of little feet?" with that sappy grin on your faces. We know how it's done...if you don't here the pitter-patter, it's 'cause we don't want any!!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Oh my god I nearly choked on my Ramen when I read that. That was funny and so true.



  7. #67
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2001
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    West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
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    15,797

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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NIH:
    ESG.... no I think my intent was... if life throws you a new or good opportunity, don't be afraid to change your mind or let something hold you back, like I did!

    It was such a MISTAKE for me to make up my mind not to have children just because my SO didn't want to have children and I was afraid to rock the boat in the relationship by having children...... make sure you make your decisions like not having children for your OWN piece of mind and not someone elses.

    Don't be a fool like I was and live your life and make decisions to make someone else happy! Make yourself happy FIRST and if you don't want to have children then do it for yourself and not someone else.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Thanks for your response. It was the one I was hoping I'd get. I wish you and your intended every happiness, and a housefull of little 'uns. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...on_biggrin.gif
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  8. #68
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2001
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    West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
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    15,797

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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nhwr:
    Ahhh ESG,

    You know how it is when you come across something new that you really like! Having kids is like that _almost every day_! Sometimes it becomes like religion http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif You gotta realize that those of us who have kids and loff it are just trying to share the loff. Plus we are always looking to expand that babysitting co op http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Okay, okay. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...n_rolleyes.gif

    It's just that I keep going back to that study that you posted on Muley's forum about the rats? &lt;shudder&gt; http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/dead.gif I don't wanna be a rat! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  9. #69
    Join Date
    Dec. 16, 2003
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    looking out my window at work.....
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    12

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    Thanks ESG....

    you know, I could have been happy without children or a husband. After the break up with mister "freak" I was on my own for a long time and I enjoyed it. I also have a career where I can support myself and my horses..... it just happened that I fell in love with this really great guy who happens to love horses as much as I..... funny, he could have been happy without a wife or children and self support himslef and his horses .... it just happened for the both of us..... we fell into a love so deep and real that we want to share children with each other.....

    But I totally understand your feelings of not wanting any children...... I was so much like you two years ago.... this falling in love business and wanting children is something I never planned on ..... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...s/icon_eek.gif ... it just happened..... kinda like catching a cold, BAM it just hits you and knocks you out!



  10. #70
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    Aug. 26, 2003
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    The good 'ole State of denial
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    This is a great topic. I have never wanted children and have OFTEN been told "that will change." It hasn't. I broke up with my ex because (among other things) he wanted a litter and I didn't want any. I have 2 dogs, 3 birds, and 1 (who I'm breeding, so will be 2) horses. I had a cat, but she regretfully died. And I'm so content that way.
    It's good to hear there are other people that feel the way I do, it makes me feel like less of a wierdo (don't you love that technical term!).

    "Her life was okay. Sometimes she wished she were sleeping with the right man instead of with her dog, but she never felt she was sleeping with the wrong dog." Judith Callas



  11. #71
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    Nov. 1, 2001
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    Hey, most behavior studies are done with rats, girl friend! That study just sited that exposure to the hormones associated with pregnancy improved a female's response to stress. I'd wager it improves the sense of humor too http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/yes.gif http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...s/winkgrin.gif
    See those flying monkeys? They work for me.



  12. #72
    Join Date
    Oct. 23, 2000
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    charlottesville, Va
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    2,574

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    Kryswyn-

    I only wonder about who will make medical decisions for me when I'm too old to make my own :-) I think that the best thing to do is for all us childless adults to buy ajoining properties and have a self-care community barn as we slide gracefully into old age.
    Shared labor, Shared expense, shared fun.

    "I've got a holiday, a paid holiday, I've got a holiday in my head"

    Don't like my riding? Call 1-800- phh- fftt
    Shoulders back, hands down, leg ON!

    http://mellvinshouse.blogspot.com/



  13. #73
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2003
    Location
    FL
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    2,569

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    Count me in the "Barren but Proud" Club! My decision not to have kids really isn't a choice I made because riding takes up so much of my time, rather the older we got, the more my husband and I decided we really weren't cut out for kids. When we were married 7 years ago, we fully intended to have them but the big maternal (and in his case, paternal) urges never kicked in. I seem to be completely devoid of that instinct, unless it pertains to pets, where I have it in spades. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...icon_smile.gif And to be perfectly honest, and I hope no one takes offense at this, but we both find kids to be very annoying. I don't know if it is because so many parents don't seem concerned with teaching their kids proper manners or what, but it seems everywhere I go there is some kid screaming its head off or throwing a tantrum of some sort. No thanks.

    Fortunately, we both have lots of neices and nephews in our families so the heat is off us, though for many years we felt like we had to justify our decision.

    What gets me are the huge numbers of people who have kids and say they didn't want them at first either... if that is really true, why on earth would you get pregnant? My worst fear is I would have one and wake up one day and realize I had made a horrible mistake.

    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mellsmom:
    Kryswyn-

    I think that the best thing to do is for all us childless adults to buy ajoining properties and have a self-care community barn as we slide gracefully into old age.
    Shared labor, Shared expense, shared fun.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    I had to laugh when I read that -- I have a bunch of childless friends and we have decided we will all live together when we are old and widowed and draw each others' eyebrows on in the morning.
    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my cats.



  14. #74
    Join Date
    Nov. 6, 2002
    Location
    Henrico, NC 36 30'50.49" N 77 50'17.47" W
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    5,813

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    I respect anyone's opinion who doesn't want children. It's just a shame that most people in this category are educated and those that have the most are uneducated.



  15. #75
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2000
    Location
    California
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    8,212

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    I soooo don't want kids. That's one of the reasons mr. batgirl and I got divorced. I would have much rather been divorced (which I now am) than have kids. No offense to those here who are parents, but there is nothing I see in having children that looks like fun to me, in fact, it looks like misery TO ME. For others who have that maternal instinct, great, have at it.

    I get sick of hearing "you'll want them someday" or "you'll change your mind" or "it is different when they are your own". Nope, nope, nope. Don't insult me. I know what I want.

    I have two dogs and a horse, and I know I could never have the mental energy to have a child. I completely understand post-partum depression, and I could see myself as a child-abusing monster if I had them because they annoy me so much.

    There are few well-behaved children in this world. It seems like most parents these days want to be their child's friend, not parent, and so many kids aren't being disciplined and taught manners.

    I should stop now...

    So the answer is YES, I have chosen horses over children.

    "Both rider and horse must enjoy the work. This is the essence of success" - Reiner Klimke
    My Mustang Adventures - Mac, my mustang | Annwylid D'Lite - my Cob filly

    "A horse's face always conveys clearly whether it is loved by its owner or simply used." - Anja Beran



  16. #76
    Join Date
    Oct. 5, 1999
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    A place called vertigo
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    You can tickle children until they scream, you can't do that to horses.

    I think I have the best of both worlds, one child. He's portable, makes me laugh, and potty trained. Plus he'll snuggle in bed with me on cold mornings after Mr. Flash goes to work.

    I strongly feel that to be a good mother, you have to be a happy and fulfilled person yourself. That is one of the reasons I chose to only have one child - I work, and with 2 children, I would have little time left over for myself(horses). Maybe that sounds selfish, but I am very happy, and I feel that carries over into my relationship with my son.



  17. #77
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    Oct. 5, 1999
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    A place called vertigo
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    The best reason to have a kid is so that you can get a cute little pony.



  18. #78
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2001
    Location
    Finally...back in civilization, more or less
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    11,481

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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by marta:
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lucassb:
    When I was married, and people were rude enough to say "oh, you'll change your mind," I am afraid that I was often equally rude back... "well, if I do... I can have some. If you change YOUR mind... you are screwed!"

    That usually put an end to the conversation.

    **********

    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


    LOL http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif
    yes, it's rude but i think i might use it anyway.

    "It appears we are being transformed from an information
    society to an informant society." Rep. Dennis Kucinich
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Oh, of course... be my guest. Really, it can be soooooo amusing to watch!!!!

    **********
    "It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that
    matters, in the end."
    -Ursula K. Le Guin

    **********
    We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
    -PaulaEdwina



  19. #79
    Join Date
    May. 12, 2000
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    NE TN, USA
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    Yeah, Flash -- but you can always sell the pony! http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/lol.gif

    One of the many advantages of being born into a family with many aunts and uncles was the chance to compare each couple's problems and life-styles vis-a-vis the number of children they had -- which ranged from zero to many. My cousins have chosen to produce far fewer offspring, most selecting the 'zero' option.

    None of us has ever expressed regret for our choices -- except the one that chose 'three' http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...ilies/uhoh.gif

    Run the numbers on your choice before you commit! There are many financial web sites which offer guidance regarding your future financial obligations, one of which is:

    Reputable publications such 'Kiplinger Personal Finance', 'Forbes', and many others cost the same as most horse magazines. The information they contain can make a marked difference in one's future.

    [This message was edited by Frank B on Dec. 16, 2003 at 05:41 PM.]
    “There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt.”
    John Adams



  20. #80
    Join Date
    Sep. 21, 2001
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    Parker, Colorado
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    2,657

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    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by 411:
    What gets me are the huge numbers of people who have kids and say they didn't want them at first either... if that is really true, why on earth would you get pregnant? My worst fear is I would have one and wake up one day and realize I had made a horrible mistake.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Hey now, I resemble that remark... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

    I'm due in February with our first. I was never very fond of kids, never felt strongly one way or another about having kids, and was enjoying my kid-less lifestyle just fine. Honestly, I would have been fine without ever having kids. It was my husband who really wanted kids, though he was really in no hurry. But when he passed the age of 30, I think he realized that there was only so much time left -- his biological clock was ticking!

    Honestly, I really do think I might have been perfectly happy never having a child, dumping all of my income into my horses. But then one big thing happened that made me change my mind: Sully came up lame, horribly hobbling lame, and it took a year of heartbreak and vets and finally a neurectomy to get him pasture-sound. He was retired just as we were starting to get good and move up the levels. It really did break my heart... and I'm not sure if I ever want to get that serious about competing again. It's too darn easy to get your heart tied to your horse, too easy to have your goals and dreams squashed in an instant, too easy to suddenly have a void that you don't know how to fill.

    I still have Sully, but I also got another horse, a darling young TB. But I don't have the drive with Gabe like I did with Sully. I don't have those long-term goals anymore. Perhaps I am too reluctant to get my heart broken again? Who knows. All I know is that I am perfectly happy to just go smell horsey smells, go for a hack, and I am perfectly thrilled when Gabe learns how to use his rear end in a trot-walk transition. I guess I'm slowing down in my old age. I can't imagine being horseless though, not ever. But it was only 6 months after I got Gabe that I decided I'd be ready for a child. I know that going through Sully's lameness was the driving force behind that change of heart.

    As far as the childless people getting poo-pooed.... I think in the horse world it is the opposite. I was reluctant to tell my horsey friends that we were expecting, as much as I love them, only because I felt that the reaction would not be positive. (Most of them are not pro-kid.) Everyone else in the world I figured would be thrilled, but so many horsey people tend to look at it as just something else to keep you out of the saddle and away from shows. I'm looking at it as a good excuse to start pony-shopping... http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c.../icon_wink.gif

    where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?
    where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?



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